2023 / 2024 Bowl Preview (Part Three)

 

It’s the Saturday before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring as they were all watching seven bowl games across the ESPN family of networks. ESPN: we’re like a family that you use to avoid your own family. Or to avoid shopping at the mall in the days before Christmas. Except that malls no longer exist. Or shopping. Let’s get to the games before I get even more depressed.

 

Saturday, December 23^rd

Birmingham Bowl: Troy vs. Duke (Protective Stadium (Birmingham, Alabama), Noon, ABC): We are going to start our day in Birmingham, Alabama for the aptly named Birmingham Bowl. I’m expecting this game to be a dog fight in the sense that I find Troy and Duke to both be perfectly acceptable names for a dog. And for those who know me well, I have never named a dog Duke or Cameron. Not that it didn’t cross my mind.

Thanks to the wonderful new world of college athletics one of the big news items of the post-season / pre-bowl free for all is that Notre Dame picked up Duke’s quarterback during the transfer portal. This is after picking up Wake Forest’s quarterback last year during the transfer portal. I’m not sure what is worse: the fact that the transfer portal means that you never know who is playing where or that Notre Dame’s recruiting has left us happy that we get a veteran, mid-tier ACC quarterback for a season.

(Oh, and can the NFL coverage at least mention that Tommy DeVito played his last season at Illinois? Our recruiting needs all the help that it can get. Bielema can at least now pitch, “Play for us and you can be a third string NFLer who thanks to injuries and an agent that dresses funny gets to become a meme for a few weeks.)

I’d recommend getting to this game early and soaking in all the pre-game activities. That is because we are leaving at the end of the first quarter to jump in our car and make the two hour drive to…

 

Camellia Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Northern Illinois (Cramton Bowl (Montogomery, Alabama), Noon, ESPN): Yes, not only do we have two bowl games taking place two hours apart in Alabama they are happening at the exact same time. I understand that the residents of Alabama love college football but that is only if one of their teams are playing. However, as I planned out the road trip for today it is two hours from stadium to stadium so if we leave after the first quarter of the Birmingham Bowl we should make it to the Camellia Bowl by the fourth quarter. I’d rather flip that around but this will make it easier for the third leg of our journey.

Yes, three legs as there are three bowl games in Alabama today. Roughly speaking, 2% of the entire population of the state could attend a bowl game today and that is significantly less than how many attend a game when Alabama and Auburn are both playing at home. I have no idea who decided that this was the day to focus on Alabama but here we are.

Anyway, we are at least using a bowl game that is named after the state flower, which harkens back to the glory days of the Blue Bonnet Bowl, the Tangerine Bowl, and a number of other bowl games named for random items of agriculture. The Cramton Bowl is named for Fred J. Cramton who despite being named Fred J. Cramton was a successful businessman who decided that the Cramton Bowl would be a perfectly acceptable name for a stadium and that it would not cause snickering jokes for over one hundred years. Northern Illinois made a bowl game while Illinois did not. I’m not bitter about that at all.

Time to jump in the car for the two hour drive to Mobile. But thanks to the ESPN app we will still be able to catch…

 

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl: James Madison vs. Air Force (Amon G. Carter Stadium (Fort Worth, Texas), 3:30 PM, ABC): The college sports industrial complex teams up with the military industrial complex in what is a surprisingly fitting matchup. Founding Father / President versus Military Academy. Much better than bowl games featuring imaginary states. Though I’m not exactly sure what Lockheed Martin really needs to promote via bowl game sponsorship. I understand companies like AT&T using a bowl game to advertise themselves but I’m not sure if people are planning arms deals while watching the game. Though we are in Texas….

As we are still in the car, let’s flip on over to ESPN…

 

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Georgia State vs. Utah State (Albertsons Stadium (Boise, Idaho), 3:30 PM, ESPN): It’s time for the Smurf Turf! Of all the meaningless, early bowl games none gives me as much joy as the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. Not only is it played on Blue Turf with a high possibility of snow but it also gives these college athletes the knowledge that their years of risking significant brain injury has allowed them to spend time in Boise as the highlight of their career. And I’m not trying to knock Boise here as it looks beautiful and if you gave me a cabin in Idaho for a week I would be in heaven but the fact that bowl games are always presented as these fun in the sun events this game has always stood out as the exact opposite of what one would expect.

I had never heard of Georgia State until a few years ago. I have no idea where this school came from or why they always seem to make a bowl game. Even after meeting someone who attended Georgia State I still am not convinced. It is the Mandela Effect of colleges. Utah State is the third most popular football team in Utah. I’d say that counts for something but they are not even the most popular team from Utah playing today.

Hey, we made it to Mobile just in time for the finale of our Alabama triple header, which is really a doubleheader due to those two games happening at the same time.

 

68 Ventures Bowl: South Alabama vs. Eastern Michigan (Hancock Whitney Stadium (Mobile, Alabama), 7 PM, ESPN): In an unfortunate mixup, Ron DeSantis filed a legal challenge for Florida State to take South Alabama’s spot in this game. Yes, it is your non-union equivalent of a BCS semifinal as (South) Alabama takes on (Eastern) Michigan. This is the equivalent of the junior varsity game being played before the varsity matchup. To the point that most of the crowd will consist of the players’ parents and there will be a split the pot raffle at halftime. It doesn’t help that this is a literal home game for South Alabama. I gave Georgia State and Utah State crap for going to Boise. South Alabama doesn’t even get to go to a hotel with an indoor pool.

Also, I wonder when they came up with the list of ventures if at one point they stopped, decided to count what they had, and said “I don’t know about you guys, but sixty eight sounds like a perfectly good number. We’ll stop there.” They don’t even have a Wikipedia page if that tells you how big of a company you need to be in order to obtain title sponsorship for a bowl game.

But honestly, three bowl games in Alabama in one day is nuts. It would make for an awesome road trip though.

 

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. Northwestern (Allegiant Stadium (Las Vegas, Nevada), 7:30 PM, ABC): It’s an actual game with teams you know played in an NFL stadium! As always, the Las Vegas Bowl features a team from Utah in what has to be the most unfortunate combination for the casinos imaginable. They always hope for LSU but instead have to break out the “Bring one wife, the other three get in for free” ticket deals. Northwestern ruined my Illini’s hopes of making a bowl game despite the fact that they spent most of their season trying not to have the entire program suspended. How they can have a more successful season when their coach is fired and there are a slew of hazing claims than Illinois does when all we have is an ongoing controversy around which breed of corn to plant this year is beyond me.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the Las Vegas Raiders. Or the Los Angeles Chargers. Or any pro teams in Vegas to be honest.

 

EasyPost Hawai’I Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. San Jose State (Clarence T.C. Ching Athletics Complex (Honolulu, Hawaii), 10:30 PM, ESPN): Look, you get to go by Clarence or by T.C., you don’t get to go by both. Choose one. This is your seventh game of the day and if you are watching it I hope that you have money on it.

2023 / 2024 Bowl Preview (Part Two(

 Continuing the bowl preview with the weekday games…

 

Monday, December 18^th

Famous Toastery Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Old Dominion (Jerry Richardson Stadium (Charlotte, North Carolina), 2:30 PM, ESPN): Wait a minute, this game was this afternoon? Who the hell schedules a bowl game for a Monday afternoon a week before Christmas? I understand the not wanting to compete with Monday Night Football, especially with it being the same network, but who would be watching except people who are burning up their unused vacation time at the end of the year? So, people like me I guess.

(It’s interesting to note that there are certain people who will complain how entire European countries will take the entire month of August off as a point of weakness. They however do not comment on how nothing gets done in American businesses the last two weeks of the year as everyone has to use their vacation that they didn’t take yet still are probably still somewhat working these days. Work is weird.)

Anyway, Famous Toastery needs to be more specific. Is it something like French Toast, which is clearly famous, or meant to be a brand? Does a PopTart count as a toastery if a toaster is not used in the process? We are getting dangerously close to is a hot dog a sandwich levels here. Western Kentucky has Grimace’s sunburned cousin as a mascot while Old Dominion put on a surprisingly good concert when Kim and I saw them earlier this year.

 

Tuesday, December 19^th

Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl: UTSA vs. Marshall (Toyota Stadium (Frisco, Texas), 9 PM, ESPN): I refuse to believe that there is such a place as Frisco, Texas. Prior to the Frisco Bowl I had never heard of Frisco, Texas. If Wikipedia is to be trusted, and if it isn’t then most high school students will be receiving failing grades on their research papers, Frisco is a Dallas suburb and the stadium is the Major League Soccer home of FC Dallas. So, it is a bowl game played in a soccer stadium that seats less than the University of North Texas stadium in nearby Denton. Just strange all around.

UT-San Antonio is best known as being the only school other than my high school to have the nickname Road Runners. Marshall is of course the Thundering Herd so this is easily the most unique mascot contest of the entire bowl season. Scooter’s Coffee is the coffee personally developed by Dr. Bunson Honeydew and his loyal colleague Beaker. Scooter is simply a better salesperson and hence gets the branding rights.

To be honest, a viewing of A Muppet Christmas Carol would be a good pre-game option.

 

Thursday, December 21^st

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl: South Florida vs. Syracuse (FAU Stadium (Boca Raton, Florida), 8 PM, ESPN): This is a sponsorship that I can get behind. Some people look at climate change and focus on trying to stop it. Others look at climate change and deny that is even happening. The third group looks at climate change and says “how can I make money off of this?” Obviously the best solution to more and stronger hurricanes hitting Florida is to set up a website that will better process your homeowners claim. How that interacts with the three dozen people that will just randomly show up at your house after a hurricane promising to process a claim on your roof after showing you a brochure printed that morning I cannot explain.

Of course, this is the game that was famously referred to in The Great Gatsby with Daisy’s unforgettable line: “Don’t you always wait for Syracuse to play in the RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl on the shortest day of the year and miss it? I always wait for Syracuse to play in the RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl on the shortest day of the year and miss it.”

 

Friday, December 22^nd

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. UCF (Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, Florida), 6:30 PM, ESPN): We are finally getting to the point where there are real schools playing in these games. Not that I can tell you the records of either team; just that you recognize that Georgia Tech and Central Florida do regularly play football at a level where they make bowl games. But we at least have actual teams playing in a real football stadium at a time when you can watch part of the game before heading out to a bar in an attempt to drown your sorrows before having to confront the holidays head on.

Tampa has this whole pirate / Gasparilla thing that is supposedly a massive event but in my years in Southwest Florida not only did we never go, we never heard of anyone going nor did we even have people talk about going. It wasn’t even like it was some mythical event. It was that thing they do in Tampa for some reason. Essentially in Fort Myers if you couldn’t get there via golf cart there was no reason to go. That included a few golf holes if the cart path was too far from the fairway.

 

Not much else to say about these games. Next up, the seven Saturday games. Seven. That makes it eighteen bowl games before Christmas when the players should at least theoretically be preparing for final exams. Theoretically, of course.

2023 / 2024 Bowl Preview (Part One)

It is that time of year again. Time to preview every single college bowl game that you might happen to stumble across over the next month or so. For my own sanity we will be doing this in multiple parts starting with the games from this Saturday of which there are, you’ve got to be kidding me, seven? Since when has December 16^th been this historic day for college football? Do we even need seven bowl games in one day. I need a drink just to write about these.

 

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Georgia Southern vs. Ohio (Brooks Stadium (Conway, SC), ESPN: 11 AM): Starting the bowl season out right with the Myrtle Beach Bowl that isn’t even held in Myrtle Beach. In fact, other than the stadiums for Clemson and South Carolina I didn’t even know there were other football stadiums in the state. Let’s check Wikipedia: Brooks Stadium is a 21,000 seat stadium for Coastal Carolina (the Fighitn’ Chanticleers for those of you scoring at home). So, they are playing in what is essentially a mid-sized Texas high school stadium. That is depressing. I mean, the team already has to accept that they do not play for either Georgia or Ohio State and now they will be playing a bowl game in front of a smaller crowd than most of them played in front of as teenagers.

Also, and maybe this is just a me thing, but when did Myrtle Beach become this huge vacation destination? I mean, I know that there is golf but I see more and more people, or at least paid advertisements, pushing the wonders of Myrtle Beach. I assume that one goes there either to spend time on the beach or meet up with an old woman named Myrtle. Honestly the latter sounds more interesting.

 

Cricket Celebration Bowl: Howard vs. Florida A&M (Mercedes-Benz Stadium (Atlanta, GA), ABC: 12 PM): The annual “Come for the bands playing at halftime, stay for the football game” contest. That probably sounds like a knock but if you have ever seen these bands you’ll know why they will be the best thing that you will see from any of the, sigh, seven bowl games on this day. That and there is a significant chance that Ryan Reynolds will be in the crowd. I don’t think he acts any more, he just shows up at a company and offers to film commercials in return for an ownership share. He’s a one man Shark Tank.

(Or maybe I’m thinking of Ryan Gosling. It’s the whole Bill Paxton vs. Bill Pullman phenomena all over again.)

 

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Jacksonville State vs. Louisiana (Caesars Superdome (New Orleans, LA), ESPN: 2:15 PM): It’s the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette! Wait, it’s now just Louisiana? Do they still rage? I’m only watchin’ if they’re ragin’, ain’t that right Thibodeaux? Yeah, my attempts at Cajun humor are as rusty as my blogging. I was going to bust out one of my favorite pieces of trivia that Jacksonville State made the Final Four behind the great play of the A-Train Artis Gilmore except that A) that was Jacksonville, B) Jacksonville State is in Alabama as opposed to Florida, C) Jacksonville State is nicknamed the Gamecocks which would make Alabama at best the third most likely state that you would think the school would be located in and D) apparently everything I thought I knew about this world is a lie. Well, at least the New Orleans Bowl is held in New Orleans. Which is great for Louisiana, not so good for Jacksonville State though I bet if I check Wikipedia again I’ll find out that Anne Rice opened an auxiliary campus in the Garden District.

 

Avocados From Mexico Cure Bowl: Miami (OH) vs. Appalachian State (FBC Mortgage Stadium (Orlando, FL), ABC: 3:30 PM): I can guarantee you that there will be protesters outside the stadium ranting about how these “Avocados from Mexico” are sneaking across the border and taking jobs from our good, honest, hard working American avocados. You’d think I’m joking but remember I lived in Florida for nearly a decade. During that time, the easiest way to give directions from Fort Myers to Orlando was “Drive north to Tampa. When you see the giant Confederate flag, take the exit.” I am not kidding (though the person who flew the flag had all of the proper zoning permits, was entirely clear on what he was going to do, and no one bothered to read what he had submitted.) Florida is a world of tradeoffs: you get to avoid seasonal depression due to the lack of sunlight while gaining year round depression due to living in Florida.

Anyway, we get our second of four “State teams that aren’t actually a state” of the day though Appalachian State’s victory over Michigan years ago will always grant them a pass on my end. Also, I expect that most of the protesters will be surprised when they find out that the Hurricanes aren’t playing. Seriously, can any of the schools playing today be located in the logical state? How many years do we have to specify Miami of Ohio before was all just go, screw it, from now on you are Steve University.

 

Isleta New Mexico Bowl: New Mexico State vs. Fresno State (University Stadium (NM) (Albuquerque, NM), ESPN: 5:45 PM): It is fitting that the game is being played in, uh, “University Stadium” as I assume that the majority of the residents of New Mexico are in the witness protection program. If they make an announcement in the second quarter for John Smith to come to Guest Services to retrieve a lost item they’ll probably lose three quarters of the crowd. Admittedly that is why New Mexico State was invited to the game as for legal reasons none of the players are allowed to leave the state. And screw you, Fresno State. There are a thousand California Something schools out there and you decided that you just had to be different. For some poor soul this is the third straight game they will have watched on ESPN to which I can only say: by this point you have probably spent enough money at the bar for them to change the channel for you. BBQ Pitmasters is on Destination America because it is Saturday. Yes, every episode is exactly the same. You’ve got a 50 / 50 shot that Lacey Chabert is on the Hallmark Channel. Yes, every movie is exactly the same. Your call: Brisket or “Oh my god, he is secretly a prince! Should I leave my high paying marketing job to join him? But what about my family’s struggling toy store?”

 

Starco Brands LA Bowl: UCLA vs. Boise State (SoFi Stadium (Inglewood, CA), ABC: 7:30 PM): Starco Brands does not have a Wikipedia page. In fact, this game’s official title is “Starco Brands LA Bowl Hosted by Gronk.” If this game isn’t an elaborate money laundering scheme then you will have to convince me that all of those mattress stores that you see on every other corner have a business model that solely relies on mattress related transactions. UCLA gets to stay home and Boise State gets to travel away from Idaho. Thay is a win-win on all fronts. Also, can’t wait for those epic Illinois – UCLA Big Ten matchups in the coming years. Sigh. On one hand, I’m guaranteed to see my Illini play in the Rose Bowl. On the other hand, there is no way Illinois is ever going to play in the Rose Bowl again.

 

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl: California vs. Texas Tech (Independence Stadium (Shreveport, LA), ESPN: 9:15 PM): Back in my day (and I am now of the age where I can say something like back in my day and mean it), students used to make a big deal of road tripping to see their team in a bowl game. If you didn’t do it you were at least envious of those that did. I really want to know how many students are deciding “I could stay in Berkley but screw it, let’s head on down to Shreveport.” And that is given the fact that most of the Cal students will end up working for a company like “Radiance Technologies” where you are not quite sure what they do and their corporate website talks highly about their “Team focused, family driven, company atmosphere” while completely neglecting to mention the robot army that is being developed down the hall. The fact that the bowl game’s motto is “It’s Radiance Technologies Independence. We didn’t say anything about your independence” is telling to say the least.

At least these last two games involve teams you may have seen during the year. Bowl season has officially begun.

 

Finally, a preview of the subject of my next post.

Music and Memory and Meaning

 

 

I thought about Sinead Lohan last night.

I am probably the only person who was thinking about Sinead Lohan at the time and given the time difference between here and Ireland that includes Sinead Lohan. To be honest, she is neither the most popular Sinead nor Lohan and that is an accomplishment. I mean, I can only name two Sinead’s and she comes in second. For Lohan’s she at least beats Michael.

Anyway, I was thinking about her.

Now anyone who is still reading this is probably asking the question of who the hell is Sinead Lohan. Well, she was (is? Verb tense is going to be a bit weird here) an Irish singer songwriter who 25 years ago released this brilliant album called No Mermaid. It had a little bit of airplay in Chicago and an amazing cover photo so it entered my CD collection.

              (Ok, ignore the thumb there. This was the best quality photo that I could find quickly.)

              It stuns me that I bought this 25 years ago. Part of that is just the sheer fact that aging at some point becomes an incomprehensible fact. 25 years is literally half a lifetime ago for me. My brain understands the math but can’t piece together of the reality of all of the time spent on either side of this album. It certainly doesn’t seem equal. But even more than that is the fact that I could immediately remember this album, this photo, and some of the beautiful and amazing songs on this album. “No Mermaid”, “Whatever It Takes”, “Believe It If You Like”, and others are all on instant recall in my head even when I haven’t listened to this album for years.

              Yet, there is one other aspect of this that really made me think and listen one more time.

              See, this is the only album I ever knew that she ever released. Apparently, Wikipedia tells me that she released one earlier album but A) I have no recollection of ever seeing it and B) I went to multiple record stores in Ireland around this time. She recorded one of my favorite albums and just disappeared. A few years later Nickel Creek covered “Out of the Woods”, which means that her version is simultaneously the second most popular version of that song and third most popular song with that title falling far behind Taylor Swift. But that was it. I have this one CD. And I still have the physical CD and have burned it to multiple computers and transferred it to device after device. I could listen to it on my Zune if I wanted to. I have had these songs with me for 25 years.

              And this is what amazes me about art and the unknown ways that an artist can effect us. Sinead Lohan recorded this one album 25 years ago, got a bit of recognition, and then went on with her life. Yet there is someone across an ocean who has never forgotten this one piece of art and has had it floating around his consciousness as part of his life’s soundtrack. And she has no idea of this. Or maybe she does? Maybe that is the entire reason why we create in the first place. For that hope, however distant and remote, that we will put something out into the universe that will resonate with another human being. That we can make this infinite void we live in just that little bit smaller. Occasionally that very thing happens.