It is New Year’s Day and that can only mean one thing: that there is absolutely no college football on television today. I can’t believe that is the case. I know that it is Sunday and that the NFL is playing but the fact that they can’t put a single bowl game on today is ludicrous. You are telling me that one of the lesser bowls featuring two teams at or below .500 (say Illinois vs. UCLA) couldn’t play today? So that maybe I could watch Illinois win a game in 2012 instead of 2011? Is that too much to ask.
Anyway, here is the conclusion of the bowl preview for the rest of the year and yes, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to return to a five day a week blogging schedule.
January 2nd
TicketCity Bowl: Houston vs. Penn State (Noon, ESPNU): Oh, where to start. Let’s put the Penn State season in perspective by this one fact: this is the only bowl game that is not on a network that is included in the average cable package. In fact, odds are 95% of the population could not tell you whether they receive this channel or not. The game is also being played in the Cotton Bowl but is not the Cotton Bowl because that game is played in the new Cowboys Stadium, which seems to be a violation of the space – time continuum or something.
I must state up front that I am a Penn State alumni via marriage. I am not sure if school allegiance is officially transferred via marriage (hoisting Illini fandom on Kim would just seem to be cruel and unusual punishment) but I have a much greater connection to the school than I used to and as a result the news of the past few months has been of huge interest. Here are a few of my thoughts on the entire case: 1) Jerry Sandusky has the worst lawyer on the face of the planet, 2) when you are on national television trying to proclaim your innocence and are asked “Are you sexually attracted to young boys?” there are two proper answers “No” or “Hell no”, a fifteen second pause is not the right answer, 3) Penn State president Graham Spanier should be ashamed of himself for not just ignoring the reports to him but in not giving a single press conference over the course of the scandal, 4) flipping over a news van in State College does not constitute a riot given that the same thing happens when they beat Minnesota in football, 5) the Board of Directors at Second Mile should be grilled more than anyone because they had all the reports of abuse but still stayed associated with Sandusky and 6) I honestly feel that Paterno was made out to be more of a fall guy than was necessary. Reading the Grand Jury report, which is disturbing beyond belief, it is still not clear what he knew and what actions he should have taken beyond what he immediately did. Yes, you could question whether he should have pushed for more follow up but I really dislike the fact that some people seem to view his actions as worse than Sandusky’s. Paterno is not the villain in this story.
Here is the last thing and the point that relates to this game: the players on the team had absolutely nothing to do with this. There were calls to kill the football program, cancel the season or forfeit their bowl berth all of which would punish the people who had no connection with the scandal at all. I am really impressed with how the players have handled the situation given that they are 20 year olds who have just had their entire world change without any say in the matter. So if you can find the game on channel 347 of your cable system feel free to cheer for Penn State for the athletes who are continuing to compete despite being faced with a challenge that should never have happened.
Outback Bowl: Michigan State vs. Georgia (1 PM, ABC): Is there anyone else surprised by the rather long ranging success of the Outback Steakhouse franchise? I mean, reasonably priced steakhouses seem to come and go as we have long since surpassed the days of Ponderosa and the Sizzler. And you have the whole Australian gimmick that tends to gain the nation’s attention once a decade and then fades away. Yet you still have these restaurants all over the place and when faced with a decision on where to have dinner when you are out of town it is a pretty good option. Have to say that I am rather impressed.
This is one of the classic Big Ten vs. SEC showdowns in which we get to see just how incredibly slow people are in the Midwest. It is just uncanny. It is like we bring a higher degree of gravity with us wherever we travel, which given the average size of a Big Ten fan may possibly be true. I think Wisconsin fans have their own gravitational field. You have to go with Georgia in this game for three reasons: 1) their football stadium is famous for having hedges thus being the only football team that is tremendously proud of their shrubbery, 2) they have a cute dog as a mascot and 3) even Notre Dame beat Michigan State this year.
Capital One Bowl: Nebraska vs. South Carolina (1 PM, ESPN): Now this is the most famous Big Ten vs. SEC matchup and I must admit that when I first saw the two teams playing I wondered why they weren’t including teams from either conference this year. Then I remembered that Nebraska was now in the Big Ten and that South Carolina has been in the SEC for years but always seems to be forgotten. I still can’t quite get my head around Nebraska being in the Big Ten. The Big Ten having 12 teams is fine, that the conferences are called Leaders and Legends is incomprehensible but acceptable at the same time, but exactly why I now have to consider Nebraska a rival is extremely confusing. I have nothing against corn though in terms of political correctness I guess we should refer to them as the Maizehuskers now, which would at least allow a rivalry with Michigan to arise. I also fully anticipate Steve Spurrier to utilize the Capital One Vikings in his offensive gameplan at one point in the game. I am still not clear how connecting your company with raping and pillaging is a good thing but given the way most people view the banking industry at the moment that is probably considered good PR.
Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl: Ohio State vs. Florida (1 PM, ESPN2): We have a new winner for the best bowl game sponsor ever! Yes, the only thing that can match the legendary Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl is the mother f-ing Slayer Bowl. No marching bands, just Slayer. Screw playing Charge after first downs: I want to hear Raining Blood!
(I am not kidding here. I would pay so much money to go to a college football game where all of the music of the game consisted of just Slayer playing in one end zone. Player injured? Time to hear “Perversions of Pain.” I am telling you if there is one thing that amateur athletics needs now more than ever it is thrash metal.)
This would be a title game in most years except now it is just a game being played in Jacksonville between a team that you thought wasn’t allowed to be in a bowl game due to sanctions against a team that just was not very good. This is the game you flip to and watch for a while because you really think that it should turn out to be a great game but then you realize that you are watching two pretty mediocre teams with the biggest story being that Urban Meyer will be Ohio State’s coach next year. So watch for a few minutes to hear the announcers talk about that and then just search online for old episodes of Headbanger’s Ball.
Rose Bowl Game Presented by Vizio: Wisconsin vs. Oregon (5 PM, ESPN): This is a really good matchup of sponsor and team as you would need a brand new, top of the line, Vizio television to fully grasp the grandeur of the Oregon uniform. I believe that they are now incorporating colors that are outside the human visual spectrum. It is the granddaddy of them all and should be a pretty good game. Both of these teams could arguably beat anyone on their best day and one year when we get an eight team playoff they will get their chance. Until then this is probably the best matchup of the day and it is always fun to watch the Rose Bowl. Or, as a kid growing up in the Midwest always understood it, “That game that we watch for the first quarter and then turn off in disgust as our school is down by 21 points already.”
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Stanford vs. Oklahoma State (8:30 PM, ESPN): I am sorry but I still don’t see what the big deal is about Andrew Luck. People are acting like he is going to be the greatest quarterback of all time but I just don’t see it. I can see him being a fine NFL quarterback and he has all of the tools but there is nothing about his game that screams all-time best to me. Plus, he went to Stanford and you just have to hate the guy on general principle for that. Stanford is a school where most of the student body is participating in the Occupy Wall Street movement even though the only reason that they are at Stanford is because they are part of the 1%. That said, Oklahoma State could very well rename itself T. Boone Pickens University next year and no one would bat an eyelash. I will be rooting for Oklahoma State here because it is always good to have one of these schools that are more outside the mainstream be at the top at the end of the year. Again, anything to give me a goddamn playoff system in college football.
January 3rd
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Michigan vs. Virginia Tech (8:30 P.M. ESPN): Come for the game but stay for the Mayhem commercials. Seriously, that is one of the best ad campaigns of recent memory. I am amazed at how competitive advertising is for insurance. You have Mayhem, the Geico lizards and cavemen and whatever the hell Flo is for Progressive. It is the modern day equivalent of the cola wars except without celebrities and the inability to do blind taste tests. As for the game itself, Virginia Tech has already had one player suspended for missing curfew and the game is still a few days away. It is kind of unfair to have a curfew in New Orleans given that time doesn’t technically exist in the city. It is more of a “I’ll meet you sometime this evening, whenever we both end up in the same location, or maybe not. It all depends on how the wandering goes.” Michigan is a fun team to watch but they have played so above expectations that they have to come down to Earth at some point. I guess I am just not a big supporter of Big Ten teams in bowl games this year which is usually how you are instructed to bet in Vegas. Still, this should be a rather fun game.
January 4th
Discover Orange Bowl: West Virginia vs. Clemson (8:30 PM, ESPN): I’m not sure we really need to discover the color orange. In fact, Clemson will be wearing orange so it really should not come as a surprise to much of the viewing audience just what the entire concept of orange details. I have to admit that I have been a Clemson fan for a long time for no reason other than they were really good when I was seven years old and they seemed to have cool uniforms. Also, college football always seems to be a lot more fun when a school like Clemson is at the top. Any time there is a team in title contention who a vast majority of the country could not tell you what state they are in just makes for a fun season. West Virginia is this year’s representative of the Big East, which was founded as a basketball conference, became a football conference to the point where they gained entry into the BCS, and will soon consist of every school in the country that can declare itself east of a geographic landmark. Except for West Virginia of course, which should be in the Big West by definition.
January 6th
AT&T Cotton Bowl: Kansas State vs. Arkansas (8 P.M., Fox): I have no idea how Kansas State ended up with a good team this year. Five years in Kansas City has made me more aware of Kansas State than I ever wanted to be in my entire life. That was five years listening to people talking about Manhattan and not referring to either the Woody Allen movie or New York City. I thought I could free myself of the team in silver and purple with the Thundercats logo on their helmet but here they are challenging another school with Kansas in their name. It is inescapable. Everything in life ties back to this rather flat state. Again, I am boycotting the Cotton Bowl until they start playing it in the Cotton Bowl again. We must follow truth in advertising laws in at least some areas in life.
January 7th
BBVA Compass Bowl: SMU vs. Pittsburgh (1 PM, ESPN): Last year when I wrote my bowl preview I made two major points about this game. 1) That I had no idea what BBVA was and they were so lazy in marketing that I wasn’t going to bother to google them and 2) that their CEO had an intense, almost sexual, attraction to compasses and navigational devices of all kinds. You would not want to see him in the same room with an astrolabe. This resulted in my receiving actual hate mail in the comments from a BBVA employee who told me that they were one of the largest banks in Spain. A year later and I still couldn’t tell you how that could in any way be considered a good thing.
Look, this is the point in the bowl season where absolutely no one cares any more. I couldn’t tell you much about SMU or Pitt other than they both probably finished with winning records and that A) SMU used to be really cool back in the days of Eric Dickerson and Craig James when they were openly paying their players and B) Pitt hired Dave Waanstadt to be their head coach at one point in time, which had roughly the same effect on the program as when SMU was given the death penalty. You don’t have to watch this game. Read a book or something.
January 8th
GoDaddy.com Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Northern Illinois (9 P.M., ESPN): One of the saddest events in sports last year was the death of Indy Car driver Dan Wheldon. I turned on the race after the accident had occurred and I knew just from the tone of the announcers and the fact that they would not show a replay that he had to have been killed in the crash. When I finally saw it, it was one of the worst that I have ever seen in my roughly 30 years of watching auto racing. The coverage that ABC provided was excellent in tone with only one slight problem. When they went to commercial it was invariably to a GoDaddy spot featuring Danica Patrick. It wasn’t their fault, the spots were pre-planned but if there was one point in time when you did not want to have the sexy commercials that was it. Plus, at what point in time do they get to change their brand image? Will they always be known for the slightly but not really risqué ads? The biggest thing to know about this game is that there is an actual school called Arkansas State, which is great to know if you are asked if there are more than one institutions of higher learning in the state of Arkansas. Cheer for NIU because they are the Huskies and at some point having a lovable dog as your mascot should be reason enough.
January 9th
Allstate BCS National Championship Game: LSU vs. Alabama (8:30 P.M. ESPN): It all comes down to this. The bowl season ends with a game that doesn’t even have the word Bowl anywhere in its title. I mention this every year but it pisses me off more than everything. The reason we don’t have a playoff is because of “the sanctity of the bowl system.” You don’t even end with a bowl game! Assholes.
I watched the first LSU – Alabama game and what I remember most vividly was the wide array of houndstooth clothing worn by the Alabama faithful. That was more impressive than anything I saw on the field that day. Not that it was a bad game, more like it was two dominant defenses going up against two average offenses so it seemed like nothing ever happened. For one of those Game of the Century matchups it really was anti-climactic. The fact that one can say that about a game that went to overtime is astounding.
I am expecting this game to be different. You have LSU playing in the Superdome. They are the better team on both sides of the ball and they know it. I can see them beating up Alabama early and then coasting to victory. That will bring the college football season to a welcome end. We could all use a break.
Best of 120 Minutes: Let’s start the New Year’s off with some old school Veruca Salt, shall we? Not like there is any new school Veruca Salt to choose from anyway.
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