Costume ideas

It’s Halloween time again and that means for the fifteenth straight year I will be putting on the backpack, stocking cap and red and white striped shirt and see if people can find me in a crowded bar. (Because I’m Waldo, get it? This was even funnier when I would do this in the Waldo section of Kansas City. People would yell “Where’s Waldo” and I would go “You’re already there, moron.” Ah, good times.) Anyway, since not everyone is as creative as I am I figured that I would provide some helpful costume hints this year.

If you want to look like everyone else: Dress up as your favorite Jersey Shore cast member. Every other person will be dressed like Snookie this year so you will blend in perfectly. Note: this is not an acceptable costume if you happen to actually be in New Jersey.

If you have absolutely no time to make a costume: Stick a small pencil behind your ear and call yourself a miniature golf scorekeeper.

If you want a geeky but cool costume: Dress as Clark Kent. Normal dress attire but with a Superman t-shirt slightly visible underneath. Whenever anyone asks who you are supposed to be dramatically pull at your shirt as you strike a heroic pose (props to the io9 commenter I borrowed this idea from.)

If you want to steal the girl a guy has been talking to, buying drinks for and even a late dinner for at the bar: A life sized penguin costume. Not that I am speaking from experience or anything. People ask me about my irrational hatred of penguins and I can only tell them, “Trust me, it’s not irrational.”

If you want to live out your Karate Kid fantasies in a very impractical manner: Dress as a shower. Actually saw this costume in a bar once.

If you want to truly live out your Karate Kid fantasies: Get one of those kick ass skeleton costumes and head over to Ralph Macchio’s house. Teach him that Cobra Kai is the only dojo that matters.

If you need to incorporate your current level of weight gain: Where shorts and a solid color t-shirt and say that you are a Biggest Loser contestant.

If you need to go from the office straight to a party: Rock out the suit and say that you are Barney Stinson.

If you want to dress as your favorite political candidate: Don’t. Please, for the love of god, don’t. I’ve seen enough political witches this year already thank you very much.