I’ve been blogging for over six years now and the process still amazes me. Such as I never quite anticipated that something I wrote would anger the people behind the BBVA Compass Bowl. For those wondering and who didn’t read the comment on the last post: BBVA is the second largest bank in Spain, a nation that will most likely have to declare bankruptcy in, oh, the next five minutes. So I will have to admit that a) BBVA is a real company, b) Compass is the name of the US bank they acquired and is not a reference to a deep seated, almost erotic, love of directional devices, c) I still question whether sponsoring a bowl game in Birmingham featuring Pitt and Kentucky is a good use of their marketing dollars and d) no one is questioning my statement that Dave Waanstadt is the worst coach who ever lived. As long as we all agree on the last point I am satisfied.
(Oh well, still not as bad as the comment from the person who disliked one of my music reviews. A review that I began by stating “As someone who attended a Weird Al show this year I cannot claim to have any taste in music whatsoever.”)
Well, it snowed in Philly on Thursday, which resulted in the end of the world. I am not kidding on this one. We received a dusting of snow (I don’t even think we had an inch total) and absolutely no one could drive anywhere. I know that this was the first snow of the year and that usually causes people to freak out but this was absolutely insane. It took me two hours to complete a drive that should take me at most forty five minutes. I spent about thirty minutes at a dead stop. Now if I lived somewhere that it didn’t typically snow I can understand it but we had three blizzards last year. Driving in snow is a rather common occurrence. I just wanted to lean out my car window and scream “Learn how to drive you morons!”
I did however finally deal with the fact that my car was telling me that I had low tire pressure. It did this through what is possibly the most useless sensor ever. Now while I am very happy to own a car that will tell me when one of my tires is low (especially as I think I had seven flat tires over the life of my old Grand Am) it does not bother to specify which tire. This makes things rather challenging as the light makes you freak out and then you get out of the car and have no idea which tire is low and then you are forced to search for a tire pressure gauge which could be avoided because obviously the car knows what my tire pressure is otherwise it wouldn’t be telling me I had low tire pressure. Still not as bad as the rental car I recently had that gave me a low fuel warning light because I went under a quarter of a tank. That is not technically being low on fuel; it is more like “you should probably gas up in the next couple of days.”
Best of 120 Minutes: I was trying to think of Christmas themed alternative rock songs and immediately my mind turned to A Very Special Christmas, probably the one holiday charity album that people owned because they actually liked the music. I’m going to go with two of my favorites from the album. Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” and U2’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”. Enjoy the awesomeness of Run DMC and the fun Rattle and Hum “everything is earnest” period of U2.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Luscious Jackson “Fever In Fever Out”
2) Terrance Simien “Zydeco on the Bayou”
3) Fleet Foxes “Fleet Foxes”
4) The New Pornographers “Together”
5) Jeff Buckley “Grace”
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
2010 Bowl Preview: Part Four: The Final Chapter
This is it. The final set of bowl games. The only games that matter except for the fact that a number of these games are utterly meaningless. Why the bowl season extends to January 10th is also a mystery as I don’t think that teams having a month off between games adds to the excitement.
(Also, addendum to last night’s post. It is officially the Progressive Gator Bowl. Typically you don’t hear the words Progressive and Jacksonville in the same sentence. I believe that Glenn Beck is leading a boycott of this game.)
January 3rd
Discover Orange Bowl: Stanford vs. Virginia Tech (ESPN): Do we really need to discover oranges? I am pretty sure that the world is well aware of the fruit. Also, college football has never been the same since we lost the Orange Bowl Halftime Spectacular that took 45 minutes, featured every cruise ship performer wannabe in the Miami area, destroyed the field for the second half and allowed the teams to perform emergency surgery on any players that were injured in the first half. It was pure 80’s decadence at its finest.
Stanford was way better than anyone expected this year. Not that you can ever really root for Stanford other than saying things like, “Well, they’re less arrogant than Berkley students” or “Maybe having a drunk tree as your mascot is a good choice.” Virginia Tech started the season by losing to Boise State and then James Madison and somehow turned their season around completely. This is one of the reasons why a playoff would be nice because it would at least give a team like Virginia Tech a chance even though they started slow. I’ve always liked Virginia Tech so I will cheer for them in the hopes of finding out just what a Hokie is.
January 4th
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Ohio State vs. Arkansas (ESPN): Good pick of teams for the Sugar Bowl which states in its bylaws that is must choose the two teams with the drunkest fanbase possible. This really isn’t that far from the truth. The Sugar Bowl is one of the times of the year that New Orleans bars make a lot of money and one year they were freaking out over the possibility of BYU making it to the game. This is about as close to a meaningful Ohio State – Michigan game that we have seen in years due to Ryan Mallett quarterbacking Arkansas. I still think Ohio State will win just out of force of habit. Tyrell Pryor will bitch about not getting the Heisman as great practice for bitching about not being a first round draft choice, bitching about not getting playing time in the NFL and finally, bitching about being the second string quarterback for the Edmonton Eskimos.
January 6th
GoDaddy.com Bowl: Middle Tennessee vs. Miami (Ohio) (ESPN): Some poor fan bought tickets for this game thinking it was Tennessee vs. Miami. Heck, ESPN might as well promote it that way because I know absolutely nothing about either team. Most people have no idea what GoDaddy.com does either other than make racy commercials that don’t show anything yet direct you to their website in which you can see more racy commercials that don’t show anything. I believe their entire business model is centered on obtaining as much money from people who desire to see Danica Patrick naked without ever providing them with what they hope for. Yet we’ll all tune in to the game thinking “This time they’ll have to show it….”
January 7th
AT&T Cotton Bowl: LSU vs. Texas A&M (Fox): The Cotton Bowl is no longer being played at the Cotton Bowl. Just let that one sink in for a while. I know that the Orange Bowl is no longer played at the Orange Bowl but at least the Orange Bowl no longer exists. The Cotton Bowl is hosting a game this same week yet they are playing it in the new Cowboys Stadium where there is a roof so Jerry Jones could fit his gigantic head in. Apparently no one gives a damn about tradition anymore.
Let’s give it up for Les Miles of LSU, the only head coach who reminds you of that drunk uncle you see during the holidays who tells you stories that are completely false but funny all the same. No other coach uses a gameplan that involves five fake field goal attempts and time management decisions chosen via the Magic 8 Ball. Yet somehow this guy always leads a team to a major bowl game despite showing no knowledge of football whatsoever. That my friends takes talent.
January 8th
BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Kentucky (ESPN): Do people even use compasses anymore? In these days of GPS does anyone literally have a compass with a needle on it that points north? I’m not even going to begin to guess what the bell BBVA is; if they can’t bother getting a more descriptive brand name I’m not going to waste my time googling it. Here it is the first weekend of January, NFL Playoffs will be starting, yet we are supposed to care about two schools who are way more focused on basketball right now than football. Plus, Dave Waanstadt still coaches Pitt. Wanny is the worst coach ever and I spent way too many Bears games watching him coach the team to a loss to ever desire to see him on a sideline again and that includes the times I’ve had to watch him beat ND. Do you know how embarrassing it is to watch your school lose to Dave Freaking Waanstadt?
January 9th
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Nevada vs. Boston College (ESPN): Note to Kraft. If you really want to Fight Hunger why don’t you, I don’t know, donate some of the food in your warehouse? Or maybe lower the price on Macaroni and Cheese? You just know every other commercial is about how we can work to fight hunger when the sponsor is literally sitting on a stockpile of food. Unless this is about some new product that is meant to fight hunger in which I will just throw up my hands in exasperation at what now goes for marketing in today’s world. Just cheer for Boston College and move on with your life.
January 10th
Tostitos BCS National Championship Game: Oregon vs. Auburn (ESPN): This is it. The biggest bowl game of them all, except for the fact that it is not technically a bowl game. Why when the only reason we don’t have a playoff is “to keep the integrity of the bowl system” we don’t have the last game be a freaking bowl game just explains how screwed up the NCAA is. There is not enough moderately priced chips and salsa in this world to make this right.
But at least the game has the two major conference undefeated schools (sorry TCU). Oregon will most likely take the field in fluorescent yellow jerseys in an attempt to either confuse Auburn or destroy every HD television set in the country. Auburn is led by Cam Newton, who will end up having to take a pay cut next year if the NFL doesn’t sign a new collective bargaining agreement. This has the makings of a good game but my gut is really saying Oregon will take this one. Auburn has won a lot of close games and come from behind games and while that shows a ton of talent it also shows that they have been lucky as sin. While Cam Newton has been the best player in the country you also can’t tell me the fact that they essentially loaned him the Heisman knowing that he will have to give it back can’t make things easy for him. Oregon by a touchdown.
That is it. Every bowl game. Now excuse me, I have to curl up in a ball and remember that there is more to life than football.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Of all the Christmas specials out there my favorite one of all time is Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas and it is impossible to find this anywhere. There are three dozen Frosty the Snowman specials but it is impossible to watch this inventive retelling of the Gift of the Magi featuring otters. Here is one of the musical numbers just so we can all relive the wonders of our childhood.
(Also, addendum to last night’s post. It is officially the Progressive Gator Bowl. Typically you don’t hear the words Progressive and Jacksonville in the same sentence. I believe that Glenn Beck is leading a boycott of this game.)
January 3rd
Discover Orange Bowl: Stanford vs. Virginia Tech (ESPN): Do we really need to discover oranges? I am pretty sure that the world is well aware of the fruit. Also, college football has never been the same since we lost the Orange Bowl Halftime Spectacular that took 45 minutes, featured every cruise ship performer wannabe in the Miami area, destroyed the field for the second half and allowed the teams to perform emergency surgery on any players that were injured in the first half. It was pure 80’s decadence at its finest.
Stanford was way better than anyone expected this year. Not that you can ever really root for Stanford other than saying things like, “Well, they’re less arrogant than Berkley students” or “Maybe having a drunk tree as your mascot is a good choice.” Virginia Tech started the season by losing to Boise State and then James Madison and somehow turned their season around completely. This is one of the reasons why a playoff would be nice because it would at least give a team like Virginia Tech a chance even though they started slow. I’ve always liked Virginia Tech so I will cheer for them in the hopes of finding out just what a Hokie is.
January 4th
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Ohio State vs. Arkansas (ESPN): Good pick of teams for the Sugar Bowl which states in its bylaws that is must choose the two teams with the drunkest fanbase possible. This really isn’t that far from the truth. The Sugar Bowl is one of the times of the year that New Orleans bars make a lot of money and one year they were freaking out over the possibility of BYU making it to the game. This is about as close to a meaningful Ohio State – Michigan game that we have seen in years due to Ryan Mallett quarterbacking Arkansas. I still think Ohio State will win just out of force of habit. Tyrell Pryor will bitch about not getting the Heisman as great practice for bitching about not being a first round draft choice, bitching about not getting playing time in the NFL and finally, bitching about being the second string quarterback for the Edmonton Eskimos.
January 6th
GoDaddy.com Bowl: Middle Tennessee vs. Miami (Ohio) (ESPN): Some poor fan bought tickets for this game thinking it was Tennessee vs. Miami. Heck, ESPN might as well promote it that way because I know absolutely nothing about either team. Most people have no idea what GoDaddy.com does either other than make racy commercials that don’t show anything yet direct you to their website in which you can see more racy commercials that don’t show anything. I believe their entire business model is centered on obtaining as much money from people who desire to see Danica Patrick naked without ever providing them with what they hope for. Yet we’ll all tune in to the game thinking “This time they’ll have to show it….”
January 7th
AT&T Cotton Bowl: LSU vs. Texas A&M (Fox): The Cotton Bowl is no longer being played at the Cotton Bowl. Just let that one sink in for a while. I know that the Orange Bowl is no longer played at the Orange Bowl but at least the Orange Bowl no longer exists. The Cotton Bowl is hosting a game this same week yet they are playing it in the new Cowboys Stadium where there is a roof so Jerry Jones could fit his gigantic head in. Apparently no one gives a damn about tradition anymore.
Let’s give it up for Les Miles of LSU, the only head coach who reminds you of that drunk uncle you see during the holidays who tells you stories that are completely false but funny all the same. No other coach uses a gameplan that involves five fake field goal attempts and time management decisions chosen via the Magic 8 Ball. Yet somehow this guy always leads a team to a major bowl game despite showing no knowledge of football whatsoever. That my friends takes talent.
January 8th
BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Kentucky (ESPN): Do people even use compasses anymore? In these days of GPS does anyone literally have a compass with a needle on it that points north? I’m not even going to begin to guess what the bell BBVA is; if they can’t bother getting a more descriptive brand name I’m not going to waste my time googling it. Here it is the first weekend of January, NFL Playoffs will be starting, yet we are supposed to care about two schools who are way more focused on basketball right now than football. Plus, Dave Waanstadt still coaches Pitt. Wanny is the worst coach ever and I spent way too many Bears games watching him coach the team to a loss to ever desire to see him on a sideline again and that includes the times I’ve had to watch him beat ND. Do you know how embarrassing it is to watch your school lose to Dave Freaking Waanstadt?
January 9th
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Nevada vs. Boston College (ESPN): Note to Kraft. If you really want to Fight Hunger why don’t you, I don’t know, donate some of the food in your warehouse? Or maybe lower the price on Macaroni and Cheese? You just know every other commercial is about how we can work to fight hunger when the sponsor is literally sitting on a stockpile of food. Unless this is about some new product that is meant to fight hunger in which I will just throw up my hands in exasperation at what now goes for marketing in today’s world. Just cheer for Boston College and move on with your life.
January 10th
Tostitos BCS National Championship Game: Oregon vs. Auburn (ESPN): This is it. The biggest bowl game of them all, except for the fact that it is not technically a bowl game. Why when the only reason we don’t have a playoff is “to keep the integrity of the bowl system” we don’t have the last game be a freaking bowl game just explains how screwed up the NCAA is. There is not enough moderately priced chips and salsa in this world to make this right.
But at least the game has the two major conference undefeated schools (sorry TCU). Oregon will most likely take the field in fluorescent yellow jerseys in an attempt to either confuse Auburn or destroy every HD television set in the country. Auburn is led by Cam Newton, who will end up having to take a pay cut next year if the NFL doesn’t sign a new collective bargaining agreement. This has the makings of a good game but my gut is really saying Oregon will take this one. Auburn has won a lot of close games and come from behind games and while that shows a ton of talent it also shows that they have been lucky as sin. While Cam Newton has been the best player in the country you also can’t tell me the fact that they essentially loaned him the Heisman knowing that he will have to give it back can’t make things easy for him. Oregon by a touchdown.
That is it. Every bowl game. Now excuse me, I have to curl up in a ball and remember that there is more to life than football.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Of all the Christmas specials out there my favorite one of all time is Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas and it is impossible to find this anywhere. There are three dozen Frosty the Snowman specials but it is impossible to watch this inventive retelling of the Gift of the Magi featuring otters. Here is one of the musical numbers just so we can all relive the wonders of our childhood.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
2010 Bowl Preview: Part Three
Time for Part Three of the Bowl Preview series where we will examine the New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day games. These are the games that you will watch while either a) drunk, b) hungover or c) in a state of complete disbelief that you are going to spend another New Year’s Eve without a girlfriend to the point that the idea of going to a strip club just so you can have some degree of companionship at midnight becomes quite sensible. Not that I have any familiarity with C or anything.
New Year’s Eve
Meineke Car Care Bowl: South Florida vs. Clemson (ESPN): Back when I was a kid we had games like the Blue Bonnet Bowl and the Tangerine Bowl. I still have no idea what the Blue Bonnet Bowl was meant to symbolize other than colored headgear. Then we started appending sponsors name to the front of the game until, starting with the Blockbuster Bowl, the name of the company became the name of the game. Given the financial outlook of Blockbuster maybe we should rethink this use of advertising dollars.
I’ve always liked Clemson and hope that one day they will regain their form as one of the top teams in the nation. They’re just a cool team with orange uniforms, Howard’s Rock and a whole host of traditions. I know nothing of South Florida other than they are in Florida. I think it should be a rule that in order to be in a bowl game I should at least be able to guess what city the school is in.
Hyundai Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Miami (CBS): It is time to replay the legendary Catholics vs. Convicts game! Or, in this case, the “Currently being investigated in the death of two students” vs. Convicts game. (Side note: does anyone have any real info on the story regarding the alleged rape / suicide of the St. Mary’s student? Most of my info has come from blogs and everything sounds all sorts of sketchy. I’d like to have the school come forward with some degree of clarity on the subject.)
Obviously I have a pretty big interest in this game. Notre Dame turned its season around or at least avoided imploding as they had the past few years. The team shows promise but really isn’t that solid of a team. Miami underachieved all year and could easily have made a better bowl game. I’ve watched a lot of both teams and Miami should take this one. Speed kills and Miami just has Notre Dame beat in terms of athletes.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Georgia vs. UCF (ESPN): I’m trying to think if there was a D-1 team from Florida that didn’t make a bowl game this year. I’m pretty sure they all made it in. In fact, all of your New Year’s Eve games involve Florida teams so I’m assuming that this will be declared a holiday in the Sunshine State. Georgia rebounded from being god awful at the start of the year to being good enough to spend New Year’s Eve in Memphis which should at least provide them with a tour of Memphis and some good barbecue. Oh, and just for the record, Illinois went to two bowl games while I was in college. One was the Sun Bowl in El Paso and the other was the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. Yeah, and people wonder why I can be a bitter Illini fan.
Chick-fil-A Bowl: South Carolina vs. Florida State (ESPN): While out Christmas shopping on Saturday (in which I was proud of myself for not ripping a toy out of the hands of a small child) I picked up some Chick-fil-A and they screwed up my order. The strange thing is, this made no impact on my meal at all. Chick-fil-A essentially only has one menu item. Instead of having a chicken breast on a bun I had a chicken breast in nugget form. I’m not sure what this says about the company other than they are surprisingly efficient.
I will always cheer for Steve Spurrier no matter where he coaches if just because he is the only person who calls plays like it is a video game. 2nd and 15 from your own 1? Send out five receivers and play from the shotgun. I hate Florida State for reasons that are too numerous to mention and include people I met when I was 16, which is now so far past half a lifetime ago that I am afraid to do the math. And let’s face it, any school that chants “Let’s go Cocks!” is good enough for me.
New Year’s Day
TicketCity Bowl: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech (ESPNU): Your three important notes for this game. 1) This game is being played in the Cotton Bowl on New Year’s Day and features a team from Texas yet is not the Cotton Bowl. I do not quite understand how that is possible. 2) Not surprisingly, tickets for the TicketCity Bowl are available from scalpers. 3) Given that this game is on ESPNU you will have no chance to actually watch the game. Northwestern had a good squad until their quarterback got hurt and Texas Tech is still getting over the fact that they locked up Craig James’ son in a closet last year. Guess that is why they exiled the game to ESPNU. I can’t bring myself to root for Northwestern as an Illini. Luckily we regained the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, I mean the Land of Lincoln trophy.
Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State (ABC): You know how in baseball they occasionally have Old Timers Games? Where top players from the team’s past come back for an exhibition? Well, this game would be much more interesting as an Old Timer’s Game. Just bring back all the stars from yesteryear and have them suit up. Neither team is very good this year, Urban Meyer is stepping down as Florida’s coach, and Joe Pa is slowly being replaced with robot parts in an attempt to create MechaPaterno. And let’s face it, once MechaPaterno is fully functional we are all doomed to a life of toil in his sunglass factories. Penn State will win because they might as well.
Capital One Bowl: Alabama vs. Michigan State (ESPN): How Michigan State didn’t turn into a bigger story this year is beyond me. They beat Notre Dame on the most insane fake field goal ever and it results in their coach having a literal heart attack. He then comes back to coach the team to a top record despite the fact that they were anticipated to be a middling Big Ten team. Why this didn’t get more play is just a sign as to how much interest lies in the SEC. Alabama won the title last year but could never seem to get on track this year. They were one of the best teams of the year but always seemed to be in a fight for their life. I like Michigan State in this one, which is one of the best games of the year.
(Oh, and for all of the Capital One mascot challenge commercials that I have seen over the years I wish I would actually know what the challenge is. I assume it is some sort of online poll but it would be better if they really did have all of the mascots competing in insane reality show challenges.)
Gator Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Michigan (ESPN2): Remember if you are in Jacksonville and they ask you to leave the bar just leave the bar. (Someone will get the reference.) Anyway, how has Gatorade not stepped up to sponsor the Gator Bowl yet? Easiest sponsorship ever. If this game is anything like the Illinois – Michigan game then they might as well just play it under Arena Football rules. Or Electric Football rules. By the way, why don’t kids ask for electric football sets anymore? They will never learn football strategy from Madden. You have to spend hours setting up your players just so and then sit helplessly as they spin in circles. And yes, I would rather watch plastic figures spin in circles than cheer Michigan.
Rose Bowl Game Presented by VIZIO: Wisconsin vs. TCU (ESPN): If there was a playoff system (and there should be) these would be the two teams to benefit most. TCU is the undefeated team that got screwed out of the title game and Wisconsin was playing better than anyone at the end of the year. Why the NCAA won’t break down and have an eight team playoff is one of those unanswered questions of sports. They’ll make the student athlete claim but then add in a twelfth game for every team plus a conference championship. While TCU is good and it will be interesting to see them in the Big East as they are east of, uh, the Rocky Mountains I am really behind Wisconsin. When the season ended I really couldn’t see anyone in the country beating them and I think TCU is due for a letdown.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Connecticut vs. Oklahoma (ESPN): No, I don’t know why Connecticut is in a BCS game and Michigan State isn’t. No, I don’t know why the Big East is incapable of fielding one team, even an All Star team, worthy of this slot. But, hey, free Tostitos for everyone! Each year there is one BCS game that is guaranteed to be horrible and this year this is it. Hey, you’ll need a break from football by this point anyway.
New Year’s Eve
Meineke Car Care Bowl: South Florida vs. Clemson (ESPN): Back when I was a kid we had games like the Blue Bonnet Bowl and the Tangerine Bowl. I still have no idea what the Blue Bonnet Bowl was meant to symbolize other than colored headgear. Then we started appending sponsors name to the front of the game until, starting with the Blockbuster Bowl, the name of the company became the name of the game. Given the financial outlook of Blockbuster maybe we should rethink this use of advertising dollars.
I’ve always liked Clemson and hope that one day they will regain their form as one of the top teams in the nation. They’re just a cool team with orange uniforms, Howard’s Rock and a whole host of traditions. I know nothing of South Florida other than they are in Florida. I think it should be a rule that in order to be in a bowl game I should at least be able to guess what city the school is in.
Hyundai Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Miami (CBS): It is time to replay the legendary Catholics vs. Convicts game! Or, in this case, the “Currently being investigated in the death of two students” vs. Convicts game. (Side note: does anyone have any real info on the story regarding the alleged rape / suicide of the St. Mary’s student? Most of my info has come from blogs and everything sounds all sorts of sketchy. I’d like to have the school come forward with some degree of clarity on the subject.)
Obviously I have a pretty big interest in this game. Notre Dame turned its season around or at least avoided imploding as they had the past few years. The team shows promise but really isn’t that solid of a team. Miami underachieved all year and could easily have made a better bowl game. I’ve watched a lot of both teams and Miami should take this one. Speed kills and Miami just has Notre Dame beat in terms of athletes.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Georgia vs. UCF (ESPN): I’m trying to think if there was a D-1 team from Florida that didn’t make a bowl game this year. I’m pretty sure they all made it in. In fact, all of your New Year’s Eve games involve Florida teams so I’m assuming that this will be declared a holiday in the Sunshine State. Georgia rebounded from being god awful at the start of the year to being good enough to spend New Year’s Eve in Memphis which should at least provide them with a tour of Memphis and some good barbecue. Oh, and just for the record, Illinois went to two bowl games while I was in college. One was the Sun Bowl in El Paso and the other was the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. Yeah, and people wonder why I can be a bitter Illini fan.
Chick-fil-A Bowl: South Carolina vs. Florida State (ESPN): While out Christmas shopping on Saturday (in which I was proud of myself for not ripping a toy out of the hands of a small child) I picked up some Chick-fil-A and they screwed up my order. The strange thing is, this made no impact on my meal at all. Chick-fil-A essentially only has one menu item. Instead of having a chicken breast on a bun I had a chicken breast in nugget form. I’m not sure what this says about the company other than they are surprisingly efficient.
I will always cheer for Steve Spurrier no matter where he coaches if just because he is the only person who calls plays like it is a video game. 2nd and 15 from your own 1? Send out five receivers and play from the shotgun. I hate Florida State for reasons that are too numerous to mention and include people I met when I was 16, which is now so far past half a lifetime ago that I am afraid to do the math. And let’s face it, any school that chants “Let’s go Cocks!” is good enough for me.
New Year’s Day
TicketCity Bowl: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech (ESPNU): Your three important notes for this game. 1) This game is being played in the Cotton Bowl on New Year’s Day and features a team from Texas yet is not the Cotton Bowl. I do not quite understand how that is possible. 2) Not surprisingly, tickets for the TicketCity Bowl are available from scalpers. 3) Given that this game is on ESPNU you will have no chance to actually watch the game. Northwestern had a good squad until their quarterback got hurt and Texas Tech is still getting over the fact that they locked up Craig James’ son in a closet last year. Guess that is why they exiled the game to ESPNU. I can’t bring myself to root for Northwestern as an Illini. Luckily we regained the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, I mean the Land of Lincoln trophy.
Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State (ABC): You know how in baseball they occasionally have Old Timers Games? Where top players from the team’s past come back for an exhibition? Well, this game would be much more interesting as an Old Timer’s Game. Just bring back all the stars from yesteryear and have them suit up. Neither team is very good this year, Urban Meyer is stepping down as Florida’s coach, and Joe Pa is slowly being replaced with robot parts in an attempt to create MechaPaterno. And let’s face it, once MechaPaterno is fully functional we are all doomed to a life of toil in his sunglass factories. Penn State will win because they might as well.
Capital One Bowl: Alabama vs. Michigan State (ESPN): How Michigan State didn’t turn into a bigger story this year is beyond me. They beat Notre Dame on the most insane fake field goal ever and it results in their coach having a literal heart attack. He then comes back to coach the team to a top record despite the fact that they were anticipated to be a middling Big Ten team. Why this didn’t get more play is just a sign as to how much interest lies in the SEC. Alabama won the title last year but could never seem to get on track this year. They were one of the best teams of the year but always seemed to be in a fight for their life. I like Michigan State in this one, which is one of the best games of the year.
(Oh, and for all of the Capital One mascot challenge commercials that I have seen over the years I wish I would actually know what the challenge is. I assume it is some sort of online poll but it would be better if they really did have all of the mascots competing in insane reality show challenges.)
Gator Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Michigan (ESPN2): Remember if you are in Jacksonville and they ask you to leave the bar just leave the bar. (Someone will get the reference.) Anyway, how has Gatorade not stepped up to sponsor the Gator Bowl yet? Easiest sponsorship ever. If this game is anything like the Illinois – Michigan game then they might as well just play it under Arena Football rules. Or Electric Football rules. By the way, why don’t kids ask for electric football sets anymore? They will never learn football strategy from Madden. You have to spend hours setting up your players just so and then sit helplessly as they spin in circles. And yes, I would rather watch plastic figures spin in circles than cheer Michigan.
Rose Bowl Game Presented by VIZIO: Wisconsin vs. TCU (ESPN): If there was a playoff system (and there should be) these would be the two teams to benefit most. TCU is the undefeated team that got screwed out of the title game and Wisconsin was playing better than anyone at the end of the year. Why the NCAA won’t break down and have an eight team playoff is one of those unanswered questions of sports. They’ll make the student athlete claim but then add in a twelfth game for every team plus a conference championship. While TCU is good and it will be interesting to see them in the Big East as they are east of, uh, the Rocky Mountains I am really behind Wisconsin. When the season ended I really couldn’t see anyone in the country beating them and I think TCU is due for a letdown.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Connecticut vs. Oklahoma (ESPN): No, I don’t know why Connecticut is in a BCS game and Michigan State isn’t. No, I don’t know why the Big East is incapable of fielding one team, even an All Star team, worthy of this slot. But, hey, free Tostitos for everyone! Each year there is one BCS game that is guaranteed to be horrible and this year this is it. Hey, you’ll need a break from football by this point anyway.
Monday, December 13, 2010
2010 Bowl Preview: Part Two
Time for Part Two of the Bowl Preview where we make our way from December 26th through December 30th, otherwise known as “that time you go into the office to work knowing that you won’t actually complete any work because all of the higher ups are on vacation and everyone is catching up on their web browsing.”
December 26th
Little Caesars Bowl: Florida International vs. Toledo (ESPN): I’m not sure if Little Caesars offers a bowl product. After seeing the pictures of the Domino’s Pasta Bowls, which I believed caused me to gain ten pounds just by seeing them on a computer screen, I believe that the only thing that could ruin the concept of pizza is forming it into a bowl shape. This game is in Detroit and thus adds to the misery of the city. Seriously, this is the best that they could get for a bowl game. FIU (with the exception of the legendary Ned) is a school that might not actually exist and they are going up against Toledo, which is like the 20th best school in the state of Ohio. Given that all you need to do to get into Ohio State is a) be born in Ohio and b) have a measurable pulse at the age of eighteen it makes you wonder just who decides to go to Toledo (or Ohio State for that matter.) Watch the game only if they promise you free pizza.
December 27th
AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: Air Force vs. Georgia Tech (ESPN2): For the second straight year I have no idea what AdvoCare is or what V100 is meant to represent. Might be an insurance company, might be a brand of insulation, or might be a secret government plot. All we know is that it took them 100 tries to get it right. And let us also hold a moment of silence for the legacy of the Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl, which will also rank as the best bowl game name ever. I yearn to one day own a house so that I can go into a store and buy a Poulan Weed Eater. Anyway, there is a good chance that there will not be a single pass attempt in this entire game. Both teams run the option, which is either fun to watch or the most boring thing imaginable depending on your point of view. Cheer for Air Force because it is the Independence Bowl and they help to keep us free from bees.
December 28th
Champs Sports Bowl: West Virginia vs. North Carolina State (ESPN): Wow, Champs Sports is still in business? I didn’t know if they survived the latest round of dead malls. This is a matchup of two schools that….ok, I have to admit that I have nothing to say about either school’s football program. I’ll just say that I did drink with several of the basketball coaches from West Virginia one night in KC and that the first college basketball game I ever saw featured Jim Valvano’s North Carolina State team. Just watch Valvano’s ESPY speech and consider it a good night.
Insight Bowl: Missouri vs. Iowa (ESPN): This still refers to Insight.com as opposed to just the theoretical concept of insight though more bowl games do need to be about philosophical concepts. As I write this the game has been taken off the board in Vegas because it looks like most of Iowa is going to be suspended due to one of their players running a “drug house”. They should be cut some slack given that it is Iowa City. No one should have to live in Iowa sober. As a former KC resident (and a firm believer that it should be pronounced Missuorah) I’ll cheer for my former state school mainly due to the fact that Columbia is in the middle of nowhere yet still draws some pretty good bands. Hey, at least the team is better than Kansas this year.
December 29th
Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman: East Carolina vs. Maryland (ESPN): Apparently it can no longer be called war profiteering if you use the money to sponsor sporting events. Seriously, is there a more ominous title for a football game? We all use the “football as war” metaphor but it sounds as though the halftime show will be a tribute to defense contract bidding strategies featuring the original hundred dollar hammer. Maryland is playing in Maryland which guarantees one thing: they will find the most incredible way to blow the game in the last minute. No team tears your heart out quite like Maryland. Plus, East Carolina is the Pirates and that is kind of like a military.
Texas Bowl: Illinois vs. Baylor (ESPN): Woo hoo! My Illini actually made it to a bowl game! Not a real game of course and one that seems to lead to a whole host of chili references but we are a fan base that is overjoyed by the prospect of a .500 season. We don’t ask for much out of Illinois football. Mainly just don’t embarrass us and give us something to watch until basketball practice starts. Of course it is horribly unfair to be playing the Texas Bowl in Texas against a team from Texas but that is just par for the course for the Illini. We’ve had to play games with one end zone, in a blizzard and in Fresno this year. A little adversity isn’t going to stop us. I’ll be wearing my orange for this one.
Oh and I’m not even going to bother getting into the new Big Ten logo and the “Leaders” and “Legends” divisions. I know the divisions weren’t done geographically but couldn’t we have come up with anything better? Like the “It’s all Nebraska’s fault” and “Minnesota still has a football team?”
Valero Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona (ESPN): I used to make fun of this game a lot but after going to San Antonio with Kim I have to say that it is a rather cool place to visit. You wouldn’t immediately think of it as a vacation spot but it is quite nice and one of these days we will probably visit it again. The Alamodome is a strange and ill-designed stadium, though. It seems to be designed for the sole purpose of getting 20,000 people stuck in the same hallway five minutes before the game starts. Oklahoma State is going to win this game by like 40 so that should be exciting. Oh, and though we all know it is an oil company you can’t hear the name Valero without thinking about some guy singing in an Italian restaurant with his bow tie undone.
December 30th
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: Army vs. SMU (ESPN): This game is being played in Dallas at Gerald Ford Stadium. I mention this because I have no idea where that stadium is or to what school it belongs. I’ve studied these things and I have no clue. Besides, Gerald Ford went to Michigan, played football for Michigan, and represented Michigan in Congress. I have no idea why someone would name a stadium for him in Dallas.
Army is in this game, which is fitting since they a) are part of the armed forces and b) use helicopters. SMU is best known for paying its players to the point that they had to cancel the entire football program for a while. This is no different than basically every other school; they were just dumb enough to get caught. I can’t see how one can cheer against Army in a game like this especially if they break out the camouflage uniforms. I mean, how will SMU even be able to see them?
New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Kansas State vs. Syracuse (ESPN): This game is being played in Yankee Stadium, which is going to prove to be quite a challenge for Kansas State fans as they will have to travel to New York and they ain’t never been on a plane before. (Yeah, I know, K State jokes. Easy target. How about this one: the school is trying desperately to convince the fans that even though the team is staying in Manhattan it is not a home game.) While it is cool to watch football in a baseball stadium there really is no reason to be sitting outside in New York at the end of freaking December. I mean, these are two schools that tend to play in real games. Sure it is New York and all but what New Yorker is going to decide that today is the day that they will check out the new Yankee Stadium? Just bizarre. Anyway, a guy from K State cost me a date seven years ago so I have to root for Syracuse. Yes, I know that I am engaged to the woman of my dreams and have had every aspect of my life go the right way for me to reach this point but I’m still bitter.
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: North Carolina vs. Tennessee (ESPN): It must be hard watching a football game sponsored by the same company that is about to foreclose on your house. Given the foreclosure rate in this country I am truly expecting a Farm Aid type charity concert where instead of trying to save the family farm we try to save the family house. I’m serious here, as I was told today not everything in life is ironic. Tennessee is playing in Nashville so it should be fairly obvious who the winner is going to be. North Carolina will just be happy that they can focus on basketball and / or women’s soccer depending on if Roy Williams decides to pay attention this year or not.
Bridgeport Education Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington (ESPN): Ok, I have no idea if this is sponsored by a company called “Bridgeport Education” or if the makers of Bridgeport tires are promoting an “Education Holiday”. Given that I believe we now rank last in math and science the last thing we need is an education holiday though I have to admit they are some pretty damn good tires. The Holiday Bowl is historically the highest scoring bowl game and is required by law to feature at least five trick plays including one that recreates the scene from Lucas. This will be Nebraska’s last time representing the Big 12 before they join the Big 10 as its 12th member, thus making everything very confusing.
December 26th
Little Caesars Bowl: Florida International vs. Toledo (ESPN): I’m not sure if Little Caesars offers a bowl product. After seeing the pictures of the Domino’s Pasta Bowls, which I believed caused me to gain ten pounds just by seeing them on a computer screen, I believe that the only thing that could ruin the concept of pizza is forming it into a bowl shape. This game is in Detroit and thus adds to the misery of the city. Seriously, this is the best that they could get for a bowl game. FIU (with the exception of the legendary Ned) is a school that might not actually exist and they are going up against Toledo, which is like the 20th best school in the state of Ohio. Given that all you need to do to get into Ohio State is a) be born in Ohio and b) have a measurable pulse at the age of eighteen it makes you wonder just who decides to go to Toledo (or Ohio State for that matter.) Watch the game only if they promise you free pizza.
December 27th
AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: Air Force vs. Georgia Tech (ESPN2): For the second straight year I have no idea what AdvoCare is or what V100 is meant to represent. Might be an insurance company, might be a brand of insulation, or might be a secret government plot. All we know is that it took them 100 tries to get it right. And let us also hold a moment of silence for the legacy of the Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl, which will also rank as the best bowl game name ever. I yearn to one day own a house so that I can go into a store and buy a Poulan Weed Eater. Anyway, there is a good chance that there will not be a single pass attempt in this entire game. Both teams run the option, which is either fun to watch or the most boring thing imaginable depending on your point of view. Cheer for Air Force because it is the Independence Bowl and they help to keep us free from bees.
December 28th
Champs Sports Bowl: West Virginia vs. North Carolina State (ESPN): Wow, Champs Sports is still in business? I didn’t know if they survived the latest round of dead malls. This is a matchup of two schools that….ok, I have to admit that I have nothing to say about either school’s football program. I’ll just say that I did drink with several of the basketball coaches from West Virginia one night in KC and that the first college basketball game I ever saw featured Jim Valvano’s North Carolina State team. Just watch Valvano’s ESPY speech and consider it a good night.
Insight Bowl: Missouri vs. Iowa (ESPN): This still refers to Insight.com as opposed to just the theoretical concept of insight though more bowl games do need to be about philosophical concepts. As I write this the game has been taken off the board in Vegas because it looks like most of Iowa is going to be suspended due to one of their players running a “drug house”. They should be cut some slack given that it is Iowa City. No one should have to live in Iowa sober. As a former KC resident (and a firm believer that it should be pronounced Missuorah) I’ll cheer for my former state school mainly due to the fact that Columbia is in the middle of nowhere yet still draws some pretty good bands. Hey, at least the team is better than Kansas this year.
December 29th
Military Bowl Presented by Northrop Grumman: East Carolina vs. Maryland (ESPN): Apparently it can no longer be called war profiteering if you use the money to sponsor sporting events. Seriously, is there a more ominous title for a football game? We all use the “football as war” metaphor but it sounds as though the halftime show will be a tribute to defense contract bidding strategies featuring the original hundred dollar hammer. Maryland is playing in Maryland which guarantees one thing: they will find the most incredible way to blow the game in the last minute. No team tears your heart out quite like Maryland. Plus, East Carolina is the Pirates and that is kind of like a military.
Texas Bowl: Illinois vs. Baylor (ESPN): Woo hoo! My Illini actually made it to a bowl game! Not a real game of course and one that seems to lead to a whole host of chili references but we are a fan base that is overjoyed by the prospect of a .500 season. We don’t ask for much out of Illinois football. Mainly just don’t embarrass us and give us something to watch until basketball practice starts. Of course it is horribly unfair to be playing the Texas Bowl in Texas against a team from Texas but that is just par for the course for the Illini. We’ve had to play games with one end zone, in a blizzard and in Fresno this year. A little adversity isn’t going to stop us. I’ll be wearing my orange for this one.
Oh and I’m not even going to bother getting into the new Big Ten logo and the “Leaders” and “Legends” divisions. I know the divisions weren’t done geographically but couldn’t we have come up with anything better? Like the “It’s all Nebraska’s fault” and “Minnesota still has a football team?”
Valero Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona (ESPN): I used to make fun of this game a lot but after going to San Antonio with Kim I have to say that it is a rather cool place to visit. You wouldn’t immediately think of it as a vacation spot but it is quite nice and one of these days we will probably visit it again. The Alamodome is a strange and ill-designed stadium, though. It seems to be designed for the sole purpose of getting 20,000 people stuck in the same hallway five minutes before the game starts. Oklahoma State is going to win this game by like 40 so that should be exciting. Oh, and though we all know it is an oil company you can’t hear the name Valero without thinking about some guy singing in an Italian restaurant with his bow tie undone.
December 30th
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: Army vs. SMU (ESPN): This game is being played in Dallas at Gerald Ford Stadium. I mention this because I have no idea where that stadium is or to what school it belongs. I’ve studied these things and I have no clue. Besides, Gerald Ford went to Michigan, played football for Michigan, and represented Michigan in Congress. I have no idea why someone would name a stadium for him in Dallas.
Army is in this game, which is fitting since they a) are part of the armed forces and b) use helicopters. SMU is best known for paying its players to the point that they had to cancel the entire football program for a while. This is no different than basically every other school; they were just dumb enough to get caught. I can’t see how one can cheer against Army in a game like this especially if they break out the camouflage uniforms. I mean, how will SMU even be able to see them?
New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Kansas State vs. Syracuse (ESPN): This game is being played in Yankee Stadium, which is going to prove to be quite a challenge for Kansas State fans as they will have to travel to New York and they ain’t never been on a plane before. (Yeah, I know, K State jokes. Easy target. How about this one: the school is trying desperately to convince the fans that even though the team is staying in Manhattan it is not a home game.) While it is cool to watch football in a baseball stadium there really is no reason to be sitting outside in New York at the end of freaking December. I mean, these are two schools that tend to play in real games. Sure it is New York and all but what New Yorker is going to decide that today is the day that they will check out the new Yankee Stadium? Just bizarre. Anyway, a guy from K State cost me a date seven years ago so I have to root for Syracuse. Yes, I know that I am engaged to the woman of my dreams and have had every aspect of my life go the right way for me to reach this point but I’m still bitter.
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: North Carolina vs. Tennessee (ESPN): It must be hard watching a football game sponsored by the same company that is about to foreclose on your house. Given the foreclosure rate in this country I am truly expecting a Farm Aid type charity concert where instead of trying to save the family farm we try to save the family house. I’m serious here, as I was told today not everything in life is ironic. Tennessee is playing in Nashville so it should be fairly obvious who the winner is going to be. North Carolina will just be happy that they can focus on basketball and / or women’s soccer depending on if Roy Williams decides to pay attention this year or not.
Bridgeport Education Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington (ESPN): Ok, I have no idea if this is sponsored by a company called “Bridgeport Education” or if the makers of Bridgeport tires are promoting an “Education Holiday”. Given that I believe we now rank last in math and science the last thing we need is an education holiday though I have to admit they are some pretty damn good tires. The Holiday Bowl is historically the highest scoring bowl game and is required by law to feature at least five trick plays including one that recreates the scene from Lucas. This will be Nebraska’s last time representing the Big 12 before they join the Big 10 as its 12th member, thus making everything very confusing.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
2010 Bowl Preview: Part One
Now that the college football regular season is complete with Army losing once again to Navy, which in term means that Notre Dame ranks somewhere between the two, it is time for me to once again preview each and every one of the bowl games. This will be a multi-night affair as I treat you on what games to watch, players to keep your eyes out for, and explain why one would want to travel to Detroit for a bowl game. Tonight, your pre-Christmas Bowl games.
December 18th
New Mexico Bowl: BYU vs. UTEP (ESPN): This is the first time in almost a decade that BYU is not in the Las Vegas Bowl. I’m telling you, if you go through my past bowl previews you will find more references to BYU fans playing the change machine than I would like to admit. The New Mexico Bowl promotes all things New Mexico, primarily by featuring the halftime entertainment of Weird Al Yankovic.
(Yes, this song has a second part. It’s the encore of Weird Al’s show; not that I’ve attended a dozen or so of his shows or anything.)
Anyway, it’s BYU against the only school in Texas that doesn’t really care about football in a state whose main source of income is tourism dollars from people searching for UFOs. Can’t imagine a better way to start the bowl season.
uDrove Humanitarian Bowl: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State (ESPN): I think uDrove is a wonderful sponsor for a bowl game in Boise. Many of the people in the stands will be wondering just why they are in Idaho and they will be reminded that “Hey, you’re the idiot who drove here.” This is also one of the worst games a team can be sent to because, let’s face it, if you’re Northern Illinois you at least hope that you might get sent to a place that is vaguely warm. Instead you are playing on blue turf in Boise. At least for Fresno State they get a chance to get out of Fresno, a place I assume makes Idaho look exciting. Since this is the Humanitarian Bowl I fully expect three roughing the passer penalties, five late hits and at least one player pulling out a gun like The Last Boy Scout.
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Ohio vs. Troy (ESPN): This is a totally unfair game. We have an entire state against just one guy. However, I have to assume that he is one badass guy if he is willing to step on to a field, look at the other team, and just say “bring it.” Ohio is the team whose mascot attacked Brutus the Buckeye earlier this year and then stated that the only reason he tried out for the mascot position was to have a chance to beat up Brutus the Buckeye. If there is one thing that college football needs it is more full contact warfare between mascots. Anyway, if you are in New Orleans and are attending this game I hope that you are related to one of the players because otherwise there are a lot better things you could be doing in that town.
December 21st:
Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl: Southern Mississippi vs. Louisville (ESPN): I’m sorry but for what I assume is a food product a bowl of Beef ‘O’ Brady’s sounds like the least appetizing thing in the world. I assume that Florence Henderson is the spokesperson but then I am quite concern of what the beef is of, especially since we haven’t seen Christopher Knight on VH-1 recently. This is a classic matchup between the school that Favre attended that by now probably wants to disavow all associations with him and the school that would much rather prefer to just move on to basketball season. I’ll take Southern Miss, just because they are still overjoyed that they didn’t change their team name to the Wranglers.
December 22nd
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. Boise State (ESPN): Oh, what could have been. Both these teams were gunning for a BCS Bowl and all Boise State had to do was beat Fresno State and they would have been showing off their blue uniforms in front of the nation. Instead, they will be playing in front of people who didn’t gamble enough to get comped tickets to Cirque du Soleil. This should be a really good game between teams that should be playing on New Year’s Day. Utah has collapsed near the end of the season and Boise wasn’t as good as we all thought but it should still be a good matchup between the best of the non-BCS schools. Plus, you’ll get to hear the “Em double A (honk honk) CO” jingle at least a dozen times and that is always good.
December 23rd
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Navy vs. San Diego State (ESPN): Oh, so much to talk about here. First off, this is the fun bowl where for the entire season Navy has been penciled in to play here because they signed a contract with the bowl before the season even started. Seriously, this has been Navy vs. opponent all season long. Then, you have the fact that it will be a home game for both teams. Navy has all of the military personnel in San Diego and San Diego State is, well, in San Diego. This should make for a pretty fun atmosphere with vocal crowds, which is something you don’t see very often in the bowls. Navy will win, of course, but it should be fun to watch.
But really this game is all about the sponsorship, which is still the most mind bending one in existence. Because think of the nationwide ESPN audience being told in great detail the wonders of the San Diego County Credit Union. The convenience of their ATMs, their competitive interest rates and the fact that 99% of the country is ineligible to take advantage of the San Diego County Credit Union. I will never understand this sponsorship and I take pity on the announcers who must say the full name of the game. However, they do get to say things like “Their defense is playing poisonous right now, much like the Poinsettia plant is so remember to be careful with it over the holiday season.”
December 24th
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs. Tulsa (ESPN): Ah, Christmas Eve. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Families are gathered in preparation for the joyous occasion. It is a time for calm and anticipation and spending hours sitting and talking with loved ones. Well, fuck that because Tulsa is playing! Screw your family; when else are you going to get a chance to find out what is the more powerful weather pattern: a Golden Hurricane or a Rainbow?
Yes, instead of watching It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story on endless repeat you can watch Tulsa take on Hawaii in a game that means pretty much nothing other than Tulsa gets a really nice vacation on it. Sucks for the Hawaii team for having to stay home for a bowl game but they live in Hawaii so you really don’t have to feel sorry for them. It’s just nice to know that if you are sick of your family on Christmas Eve there is football to watch. Maybe not good football but football.
Best of 120 Minutes: Remember how Elastica was supposed to become this huge band yet you only heard one song ever? It’s still a good song but I always wondered whatever happened to the band. Also, in keeping with the rules of 90’s alternative bands I am going to assume that all three girls are playing bass guitar.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Vedera “The Weight of an Empty Room”
2) Scott Miller and the Commonwealth “Citation”
3) C. J. Chenier “Hot Rod”
4) Ryan Adams “Rock N Roll”
5) Richard Buckner “Impasse”
December 18th
New Mexico Bowl: BYU vs. UTEP (ESPN): This is the first time in almost a decade that BYU is not in the Las Vegas Bowl. I’m telling you, if you go through my past bowl previews you will find more references to BYU fans playing the change machine than I would like to admit. The New Mexico Bowl promotes all things New Mexico, primarily by featuring the halftime entertainment of Weird Al Yankovic.
(Yes, this song has a second part. It’s the encore of Weird Al’s show; not that I’ve attended a dozen or so of his shows or anything.)
Anyway, it’s BYU against the only school in Texas that doesn’t really care about football in a state whose main source of income is tourism dollars from people searching for UFOs. Can’t imagine a better way to start the bowl season.
uDrove Humanitarian Bowl: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State (ESPN): I think uDrove is a wonderful sponsor for a bowl game in Boise. Many of the people in the stands will be wondering just why they are in Idaho and they will be reminded that “Hey, you’re the idiot who drove here.” This is also one of the worst games a team can be sent to because, let’s face it, if you’re Northern Illinois you at least hope that you might get sent to a place that is vaguely warm. Instead you are playing on blue turf in Boise. At least for Fresno State they get a chance to get out of Fresno, a place I assume makes Idaho look exciting. Since this is the Humanitarian Bowl I fully expect three roughing the passer penalties, five late hits and at least one player pulling out a gun like The Last Boy Scout.
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Ohio vs. Troy (ESPN): This is a totally unfair game. We have an entire state against just one guy. However, I have to assume that he is one badass guy if he is willing to step on to a field, look at the other team, and just say “bring it.” Ohio is the team whose mascot attacked Brutus the Buckeye earlier this year and then stated that the only reason he tried out for the mascot position was to have a chance to beat up Brutus the Buckeye. If there is one thing that college football needs it is more full contact warfare between mascots. Anyway, if you are in New Orleans and are attending this game I hope that you are related to one of the players because otherwise there are a lot better things you could be doing in that town.
December 21st:
Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl: Southern Mississippi vs. Louisville (ESPN): I’m sorry but for what I assume is a food product a bowl of Beef ‘O’ Brady’s sounds like the least appetizing thing in the world. I assume that Florence Henderson is the spokesperson but then I am quite concern of what the beef is of, especially since we haven’t seen Christopher Knight on VH-1 recently. This is a classic matchup between the school that Favre attended that by now probably wants to disavow all associations with him and the school that would much rather prefer to just move on to basketball season. I’ll take Southern Miss, just because they are still overjoyed that they didn’t change their team name to the Wranglers.
December 22nd
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. Boise State (ESPN): Oh, what could have been. Both these teams were gunning for a BCS Bowl and all Boise State had to do was beat Fresno State and they would have been showing off their blue uniforms in front of the nation. Instead, they will be playing in front of people who didn’t gamble enough to get comped tickets to Cirque du Soleil. This should be a really good game between teams that should be playing on New Year’s Day. Utah has collapsed near the end of the season and Boise wasn’t as good as we all thought but it should still be a good matchup between the best of the non-BCS schools. Plus, you’ll get to hear the “Em double A (honk honk) CO” jingle at least a dozen times and that is always good.
December 23rd
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Navy vs. San Diego State (ESPN): Oh, so much to talk about here. First off, this is the fun bowl where for the entire season Navy has been penciled in to play here because they signed a contract with the bowl before the season even started. Seriously, this has been Navy vs. opponent all season long. Then, you have the fact that it will be a home game for both teams. Navy has all of the military personnel in San Diego and San Diego State is, well, in San Diego. This should make for a pretty fun atmosphere with vocal crowds, which is something you don’t see very often in the bowls. Navy will win, of course, but it should be fun to watch.
But really this game is all about the sponsorship, which is still the most mind bending one in existence. Because think of the nationwide ESPN audience being told in great detail the wonders of the San Diego County Credit Union. The convenience of their ATMs, their competitive interest rates and the fact that 99% of the country is ineligible to take advantage of the San Diego County Credit Union. I will never understand this sponsorship and I take pity on the announcers who must say the full name of the game. However, they do get to say things like “Their defense is playing poisonous right now, much like the Poinsettia plant is so remember to be careful with it over the holiday season.”
December 24th
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs. Tulsa (ESPN): Ah, Christmas Eve. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Families are gathered in preparation for the joyous occasion. It is a time for calm and anticipation and spending hours sitting and talking with loved ones. Well, fuck that because Tulsa is playing! Screw your family; when else are you going to get a chance to find out what is the more powerful weather pattern: a Golden Hurricane or a Rainbow?
Yes, instead of watching It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story on endless repeat you can watch Tulsa take on Hawaii in a game that means pretty much nothing other than Tulsa gets a really nice vacation on it. Sucks for the Hawaii team for having to stay home for a bowl game but they live in Hawaii so you really don’t have to feel sorry for them. It’s just nice to know that if you are sick of your family on Christmas Eve there is football to watch. Maybe not good football but football.
Best of 120 Minutes: Remember how Elastica was supposed to become this huge band yet you only heard one song ever? It’s still a good song but I always wondered whatever happened to the band. Also, in keeping with the rules of 90’s alternative bands I am going to assume that all three girls are playing bass guitar.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Vedera “The Weight of an Empty Room”
2) Scott Miller and the Commonwealth “Citation”
3) C. J. Chenier “Hot Rod”
4) Ryan Adams “Rock N Roll”
5) Richard Buckner “Impasse”
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Keep the Funk in KC!!!
I saw a car with the license plate “WISDUMB” today. Very seldom am I caught wondering if what I am seeing is brilliant or quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever seen. This one put me in that mode and I have to say that after careful consideration I am going to have to side with the latter.
Also, can someone explain to me why it is impossible to get all of the episodes of the Monkees on DVD? The collection of the series (of which I think there were only two actual seasons) is out of print and I’d be forced to pay an insane amount on Amazon for them. Isn’t this show one of the best things that could ever possibly be on DVD? Who wouldn’t want to own every single episode of the Monkees? This bothers me greatly.
(By the way, apparently my dream of having the Monkees inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is being stopped by Jann Werner of Rolling Stone, who pretty much has the final say in the entire process. So if you ever needed a reason to hate Rolling Stone even more than you already do here you go. Seriously, is there anything more representative of Rock and Roll than the Monkees? Sure they didn’t play their own instruments but isn’t that the entire point? In Rock and Roll certain things like talent, skill or playing in tune aren’t technically required.)
Note to my KC brethren: I finally checked my official blog email (which is seldom read because, well, everyone who reads this knows me in real life except for possibly my fanbase in Brazil) and I have several emails from the Funkhouser reelection campaign. Some people might actually remember that a few years ago I was named an “influential blogger” by the Funkhouser campaign for my innovative campaign slogans like “Bring the Funk to KC” and “We need the Funk” and “Funk this town!” I am not making this up. I was invited to press events and everything which is rather hysterical given that much of the rest of the blog was devoted to describing KC as a cowtown with a distinct lack of cows.
Well, I was able to get Funk elected and then left town before I had to deal with the consequences. That doesn’t mean that I am off the press list though as I am receiving a surprising number of emails from the campaign inviting me to events around town, asking if I want a Funk bobblehead or a t-shirt reading, and I quote here, “Funk your mayor.” It is often said that people get the politicians they deserve. If there is one city more deserving of Funk than KC I have yet to see it.
Also, can someone explain to me why it is impossible to get all of the episodes of the Monkees on DVD? The collection of the series (of which I think there were only two actual seasons) is out of print and I’d be forced to pay an insane amount on Amazon for them. Isn’t this show one of the best things that could ever possibly be on DVD? Who wouldn’t want to own every single episode of the Monkees? This bothers me greatly.
(By the way, apparently my dream of having the Monkees inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is being stopped by Jann Werner of Rolling Stone, who pretty much has the final say in the entire process. So if you ever needed a reason to hate Rolling Stone even more than you already do here you go. Seriously, is there anything more representative of Rock and Roll than the Monkees? Sure they didn’t play their own instruments but isn’t that the entire point? In Rock and Roll certain things like talent, skill or playing in tune aren’t technically required.)
Note to my KC brethren: I finally checked my official blog email (which is seldom read because, well, everyone who reads this knows me in real life except for possibly my fanbase in Brazil) and I have several emails from the Funkhouser reelection campaign. Some people might actually remember that a few years ago I was named an “influential blogger” by the Funkhouser campaign for my innovative campaign slogans like “Bring the Funk to KC” and “We need the Funk” and “Funk this town!” I am not making this up. I was invited to press events and everything which is rather hysterical given that much of the rest of the blog was devoted to describing KC as a cowtown with a distinct lack of cows.
Well, I was able to get Funk elected and then left town before I had to deal with the consequences. That doesn’t mean that I am off the press list though as I am receiving a surprising number of emails from the campaign inviting me to events around town, asking if I want a Funk bobblehead or a t-shirt reading, and I quote here, “Funk your mayor.” It is often said that people get the politicians they deserve. If there is one city more deserving of Funk than KC I have yet to see it.
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