Best Celebrity Sighting Ever!

So as I mentioned last night Kim and I spent the weekend in our adopted home of New Orleans. If my math is correct (and let’s be honest, it always is) I’ve been traveling to New Orleans myself for eighteen years and have spent the last five years with Kim by my side for events that have included our first date and our wedding (though not on the same trip). I’ve come to the conclusion that I have spent more time in New Orleans than any other city where I did not have a mailing address and I believe I have spent more time in NOLA than I did in Overland Park, Kansas which is by all accounts a good thing.

Anyway, as is our tradition no trip to New Orleans for us complete without at least one random and totally insane moment. We’ve found ourselves VIP members of a Mardi Gras Krewe, being introduced to Paul Prudhomme and caught up in the celebration of the Saints Super Bowl victory. We’ve also apparently caused one store in the Quarter to change its policy after we entered the store without recalling that a) we had been in the store the previous day, b) we had spent a good hour looking at everything there and c) had apparently purchased a four foot long alligator. That store is now one of our favorites, mainly because they sold us a four foot long alligator.

This trip was no different and may have set the bar for complete randomness. Over the years Kim and I have become defacto members of the Krewe of Barkus, which is the Mardi Gras parade dedicated to the dogs of the city. Meaning that everyone dresses up their dogs in costumes and marches them through the French Quarter and in the process help to raise money for Animal Rescue New Orleans and encouraging the adopting of rescue dogs. It is a total blast and a cause that we both support (particularly Kim who has been doing this for years and has her two adopted dogs that I have been absolutely blessed to know.) As a result of this and the friends that we have made over the years we are lucky enough to have VIP access to the viewing stand; which really means that we have access to the balcony of a bar to watch the parade.

So we are up there, joking around with some people we had just met and others who remembered us from years past. At one point we look down to the street below and Kim turns to me and goes “Isn’t that Jesse from Opposite Worlds?”

Now I wrote a week or two ago about Opposite Worlds, a Sy Fy channel reality show that is a weird mix of Big Brother, Survivor, Captain Caveman and Twitter advertising dollars. Kim and I might be the only people who have actually watched the show and were certainly the only people who, in a Mardi Gras crowd, could pick out one of the villains of a third tier reality. Kim, in all her persuasive glory, got one of the guys next to us to yell out “Jesse!” to which he turned to us, smirked and waved. Kim and I immediately yelled out “We voted for you! We wanted you to win!” to which he replied “So did I!” At which point Kim and I just burst out laughing.

I’m sorry but that was so random that it made our trip. That was the last celebrity that I expected to see and it was just a brilliant random encounter that only meant something to the two of us. That is why I love going to NOLA, you just never know what is going to happen. As always, I have to thank all of our great friends who live there and show us unbelievable hospitality every time we make our way there. It is incredibly appreciated.

Wednesday Night Music Club: This is a Lydia Loveless song from her Indestructible Machine album and was the first time in ages I’ve heard something that just made me stop and swear at how good it is. This is from when she was 21 years old and there is no way that a 21 year old should either be able to write or sing like that. People are comparing her to Neko Case, which might not be a fair comparison but I remember seeing Neko in concert in 1999 and my reaction was the same and I don’t know if I can name anyone else who just made my jaw drop with just her voice like these two did.

The 100 Books to Read in Your Lifetime: Part Three

Slight delay due to a side trip to Mardi Gras and finding ourselves a part of the Mystical Krewe of Barkus as well as the most insane, random quasi-celebrity sighting that we have ever had. Story to come later this week. Anyway, on to the books…

Silent Spring by Rachel Carson: I actually missed a trivia question once on who wrote this book. I don’t know what bothers me more that I actually missed a trivia question or that I no longer have a regular trivia game that I can use to supplement my income. Sigh.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut: One of my favorite books and the one that caused me to simultaneously get an A and an F on the same paper. Essentially my analysis of the book was spot on however I was completely unable to keep a constant verb tense when describing a book that doesn’t have a constant timeline. To be honest though anyone who reads this blog understands that I can’t even keep a constant verb tense in the same sentence when describing what I had for lunch today.

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin: One of those books that you read because supposedly every business leader is currently reading it. Surprises me that I haven’t read it for that reason alone.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton: Winona Ryder was in the movie, right? It’s sad that when seeing this book listed all I can think is that there was a movie made of it sometime in the early nineties and by law Winona Ryder was probably cast in it.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: I have this book. Or more accurately, Kim has this book so it sits in our library and I get to act like I’ve read it. I also get to act like it is our library when in fact she owns about three quarters of the collection and my contribution to the bookshelves are pro wrestler biographies and the scripts to every Monty Python episode.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X and Alex Haley: On the Alex Haley front I have not read this or Roots. I haven’t even seen more than a few minutes of Roots and have to readily admit that I know Levar Burton more as Geordi LeForge than anything else. This doesn’t just make me uncultured; I think it makes me a horrible human being.

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: Well since I oppose the stealing of books I am against this book on general principles. This is one of those books that I have seen read by every third person in an airport over the past few months if that means anything.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz: Continuing the streak of books I haven’t read though at least I have read Junot Diaz. I’m taking pride wherever I can at this point.

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger: Finally, my teenage angst has come in handy. I’m not sure if I consider this to be the classic that it has become but then again there is literary debate about whether it has stood the test of time. However it will always hold a special place in my heart as I have had a copy of Cliff Notes for this book since high school and continue to check off which books I have read that were listed on the back. Ok, as this list shows there aren’t many check marks.

The Color of Water by James McBride: It’s blue. The color of water is blue. There, I probably saved you four hundred pages.

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen: No, I haven’t read this but I want to raise my complaint that while Chabon, Franzen and Eggers all made this list that David Foster Wallace did not. As I have constantly written Wallace is the preeminent writer of my generation and anyone who says differently just doesn’t understand the importance of tennis and central Illinois on the meaning of life. Or, to put it another way, I would like the fact that I actually read Infinite Jest to count for something in this life.

The Devil and the White City by Erik Larson: A story that is alternately about Chicago architecture and a serial killer. Surprisingly at times the architecture is the much more interesting topic.

The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank: My favorite, sadly false, urban legend. Years ago, Pia Zadora was performing a stage version of this book in the titular role and doing a completely abysmal job of it. To the point that when the Nazis appeared on stage a guy in the crowd yelled, “She’s in the attic!”

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green: I am curious, has anyone read this book yet? I constantly see it in the bookstore and have heard a lot about it but I’m not sure if it is good or not or if it is just for teens. Legitimately looking for advice here.

The Giver by Lois Lawry: Sigh. No idea about this one either.

The Golden Compass: His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman: Remember when the film for this book came out a few years ago? I remember being told that it was from this famous set of stories for kids and I just stood there stunned because I had legitimately never heard of it. Never saw the movie either. It is entirely possible that this book is purely a figment of my imagination.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald: The greatest novel ever written. Plain and simple, don’t even try to make the argument otherwise. Oh, and while Kim and I were in New Orleans this weekend we had the opportunity to adopt a dog named Zelda. If it wasn’t for the fact that we already have the two most wonderful dogs in the world I would have rented a car just so I could have a Zelda of my very own.

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood: I’m happy this made the list and even happier that I have seen it included on high school reading lists. For all the dystopian books on this list (and there are way too many of them for my tastes) this is probably the most literary and thought provoking. Certainly the most feminist in its take on the future.

The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne: I can’t say for one hundred percent certainty that I read this as opposed as to having it read to me but I am including it because a) I have the exact copy of the book that I read as a five year old, b) I made Kim ride the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh ride with me at Disney World and c) I may have hijacked my five year old niece’s character dinner in order to have my picture taken with Eeyore.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: Depending on how cynical I feel at the time I can be found describing the book as a wonderful description of how to put teenagers to good use. Either that or I feel that when it came down to Katniss and Peeta and they were told there could only be one winner the scene should just have been Peeta saying “Son of a….” and then getting an arrow to the back. No way Katniss was going to lose at that point.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot: Another book that I want to read as it is a combination of science and history and the little things that change the world.

The Liars’ Club by Mary Karr: No idea other than it isn’t Liar’s Poker, which I haven’t read either but at least I had heard of it.

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan: Maybe I will check out the movie but I figure that the original Clash of the Titans has covered my need for any Greek mythology for the rest of my life.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: This story has always scared and depressed me. All I could think about is a small kid alone on an asteroid with only a flower for company and I grew incredibly sad. Also, the fact that it was such a tiny asteroid but had a gravity well strong enough to keep the prince on the surface as well as maintain an atmosphere to support the flower went against everything that I knew about astrophysics as a five year old and I couldn’t bring myself to believe in the story. I was a strange kid.

The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler: I prefer The Maltese Falcon but noir stories are awesome no matter which one you choose.

Another 7 for 25 and 23 for 75 so far. So much for being well read…

The five random CDs for the week (all by artists I have seen in concert as well)

1)      Liz Phair “Exile in Guyville”

2)      Sleater-Kinney “The Hot Rock”

3)      The Subdudes “Behind the Levee”

4)      Robbie Fulks “Gone Away Backward”

5)      Wayne Toups and Zydecajun “Back to the Bayou”

100 Books to Read in a Lifetime: Part Two

I will be continuing with the 100 books to read in a lifetime per Amazon, which might just be the 100 books that will provide Amazon with the greatest profit margins. We have reached a sad point in our evolution when multi-national corporations now not only develop our culture but then decides what is artistically valuable.

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown: I’ve never read this book or had it read to me to the best of my knowledge. However, I have heard Jack Ingram perform “Goodnight Moon” in concert so that should count for something.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens: Oh, Kim is going to hate me for this one. Dickens is one of Kim’s favorite authors and when she finally goes for her master’s in English her thesis will be on his works. I however, despite at least three separate attempts, have never been able to get past the first fifty pages of Great Expectations. It’s embarrassing. I’ve read James Joyce but not Dickens.

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared M. Diamond: I am very surprised that I haven’t read this book yet. This type of non-fiction writing now makes up a majority of what I read. Combination of history and science and sociology and grand claims about how society works that can never be proven out.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling: I assume that everyone has read this book. Also, I assume that everyone read about Rowling saying that she wishes she didn’t have Ron and Hermione end up together which makes me say, “Thank you for finally thinking this through.” I’ve always said that the epilogue should show, after talking about Ron and Hermione getting married, Hagrid and Ron spending long nights at the bar with Ron going, “She just never shuts up. It’s always one cause or another and she is always right and can’t a guy just go home and watch the damn quidditch match without worrying about the plight of the left handed house dwarves?” It should have been Harry with Luna and Neville with Hermione.

Yes, Neville with Hermione. Look, it is clear that Neville was the chosen one the entire time and Harry was just a diversion by Dumbledore in order to hide Neville in plain sight while he secretly trained him and put forward this façade that he was a failure as a student. Do you really think that Dumbledore would trust the Chosen One to a muggleborn and the least talented Weasley boy?

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote: The classic tale of senseless murder in Kansas. Not only is this book the invention of the true crime novel but it is also just a fascinating tale of what goes through the mind of desperate people who are blinded by greed and desire. I held off on reading this book for years but it is definitely worthwhile to read just to get a sense of Capote’s writing.

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri Never heard of it.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison: Read this in high school and I have to admit that I wasn’t that impressed. It had an amazing prologue and first chapter but I could never get into the rest of the book. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time in my life to read it.

Jimmy Corrigan: Smartest Kid on Earth by Chris Ware: Props for this list to have a graphic novel on it (and a Jimmy Corrigan one at that.) I have heard nothing but good things about this series and I am kicking myself for not having it in my personal collection.

Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain: An absolute must read for anyone who either loves food, the restaurant business or just loves killer stories by a guy who has seen it all. After reading this you will never, ever, think that owning a restaurant is a good idea. Brilliant, funny and one of the most enjoyable reads on this entire list.

Life After Life by Kate Atkinson: Haven’t read it but I did buy it for Kim for Christmas. We tried to count but I think we gave more books as gifts than anything else. There were legitimate piles of novels under the tree this year. If you want to know why the two of us are together just understand there was no present more enjoyable to give the other than a book that they weren’t previously aware of.

Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder: Is it sad that this is one of those books that I didn’t read as a kid because I figured that it was for girls? Like I read Treasure Island instead of this just because it had pirates in it?

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: I’m a little surprised that this book is on the list. It is clearly one of the best novels of the 20^th century but it is also controversial, disturbing and not the most straightforward read in the world. Still, one should at least make one effort to enter the twisted and unstable mind of Humbert Humbert.

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Definitely on my list of books to read in the relatively near future. Not sure why I’ve always been scared off of Marquez’s work given that I typically enjoy the magical realism genre in general. I’ll be sure to add this to my list.

Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich: Never heard of this one either.

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: Another blank from my end. I guess I have never had much desire to search for meaning.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris: I had to check my booklist but I have no record of ever reading this book. I have read almost everything else that David Sedaris has ever written but I’ve completely missed this one. I have no idea why. David Sedaris is great and you should at least give one of his essay collections a try.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides: Another one that I should add to my list of books to read. I have read “The Virgin Suicides” though so I am a fan of Eugenides’ work. This one fell off my radar though.

Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie: I don’t know if I have ever met anyone who has actually read Salman Rushdie. I’ve known people who have bought his books and can discuss his life story but he is one of those authors who is better known than read and this comes from someone who is a huge fan of David Foster Wallace.

Moneyball by Michael Lewis: Awesome baseball book and a great look at how data and statistics can be used to change the way we look at the world. As someone whose entire adult life has revolved around spreadsheets and trying to figure out what numbers mean this is a great example of what I am trying to do at any moment in time. Sadly, I don’t have reporters following me around chronicling my every move. Not yet, anyway.

  

Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham: I tried to read this book a few times and could never make it through more than thirty pages. Some books just don’t connect with you no matter how hard you try.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac: I am not a huge fan of the beats but you should read this book just to get a sense of what it was like in that moment of American history. You’ll also come away with the feeling that Kerouac is a jerk and you should never lend him your car. Also, you will be amazed at how easy it was to travel the country by hitchhiking back then. There would be no way to write this book today without having multiple references to picking up serial killers.

Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen: When was the last time you heard someone reference this book (or movie)? Seriously, it has been probably thirty years since I have seen anyone even bring up Out of Africa. I’m pretty sure that if you are only going to read 100 books in your life you should at least try to read something that will remain in the public eye.

Persopolis by Marjane Satrapi: Another graphic novel, which is awesome. Surprisingly this list doesn’t include Watchmen or any of the Sandman books which are my clear choice for the best graphic novels of all time. Feel free to substitute those if necessary.

Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth: One of those great American novels that is constantly described as a great American novel to the point that I have no real desire to read it. Anyone have any real opinions?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: Yeah, I am horrible at reading Austen or the Brontes or anyone in that genre of authors. It is a huge blind spot in my literary collection.

7 for 25 today and 16 for 50 so far. Not a good start.

The 100 Books to Read in a Lifetime: Part 1

So a week or two ago Amazon came out with a list of the 100 Books to Read in a Lifetime. As with all these lists I have to immediately go through it, check off all of the books that I have read and then make very snippy comments on the selection process. I figured that I might as well make this process public as I will go through the list this week twenty five books at a time. Those that are shown in bold are ones that I have read while those that are not in bold have almost certainly been read by Kim who will use this as an opportunity to point out how close minded I am towards literature. Here we go…

1984 by George Orwell: Easily a classic and a book that everyone should read at least once in their life. However, if I had to choose an Orwell book to read in your lifetime it would be Animal Farm. That is a story that you can read in grade school that will stick with you for ages while 1984 is more a collection of great scenes an images as opposed to a great book.

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking: Honestly, this book is actually pretty readable and provides the best description of entropy that I’ve heard (how a glass might break but shards of glass will never reform into a glass without outside force). That said, unless you are interested in discussing the various ways to universe might begin and end this might not be the book for you.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers: I most remember this book for Dave Eggers talking about how he was almost cast on The Real World: San Francisco, was able to actually be on the show for one scene during the season and how when he met Puck he felt that he had to be on drugs. Oh and my dream gig when I become a multi-millionaire and can do whatever I want with my life is to build an 826 Valencia type organization but instead of writing I would work with kids on math and science.

A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah: Never heard of this one. Apparently it is about child soldiers.

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: Haven’t read it but I probably should at some point. Having Jim Carrey starring in the movie adaptation did little to encourage me to pick up the book much like the fact that I now don’t even want to watch the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle: I finally read this book last year and I could never figure out why everyone was such a fan of it. It just did nothing for me but I doubt that it was written to be read by a guy who was about to enter middle age. Forty year old men and rainbows and unicorns just don’t mix.

Selected Stories by Alice Munro: I’m not surprised by the inclusion of a short story collection on this list but would have thought they would have gone with George Saunders instead. I still haven’t read his work either which really bothers me at the moment.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll: A book that you could read for the logic puzzles, word play, mathematical imagery or as a psychological investigation into an author who is coming up with fantastical stories to tell to a young girl that he may be attracted to. Also helped lead to the popularity of Jefferson Airplane and is thus responsible for Jefferson Starship and Starship and “We Built this City on Rock and Roll” so you can blame Lewis Carroll for the worst song ever recorded as well.

All the President’s Men by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein: I haven’t read this or seen the movie, which is a crime on both fronts. Incredibly, this is all reporting on something that happened forty years ago which means that for a college student today this has about as much relevance as the Korean War had for me.

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt: You think you’ve had a hard life? Ha! You know nothing about what a hard life is like.

Are You There, God? It’s me, Margaret by Judy Blume: Ok, I am pretty sure that I didn’t read this as a kid but I probably at least started it at some point. I certainly read my share of Judy Blume as what is now called being a tween but back then was just simply called being a snot nosed kid.

Bel Canto by Ann Patchett: No on this one. Would rather read something by Terry Pratchett.

Beloved by Toni Morrison: Haven’t read this but I have at least read one Toni Morrison book before thanks to the one English class I took in college. I should read this at some point.

Born to Run by Christopher McDougall: This is about the Mexican tribe who are incredible long distance runners who I learned about decades ago when they were featured on an episode of Road Rules. I am not making that fact up. This was back in the good old days when Road Rules simply consisted of a few people in an RV having incredible adventures as opposed to just being a casting call for another season of Real World / Road Rules challenge.

Breath, Eyes, Memory by Edwidge Danticatt: Never heard of this one, either. About a journey from Haiti

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller: Another absolute classic. I’ve heard some people critique this book recently, probably because it has been praised beyond belief for so many years that it has fallen out of favor. Still the story of the insanity of war is one that will always need to be told.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl: I haven’t read this one mainly because having seen the film many times as a kid I am more than a little afraid of having to deal with the boat scene in written form. The real world is scary enough as it is.

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White: No, I’m not crying. It’s just a little dusty in here…

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese: No idea.

Daring Greatly by Brene Browne: A little help? I would at least like to think I should know of the books that I need to read in my lifetime.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney: I haven’t read it but I have met the author. I don’t know if that should count for something or if it is really pathetic that I have met a bestselling author and still haven’t bothered to actually read any of his books.

Dune by Frank Herbert: I blame Sting for not reading this one. I’ve always been told that it is one of the classics of science fiction but all I can see is Sting in a diaper and giant space worms and I can’t be bothered to pick it up.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury: An absolute classic and one of my favorite books of all time. Again, I would replace 1984 with Animal Farm as to me this is the best of the dystopian future novels of the cold war era.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson: I really need to read this one soon. I did at least read some of Thompson’s essays that he would write near the end of his life. I’ve always been scared off by how gonzo his writing is supposed to be and I didn’t know if I could ever figure it out. Now I feel that it will make a lot more sense to me.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn: I will read this book this year. I am bad at reading the popular book of the moment but at least now I no longer openly scoff at them.

9 for 25. Not a bad start but I know there are people who read this who will easily have that beat.

Best of 120 Minutes: A Jeff Buckley song. All you need to know.

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      Old Crow Medicine Show “O.C.M.S.”

2)      Henry Rollins “Think Tank”

3)      Richard Buckner “The Hill”

4)      Feist “The Reminder”

5)      Urge Overkill “Saturation”

Opposite Worlds: Your Utopian Dystopian Reality Show

There is no moment so exciting as the release of a new reality television show. The show could be awesome, like The Pick Up Artist, could introduce a new celebrity to the world, like Mystery on The Pick Up Artist, or could lead you to question the entire worth of the male of the human species like, well, The Pick Up Artist. Over the past few weeks Kim and I have our new reality show obsession in SyFy’s “Opposite Worlds”. (Let’s ignore the fact that a) SyFy isn’t spelled right, b) reality shows can’t really be considered science fiction and c) I will never forgive this channel for taking Mystery Science Theater 3000 off the air.)

Opposite Worlds is basically Big Brother with a twist. The show started with twelve contestants placed on two teams. One team lives in “The Future”, which basically looks like your house would if it was designed as an Apple store. Everything is white and sleek and there are flatscreen monitors and tablets everywhere. The other team lives in “The Past” where they are in what is vaguely a cave with a lot of straw and dirt. Also, the team in the past must wear brown and what appears to be a combination of body suits and animal skins at all times. In between The Past and The Future is a glass wall so both teams can look at each other at all times.

(I have to comment on the outfits. In the future everyone wears white, skin tight outfits. The women’s outfits have strategic cutouts to show significant amount of skin. The past can best be described as caveman chic. Apparently style is vitally important in what is meant to be the distant past.)

Gameplay is basic reality show fare. Both teams compete head to head in a competition to determine which team gets to choose if they live in the past or the future. This already led to one of my favorite reality moments of recent memory. In the first competition it was a one on one duel in which you would run up to a platform, grab what is meant to be similar to an electric cattle prod and then duel on the platform until someone falls off. As soon as they said the rules I told Kim “Ok, I wouldn’t even bother with the prod and just tackle the other guy when he reaches for his.” Which is exactly what Jesse did, driving his opponent off the platform and breaking his leg. This happened roughly ten minutes into the first show. Jesse was disqualified for the round but a) his team ended up winning anyway and b) the guy with the broken leg had to leave the game. But other than the first significant reality show injury I have seen in ages this is nothing more than your typical Survivor competition with the winner logically staying in the future.

Then things get a little more interesting. Each team nominates someone to be protected and the viewers vote which of those two people will decide who from each team will compete in the “Duel of Destiny”. Yes, every single part of this show has to have some incredibly complex name as opposed to say “the elimination challenge.” So it makes it like the first season of Big Brother in that the home audience has a major say in how the game progresses. They also track Twitter through some strange algorithm to determine who are their most favorite and least favorite players in the game and they get rewarded and punished appropriately. All in all it is a pretty neat concept with a Big Brother atmosphere but where it is much tougher for one alliance or team to just dominate the game.

What makes the show work is that being in the past really does suck. Since they are filming this live the nationwide cold snap has caused the team living in the past to be miserable even in California weather. Though they aren’t roughing it by Survivor standards they are definitely at a disadvantage. But, that just makes them the underdogs and causes the viewers to vote to help them out. Likewise, playing the reality show villain role and scheming gets you punished if you are annoying while someone like Jesse who shows remorse after injuring a guy goes from being the most hated to most liked in the span of a week. Plus, you get the wonderful reality show trope of the luxury of a spa day in which two of the women get treated to luxury and the most gratuitous shots that you could have on basic cable. Replayed at least three times. Admittedly it did help drive their Twitter popularity rank.

Ok, so it isn’t high drama. It’s a dumb reality show without much in terms of strategy so far and you feel more for the contestants who are sitting there for a week in real time for two hours of television. It must be an absolutely boring shoot as it is forced isolation with no real competitions most of the time. But it is just goofy enough and the contestants are just likeable enough to make it interesting. I mean, they played a pick up game of Quidditch this week. What else can you ask for?

A remembrance for a poet

So I was watching the finals of the Nordic Combined today and….ok, I really had no reason to actually watch the finals of the Nordic Combined. This is what happens when you work from home part of the time and it is after market close. You end up watching whatever Olympic coverage happens to be on at the moment. Anyway, while watching the thrilling cross country portion of the Nordic Combined I got to see the brilliance of deciding to place the games in Sochi in action. Now I can’t consider myself a cross country aficionado but I don’t believe that courses should consist of about a twenty foot wide path of snow that is surrounded by pure dirt. Seriously, the only part of the cross country course that had snow on it was the course itself. I’ve never seen anything as bizarre in my life and I was watching a sport that believes that ski jumping and cross country skiing are related skills.

In sad news that will get lost amidst the other headlines Maggie Estep died today at only fifty years old. Most people will have never heard of Maggie Estep. To be honest hers is a name I haven’t thought of for well over a decade. But, she was part of the spoken word poetry scene back in that brief moment of time when spoken word was a thing. They even had a special spoken word poetry addition of MTV Unplugged which is completely insane in that a) MTV once dedicated an hour of prime time to a poetry recital and b) somehow a poetry recital could be considered unplugged.

Maggie was a part of that broadcast and I just want to point out how cool that moment in time was. I can’t sit here and talk about how influential her poetry was because outside of a few other brief performances this was what I knew of her. But the fact that she could make it on to MTV (along with the guy from King Missle of all things) to just recite poetry and even appear on Beavis and Butthead was a sign to me that there is more than one way to express yourself. I’ve always been one to write and typically write for myself. I couldn’t get on stage and sing or play guitar but I have some small skill in sitting down and writing but that is a very solitary task. It is tough to connect with people and even tougher to get feedback. I mainly write for myself but occasionally it is nice to have an audience.

The spoken word scene also proved to me that you don’t have to write in the traditional way. I know it is almost inconceivable now but when I was a teenager my dreams of seeing my words in print or available anywhere would involve either getting a book deal or a magazine assignment or if I was going to be incredibly daring, just publishing my own zine. I knew people who made their own zines. I had no idea how they did it. Incredibly though a decade ago I just set up a blog and started writing and ended up with readers all over the world. I’m bummed that the blog took a multi-year sabbatical and lost its steady readership but it will come back. I’m just happy to have an outlet.

So tonight in between Olympic coverage and rightful eulogies to Sid Caesar remember Maggie and her brief moment in the pop culture spotlight. She was able to stand on a stage and read her poems to a national audience. How amazing is that.

Wednesday Night Music Club: Still continuing with albums that were released in the last year or so. Here is one from Josh Ritter’s release from last year. For an album that came out of the aftermath of his divorce this is a rather upbeat song. Plus, it is Josh and his songs are the closest thing to poetry that you can find out there.

Olympic Update # 1: Curling: Awesome or Most Awesome?

Time for our first set of Olympic updates from the “Winter Games in the beachside resort that is 60 degrees, overrun with wild dogs and will feature Putin winning at least three gold medals before all is said and done.” Due to my realization that blogger is being a bit persnickety with numbered lists I am now going to be discussing things as points.

Point One: If the Winter Olympics mean one thing it is non-stop curling coverage. Yes, the sport of kings and Canadian beer leagues is back where once every four years we all sit mesmerized by people sliding stones across the ice. I truly mean mesmerized. Four years ago during the Vancouver games I was working on a trading floor where we had televisions scattered around the floor tuned to CNN, CNBC and Olympic coverage. The curling competition gathered the most interest. You haven’t lived until you’ve been surrounded by twenty people screaming at a forty year old man for not properly placing the hammer past the guard stones and into the house.

Point Two: The Americans suck this year at curling. The women gave up a record seven points in one end to Great Britain. To put this in perspective, the most points that it is possible to score in one end is eight. To put it another way, if you grabbed four people off the street, didn’t tell them the rules and had them play that end, they could only do one point worse than the best America has to offer. As someone tweeted today about American curling, “Come on Minnesota, you only have one job.”

Point Three: I also enjoy the fact that in my lifetime of watching the Winter Games, which goes back to watching Eric Heiden and the Miracle on Ice as a six year old, I’ve been able to see numerous sports added for the sole purpose of allowing the Americans to win more medals. We’ve added snowboarding and moguls and something called slopestyle that seems to involve icing over a skate park. These are wonderful events where it is absolutely impossible to figure out who is better. In speedskating it is relatively easy: this person in a bizarrely colored skintight suit skated faster than the other person in a more restrained skintight suit. Most of the new events involve the viewer thinking “Wow, that guy spun around a bunch of times just like the previous twenty guys.” As long as they don’t go splat they all seem to have a chance to medal.

Point Four:  We do also get Olympic hockey, which is some of the most amazing action in the world. It’s like multiple NHL All Star games except that people actually care and you get to play off all of your long standing nationalistic hatreds. As someone who is Czech by nature I get to cheer on Jaromir Jagr as he takes on the evil Russians and Germans and Slovaks and those god damn Swedes. I freaking hate Sweden with their blonde hair and healthy environment and well planned national health care system. Screw them.

Point Five: Yes, it is important to point out that Jaromir Jagr, much like Abe Vigoda, is still alive. To be honest they may in fact be the same person.

Remembering the 80's Volume Four: The Tubes "She's a Beauty"

Tonight in Remembering the 80’s I review a video that managed to simultaneously ruin my views on strip clubs, circuses and amusement park ride security measures. Yes, it is time to do a recap of the video for The Tubes “She’s a Beauty”. For convenience sake I will timestamp my comments so you can follow along with the video.

Pre-Video: Seriously, who names their band “The Tubes”? That is either a horrible attempt at a double entendre or just grabbing some random object for use as your band name. For reference, this song is from 1983.

0:00: We start with a carnival background banner that I am pretty sure would get the video banned if aired today. Seriously, we can all agree that we can totally see her boob there, right? We have barely started the song and already ten year old me is wondering what the hell is going on.

0:20: Given the horrible acting and / or lip synching that you see in early music videos I will admit that the lead singer’s carnival barker routine is actually pretty good. Points for the tip of the straw cap.

0:45: Apparently twelve year olds can get entrance into the sideshow / strip club. Reminds me of one of my trips down Bourbon Street when, while following two parents with their ten year old son, I heard the strip show sidewalk barker yell “Come on in, it’s Family Night.” I stopped in my tracks right in front of the door because, I mean, it is Family Night.

1:00: For some reason I have spent a lot of time recently learning about the history and the operation of the Disney theme parks. Being a Florida resident I now have an annual pass and instead of enjoying the shows and meeting Mickey Mouse I want to learn everything about how the parks and rides are designed. So this looks like your standard fixed track dark ride. However, for a restraining device the “Masked dominatrix with a night stick” is certainly not standard operating procedure. Though it would make “It’s a Small World” a lot more palatable.

1:03: The entrance is a pair of female legs adorned with razor blades that you pass between and then close behind you, nearly decapitating you. The Freudian implications of this don’t even need to be elaborated upon. Incredibly, on the list of disturbing things we will see in this video this doesn’t even make the top ten.

1:15: We move on to the giant female lips that rise to feature dancing girls. In my past I may have, ahem, attended establishments that featured dancing girls but never had to look at what might have been an advertisement for the Rolling Stones to start things off.

1:30: The fabled “Let’s meet the band” portion of every early 80’s music video. Think about it, every video had one scene in which you get to see the band perform and, as this video clearly shows, do the “Let’s act like we have to run away from the camera.” There are at least a half dozen dramatic spins by the guitarists and keyboardists as they try to flee the camera operator. And I have no clue what the drummer is doing back there. I believe that he is missing both arms. Take that Def Leppard.

1:35: “She will give you every penny’s worth. But it will cost you a dollar first.” Sadly inflation has really caused this video to become dated. Now it will cost you at least a twenty and to be honest your rate of return is nowhere near as good as it used to be. Or so I’ve been told….

1:50: Seriously, why the hell does this band have two keyboardists? That is at least one too many.

1:53: Superfluous nipples on the drum kit. Oh, before I forget my band “Superfluous Nipples” is playing at the Fric and Frac on Tuesday. Everyone stop on by.

2:00: We now run the ride car through the boob. Again, not only was this video broadcast I saw it a hundred times when I was ten years old. Given my warped view of life I wonder if I could file a class action lawsuit against The Tubes.

2:05: In what makes the top five of “What the hell is going on here” we go straight from blasting through the paper boob to what looks to be a seven year old ballet dancer. Seriously, who the hell let the seven year old on this set? It’s bad enough that we have a twelve year old boy being subjected to this but in a video that is essentially one long, exploitive view of women we suddenly have to watch an innocent seven year old. I am just going to assume that one of the guy’s in the band had a daughter who really wanted to be in the video.

2:10: Hey, a trapeze artist! Why not? This is clearly like every circus that I have ever been to in my life.

2:15: We now run the car, which again let’s remember holds a twelve year old boy being restrained by a dominatrix, through a stack of amplifiers. There is no reason for this other than roughly every third video in 1983 featured the destruction of amplifiers. I guess Guitar Center had a sale on them or something. Still, it’s a nice way to try to kill the cast members in slow motion.

2:20: Dancing cave women in cages! Eleven year old boy being choked out with a baton! Somehow this is meant to be sexy I think but I can’t be sure. Right now it just reminds me that Opposite Worlds will be on SyFy tomorrow night and I really need to write about that train wreck of a show.

2:40: And now the part of the video that I always remembered but only until rewatching it this week that I figured out what my ten year old mind could not comprehend. There is a mermaid, which is fair enough. A mermaid that looks rather plastic in certain parts but even as a kid I figured that was just part of the mermaid costume. But watching the video a few times I began to realize a few things. Like the fact that the mermaid has a rather large Adam’s Apple and really harsh facial features and makeup. Google says it is actress Katy Johnson but decide for yourself. That mermaid still freaks me out.

3:09: Back to the trapeze artist with what must be the most gratuitous acrobatic routine ever performed. For a song that is essentially a warning about falling in love with a stripper this video sure has a hell of a lot to do with the circus. I keep on expecting for an elephant to show up at some point.

3:20: Yep, the dominatrix now has a chokehold on the boy. Nothing wrong there…

3:25: And in the fabled ending shot, our twelve year old boy has been turned into an old man as a result of going through this entire experience.

Fascinating post-video fact that I learned this week that I cannot believe is actually true: Ever wonder who the poor twelve year old boy is in this video? It is Robert Arquette, the younger brother of Roxanna, Patricia and David in his first acting role. Wait, you don’t know who Robert Arquette is? Oh, that is probably because he had a sex change and is now happily known as Alexis Arquette. Now, far be it for me to link these two events but that is the most mind blowing piece of trivia that I have learned in years. 

Going for gold (or giving gold to get gold)

Ok, I’m back again. Ended up having to take most of last week off from a writing standpoint due to a combination of work, the weather and my being a complete asshole and screwup in terms of my overall life. I wish I could blame the former but it was one of those weeks where I was an idiot and completely unable to do anything right so in those situations I am better off not trying to be funny online. Just wasn’t in the mood to try to be wacky and talk about Justin Bieber’s pot plane.

(Though I am confused as to how it could be less than nothing outside. I mean, even on Hoth temperature exists. In Chicago the temperature has now reached some mystical level in which it has now ventured to the other side of nothingness. It is enough to make a man turn to Kelvinism.)

I’ve started to follow the Olympics though I haven’t caught much of it so far. Sadly, these are probably going to be the start of a series of screw up world sporting events. The Sochi games are a complete mess, at least from a fan standpoint. There has been so much corruption and mismanagement that it doesn’t surprise me at all that the media hotels are a mess and there are wild dogs roaming the streets. Screw ups in the Opening Ceremony though are just standard Olympic operating procedure. In Vancouver we had the malfunctioning cauldron and Seoul had the famous “Release the doves of peace that land on what becomes the Olympic flame and thus becomes an impromptu barbecue.” But I hope that the games are safe and that the athletes have the chance to compete as they should. That said, this is the first time I’ve ever been unexcited for a Winter Olympics.

What is even worse is that we are following this with a World Cup in Brazil where we are unsure that the venues will be completed along with the slight possibility of riots. Rio then gets the Summer Olympics in 2016 and if they can’t put together a soccer tournament the thoughts of an Olympics should be frightening. Then it is back to Russia for the World Cup and then Qatar because if there is any place to hold a soccer tournament it is in the middle of the desert. Just expect that the major international sports stories for the next decade is how horrible the events are due to the corruption of the organizing committee.

Best of 120 Minutes: Old Material Issue song tonight. I enjoy the fact that Kim was a waitress when this song was first released.

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      Cowboy Mouth “Word of Mouth”

2)      Liz Phair “Whip Smart”

3)      Josh Ritter “So Runs the World Away”

4)      Jay Farrar “Thirdshiftgrottoslack”

5)      Star 69 “Eating February”

Some days my stupidity surprises even me...

Best of 120 Minutes: Just an overall crappy day today filled with travel and my being an inconsiderate bastard in the worst way possible and just making me feel awful in the process. And even feeling awful about myself is a selfish reaction to the whole thing. Honestly, best thing I can do for the world right now is just share some old Bob Mould songs. At least that will result in something positive.

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      Steve Earle “I Feel Alright”

2)      Uncle Tupelo “Not Forever, Just for Now”

3)      Victoria Williams “Water to Drink”

4)      Jeff Buckley “Mystery White Boy”

5)      The Sundays “Static and Silence”