Saturdays are the best days

With college football starting up tomorrow I thought that I would take a look at the games on tap for this weekend and give my expert commentary. I’d even put my money behind my picks except that the courts have banned Delaware’s experiment with sports gambling, which is sad because it was one of the few reasons to live in Delaware. The only reason, actually.

Oregon vs. Boise State: I recommend watching this game in black and white. Partially because it will provide a nice, old timey feel to the game but mainly because a stadium that will feature a team in orange playing a team in neon green and yellow on blue turf is not something that should be watched with the naked eye. I think the color scheme will cause high definition sets to explode. If Boise State wins they get to play in a BCS bowl; if they lose, well, they remain in Idaho.

Utah vs. Utah State: It’s the battle of the Beehive State, such named because…ok, even I don’t know that one. I assume it involves bees. Winner gets domain over all of Utah or at least the portions not owned by the Mormon church which are naturally controlled by BYU.

Central Arkansas vs. Hawaii: The game is at Hawaii which means some guy who accepted a scholarship to Central Arkansas has scored a free trip to Honolulu for this game. Meanwhile, my engineering career at Illinois featured two trips to Chicago for conferences and that is about it. I knew I should have spent more time in the weight room instead of the lab.

Illinois vs. Missourah: It is the Braggin Rights challenge. This is a traditional rivalry game for the Illini, which is interesting because I have no idea what our feud is with Missouri. Outside of the people in the southern part of the state who have some St. Louis envy we consider Missouri to be the home of Branson and not much else. Having lived there for five years I can confirm that once you get past Yakov Smirnoff’s theater in Branson there really isn’t anything else of importance in the entire state. I’m hoping for an Illinois win out of spite more than anything.

Texas vs. Louisiana Monroe: Nice to see the Longhorns starting the season off with a major challenge. When I can’t tell you where Louisiana Monroe is it is a sign that their team is probably not a major contender.

Florida vs. Charleston Southern: My predicted line for Tim Tebow: 280 yards passing, 63 yards rushing, 4 TDs (3 pass, 1 run), and 5 lepers cured. I am so pissed that it was raining in May and I couldn’t get my picture taken in front of the Promise speech that they carved into the stadium wall already. First time I have ever heard of a monument to a college player who was still playing.

(One of my favorite lines ever. The Virginia basketball coach once said of a Duke benchwarmer, “If we had a guy like Taymon Domzalski on our team we would build a statue of him.” To which I replied, “Yes, and he would be fouling Thomas Jefferson.”)

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech: Wow, this should be a great game for the opening weekend. You always have to love southern football games. Huge crowds, an acceptable level of rowdiness and extremely well organized fans. Also, several guys named Bobby Joe will be on the field and we need more of that in sports.

Miami vs. Florida State: Miami wins after Florida State misses a field goal. Or after the NCAA suspends three quarters of the Seminoles team in the first half. Or they just start removing wins from Bowden’s record during the game. Man I hate Florida State.