The 10 Best Selling Albums of 2010

Given that we are at the end of the year / start of a new year I figured that I would take a look back at the year in music by discussing the ten bestselling albums of the year. Note that I have no idea how this list was created nor do I own or could even say that I have listened to any of these albums so this will essentially be snarky comments on things that I have no clue about. Not much difference than the rest of my posts when you think about it.

(By the way, Katy Perry, who has horrible skin, came in at number eleven which just goes to show that even sleeping with a muppet does not guarantee chart success.)

#10: Alicia Keys “The Element of Freedom”: I believe the element of freedom is bismuth. One of the things that you will notice about the top selling artists is that with a few, very minor exceptions, they could have appeared on the bestsellers list in 2000. I’m pretty sure Alicia Keys has been around that long. Basically the only people who still actually buy music are people who were buying music in 2000 and haven’t updated their taste in music since then.

#9: Sade “Soldier of Love”: Or 1990 for that matter. Every time I think of Sade I end up thinking about Chaka Kahn whose only song, hell the only lyric I know, is her going “Chaka Kahn Chaka Kahn”. I have no idea why this sticks in my head the way it does. Anyway, you really can’t talk smack about Sade because she just has way too good of a voice. I’m actually happy to see her on the list.

#8: Michael Buble “Crazy Love”: I’ll hand it to Michael Buble for seeing a niche and exploiting it. There is always going to be a need for Frank Sinatra type music and with Frank gone (barring a Tupac like comeback) he decided to dedicate himself to being the guy still making that big band style music. There will always be a market for it because it is a really timeless brand of music. Plus, it is music that you buy for your parents or grandparents and thus he is much more likely to sell physical copies of his music and get paid as opposed to people just stealing it online.

#7: Susan Boyle “The Gift”: Sigh. For a moment there it was looking like this list would be a reality show free zone. Again, I doubt that anyone bought this for themselves. It is called “The Gift” because everyone bought it as a gift for that person that they kind of know but don’t really want to go through the effort of thinking through an actual present. It is the musical equivalent of a Chili’s gift card. I’m sorry but given the fact that her entire story is “non-attractive people can sing, too!” is too cynical even for someone like me to get behind. The fact that this is her main selling point just makes me disgusted about the music business in general.

#6: Black Eyed Peas “The E.N.D.”: Oh please be the end. I would be overjoyed if this is the end of one of the most annoying bands in existence. Outside of “Let’s Get It Started”, which was overplayed the third time it hit the airwaves, I’ve really had no patience for this band especially given that it features Fergie who hits the trifecta of not being able to sing, dance, or look attractive. It’s basically dance music for people who don’t actually like dance music or hip hop for those unfamiliar with hip hop. If you are listening to the Black Eyed Peas you need to be aware that whatever aspect of their music that you like there are a number of people out there who do that much, much better.

#5: Taylor Swift “Speak Now”: No one is going to believe this but I actually like Taylor Swift. I first heard her three or four years ago (whenever Teardrops on my Guitar originally came out) and I found her to be a perfectly acceptable country artist. Good singer who made it through a lot of hard work as opposed to a reality show victory. I’m really happy that she is making it big though I think she is hitting the overexposure level and is going to have to be a little careful if she wants to have a long career. Still, nice to see her make a strong showing.

#4: Lady Antebellum “Need You Now”: The second country entry on the list, which shows that since music sales have dropped the individual genres are now on a much more even playing field than ever before. Basically my only knowledge of this band is that someone told me I should style my hair like one of the guys in the band for my wedding. I’m not even sure who it is or what his hair looks like but I will just automatically assume that it is a bad idea. I just have a feeling that fifteen years ago someone was told “You should wear your hair like that Billy Ray Cyrus guy at your wedding!” I would like to at least be in my own wedding pictures.

#3: Justin Bieber “My Worlds”: As I’ve been mentioning the fun thing about the music business now is the fact that since most people my age and younger get their music online (often through nefarious methods) the acts that would have been best sellers when I was in college no longer breakthrough on the charts. Mainly the people who are buying music tend to be rather old or tweens. Hence the popularity of Justin Bieber whose market consists entirely of twelve year old girls who have money to buy music but haven’t learned how to use Bit Torrent yet. Again, I know nothing of his actual music and God willing I never will. I think I can live a full and productive life without ever hearing him sing.

#2: Eminem “Recovery”: Eminem is still alive? Good for him. I have actually heard some tracks from this album and it looks as though he is back in serious mode and making some really good music. Eminem has always had this strange tendency of going beyond putting humor into his songs to actually becoming something along the lines of a hip hop Weird Al. Just look at a few of the videos and ask yourself “Could Weird Al star in this?” That is what makes his career so tough to figure out. He can produce some of the darkest, most intense, stuff you’ll ever hear but the next single will be a comedy track.

#1: Lady Gaga “The Fame (Monster)”: Yes, this was the year of Lady Gaga who seems to have entered the realm of being famous for being famous. Now I know that she does make music and I’ve heard some but even someone who is oblivious to the music scene probably knows her as that woman who wears all of the wild outfits. She really did create an image of Madonna for the 21st Century as her fame is more dependent on her than her musical output. In this day and age that is what you need to do to be a superstar. Without MTV or consistent radio play the only way to become famous is to act as though you are famous already and have the internet cover you as someone who is important. It’s fascinating from a cultural perspective at least.