The "taste" of "Italy"

In their commercials Olive Garden states that they send their chefs to Tuscany to the official Olive Garden test kitchens to learn the secrets of their recipes. This raises three highly questionable points about Olive Garden: 1) That they have test kitchens, 2) That they have a location in Tuscany and 3) That the individual restaurants have people that could be labeled “chefs.” Honestly, I am not sure which one is least likely to be true. Though if it is true then I think that there could be nothing worse for an Olive Garden chef to have to experience than to have an expense paid trip to Tuscany and be forced to eat Olive Garden food all day long. Would make a time share lecture sound all the more exciting.

I still remember being in Times Square and seeing the Olive Garden there and wondering who the hell goes to the center of New York just to eat at an Olive Garden. I know that it is there for dumb tourists but wow, those must be some amazingly dumb tourists.

Oh, one other part of the airport story from last night. I’m pretty sure that I brought it all upon myself by wearing an Iceland t-shirt to the airport. Have a feeling that the airlines weren’t too happy with my bringing up what screwed up their profit margins for the month and they decided to get some revenge on me for it.

I did watch much of the NFL Draft over the weekend and while I originally didn’t think the three day extravaganza would work out I have to say that it remained exciting throughout. I mean, as exciting as it can be having rich men announce which athletic men will be working for them for the considerable future. Mainly, the QB storylines made the first two nights really interesting.

I still don’t buy Sam Bradford as the number one pick and think it is a mistake. I can barely buy Bradford as a starting quarterback much less a franchise savior. There was nothing about his play at Oklahoma that would make me think differently. Tim Tebow, on the other hand, might be the most enigmatic pick of the draft. He went too high of course in terms of overall talent but of all the quarterbacks in the draft I would say he is the most likely to win a Super Bowl. He is also the most likely to completely flame out, never be able to compete on the pro level, and be a complete bust. I honestly don’t know which is going to happen. That said, he sure seems to be a great guy to have on your team.

Good old Jimmy Claussen had a tough time of it. Not as tough as he did outside of CJ’s but a tough time nonetheless. In terms of talent he should have been a first round pick and to be honest he is the one QB in the draft who is ready to play in the NFL right now. The thing is I just don’t see much upside to him. He seems like he’d be the 20th or 30th best QB in football at any given time. That would make him a starter and maybe a backup on your fantasy team but not much beyond that. I just can’t see him leading a team deep into the playoffs.

Beware of pork

Have to start off by officially marking the passing of Bea Arthur. Thank you for being a friend.

(For all of the jokes that have been made about the Golden Girls, and lord knows that there are a lot of them, you have to give credit to any show that is still well known nearly twenty years after its heyday. You never hear any references to Barney Miller (well, except in regards to Abe Vigoda’s awesomeness) and even Family Ties has been pushed to the dustbin of history. But mention The Golden Girls to anyone and they will know precisely what you are talking about.)

As for the swine flu outbreak I knew that our love for bacon was going to come back to haunt us eventually. Is it our fault that they are so tasty? I rank this as slightly above allergy season and significantly below zombie apocalypse on the threat level indicator. Mainly the best thing to do right now is practice good hygiene, stay hydrated and keep your machete nearby in case zombies approach. I have said it before and I will say it again: blades don’t need reloading. This will be even more important in the case of an onslaught of zombie pigs.

In other news I spent much of the weekend watching the NFL Draft. That might on the surface sound like a boring way to spend the weekend but given who I was with it went from watching people read names at regularly scheduled interviews to something a bit more transcendent. Ok, it still has a lot of phone book moments where for some reason you are now spending ten minutes of your life intrigued as to the inner workings of a guard from Baylor but it was more fun than it should be. Some random notes from the day:

1) Best description of the draft: The world’s most expensive pick up game

2) I don’t know on what planet Matt Stafford is the number one pick. I didn’t consider him one of the top college quarterbacks last year. Hell, I didn’t even consider him one of the top SEC quarterbacks last year. They describe him as a proven winner but what precisely has Georgia won?

3) I think it should be an official rule that Mark Sanchez always be referred to as “Dirty” Mark Sanchez. To be honest I’m not sure why a professional wrestler hasn’t used that name yet.

4) The only thing worse than being drafted by Seattle is being forced to wear a neon lime green hat moments after you are drafted.

5) This year’s most awkward analyst award goes to Herm Edwards giving advice on the Chief’s draft selection. At some point I would just like him to go, “Well, given that I ran the team into the ground the best thing for them to do is the exact opposite of what I would think.”

Best of 120 Minutes: Hum. Because you have probably already forgotten the words.

HUM MTV Music

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Tanya Donnelly “Beautysleep”
2) Scott Miller and the Commonwealth “Thus Always to Tyrants”
3) Son Volt “Okemah and the Melody of Riot”
4) The Subdudes “Live at Last”
5) Amy Farris “Anyway”