I Love 1980 and 1981

7:59 P.M.: Ok, an explanation. I’ve promised to keep track of VH-1’s I Love the 80’s this week. That was before the Sox made the Series. So tonight is the only night that I can actually do a running journal. That means it is time to analyze 1980 and 1981, in what might turn into the ultimate test of my memory. Let’s see how this goes.

8:05 P.M.: Ah Fame. You know, even from the level of musical theatre this one was odd. Because I know that I see random people breaking out into dance in the street all the time. At least in a musical there is a predefined level of disbelief, here it was a regular movie where people would just break into song. It was a precursor to Cop Rock.

8:10 P.M.: We’re talking about Barbie dolls right now. I’ve got nothing.

8:14 P.M.: No, I do not have my 3-D glasses on right now. Why make the world any more lifelike than it already is.

8:19 P.M.: For those of you who did not grow up in the early 80’s you really can’t understand just how incredible Richard Pryor was as a stand-up comedian. He was just the absolute best. Pick up one of the old concert tapes. It’s worth the effort.

8:22 P.M.: Gary Numan’s “Cars”. See, this is why I have a hell of a time saying that the past is so much better than the present. This was one of the best songs of the year and I don’t think there was an instrument in the damn song. Of course, hearing it I’m still smiling and nodding my head. What was going on back then? Why couldn’t they have afforded guitars?

8:32 P.M.: Elvira is still alive. I’ll be damned.

8:33 P.M.: At some point here I’m going to start commenting on the commentators. Like Allyson Hannigan. I find her much more attractive than she has any right being. But red hair, a good sense of humor and a cute smile and I’m pretty much at a lost for words. Can I like get on a waiting list to date her? Or just talk to her? That would probably suffice.

8:35 P.M.: Intellivision. Now here is something I can talk about. Quite possibly the most confusing controller in the history of the planet. When I have arthritis in my hands when I’m thirty five I have that to blame. My thumbs hurt right now just thinking about that thing.

8:38 P.M.: There is some good news from this experiment. They just did a bit on the movie My Bodyguard. The first thought in my mind, “Hey, Chris Makepeace from Meatballs was the star in that movie.” And five seconds into the segment they go, “Starring Chris Makepeace who played Rudy the Rabbit in Meatballs”. How do I actually know these things? Imagine what I could have done if I used my memory for something useful. Oh well, this movie was one that I probably watched a hundred times growing up. It seemed to be on HBO every day. Your classic story of a non-muscular kid (can’t really call him a nerd) getting picked on by a bully, hires a tougher kid to be his bodyguard, leading to a fight between the kid and the bully in which all involved learn something at the end. They made a great point, this movie could not be remade today since it would be “Here’s my bodyguard” followed by “Here’s my gun.”

8:43 P.M.: A comment on the movie Meatballs. Rudy the Rabbit gets his chance to run in the big race because the girl his team was going to run twists an ankle beforehand. No one ever asks the question “The best runner on their team was a girl?” Here it is, the big race to justify your summer camp experience and the best athlete your camp can produce is a girl? Unless she was Mary Decker, I think that was going to be a huge mismatch.

8:46 P.M.: Oh God, Neil Diamond. True Story: a few years back I was sitting in a pub in Dublin, drinking with a bunch of Aussies and Canadians. Of all the things in the world to listen to, here we are in a place with some of the best music ever written, and we end up listening to the best of Neil Diamond. I actually had to apologize when “Coming to America” came on. I think that is when I officially became Canadian.

8:49 P.M.: Mo Rocca is wearing a K State shirt. I just lost all respect for the guy.

8:51 P.M.: I actually missed the question on what was the Elephant Man’s name at trivia last week. I knew that it was John something. It’s John Merrick. Maybe that long term memory is gone after all.

9:06 P.M.: History of the World Part I. Another movie that I’ve seen about three thousand times. There are so many great lines in that flick. “It’s good to be the king.” Great comedy.

9:08 P.M.: And even greater comedy, the Circus of the Stars. I still think that show should still be brought back. We don’t have nearly enough starlets training tigers anymore. This is up there with Battle of the Network Stars for “Shows that were really cool when you were eight.”

9:13 P.M.: Loverboy. Again, explain to me why music today sucks when compared to the past. At least guys in bands aren’t wearing headbands any more.

9:20 P.M.: Chariots of Fire. I still remember the scene about the guys running through the college courtyard trying to set a school record. And when I actually drove past the courtyard twenty years later I was so pissed that they wouldn’t let me stop and run through the courtyard just so I could see just how slow I actually am.

9:22 P.M.: Once again, I am notably ahead of the culture curve. You Can’t Do That On Television makes the cut. Please see my entry from eight months ago for all of my feelings on this topic. Technically, you need a lot more than three minutes to discuss this show. It should get one of those True Hollywood Stories treatments.

9:28 P.M.: And they gave The Great Muppet Caper a two second mention? You would think that on their third review of 1981 they would have a clue about what they were doing.

9:36 P.M.: We have now been reduced to talking about fruit flies. I think we have officially reached the point where we have run out of past. Oh wait, now we are talking about Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell sisters. Now we are bringing up shows that I’ve spent the past decade drinking Jager in the hopes of forgetting. Thanks VH-1. It’s shows like this that make me say things like “I listen to Alt Country or Americana”, everything possible to keep from saying I listen to country music.

9:40 P.M.: REO Fucking Speedwagon. The best band ever from Champaign, Illinois. Now this is what we are talking about when we mention great music from the 80’s.

9:51 P.M.: Let’s add Juice Newton to the list of people who keep me from claiming to be a fan of country music. And the Oak Ridge Boys. That band put mammals back a couple of decades.

9:55 P.M.: Ah, just switched on The Edge of Country and caught a Kelly Willis video. There is some hope for this planet after all. I think I’ll end it on that note.