Wednesday, Dec. 26
SERVPRO First Responder Bowl
Boston College vs. Boise State
1:30 p.m. ET, ESPN
Cotton Bowl
Dallas
For those of you keeping track this is the game that takes place in the Cotton Bowl but isn’t the Cotton Bowl and isn’t played on New Year’s Day. This is in comparison to the Cotton Bowl which isn’t played in the Cotton Bowl and also isn’t played on New Year’s Day. I asked Santa for consistency for Christmas but apparently that doesn’t fit in a stocking. I hope that we see a lot of hustle in the First Responder Bowl though I assume that none of the sponsors will be there as they will, you know, be responding to things. Also, is it still cool to like Boise State? They used to be the fun, small team to cheer for.
Quick Lane Bowl
Minnesota vs. Georgia Tech
5:15 p.m. ET, ESPN
Ford Field
Detroit
Illinois beat Minnesota this year. Yes, my Illini actually scored a victory over a bowl team this year. Ok, the underdog in the Quick Lane Bowl but still, at least it meant that we beat one team with a .500 record. Anyway, I will always contend that this game should be completed in thirty minutes or less otherwise it is free. I think that would be best for everyone involved as I don’t think that there will be a single person in the stadium who wants to be there. We could just have the two teams line up, have the bands play for thirty seconds, and have whoever wins the coin toss win the game and everyone could go home happy.
Cheez-It Bowl
California vs. TCU
9 p.m. ET, ESPN
Chase Field
Phoenix
Somehow, I love the fact that there is some poor soul at Cal who has to hype to prospective students who are all basking in the Berkley mystique that “we also made it to the Cheez-It Bowl this year!” I also have never bought into the Berkley mystique mainly because I’m a Midwest kid who could never understand why anyone would want to live in California in the first place. Nice weather year round? What the hell are you thinking? Also, how is Wisconsin not in the Cheez-It Bowl? Complete missed marketing opportunity for a cheese inspired product that may, on occasion, contain actual cheese. Cheer for TCU because their nickname is the Horned Frogs and we need to encourage creative mascots whenever possible.
Thursday, Dec. 27
Walk-On's Independence Bowl
Temple vs. Duke
1:30 p.m. ET, ESPN
Independence Stadium
Shreveport, Louisiana
This might be the first time when a game between Temple and Duke with the phrase Walk-On’s often spoken be about football instead of basketball. For those who have known me for a long time you should be aware that my Duke basketball fandom has ended after a good twenty plus year run. Partly because I don’t watch much college basketball anymore, partly because Duke has turned into every other corrupt program in the country and partly because they won’t give Christian Laettner another year of eligibility. Also, while I have no idea what Walk-On’s it is is a surprisingly tame sponsor for the Independence bowl. This is the game you watch only because ESPN2 has decided to broadcast a Magic the Gathering tournament and you are too bored to hit guide on your remote.
New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Miami vs. Wisconsin
5:15 p.m. ET, ESPN
Yankee Stadium
New York
The nice thing about college football is that every year a few schools underperform and you end up with a low tier bowl game with a matchup that sounds really good. If it is September and I asked if you wanted to see Miami – Wisconsin in a bowl game you would be psyched. If I said you would be sitting in Yankee Stadium on a December night as well it would probably dampen your enthusiasm a degree or two. I have yet to see any reason why they have these outdoor cold weather bowl games (outside of the Idaho Bowl of course). At least the teams get to say they played in Yankee Stadium, which would mean something if it was the old Yankee Stadium but now it is just a stadium with the same name as a famous stadium.
Academy Sports + Outdoors Texas Bowl
Baylor vs. Vanderbilt
9 p.m. ET, ESPN
NRG Stadium
Houston
It is incredible to think that one day there were a number of people with decades of experience crowded around a conference table and saying, “So we agree, we’ll call the company Academy Sports and Outdoors.” Despite the fact that sports can be played indoors and outdoors and that the outdoors can be enjoyed via sports or other methods this still seems like the most awkward pairing of words imaginable. Thankfully the Texas Bowl is being played in Texas featuring a team from Texas so maybe Santa was just a little late in delivering consistency due to the government shutdown. Given that Baylor and Vanderbilt are both known for their medical schools at some point you have to wonder when the universities will decide that a) it is unethical to have a football team or b) having a football team provides a consistent stream of patients.
Friday, Dec. 28
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
Purdue vs. Auburn
1:30 p.m. ET, ESPN
Nissan Stadium
Nashville, Tennessee
Back in the pre-sponsorship days this would be an awesome bowl name. “Welcome to the Music City Bowl here in wonderful Nashville, Tennessee!” Now it just reminds you that you have to pay the mortgage next week while wondering if we are in another housing bubble. I will say that Purdue’s destruction of Ohio State was the most fun I’ve had watching a football game in a long time. It’s great when the entire country can get behind an inspirational story of a student fighting cancer and see Ohio State get embarrassed at the same time. They should just replay that game instead.
Camping World Bowl
West Virginia vs. Syracuse
5:15 p.m. ET, ESPN
Camping World Stadium
Orlando, Florida
For the record, do we really need two Virginias? I know we joke about the Dakotas but West Virginia was part of Virginia until the civil war and could probably be recombined with no loss other than the ability to make jokes about West Virginia. For those who enjoy the wonders of conference realignment this is a great game between two former Big East rivals who now play in the Big 12 and ACC respectively. No wonder kids today have no sense of geography. We can’t even build a football conference correctly.
Valero Alamo Bowl
Iowa State vs. Washington State
9 p.m. ET, ESPN
Alamodome
San Antonio, Texas
San Antonio is a very underrated city. No one lists it highly on their go-to vacation spots but everyone who has ever been there raves about it. Just keep that in mind for your future vacation plans. I also think that the word Valero should never be spoken but rather sung as though it is a car name in a 1960s commercial for a car made entirely out of steel with huge tail fins and the state of the art fuel mileage of five gallons to the mile. I also think that we should have Iowa State play Washington State simultaneously with an Iowa – Washington game. 22 players a side, state supremacy on the line.
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