Ten Years and Counting!!!

Today marks a pretty amazing anniversary in my life and one I didn’t even realize until a few weeks ago. It was ten years ago today that I made my first post to Battling the Current and started my blog before blogging was really a thing. In this time blogging has gone from being cutting edge to being mainstream to being old school with people looking at my blogspot account in much the same way as they view someone with an AOL account.

Ok, I also have an AOL account but that one is nineteen years old and I have pledged to keep my AOL email until it can legally buy itself a beer and in two years time I’m pretty confident that my email will become sentient if only to stop the influx of spam email it receives daily.

Anyway, it dawned on me that I should try to do something big for this milestone. You have to understand that this blog was the highlight for a significant portion of my life. If you ask me to reminisce about my years in Kansas City I will talk about trivia contests, going to concerts, drinking way too much Boulevard Wheat at Harry’s Bar and Tables and writing about all of my adventures in my blog five nights a week. I kept that schedule for years and it only stopped when I moved to Delaware and started to date Kim at which point work, travel, relationships and getting older ate into my free time and I could no longer find the thirty minutes a night to spend looking at a laptop trying to think of something funny to say about Lindsay Lohan for the fortieth time.

Which is a bit of a bummer because it was a lot of fun to just have time scheduled to sit down and write. To be honest looking back it amazes me that I was able to sit down and churn out material year after year. For ages I always wanted to be a writer and I still consider that to be my dream job but those core blogging years were the closest that I ever came to reaching that goal. I am in no way complaining that I stopped and it was a case of trying to prioritize my time after accomplishing what the overall goal of the blog was: document the quest to meet the women of my dreams. I did and to my eternal amazement it was someone who knew about the blog from the beginning.

So, I have spent the past few weeks going through old posts and thinking about what to do. After consulting with long time commenter Super Dave, who pretty much kept me going at times by commenting at two in the morning on the most random pop culture points imaginable, I have decided to do the following.

1)      I am restarting the blog but on new terms. I know that I don’t have the time to write five nights a week anymore and if I try all that will lead to is a number of poorly written posts and me quitting after a few weeks like my past few efforts. So this time I am just going to aim for one or two posts a week that I will actually spend time crafting. That will hopefully save me from burn out, improve the quality and make this a fun endeavor. I need to get back into writing mode, as it has always been one of my biggest stress reliefs, and I want to see if I can find that stride I had ten years ago.

2)      I am going to do something silly that I have been thinking about for the past several years but have really been wanting to do which is to edit the old posts, fix the atrocious spelling and grammar, add in the comments and publish it on the Kindle for anyone to purchase for the low, low price of $0.99. I’d charge less but I think I am required to charge something. My plan right now is to take the posts from 2004 and 2005, which total somewhere around 200,000 words, and edit those over the next few months. I’ll also try to add in some comments, explanations, overviews of stories that are much different now and just generally make it something that upwards of ten people might be interested in purchasing. At the very least it is an amazing time capsule into a period of my life and a sliver of pop culture where Brittney Spears is pre-rehab, Lindsay Lohan is not a joke, and How I Met Your Mother is just about to debut. It’s like time a time machine and as we always say here at Battling the Current…

“What do we want?”

“Time travel!”

“When do we want it?”

“That’s irrelevant!”

Ten years. Pretty f’ing amazing.

Styx vs. Monkees: A never ending conflict

Ok, I did watch the fan produced ending for How I Met Your Mother today and if you had shown that to me yesterday and told me that it was the real ending I would have thought, “Aw, what a sweet ending.” It would have been a happy ending for everyone, or at least Ted. You still have to figure out Barney and Robin and Marshall and Lilly but you could make them all happy in the end. In a sense I like the fact that they did not make it nice and neat because life is certainly not and neither has been Ted’s life. But that said, the more I watch the original ending the more it seems totally off. That is what happens when you are writing to scenes filmed by child actors seven years ago. At some point you can accept that you should change plans.

Anyway, I wanted to tell the story tonight of how I am a hypocrite in general and especially when it comes to music. If I am nice this is just an example of how I can be a bit of an arrogant snob but at worse it shows some of the lesser side of my personality. Either way it is a pretty fun story.

So a few weeks ago someone asked me if I wanted to go see Styx in concert and my response was a) laughter and b) “why would you want to see a band without their lead singer and where half of the band is dead.” Now let me start by saying that I really like Styx. I actually owned Kilroy was Here on cassette. They are a Chicago band and two of the band members lived in the suburbs in the same neighborhood as kids from my high school. Hell, when my sister was in high school the school won a radio concert which gave the students free tickets to see Styx. I can’t say that they are my favorite band of all time but I did grow up on their music.

But with all that I have no desire to see them in their present form. Dennis DeYoung is no longer the lead singer because the rest of the band hates him and it is hard to think of Styx without him. Tommy Shaw is still a good guitarist and probably worth seeing but it isn’t Styx. It’s Tommy Shaw, one or two of the other original members, and a bunch of other guys filling in roles. I didn’t want to spend money to see the show. I didn’t care that it would be silly fun. I pretty much shot it down as the dumbest idea I had ever heard and that was before I found out it was a double bill with Foreigner.

Fast forward a few days and I check my email to see that Ticketmaster has let me know about the latest shows scheduled for Kansas City (most likely on the hope that I would start buying tickets again as I believe that my moving resulted in a significant hit to their profit margin). In the email I found out that the Monkees are playing at the Uptown Theater. Not only was I getting ready to buy concert tickets I was ready to buy plane tickets, get a hotel room, and then camp outside the front door of the Uptown for a week ahead of the show so I could be in front of the stage. Oh, and while I was camped out there I would be getting signatures for my petition for the Monkees to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Of course this makes absolutely no sense. Davy Jones died a few years back so it is clearly not the Monkees of old. Even with Mike Nesmith there we are missing the heart of the band and everyone is older and let’s face it, they never played their own instruments to begin with so it is not like they have gotten any better. But it’s the Monkees! I grew up on their music. It would be a lot of silly fun.

So I’m a hypocrite. One band from the seventies reunites and I consider it a personal affront that it would even be suggested that I see them in concert. Another band from the sixties, one that was created solely for a television show, reunites and I am willing to travel across the country to see them play at a venue that is conveniently located across the street from a place where you can sell your blood plasma. If I was internally consistent I would probably be a lot easier to live with.

Wednesday Night Music Club: Nothing makes life better than a new Drive By Truckers album.

The Sense of an Ending

It will probably surprise some people to discover that I did not watch the finale of How I Met Your Mother last night. That will be slightly less surprising when I provide my excuse that I was on a plane at the time as “I’m on a plane” is basically my default state of being at the moment. However, I have read the reactions and watched the last scene and felt that I must provide my thoughts on the ending of the television show that most paralleled my life.

Let’s talk about the parallels. The show debuted in 2005, just under a year after I started the blog so when Barney talked about nobody reading his blog in the first season I totally got the joke. The characters were a few years out of college and five years younger than I am. I was a few years out of grad school and most people would be generous in saying that my social and emotional immaturity would make me five years younger than I actually am. The main characters seemingly lived at a bar, drank Red Dragon shots and lived in a world of in jokes and bad decisions. It was my life in a nutshell.

I should also note that I stopped watching the show weekly in the spring of 2011, which not coincidentally is when I stopped blogging regularly. The fact that I decided that the show that I once threatened to sue for stealing my life story had gone on too long at the exact same time that I got married is an interesting sidebar. It wasn’t that we disliked the show; it is just that the schedule of our lives had grown too crowded. I still kept up on the show by online reviews and have bought all the seasons on DVD so one day I will catch up. From what I can gather is that the three things that people are most upset about are 1) Barney and Robin break up, 2) we meet the mother only to have her die and 3) Ted ends up with Robin. I’ll go through these one at a time.

Barney and Robin’s marriage falls apart: I will admit that this is something that I am not really happy with especially given that the past several seasons were dedicated to getting the two of them together as a couple and having Barney mature into a better version of himself. I remember the season where they first started dating and you could see that as a storyline and I truly wanted it to work. I was more upset when they broke them up the first time than most people because I just thought they made a great couple and were treading water apart. The fact that their marriage ends, Barney returns to being a player but finally gains his center by becoming a dad as a result of his one night stands ends the story of Barney on a bit of a sour note. But, to be honest, I can easily point to so many friends who had seemingly gotten their lives back on track only for them to derail and then find themselves again in a simpler way.

We meet the mother only to find out that she has been dead for six years: To be honest this was not a complete surprise. I read a review of an episode from a few weeks ago that made it pretty clear that the mother had died and I know that years ago that was one of the predominant theories about the mother. Once it became clear that the mother was a character that we had never met one of the few ideas that made sense was that Ted was telling them the story about how he met their mother because she couldn’t tell them herself. It seems strange for a sitcom and when the show started I would never have assumed that ending but now I can understand it. Maybe it is because I look at my list of Facebook friends and see several who have died over the past few years. As you reach middle age the idea of one dying young goes from being a bad Billy Joel song to a horrific truth.

That said I understand that one could be in one of two camps here. The first is that this is a total rip off. The entire show was about how he met her and the moment she is introduced she is killed off screen. That is tonally dissonant and in watching the last scene the entire conversation with the kids where this is revealed feels completely wrong (and not just because of Ted’s makeup). If you viewed finding out who is the mother to be the pinnacle of the series then this was a total gut punch of an ending.

On the other hand, I stopped thinking about the importance of the mother years ago once they decided once and for all that it wasn’t going to be Victoria. Who Ted totally should have married in season one like they had planned if the show had only lasted thirteen episodes and we wouldn’t be having this discussion today. Instead the story was about Ted’s journey and finding out who he was and what he needed to be happy and yes, in the end, the story was always about Robin. He started the story with how he met her and ends with getting permission to try one last time.

Ted ends up with Robin: For as much as I question the last scene having it close with Ted holding up the blue French horn outside Robin’s apartment is one of the best ways to end the series that I could possibly imagine. And in this case, and the last example of the parallels between my life and this show, I am completely biased.

Twelve years ago I saw a girl in a bar. After meeting her I told my buddies that I would marry her. At the time it didn’t work out. We never even dated. We liked each other but were in different places in our lives with different goals and dreams and while I always thought that she was “the one” it was never right. Years passed. I drifted away and went on adventures and had a serious of relationships that could be alternately called comical, farcical and fictional depending on your point of view. Then one day, six years after I first met that girl in the bar, she emailed me and I decided to raise the blue French horn to her window one last time.

Kim and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary last week. Sometimes you end up with “the one” though the journey is never the one you expected it to be. All my best to Ted and Robin and to quote a much wiser man than I, “Fair play to those who dare to dream.”

The five random CDs for the week (and yes, back to blogging regularly)

1)      Big Head Todd and the Monsters “Beautiful World”

2)      Josh Rouse “Under Cold Blue Stars”

3)      Beausoleil “La Danse de la Vie”

4)      Jay Farrar. Will Johnston, Anders Parker, Yim Yammes “New Multitudes”

5)      Sting “The Soul Cages”

What is your Workout?

I was thinking after what I wrote last night about my fitness regimen and what I have done to get into shape. I know that this sounds totally bizarre coming from a two sport lettermen in high school whose two letters came in football (as the student trainer) and baseball (as the scorekeeper). While I’ve always loved sports I have never been athletic and was always the tall, gawky, skinny kid who could never get out of the way of his own limbs. As I got older that all stayed the same except I went from skinny to pudgier than I would like with no gain in athletic prowess. However I did try a number of different things to get into shape and after several years I have found myself in what is probably the best shape of my adult life. Here is what worked, what didn’t work and some things in between.

Treadmill: This was my default workout for years, including those years when I was woefully out of the shape. I consider it the basic workout for the person who lives in an apartment complex with a small exercise room and no clue what to actually do. I am lucky in the fact that I can do forty five minutes on a treadmill without losing my mind from boredom but I can’t say that this has been the best workout for me. That said, when I start up on the Couch to 5K routine in a month or two this will get more play.

Wii Fit / EA Active: When you are starting out trying to get in shape it is best to start small. Really small, like just playing video games as activity. I have to say that I primarily used my Wii for the fitness applications and while they weren’t the best way to get in shape these two programs definitely helped. Wii Fit was my first interaction with yoga and discovering just how horrible my balance is (which was finally explained by the fact that my legs are not the same length). I can’t say that it was the most challenging workout though I have fond memories of the boxing game (where your coach sounded just like Adam Corrola) and the step aerobics (in which I must have looked like the biggest idiot ever). EA Active was better in terms of overall fitness though it had two drawbacks. One was, like all video game workouts, it was highly dependent on the Wii picking up your movements and there is nothing worse than spending half your time trying to convince the game that yes, you did just do a squat. The other is more a personal quibble in that for lifting they utilize those power bands / cords that you see in every Target. I’ve never found a set of those that I like because they never seem to be made for my height and strength. I always going with either no resistance or insane resistance.

Personal Trainer: I think that I have used four different personal trainers over the years due to a combination of location and the fact that my trainers kept on quitting on me. You will find a lot of differing opinions out there about using a trainer and especially if it is worth the money and my view is that a good trainer is worth it, especially at the beginning, but that you should definitely reach the point where you no longer need one. When I started out with trainers I was really starting from scratch with no idea what exercises to do and worrying that my shoulder and hip injuries would make workouts impossible. With a trainer you have someone to lead you around the gym, learn how to use certain machines and have someone watching you to make sure that you are using the correct form. That is perfect when you are starting out but once you reach the point where you know your various routines you should be able to go on your own. Plus you always have to deal with the fact that a trainer can push you too hard or too little and both have their drawbacks. My view is use one to start if you can afford it but don’t worry if it does not turn into a lifelong partnership. You’re not a contestant on the Biggest Loser.

Gym Classes: There are people who swear by the classes at gyms and while I can’t really complain about the ones that I have gone to (they all were great workouts) they simply are not for me. First off, the fact that I have to drive to the gym uses up to much time for me to begin with so that makes having the classes fit my schedule is a massive challenge. Then there is the fact that when you start a new class you are typically dealing with a class where everyone else is a regular so you spend the first few sessions just trying to figure out what everyone is doing. This is even worse in yoga where the instructor will say “go into alligator. Ok, now go into crocodile” and you apparently should know the difference when the only difference that I can remember between the two is one has visible teeth and the other doesn’t. Finally, all of the classes that I have gone to have been predominately female. When I go with Kim this is ok as I am the supportive husband who works out with his wife. When I go alone I am the creepy guy in the back who can’t keep up. Just not my thing.

TRX: This is a bit of a subset of the last two as it was a Trainer / Class that got me using this. These are those suspension cables that you can use to perform a ton of body weight exercises. It is extremely good once you get the hang of it and all you need is a good doorframe in order to get started. Like a lot of things you can push yourself too hard though and wind up hurting yourself. I’m hoping to do more TRX in the coming year.

DDP Yoga: My current obsession and by far the best workout routine I’ve ever come across. One of New Year’s Resolutions is to finish the Advanced program and I am on week nine of thirteen (yes, I know that we are in week eleven of the new year. I fell slightly behind). To reach this point I’ve done 30+ workouts and if you have ever purchased fitness DVDs how many of them have you played thirty times? Especially after having used them for the previous eight months as well? I’ve never come across any fitness program that has held my interest like DDP Yoga.

Maybe it is the fact that it was made and hosted by a retired professional wrestler, which is just so random that it makes it exciting. Maybe it is because it combines regular body weight exercises with rehab exercises and yoga poses into something that gives you a good workout while improving your flexibility. It is common to go from a squat to a push up to downward dog in the course of two minutes. But the biggest complement that I can give this program is the fact that it is the first exercise program that I have ever seen that is made to start as a beginner and grow with you as you get better. If you look at so many others you seem to either need in insane shape to just get through the first workout or they are at the “miniature golf has great fitness benefits” level. With DDP Yoga there are so many options to modify a move that is too challenging for the time being and the workouts themselves range from twenty five minutes to an hour so as your cardio improves the length of workout increases with you.

(Oh, and they have real people doing the workouts. When you have a 60 year old and a 300+ pound guy completing the workouts you can’t really tell yourself that this is impossible.)

As with all workouts this probably isn’t for everyone. If you want to put on twenty pounds of muscle or run a marathon it wouldn’t be your primary option. But all I can say is that I look forward to working out and anything that can make that happen is a good thing. 

A Short Stroll Spoiled...

Here is my latest example of either what it is like to live in South Florida or why I should just start writing “The Fall of the American Empire” now so that I can be the first person to get it published when the end eventually happens. Earlier today I was reading one of those local area magazines (the type that are not technically advertisements but are certainly not a hotbed for investigative journalism) and they had a four page article on miniature golf. Nothing wrong with that and it certainly led me to read the article though the fact that this article made the magazine cover should give you a sense of what this magazine was like.

No, what just blew my mind was the one paragraph that discussed, and I swear I am not making this up, “the long lasting health benefits of playing miniature golf.” Let’s just analyze this shall we? This article is postulating that playing miniature golf is a great form of exercise because you a) walk, b) vaguely swing your arms occasionally and c) have to bend over a few times. I’m not being cynical in that list: the author specifically called out those activities. We have apparently reached the point where we are so useless as a society that standing up and bending over occasionally is considered a challenging workout. To be honest I am surprised that no one has picked up on using golf carts on miniature golf courses or at least install a moving sidewalk.

I know that I shouldn’t be the one to talk about physical fitness but I am amazed at how things have changed over my lifetime. When we were at Disney World last year I was stunned by just how many people you would see riding electric scooters throughout the park. This wasn’t because they were elderly or incapable of walking; in fact, you could see nothing that would prevent them from walking. But there they were, lined up like their own little ride, and you would look and wonder if they were just too lazy to walk. That is something I cannot remember seeing growing up.

I do exercise regularly, nothing insane but some good effort several times a week. Over the past few years of doing this and changing my diet to the point that I eat actual food and drink less beer I’ve ended up losing about 35 pounds and am actually in the normal weight range for my height. Just being in the normal range places me above average in terms of healthy weight which is a completely paradoxical sentence to write. The main thing though is that you have to do something. You have to sweat. You have to get off the couch. Miniature golf will do the latter but I doubt that it will do the former. If it does the former you probably have a few other issues to worry about.

Best of 120 Minutes: Let’s get the week started with some Social Distortion

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      Josh Rouse “Nashville”

2)      Loreena McKennitt “To Drive the Cold Winter Away”

3)      Various Artists “Emerald Rock”

4)      Jon Dee Graham “Escape from Monster Island”

5)      R.E.M. “Eponymous”

The 100 books to read in a lifetime: Part Four (The end, honest)

Sorry for the delay in posts yet again. Sadly this is going to be the nature of my writing life for the foreseeable future. Writing falls behind marriage, work, travel, sleep and occasionally yoga on my list of priorities. I would love to be able to carve out fifteen minutes to a half hour a day, five days a week, where I could just focus on writing. That said, I would also like two hours a week to work on jigsaw puzzles and that isn’t going to happen either.

Ok, time to finish off this damn Amazon booklist. Less snarky comments this time for reasons that will become readily apparent.

The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 by Lawrence Wright: I’ve heard good things about this book but haven’t come around to actually reading it yet.

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein: I know, I know. No one will ever belief that I never read any of the Lord of the Rings. Or sat through any of the movies. Look, if I didn’t like it when Led Zeppelin sang about hobbits I doubt that I would like it in literary form. I’ve tried but can never get past the first fifty pages. By the way, I found out today that Tolkein died the day before I was born so if you believe in relatively instant reincarnation that is a possibility.

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat: Oliver Sacks: I’ve always wanted to read this book since at least high school and have no idea why I have never read it. I blame Robin Williams ruining Oliver Sacks for me in Awakenings.

The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan: I’ve read Pollan’s food writing just not this book. He does have the best diet advice ever: “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.”

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: The number of childhood classics on this list that I have completely missed is pretty astounding. The Berwyn Public Library served me poorly. Well, other than the fact that they started to let me take out books from the adult section when I was nine. Science fiction was right at the top of the stairs with the collected works of L. Ron Hubbard front and center. I will remember that forever apparently.

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingslover: Seen it in bookstores. Also remember seeing bookstores.

The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York by Robert Caro: Ok, Amazon, what the hell? Are you seriously telling me that for my life to be complete that I must read this book? I’ll take a pass.

The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe: Finally one where I can say that I have at least seen the movie. I have spent so much time studying the history of the space race I guess I could never bring myself to read a fictionalized version of it.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy: What an amazing, haunting book. I brought it with me to read on a vacation one year. This is not recommended. Not only did I spend hours in my hotel room because I just had to finish the book but I was also forced to wander around in a daze thinking really, really dark thoughts.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: Figured that since it was a secret that it would be impolite for me to read it.

The Shining by Stephen King: I’ve read surprisingly little Stephen King (The Stand and It being the exceptions based primarily on my having watched the ABC miniseries back in the day). I don’t know if I was scared by the size of the book or the nature of the material. I’ve never liked horror as a genre in books or movies. It was just never my style.

The Stranger by Albert Camus: “Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can’t be sure.” One of the most amazing opening sentences ever.

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway: One of the better Hemmingway novels and great in that rough and tumble masculine way that probably has a lot to do with the fact that Hemmingway wore dresses until he was two.

The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien: I have this collection of stories and have read the title story multiple times but I am embarrassed to say that I have not finished the book. However, the title story is without a doubt the best story about Vietnam from the soldier’s perspective that I have ever read or could even think about reading.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle: I’ve read Ulysses. I haven’t read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. According to Amazon this is a strike against me.

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame: Look, if Disney World can get rid of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride I feel that we can state as a society that we no longer have to read the book that the ride was based on.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami: I actually have this book, strangely enough, and got through about thirty pages before just becoming completely befuddled by it. Points for inspiring Mike Doughty’s best song outside of his Soul Coughing days, though.

The World According to Garp by John Irving: Same as the previous note but replace Mike Doughty song with Robin Williams movie.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion: Yeah, the lack of bold in this list of twenty five books is disturbing.

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe: Of course things fall apart. The entropy of the universe is always increasing.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee: Great book even if it has a lot less to do about hunting as the title implies.

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand: I agree that this is, most likely, a book.

Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann: Personally I recommend Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: the absolutely bizarre movie written by Roger Ebert and that will cause you to freak out as only a really bad late 60’s / early 70’s movie could. I’ve seen it once and was like, “What the hell was that about.” Sigh. I miss Roger.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein: I’ve never liked Shel Silverstein. I’ve had so many people talk to me about how wonderful the story of The Giving Tree is and all I can say in return is “the kid was a total asshole to that tree.”

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak: Yeah, my childhood reading list was apparently lacking.

So, all told I have read 27 of the 100 books that Amazon states that I should read in my lifetime. Any claims that I make from here on forth about being well read can be dismissed in their entirety.

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      The Subdudes “Primitive Streak”

2)      Kathleen Edwards “Back to Me”

3)      Midnight Oil “Blue Sky Mining”

4)      Kelly Willis “Reason to Believe”

5)      Josh Ritter “Live at the 9:30 Club”

Best Celebrity Sighting Ever!

So as I mentioned last night Kim and I spent the weekend in our adopted home of New Orleans. If my math is correct (and let’s be honest, it always is) I’ve been traveling to New Orleans myself for eighteen years and have spent the last five years with Kim by my side for events that have included our first date and our wedding (though not on the same trip). I’ve come to the conclusion that I have spent more time in New Orleans than any other city where I did not have a mailing address and I believe I have spent more time in NOLA than I did in Overland Park, Kansas which is by all accounts a good thing.

Anyway, as is our tradition no trip to New Orleans for us complete without at least one random and totally insane moment. We’ve found ourselves VIP members of a Mardi Gras Krewe, being introduced to Paul Prudhomme and caught up in the celebration of the Saints Super Bowl victory. We’ve also apparently caused one store in the Quarter to change its policy after we entered the store without recalling that a) we had been in the store the previous day, b) we had spent a good hour looking at everything there and c) had apparently purchased a four foot long alligator. That store is now one of our favorites, mainly because they sold us a four foot long alligator.

This trip was no different and may have set the bar for complete randomness. Over the years Kim and I have become defacto members of the Krewe of Barkus, which is the Mardi Gras parade dedicated to the dogs of the city. Meaning that everyone dresses up their dogs in costumes and marches them through the French Quarter and in the process help to raise money for Animal Rescue New Orleans and encouraging the adopting of rescue dogs. It is a total blast and a cause that we both support (particularly Kim who has been doing this for years and has her two adopted dogs that I have been absolutely blessed to know.) As a result of this and the friends that we have made over the years we are lucky enough to have VIP access to the viewing stand; which really means that we have access to the balcony of a bar to watch the parade.

So we are up there, joking around with some people we had just met and others who remembered us from years past. At one point we look down to the street below and Kim turns to me and goes “Isn’t that Jesse from Opposite Worlds?”

Now I wrote a week or two ago about Opposite Worlds, a Sy Fy channel reality show that is a weird mix of Big Brother, Survivor, Captain Caveman and Twitter advertising dollars. Kim and I might be the only people who have actually watched the show and were certainly the only people who, in a Mardi Gras crowd, could pick out one of the villains of a third tier reality. Kim, in all her persuasive glory, got one of the guys next to us to yell out “Jesse!” to which he turned to us, smirked and waved. Kim and I immediately yelled out “We voted for you! We wanted you to win!” to which he replied “So did I!” At which point Kim and I just burst out laughing.

I’m sorry but that was so random that it made our trip. That was the last celebrity that I expected to see and it was just a brilliant random encounter that only meant something to the two of us. That is why I love going to NOLA, you just never know what is going to happen. As always, I have to thank all of our great friends who live there and show us unbelievable hospitality every time we make our way there. It is incredibly appreciated.

Wednesday Night Music Club: This is a Lydia Loveless song from her Indestructible Machine album and was the first time in ages I’ve heard something that just made me stop and swear at how good it is. This is from when she was 21 years old and there is no way that a 21 year old should either be able to write or sing like that. People are comparing her to Neko Case, which might not be a fair comparison but I remember seeing Neko in concert in 1999 and my reaction was the same and I don’t know if I can name anyone else who just made my jaw drop with just her voice like these two did.

The 100 Books to Read in Your Lifetime: Part Three

Slight delay due to a side trip to Mardi Gras and finding ourselves a part of the Mystical Krewe of Barkus as well as the most insane, random quasi-celebrity sighting that we have ever had. Story to come later this week. Anyway, on to the books…

Silent Spring by Rachel Carson: I actually missed a trivia question once on who wrote this book. I don’t know what bothers me more that I actually missed a trivia question or that I no longer have a regular trivia game that I can use to supplement my income. Sigh.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut: One of my favorite books and the one that caused me to simultaneously get an A and an F on the same paper. Essentially my analysis of the book was spot on however I was completely unable to keep a constant verb tense when describing a book that doesn’t have a constant timeline. To be honest though anyone who reads this blog understands that I can’t even keep a constant verb tense in the same sentence when describing what I had for lunch today.

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin: One of those books that you read because supposedly every business leader is currently reading it. Surprises me that I haven’t read it for that reason alone.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton: Winona Ryder was in the movie, right? It’s sad that when seeing this book listed all I can think is that there was a movie made of it sometime in the early nineties and by law Winona Ryder was probably cast in it.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: I have this book. Or more accurately, Kim has this book so it sits in our library and I get to act like I’ve read it. I also get to act like it is our library when in fact she owns about three quarters of the collection and my contribution to the bookshelves are pro wrestler biographies and the scripts to every Monty Python episode.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X and Alex Haley: On the Alex Haley front I have not read this or Roots. I haven’t even seen more than a few minutes of Roots and have to readily admit that I know Levar Burton more as Geordi LeForge than anything else. This doesn’t just make me uncultured; I think it makes me a horrible human being.

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: Well since I oppose the stealing of books I am against this book on general principles. This is one of those books that I have seen read by every third person in an airport over the past few months if that means anything.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz: Continuing the streak of books I haven’t read though at least I have read Junot Diaz. I’m taking pride wherever I can at this point.

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger: Finally, my teenage angst has come in handy. I’m not sure if I consider this to be the classic that it has become but then again there is literary debate about whether it has stood the test of time. However it will always hold a special place in my heart as I have had a copy of Cliff Notes for this book since high school and continue to check off which books I have read that were listed on the back. Ok, as this list shows there aren’t many check marks.

The Color of Water by James McBride: It’s blue. The color of water is blue. There, I probably saved you four hundred pages.

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen: No, I haven’t read this but I want to raise my complaint that while Chabon, Franzen and Eggers all made this list that David Foster Wallace did not. As I have constantly written Wallace is the preeminent writer of my generation and anyone who says differently just doesn’t understand the importance of tennis and central Illinois on the meaning of life. Or, to put it another way, I would like the fact that I actually read Infinite Jest to count for something in this life.

The Devil and the White City by Erik Larson: A story that is alternately about Chicago architecture and a serial killer. Surprisingly at times the architecture is the much more interesting topic.

The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank: My favorite, sadly false, urban legend. Years ago, Pia Zadora was performing a stage version of this book in the titular role and doing a completely abysmal job of it. To the point that when the Nazis appeared on stage a guy in the crowd yelled, “She’s in the attic!”

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green: I am curious, has anyone read this book yet? I constantly see it in the bookstore and have heard a lot about it but I’m not sure if it is good or not or if it is just for teens. Legitimately looking for advice here.

The Giver by Lois Lawry: Sigh. No idea about this one either.

The Golden Compass: His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman: Remember when the film for this book came out a few years ago? I remember being told that it was from this famous set of stories for kids and I just stood there stunned because I had legitimately never heard of it. Never saw the movie either. It is entirely possible that this book is purely a figment of my imagination.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald: The greatest novel ever written. Plain and simple, don’t even try to make the argument otherwise. Oh, and while Kim and I were in New Orleans this weekend we had the opportunity to adopt a dog named Zelda. If it wasn’t for the fact that we already have the two most wonderful dogs in the world I would have rented a car just so I could have a Zelda of my very own.

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood: I’m happy this made the list and even happier that I have seen it included on high school reading lists. For all the dystopian books on this list (and there are way too many of them for my tastes) this is probably the most literary and thought provoking. Certainly the most feminist in its take on the future.

The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne: I can’t say for one hundred percent certainty that I read this as opposed as to having it read to me but I am including it because a) I have the exact copy of the book that I read as a five year old, b) I made Kim ride the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh ride with me at Disney World and c) I may have hijacked my five year old niece’s character dinner in order to have my picture taken with Eeyore.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: Depending on how cynical I feel at the time I can be found describing the book as a wonderful description of how to put teenagers to good use. Either that or I feel that when it came down to Katniss and Peeta and they were told there could only be one winner the scene should just have been Peeta saying “Son of a….” and then getting an arrow to the back. No way Katniss was going to lose at that point.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot: Another book that I want to read as it is a combination of science and history and the little things that change the world.

The Liars’ Club by Mary Karr: No idea other than it isn’t Liar’s Poker, which I haven’t read either but at least I had heard of it.

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan: Maybe I will check out the movie but I figure that the original Clash of the Titans has covered my need for any Greek mythology for the rest of my life.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: This story has always scared and depressed me. All I could think about is a small kid alone on an asteroid with only a flower for company and I grew incredibly sad. Also, the fact that it was such a tiny asteroid but had a gravity well strong enough to keep the prince on the surface as well as maintain an atmosphere to support the flower went against everything that I knew about astrophysics as a five year old and I couldn’t bring myself to believe in the story. I was a strange kid.

The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler: I prefer The Maltese Falcon but noir stories are awesome no matter which one you choose.

Another 7 for 25 and 23 for 75 so far. So much for being well read…

The five random CDs for the week (all by artists I have seen in concert as well)

1)      Liz Phair “Exile in Guyville”

2)      Sleater-Kinney “The Hot Rock”

3)      The Subdudes “Behind the Levee”

4)      Robbie Fulks “Gone Away Backward”

5)      Wayne Toups and Zydecajun “Back to the Bayou”

100 Books to Read in a Lifetime: Part Two

I will be continuing with the 100 books to read in a lifetime per Amazon, which might just be the 100 books that will provide Amazon with the greatest profit margins. We have reached a sad point in our evolution when multi-national corporations now not only develop our culture but then decides what is artistically valuable.

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown: I’ve never read this book or had it read to me to the best of my knowledge. However, I have heard Jack Ingram perform “Goodnight Moon” in concert so that should count for something.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens: Oh, Kim is going to hate me for this one. Dickens is one of Kim’s favorite authors and when she finally goes for her master’s in English her thesis will be on his works. I however, despite at least three separate attempts, have never been able to get past the first fifty pages of Great Expectations. It’s embarrassing. I’ve read James Joyce but not Dickens.

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared M. Diamond: I am very surprised that I haven’t read this book yet. This type of non-fiction writing now makes up a majority of what I read. Combination of history and science and sociology and grand claims about how society works that can never be proven out.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling: I assume that everyone has read this book. Also, I assume that everyone read about Rowling saying that she wishes she didn’t have Ron and Hermione end up together which makes me say, “Thank you for finally thinking this through.” I’ve always said that the epilogue should show, after talking about Ron and Hermione getting married, Hagrid and Ron spending long nights at the bar with Ron going, “She just never shuts up. It’s always one cause or another and she is always right and can’t a guy just go home and watch the damn quidditch match without worrying about the plight of the left handed house dwarves?” It should have been Harry with Luna and Neville with Hermione.

Yes, Neville with Hermione. Look, it is clear that Neville was the chosen one the entire time and Harry was just a diversion by Dumbledore in order to hide Neville in plain sight while he secretly trained him and put forward this façade that he was a failure as a student. Do you really think that Dumbledore would trust the Chosen One to a muggleborn and the least talented Weasley boy?

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote: The classic tale of senseless murder in Kansas. Not only is this book the invention of the true crime novel but it is also just a fascinating tale of what goes through the mind of desperate people who are blinded by greed and desire. I held off on reading this book for years but it is definitely worthwhile to read just to get a sense of Capote’s writing.

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri Never heard of it.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison: Read this in high school and I have to admit that I wasn’t that impressed. It had an amazing prologue and first chapter but I could never get into the rest of the book. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time in my life to read it.

Jimmy Corrigan: Smartest Kid on Earth by Chris Ware: Props for this list to have a graphic novel on it (and a Jimmy Corrigan one at that.) I have heard nothing but good things about this series and I am kicking myself for not having it in my personal collection.

Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain: An absolute must read for anyone who either loves food, the restaurant business or just loves killer stories by a guy who has seen it all. After reading this you will never, ever, think that owning a restaurant is a good idea. Brilliant, funny and one of the most enjoyable reads on this entire list.

Life After Life by Kate Atkinson: Haven’t read it but I did buy it for Kim for Christmas. We tried to count but I think we gave more books as gifts than anything else. There were legitimate piles of novels under the tree this year. If you want to know why the two of us are together just understand there was no present more enjoyable to give the other than a book that they weren’t previously aware of.

Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder: Is it sad that this is one of those books that I didn’t read as a kid because I figured that it was for girls? Like I read Treasure Island instead of this just because it had pirates in it?

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: I’m a little surprised that this book is on the list. It is clearly one of the best novels of the 20^th century but it is also controversial, disturbing and not the most straightforward read in the world. Still, one should at least make one effort to enter the twisted and unstable mind of Humbert Humbert.

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Definitely on my list of books to read in the relatively near future. Not sure why I’ve always been scared off of Marquez’s work given that I typically enjoy the magical realism genre in general. I’ll be sure to add this to my list.

Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich: Never heard of this one either.

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: Another blank from my end. I guess I have never had much desire to search for meaning.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris: I had to check my booklist but I have no record of ever reading this book. I have read almost everything else that David Sedaris has ever written but I’ve completely missed this one. I have no idea why. David Sedaris is great and you should at least give one of his essay collections a try.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides: Another one that I should add to my list of books to read. I have read “The Virgin Suicides” though so I am a fan of Eugenides’ work. This one fell off my radar though.

Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie: I don’t know if I have ever met anyone who has actually read Salman Rushdie. I’ve known people who have bought his books and can discuss his life story but he is one of those authors who is better known than read and this comes from someone who is a huge fan of David Foster Wallace.

Moneyball by Michael Lewis: Awesome baseball book and a great look at how data and statistics can be used to change the way we look at the world. As someone whose entire adult life has revolved around spreadsheets and trying to figure out what numbers mean this is a great example of what I am trying to do at any moment in time. Sadly, I don’t have reporters following me around chronicling my every move. Not yet, anyway.

  

Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham: I tried to read this book a few times and could never make it through more than thirty pages. Some books just don’t connect with you no matter how hard you try.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac: I am not a huge fan of the beats but you should read this book just to get a sense of what it was like in that moment of American history. You’ll also come away with the feeling that Kerouac is a jerk and you should never lend him your car. Also, you will be amazed at how easy it was to travel the country by hitchhiking back then. There would be no way to write this book today without having multiple references to picking up serial killers.

Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen: When was the last time you heard someone reference this book (or movie)? Seriously, it has been probably thirty years since I have seen anyone even bring up Out of Africa. I’m pretty sure that if you are only going to read 100 books in your life you should at least try to read something that will remain in the public eye.

Persopolis by Marjane Satrapi: Another graphic novel, which is awesome. Surprisingly this list doesn’t include Watchmen or any of the Sandman books which are my clear choice for the best graphic novels of all time. Feel free to substitute those if necessary.

Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth: One of those great American novels that is constantly described as a great American novel to the point that I have no real desire to read it. Anyone have any real opinions?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: Yeah, I am horrible at reading Austen or the Brontes or anyone in that genre of authors. It is a huge blind spot in my literary collection.

7 for 25 today and 16 for 50 so far. Not a good start.

The 100 Books to Read in a Lifetime: Part 1

So a week or two ago Amazon came out with a list of the 100 Books to Read in a Lifetime. As with all these lists I have to immediately go through it, check off all of the books that I have read and then make very snippy comments on the selection process. I figured that I might as well make this process public as I will go through the list this week twenty five books at a time. Those that are shown in bold are ones that I have read while those that are not in bold have almost certainly been read by Kim who will use this as an opportunity to point out how close minded I am towards literature. Here we go…

1984 by George Orwell: Easily a classic and a book that everyone should read at least once in their life. However, if I had to choose an Orwell book to read in your lifetime it would be Animal Farm. That is a story that you can read in grade school that will stick with you for ages while 1984 is more a collection of great scenes an images as opposed to a great book.

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking: Honestly, this book is actually pretty readable and provides the best description of entropy that I’ve heard (how a glass might break but shards of glass will never reform into a glass without outside force). That said, unless you are interested in discussing the various ways to universe might begin and end this might not be the book for you.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers: I most remember this book for Dave Eggers talking about how he was almost cast on The Real World: San Francisco, was able to actually be on the show for one scene during the season and how when he met Puck he felt that he had to be on drugs. Oh and my dream gig when I become a multi-millionaire and can do whatever I want with my life is to build an 826 Valencia type organization but instead of writing I would work with kids on math and science.

A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah: Never heard of this one. Apparently it is about child soldiers.

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: Haven’t read it but I probably should at some point. Having Jim Carrey starring in the movie adaptation did little to encourage me to pick up the book much like the fact that I now don’t even want to watch the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle: I finally read this book last year and I could never figure out why everyone was such a fan of it. It just did nothing for me but I doubt that it was written to be read by a guy who was about to enter middle age. Forty year old men and rainbows and unicorns just don’t mix.

Selected Stories by Alice Munro: I’m not surprised by the inclusion of a short story collection on this list but would have thought they would have gone with George Saunders instead. I still haven’t read his work either which really bothers me at the moment.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll: A book that you could read for the logic puzzles, word play, mathematical imagery or as a psychological investigation into an author who is coming up with fantastical stories to tell to a young girl that he may be attracted to. Also helped lead to the popularity of Jefferson Airplane and is thus responsible for Jefferson Starship and Starship and “We Built this City on Rock and Roll” so you can blame Lewis Carroll for the worst song ever recorded as well.

All the President’s Men by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein: I haven’t read this or seen the movie, which is a crime on both fronts. Incredibly, this is all reporting on something that happened forty years ago which means that for a college student today this has about as much relevance as the Korean War had for me.

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt: You think you’ve had a hard life? Ha! You know nothing about what a hard life is like.

Are You There, God? It’s me, Margaret by Judy Blume: Ok, I am pretty sure that I didn’t read this as a kid but I probably at least started it at some point. I certainly read my share of Judy Blume as what is now called being a tween but back then was just simply called being a snot nosed kid.

Bel Canto by Ann Patchett: No on this one. Would rather read something by Terry Pratchett.

Beloved by Toni Morrison: Haven’t read this but I have at least read one Toni Morrison book before thanks to the one English class I took in college. I should read this at some point.

Born to Run by Christopher McDougall: This is about the Mexican tribe who are incredible long distance runners who I learned about decades ago when they were featured on an episode of Road Rules. I am not making that fact up. This was back in the good old days when Road Rules simply consisted of a few people in an RV having incredible adventures as opposed to just being a casting call for another season of Real World / Road Rules challenge.

Breath, Eyes, Memory by Edwidge Danticatt: Never heard of this one, either. About a journey from Haiti

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller: Another absolute classic. I’ve heard some people critique this book recently, probably because it has been praised beyond belief for so many years that it has fallen out of favor. Still the story of the insanity of war is one that will always need to be told.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl: I haven’t read this one mainly because having seen the film many times as a kid I am more than a little afraid of having to deal with the boat scene in written form. The real world is scary enough as it is.

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White: No, I’m not crying. It’s just a little dusty in here…

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese: No idea.

Daring Greatly by Brene Browne: A little help? I would at least like to think I should know of the books that I need to read in my lifetime.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney: I haven’t read it but I have met the author. I don’t know if that should count for something or if it is really pathetic that I have met a bestselling author and still haven’t bothered to actually read any of his books.

Dune by Frank Herbert: I blame Sting for not reading this one. I’ve always been told that it is one of the classics of science fiction but all I can see is Sting in a diaper and giant space worms and I can’t be bothered to pick it up.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury: An absolute classic and one of my favorite books of all time. Again, I would replace 1984 with Animal Farm as to me this is the best of the dystopian future novels of the cold war era.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson: I really need to read this one soon. I did at least read some of Thompson’s essays that he would write near the end of his life. I’ve always been scared off by how gonzo his writing is supposed to be and I didn’t know if I could ever figure it out. Now I feel that it will make a lot more sense to me.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn: I will read this book this year. I am bad at reading the popular book of the moment but at least now I no longer openly scoff at them.

9 for 25. Not a bad start but I know there are people who read this who will easily have that beat.

Best of 120 Minutes: A Jeff Buckley song. All you need to know.

The five random CDs for the week:

1)      Old Crow Medicine Show “O.C.M.S.”

2)      Henry Rollins “Think Tank”

3)      Richard Buckner “The Hill”

4)      Feist “The Reminder”

5)      Urge Overkill “Saturation”