First off, I have to say that I quite disagree with the argument that Leonard dating Penny is even more unlikely than Raj not being able to talk to women based on one simple point: I am dating the woman of my dreams. How can we consider that to be an unlikely occurrence that a science obsessed guy could be with a pretty girl? I got the girl so why can’t others?
(Clarifications: In the previous sentence “got” in no way implies a sense of ownership in the way guys in Ed Hardy t-shirts will talk about “my girl” in roughly the same tone of voice as they refer to “my car” or “my Ed Hardy t-shirt.” Also, “girl” is used as a colloquialism here as Kim is an intelligent and sophisticated woman, which in many ways makes the Penny analogy slightly suspect. “The” is rather self-explanatory and “I” refers to me. Hope that helps.)
(Also, just for those wondering, Kim and I are celebrating our eight month anniversary; yes, our first date was on Valentine’s Day. As Kim eloquently put it, this marks my longest relationship by, oh, roughly seven months. And you know what, for eight months I have been completely unable to get the smile off of my face.)
Switching gears so fast that I probably just blew out a transmission I must officially offer my condolences to the wrestling world on the passing of the legendary Captain Lou Albano. Best known for his penchant for rubber bands (around his beard, pierced through his cheek), presence in Cyndi Lauper videos and starring role as Mario on the Super Mario Brothers cartoon show the Captain passed away today at the age of 76. The manager of champions will be well remembered for all of the tag teams that he led to glory; the majority of which were Samoans as for some reason the WWF tag champs in the seventies were always Samoan. The mystery as to who officially anointed him with the title “Captain” has never been answered. I always assumed that it was nautical in nature.
Other news of the day was the Dow breaking 10,000. This was met with cheers by those of us on the Trade Floor. I’m not making that up; you actually heard a round of applause when we saw five digits for the first time in a year. Now as most people know financially speaking the fact that the Dow broke 10K is meaningless but from a psychological perspective it is very important. Given that at time psychology is more important than economics in understanding the stock market it is something to pay attention to. Basically, it is a sign that the market believes that it has some strength and that there is hope for the future.
The problem is I really have an issue with it. This just does not feel like a 10,000 Dow market to me. We have no job growth and while they say tech and banking is leading the way back I’m just not entirely sold on the fact that the growth is really there. With a jobless recovery I’d feel more confident in the 9,000 range. What I really think is happening is that the dollar is so weak (1.49 to the Euro) that the markets are higher due to the devalued currency. That worries me even more. Still, I was on the record for saying that we wouldn’t see 10,000 until next year at the earliest so take it as a good sign. I hope.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Mistakes? I've made a few...
In honor of the upcoming holiday I thought that I would delve back into the wonderful world of relationship advice. Or more accurately, I’ll give my opinion on the wonderful online advice provided by Yahoo! Personals, which is quite possibly the only dating advice site that results in my calling up my old blueprints on how to build a robotic soulmate. Because that would be much easier than figuring out these instructions.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/62971/5-biggest-dating-mistakes-that-single-men-make
So let’s look at men’s biggest dating mistakes and compare that to my experience. Because let’s face it, if there is a dating mistake out there I have made it.
1) Men show off or try to impress too much: Ok, I understand that my rattling off my resume as though you are a potential employer is probably not the best tactic to make. But aren’t I supposed to talk about myself? If you ask me what I do isn’t it in my best interest to mention my nice job? When you ask where I went to school isn’t it proper to mention my MBA? It’s not showing off if I’m stating facts.
Yes, men should ask questions on the date. We need to show interest about who you are and what you are doing. But I don’t see why I can’t mention my good qualities.
Also, I love the fact that I am instructed to not try to show off where elsewhere on the site it states that if I ever want to have a second date how important it is that I wear good shoes. Because for some reason that is considered to be the best metric in determining someone’s value as a mate.
2) Men don’t listen to us when we’re talking: It’s not that we are not listening. It’s just that there is a rather interesting hockey game taking place over your left shoulder and we are trying to remember who is the goalie for the Nashville Predators. Ninety percent of men find that piece of information to be more important than your discussion of how much you love scrapbooking.
Ok, I’ll admit that I am guilty of this one. But that is just because I get bored easily. I start off every date listening intently and as the date goes on I can feel my interest in the woman and the conversation slowly wane. That is why what I am really looking for in a woman is someone who doesn’t bore me. If you can keep me interested conversation after conversation I’ll pretty much walk through a wall for you.
At least I don’t actively check out other women while on a date. Though if I’m checking my phone it is usually a sign that I am hoping beyond hope that someone will call me to free me from this date because otherwise I am going to have to reach over the bar and stick my hand in the blender just so I will no longer have to listen to the woman talk about her cat.
3) Men aren’t chivalrous: For once, a rule that I am on the right side of. I am old fashioned and caring. I open doors, I walk my date to the door, I even stand on the side nearest the street when we walk side by side so in the situation that a car bounds upon the sidewalk I will go sprawling across the hood instead of her. Except that I’ve had someone break up with me partly because I did all of these things and she thought it was silly. And I screwed up with the librarian solely because I did not pick up the check.
This is why I feel that all relationships should begin with a checklist. A handoff of information telling me whether you want me to be old fashioned or an enlightened male. Every step of the relationship could then follow the flow chart with both parties initialing what steps have been completed. This will make the mating process much more efficient in my mind.
4) Men don’t take initiative: I actually agree with this one. If there is any huge flaw in my dating tactics. Whenever I am out and the woman asks “what do you want to do” my answer is “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” In part this is because like most men it is very difficult for me to change my routine. I can’t really answer the question with “Well, since it is Saturday I typically lie on the couch all day and then go to the bar and get blitzed.” It’s tough to think of activities that do not immediately involve alcohol.
But the main issue here that I deal with is the struggle to find something that is interesting that the woman would not immediately hate. I always feel pressured to make every moment perfect. A relationship is like a minefield to me. I feel as though one wrong step and poof, the woman of my dreams will suddenly disappear. Even worse I don’t have a map to follow. So I try to get her to take the lead because in doing so I hope that I can avoid some of the biggest mistakes. Except that in doing so I show that I have no confidence and without confidence I am pretty much worthless. So the key is to have the courage to make that first step and hope that things don’t turn out too badly.
5) Men say they’ll call and then don’t: I’m sorry but I always call. How about this one. You call the woman, get her voice mail, and leave a message. A few days pass and you call again and leave another message. A week passes and still no response. After consulting with your lawyer you determine that you are allowed one last phone call to state your interest before withdrawing in defeat and despair. In the end, the guy isn’t even acknowledged as existing.
I know I’ve made this rant before but there is nothing in the realm of dating that I hate more than this. I don’t care if you don’t like me and don’t want to see me again. Ok, I care but at least if I know about it I can address it. All I want is the acknowledgement that I exist. This should go both ways. Men should call, women should return the call. It would make things so much more pleasant.
At least I can say that I am improving on this front. Or at least I think I am. Life can be awfully strange sometimes…
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ll keep with the romantic theme with Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter”. Romance is a messy thing and Damien knows how to express that fact.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/62971/5-biggest-dating-mistakes-that-single-men-make
So let’s look at men’s biggest dating mistakes and compare that to my experience. Because let’s face it, if there is a dating mistake out there I have made it.
1) Men show off or try to impress too much: Ok, I understand that my rattling off my resume as though you are a potential employer is probably not the best tactic to make. But aren’t I supposed to talk about myself? If you ask me what I do isn’t it in my best interest to mention my nice job? When you ask where I went to school isn’t it proper to mention my MBA? It’s not showing off if I’m stating facts.
Yes, men should ask questions on the date. We need to show interest about who you are and what you are doing. But I don’t see why I can’t mention my good qualities.
Also, I love the fact that I am instructed to not try to show off where elsewhere on the site it states that if I ever want to have a second date how important it is that I wear good shoes. Because for some reason that is considered to be the best metric in determining someone’s value as a mate.
2) Men don’t listen to us when we’re talking: It’s not that we are not listening. It’s just that there is a rather interesting hockey game taking place over your left shoulder and we are trying to remember who is the goalie for the Nashville Predators. Ninety percent of men find that piece of information to be more important than your discussion of how much you love scrapbooking.
Ok, I’ll admit that I am guilty of this one. But that is just because I get bored easily. I start off every date listening intently and as the date goes on I can feel my interest in the woman and the conversation slowly wane. That is why what I am really looking for in a woman is someone who doesn’t bore me. If you can keep me interested conversation after conversation I’ll pretty much walk through a wall for you.
At least I don’t actively check out other women while on a date. Though if I’m checking my phone it is usually a sign that I am hoping beyond hope that someone will call me to free me from this date because otherwise I am going to have to reach over the bar and stick my hand in the blender just so I will no longer have to listen to the woman talk about her cat.
3) Men aren’t chivalrous: For once, a rule that I am on the right side of. I am old fashioned and caring. I open doors, I walk my date to the door, I even stand on the side nearest the street when we walk side by side so in the situation that a car bounds upon the sidewalk I will go sprawling across the hood instead of her. Except that I’ve had someone break up with me partly because I did all of these things and she thought it was silly. And I screwed up with the librarian solely because I did not pick up the check.
This is why I feel that all relationships should begin with a checklist. A handoff of information telling me whether you want me to be old fashioned or an enlightened male. Every step of the relationship could then follow the flow chart with both parties initialing what steps have been completed. This will make the mating process much more efficient in my mind.
4) Men don’t take initiative: I actually agree with this one. If there is any huge flaw in my dating tactics. Whenever I am out and the woman asks “what do you want to do” my answer is “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” In part this is because like most men it is very difficult for me to change my routine. I can’t really answer the question with “Well, since it is Saturday I typically lie on the couch all day and then go to the bar and get blitzed.” It’s tough to think of activities that do not immediately involve alcohol.
But the main issue here that I deal with is the struggle to find something that is interesting that the woman would not immediately hate. I always feel pressured to make every moment perfect. A relationship is like a minefield to me. I feel as though one wrong step and poof, the woman of my dreams will suddenly disappear. Even worse I don’t have a map to follow. So I try to get her to take the lead because in doing so I hope that I can avoid some of the biggest mistakes. Except that in doing so I show that I have no confidence and without confidence I am pretty much worthless. So the key is to have the courage to make that first step and hope that things don’t turn out too badly.
5) Men say they’ll call and then don’t: I’m sorry but I always call. How about this one. You call the woman, get her voice mail, and leave a message. A few days pass and you call again and leave another message. A week passes and still no response. After consulting with your lawyer you determine that you are allowed one last phone call to state your interest before withdrawing in defeat and despair. In the end, the guy isn’t even acknowledged as existing.
I know I’ve made this rant before but there is nothing in the realm of dating that I hate more than this. I don’t care if you don’t like me and don’t want to see me again. Ok, I care but at least if I know about it I can address it. All I want is the acknowledgement that I exist. This should go both ways. Men should call, women should return the call. It would make things so much more pleasant.
At least I can say that I am improving on this front. Or at least I think I am. Life can be awfully strange sometimes…
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ll keep with the romantic theme with Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter”. Romance is a messy thing and Damien knows how to express that fact.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Basically, make it look like you don't live there
In a bid to make this site more beneficial to my regular readers I have decided to post these helpful hints as to what every single male must do to his apartment before inviting a woman over. Yeah, I know, this is mainly theoretical on my part. It’s nice to know that I can discuss what happened in the first three seconds of the universe’s existence and not be questioned in the slightest but the second I talk about relationships it suddenly becomes impossible to believe that I may have insight into the matter. Still, here is a handy list to use at your convenience.
· Remove all reading material from your bathroom: As the one place it is certain that the woman will enter is your bathroom it is vitally important that you set up that room as if you have never entered it. Thus, remove all books, magazines and other items that you use to avoid the otherwise deadtime in your life.
· Sticking with the bathroom, besides cleaning it, clearly place items that show you take care of yourself but remove those that are too indicative of the fact: All guys have liquid soap. Classy guys like myself have high end cleanser, face scrub and hair gel neatly organized with the labels facing out near the sink. Hide the nose hair trimmer though. As important it is to know that you have a situation there that needs addressing it is not something that you wish to advertise.
· Candles. They come with a catch: You want to have a few small, scented candles scattered around your apartment as proper decorating items. However, there are a number of rules that come with the operation of these candles. 1) They cannot be lit when she enters the room. That indicates that once you hit play on the stereo you will hear the soulful sounds of Barry White and that is not the best first impression to make. 2) They cannot show any evidence of ever being lit. That means that you had another woman over recently and were too lazy to get new candles. 3) Rules 1 and 2 can be ignored if you suffered at least a three day electricity outage in the past two weeks.
· Hide any films starring Bridget the Midget: Note: may not be applicable if one is dating someone who is vertically challenged though on second thought, hide it really well in that case. This goes double if said films also involve clowns.
· Magazines may be neatly arranged on a coffee table taking special care to disguise those that may feature actresses in skimpy attire. It goes without saying that you should keep your collection of Maxim issues out of plain sight. There is a bigger challenge when it comes to GQ and Esquire. These are actually useful magazines that one reads for personal benefit that just happen to occasionally feature a nude Jennifer Aniston on the cover. In that instance, best to hide or in my case, momentarily organize the stack of issues in non-chronological order. While that goes against all principles of natural structure it is a price one must pay.
· Reorganize bookshelves to display most popular and /or impressive books in the most prominent position: You’ll want to use this as a conversation piece so start with what will work, even if that means admitting that you own The Da Vinci Code. Your science fiction collection should be moved down a few shelves. If you’re like me and have an entire shelf dedicated to pro wrestling auto-biographies well, you should just be happy that a woman has voluntarily entered your abode in the first place.
· On that note, hide the pro wrestling DVDs: Though if you meet a woman who goes “why don’t we just snuggle together on the couch and watch The History of the Intercontinental Title DVD” marry her instantly.
· Stock the refrigerator and pantry with items that indicate that you know how to cook and / or take care of yourself: Whether you actually can or do cook is irrelevant. The key is to give the impression that you do. Hence, the fridge should contain some sort of green vegetable as well as something that could be described as fruit. Leftovers should only remain if they are less than one day old and not in a takeout container. While microwave and bag dinners are acceptable they need to be balanced by other items that would at least require turning on the stove to cook. Random spices are also beneficial. And for the love of God, bottled water in the fridge please. She’s going to ask for water and you look like you know what you are doing when you pull out a nice, chilled bottle of water.
· Remove the action figures from your home office: I know Boba Fett is the man. You know Boba Fett is the man. Hell, she knows Boba Fett is the man. For some reason though it is unacceptable to place Boba Fett in his rightful place of honor inside your apartment. For the life of me I do not know why.
That is what I have to start with. Any additions?
Best of 120 Minutes: I’ll leave it to Juliana Hatfield to describe how most of my workouts have been going recently. After another bike ride to nowhere somehow this seems really fitting.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Insiders “Not For Sale”
2) Julie Delpy “Julie Delpy”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Swept Away”
4) Lyle Lovett “Lyle Lovett”
5) Victoria Williams “Water to Drink”
· Remove all reading material from your bathroom: As the one place it is certain that the woman will enter is your bathroom it is vitally important that you set up that room as if you have never entered it. Thus, remove all books, magazines and other items that you use to avoid the otherwise deadtime in your life.
· Sticking with the bathroom, besides cleaning it, clearly place items that show you take care of yourself but remove those that are too indicative of the fact: All guys have liquid soap. Classy guys like myself have high end cleanser, face scrub and hair gel neatly organized with the labels facing out near the sink. Hide the nose hair trimmer though. As important it is to know that you have a situation there that needs addressing it is not something that you wish to advertise.
· Candles. They come with a catch: You want to have a few small, scented candles scattered around your apartment as proper decorating items. However, there are a number of rules that come with the operation of these candles. 1) They cannot be lit when she enters the room. That indicates that once you hit play on the stereo you will hear the soulful sounds of Barry White and that is not the best first impression to make. 2) They cannot show any evidence of ever being lit. That means that you had another woman over recently and were too lazy to get new candles. 3) Rules 1 and 2 can be ignored if you suffered at least a three day electricity outage in the past two weeks.
· Hide any films starring Bridget the Midget: Note: may not be applicable if one is dating someone who is vertically challenged though on second thought, hide it really well in that case. This goes double if said films also involve clowns.
· Magazines may be neatly arranged on a coffee table taking special care to disguise those that may feature actresses in skimpy attire. It goes without saying that you should keep your collection of Maxim issues out of plain sight. There is a bigger challenge when it comes to GQ and Esquire. These are actually useful magazines that one reads for personal benefit that just happen to occasionally feature a nude Jennifer Aniston on the cover. In that instance, best to hide or in my case, momentarily organize the stack of issues in non-chronological order. While that goes against all principles of natural structure it is a price one must pay.
· Reorganize bookshelves to display most popular and /or impressive books in the most prominent position: You’ll want to use this as a conversation piece so start with what will work, even if that means admitting that you own The Da Vinci Code. Your science fiction collection should be moved down a few shelves. If you’re like me and have an entire shelf dedicated to pro wrestling auto-biographies well, you should just be happy that a woman has voluntarily entered your abode in the first place.
· On that note, hide the pro wrestling DVDs: Though if you meet a woman who goes “why don’t we just snuggle together on the couch and watch The History of the Intercontinental Title DVD” marry her instantly.
· Stock the refrigerator and pantry with items that indicate that you know how to cook and / or take care of yourself: Whether you actually can or do cook is irrelevant. The key is to give the impression that you do. Hence, the fridge should contain some sort of green vegetable as well as something that could be described as fruit. Leftovers should only remain if they are less than one day old and not in a takeout container. While microwave and bag dinners are acceptable they need to be balanced by other items that would at least require turning on the stove to cook. Random spices are also beneficial. And for the love of God, bottled water in the fridge please. She’s going to ask for water and you look like you know what you are doing when you pull out a nice, chilled bottle of water.
· Remove the action figures from your home office: I know Boba Fett is the man. You know Boba Fett is the man. Hell, she knows Boba Fett is the man. For some reason though it is unacceptable to place Boba Fett in his rightful place of honor inside your apartment. For the life of me I do not know why.
That is what I have to start with. Any additions?
Best of 120 Minutes: I’ll leave it to Juliana Hatfield to describe how most of my workouts have been going recently. After another bike ride to nowhere somehow this seems really fitting.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Insiders “Not For Sale”
2) Julie Delpy “Julie Delpy”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Swept Away”
4) Lyle Lovett “Lyle Lovett”
5) Victoria Williams “Water to Drink”
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I knew Ted shouldn't have trusted Becky...
As some of you have noticed I now have this little gizmo on the blog that tracks where my traffic originates. It is a rather fascinating little feature especially when it shows that someone in China has read my blog. That just amazes me. I know that with over a billion people the odds of one of them coming across my website is decent but I can’t imagine any of my usual topics interesting someone in Beijing. Maybe there are a surprising number of Lindsay Lohan fans over there.
(And I can’t believe that they’ve decided to cut My Beloved Lindsay’s role on Ugly Betty. I will now officially boycott the show. True, I wasn’t watching it in the first place but now I really won’t watch it.)
The reason I mention this is because I got the biggest smile today when I saw that the circle representing London grew today. To whoever is checking out the site from merry old England a whole load of thanks. It made me feel like I was an international superstar or something.
Completely random TV note: After seeing Sheldon wear one on The Big Bang Theory I’ve decided that I need to get a t-shirt that features the logo from The Greatest American Hero. I think I would wear that shirt every day of my life. I would also carry a boom box playing the theme song, assuming that boom boxes actually still exist. “Believe it or not I’m walking on air…”
Anyway, I’m just in a television mood at the moment and since I am now caught up on How I Met Your Mother I need to discuss what we learned in this week’s episode. As I felt all along, Ted and Stella’s wedding fell apart with Ted essentially being left at the altar. This made sense given that the entire premise of the show is Future Ted telling his kids how he met their mother and you would think they would put the pieces together given that if Stella was their mom they would have a half sister. But it was a little bit of a shock when they actually had Stella in an imagined future scene mentioning that she was their mother.
The more important thing is that this was the first show in ages that felt like a show from the first two seasons when it was actually good. Barney was at his best at the whiteboard calculating precisely how to score with Robin. Robin finally got to do something by arguing with Ted about how he was going way too fast and “that this isn’t the Ted I know.” That is pretty much what all of us fans have been saying as the Ted of the past year has been unlikable and given that he is based on me that is a rather sucky view of my own self. And Marshall and Lilly are funny as always, which is what the show needs.
There was one interesting point raised on the show that I truly want opinions on. The plot hinged on having exes at the wedding and how you don’t want to have them there. While I haven’t come to a wedding question I am really intrigued by how people treat their past relationships. There are some that claim that no guy is friendly with an ex-girlfriend unless he is hoping for their status to change. While I agree that that is initially true with time and distance things can change. I’m friends with people from my past and despite some awkwardness I’m really happy for it.
My question is should I tell a woman that I’ve just started dating that I still talk with an ex-girlfriend? Is this a horrible no no? That even though someone may live states away, that she has moved on her life in such a way that I might as well play Powerball than hope that she will take me back because my odds would be better, that the mere fact that it is known that I care about someone else puts me in a bad spot? Or does it show that I’m mature and understand that not everything works out? I’m really curious as to what people think about this. It would never stop me from being friends with someone from my past but I might change how I present it.
That is all for tonight. Have a great weekend everyone.
(And I can’t believe that they’ve decided to cut My Beloved Lindsay’s role on Ugly Betty. I will now officially boycott the show. True, I wasn’t watching it in the first place but now I really won’t watch it.)
The reason I mention this is because I got the biggest smile today when I saw that the circle representing London grew today. To whoever is checking out the site from merry old England a whole load of thanks. It made me feel like I was an international superstar or something.
Completely random TV note: After seeing Sheldon wear one on The Big Bang Theory I’ve decided that I need to get a t-shirt that features the logo from The Greatest American Hero. I think I would wear that shirt every day of my life. I would also carry a boom box playing the theme song, assuming that boom boxes actually still exist. “Believe it or not I’m walking on air…”
Anyway, I’m just in a television mood at the moment and since I am now caught up on How I Met Your Mother I need to discuss what we learned in this week’s episode. As I felt all along, Ted and Stella’s wedding fell apart with Ted essentially being left at the altar. This made sense given that the entire premise of the show is Future Ted telling his kids how he met their mother and you would think they would put the pieces together given that if Stella was their mom they would have a half sister. But it was a little bit of a shock when they actually had Stella in an imagined future scene mentioning that she was their mother.
The more important thing is that this was the first show in ages that felt like a show from the first two seasons when it was actually good. Barney was at his best at the whiteboard calculating precisely how to score with Robin. Robin finally got to do something by arguing with Ted about how he was going way too fast and “that this isn’t the Ted I know.” That is pretty much what all of us fans have been saying as the Ted of the past year has been unlikable and given that he is based on me that is a rather sucky view of my own self. And Marshall and Lilly are funny as always, which is what the show needs.
There was one interesting point raised on the show that I truly want opinions on. The plot hinged on having exes at the wedding and how you don’t want to have them there. While I haven’t come to a wedding question I am really intrigued by how people treat their past relationships. There are some that claim that no guy is friendly with an ex-girlfriend unless he is hoping for their status to change. While I agree that that is initially true with time and distance things can change. I’m friends with people from my past and despite some awkwardness I’m really happy for it.
My question is should I tell a woman that I’ve just started dating that I still talk with an ex-girlfriend? Is this a horrible no no? That even though someone may live states away, that she has moved on her life in such a way that I might as well play Powerball than hope that she will take me back because my odds would be better, that the mere fact that it is known that I care about someone else puts me in a bad spot? Or does it show that I’m mature and understand that not everything works out? I’m really curious as to what people think about this. It would never stop me from being friends with someone from my past but I might change how I present it.
That is all for tonight. Have a great weekend everyone.
Friday, April 18, 2008
It's not you, it's me...
At happy hour last night my friend Celia asked me for my opinions on how women break up with guys. Since this is a topic that I am very familiar with and as it plays a vital role in my novel I figured that I will use the Messy Room to dig a little deeper into this quandary of human emotions.
Now as I often mention in this space I have been the recipient of an email that stated quite plainly that the sender never wanted to talk to me again. A lot of people would consider this to be a rather harsh and impersonal way to break up with somebody. It is but I will state that it has the benefit of being incredibly concrete. You might replay phone conversations in your mind and go “Oh, she really doesn’t mean that” but with email every time you open it the result doesn’t change. Trust me, I tried. Kept on reopening it and continually saw that she didn’t want to speak to me again along with a full list of bullet points explaining why that was the case and a pie chart emphasizing just what parts of my personality that she found to be so horribly flawed that I wasn’t even worth knowing. Give a guy something in writing and he’ll believe it. The male species does not view the world in shades of gray so while email is impersonal it does get the point across.
(For the record, I should state that two weeks after getting the email (and my responding in such a way that I am too embarrassed to even put it in my novel) she did call me. We’ve been very good friends ever since. This just goes to show a) the world is an irrational place and b) I have such a magnetic personality that no woman could stay away from me for long.)
While I haven’t encountered this, a buddy of mine had the misfortune of dealing with a technological advance and being dumped via a text message. Without a doubt this trumps email in terms of cruelty. I mean if you already have the phone in your hand the least you could do is call. Being broken up with is bad enough; you really don’t want to be told that you are not even worth the use of daytime minutes. But what is worse is that it means that she is going to condense all of her feelings down to 160 characters and maybe put a frowny face emoticon at the end. That is the sharpest cut of all; having everything you feel about a person being summed up in a freaking emoticon.
But even texting is an improvement over what has become the most common and most cruel method that women have used to break up with me: simply not returning my phone calls. You wouldn’t believe how much I hate this. The story goes like this. I meet someone and we start dating and we are a month or two into the relationship. We’re having a ton of fun together, going out, buying her dinner, all of those wonderful early relationship moments. One night when we are both blissfully happy as we kiss goodnight I promise to call her. A day or two later I call and get her voicemail. Leave a message and when I don’t hear back from her for a few days I call her again. When she still doesn’t answer I leave a message and just figure that she is really busy. This continues for several weeks until I finally come to the conclusion of “Hmmm, maybe she doesn’t like me anymore.” Knowing that if I keep up the calls the phrase restraining order will be in my future I make one last call typically ending with, “Call me back if you want otherwise I’ll see you around”, which is a very polite way of me saying “This is your last chance otherwise I’ll see you in hell.”
Now I know why women break up with me this way. I am an incredibly nice guy. That is just my very nature. I don’t provide them with some brilliant reason to just scream at me, toss a drink in my face, yell “You slept with my sister!” and storm out of the bar. Instead they would have to explain to me why it isn’t working out knowing that I will ask what I did wrong when there is nothing that either of us did wrong. Some things are just not meant to be. That is an incredibly difficult conversation to have with someone so it is just easier to not have it and know that eventually the point will be made. What kills me about that is the fact that it makes me a complete non-entity. I get treated as if I don’t even exist and that sucks. I’ll spend a month or two wondering what is going on, realize that I have been dumped without being told, and then spend weeks moping about listening to The Smiths all day. Just acknowledge my existence that is all I ask.
So this leads us to actually having a real conversation to break up with someone. These are also fraught with peril and I have one that I still list amongst the worst moments of my life. Back in college I kind of dated this girl Lori. I say kind of dated because she was a military brat who still officially had a boyfriend in Germany but would spend all of her time with me as I played the role of boyfriend substitute who was waiting for her to finally break up with her boyfriend so we could become an official couple. When she did finally do that she decided to move right pass me and on to a guy who was, for lack of a better term, a complete douche (not that I’m still bitter or anything). As I made one last ditch call to see if I could change her mind she basically thanked me for my time as a boyfriend substitute and said “for the past year I haven’t felt alive but now I do.” Given that for the past year I had been the only one going out with her I had the unnerving feeling that I had just been compared to a chair. Really nice to have around but you have no regrets sending it off to Goodwill once it gets a little scuffed.
(Her roommate Heather told me that she almost strangled Lori that night because of the way she treated me. She couldn’t believe that an amazing guy like me would be turfed like that. I ended up dating Heather for a while. Guess it all worked out in the end.)
This leads us to the final question: How should you break up with me? Talk to me. Look me in the eye and talk to me. Tell me that this isn’t working out; a fact that I already know but haven’t had the courage to believe just yet. Don’t give me a speech about how any woman in the world would want a guy like me because that is obviously not true. If it was you wouldn’t be giving me this speech right now. There is nothing wrong with telling me that I am an amazing, nice guy but that the situation just isn’t right. Not everyone in the world is perfect for each other and while it sucks royally to care about someone and then be told that the wonderful fantasy world that you invented inside your head will never be it is infinitely more palatable than being misled or ignored. A woman who tells me the truth, lets me know that it is over, has my undying respect. I’ll hug her, wish her all the best in the world, and probably give her one last kiss for the road. In a few weeks when emotions have died down I’ll try to be friends once again. I’ll celebrate when she finds the right guy for her even if it isn’t me. You should never fault the happiness of someone you care about.
But treat me like a human being. Acknowledge that I exist and that for one moment you really did, and possibly still do, care about me. Let me know that you hate having this moment as well. Do that and I promise you; you will never have to fear having my write nasty things about you in my blog ever.
Now as I often mention in this space I have been the recipient of an email that stated quite plainly that the sender never wanted to talk to me again. A lot of people would consider this to be a rather harsh and impersonal way to break up with somebody. It is but I will state that it has the benefit of being incredibly concrete. You might replay phone conversations in your mind and go “Oh, she really doesn’t mean that” but with email every time you open it the result doesn’t change. Trust me, I tried. Kept on reopening it and continually saw that she didn’t want to speak to me again along with a full list of bullet points explaining why that was the case and a pie chart emphasizing just what parts of my personality that she found to be so horribly flawed that I wasn’t even worth knowing. Give a guy something in writing and he’ll believe it. The male species does not view the world in shades of gray so while email is impersonal it does get the point across.
(For the record, I should state that two weeks after getting the email (and my responding in such a way that I am too embarrassed to even put it in my novel) she did call me. We’ve been very good friends ever since. This just goes to show a) the world is an irrational place and b) I have such a magnetic personality that no woman could stay away from me for long.)
While I haven’t encountered this, a buddy of mine had the misfortune of dealing with a technological advance and being dumped via a text message. Without a doubt this trumps email in terms of cruelty. I mean if you already have the phone in your hand the least you could do is call. Being broken up with is bad enough; you really don’t want to be told that you are not even worth the use of daytime minutes. But what is worse is that it means that she is going to condense all of her feelings down to 160 characters and maybe put a frowny face emoticon at the end. That is the sharpest cut of all; having everything you feel about a person being summed up in a freaking emoticon.
But even texting is an improvement over what has become the most common and most cruel method that women have used to break up with me: simply not returning my phone calls. You wouldn’t believe how much I hate this. The story goes like this. I meet someone and we start dating and we are a month or two into the relationship. We’re having a ton of fun together, going out, buying her dinner, all of those wonderful early relationship moments. One night when we are both blissfully happy as we kiss goodnight I promise to call her. A day or two later I call and get her voicemail. Leave a message and when I don’t hear back from her for a few days I call her again. When she still doesn’t answer I leave a message and just figure that she is really busy. This continues for several weeks until I finally come to the conclusion of “Hmmm, maybe she doesn’t like me anymore.” Knowing that if I keep up the calls the phrase restraining order will be in my future I make one last call typically ending with, “Call me back if you want otherwise I’ll see you around”, which is a very polite way of me saying “This is your last chance otherwise I’ll see you in hell.”
Now I know why women break up with me this way. I am an incredibly nice guy. That is just my very nature. I don’t provide them with some brilliant reason to just scream at me, toss a drink in my face, yell “You slept with my sister!” and storm out of the bar. Instead they would have to explain to me why it isn’t working out knowing that I will ask what I did wrong when there is nothing that either of us did wrong. Some things are just not meant to be. That is an incredibly difficult conversation to have with someone so it is just easier to not have it and know that eventually the point will be made. What kills me about that is the fact that it makes me a complete non-entity. I get treated as if I don’t even exist and that sucks. I’ll spend a month or two wondering what is going on, realize that I have been dumped without being told, and then spend weeks moping about listening to The Smiths all day. Just acknowledge my existence that is all I ask.
So this leads us to actually having a real conversation to break up with someone. These are also fraught with peril and I have one that I still list amongst the worst moments of my life. Back in college I kind of dated this girl Lori. I say kind of dated because she was a military brat who still officially had a boyfriend in Germany but would spend all of her time with me as I played the role of boyfriend substitute who was waiting for her to finally break up with her boyfriend so we could become an official couple. When she did finally do that she decided to move right pass me and on to a guy who was, for lack of a better term, a complete douche (not that I’m still bitter or anything). As I made one last ditch call to see if I could change her mind she basically thanked me for my time as a boyfriend substitute and said “for the past year I haven’t felt alive but now I do.” Given that for the past year I had been the only one going out with her I had the unnerving feeling that I had just been compared to a chair. Really nice to have around but you have no regrets sending it off to Goodwill once it gets a little scuffed.
(Her roommate Heather told me that she almost strangled Lori that night because of the way she treated me. She couldn’t believe that an amazing guy like me would be turfed like that. I ended up dating Heather for a while. Guess it all worked out in the end.)
This leads us to the final question: How should you break up with me? Talk to me. Look me in the eye and talk to me. Tell me that this isn’t working out; a fact that I already know but haven’t had the courage to believe just yet. Don’t give me a speech about how any woman in the world would want a guy like me because that is obviously not true. If it was you wouldn’t be giving me this speech right now. There is nothing wrong with telling me that I am an amazing, nice guy but that the situation just isn’t right. Not everyone in the world is perfect for each other and while it sucks royally to care about someone and then be told that the wonderful fantasy world that you invented inside your head will never be it is infinitely more palatable than being misled or ignored. A woman who tells me the truth, lets me know that it is over, has my undying respect. I’ll hug her, wish her all the best in the world, and probably give her one last kiss for the road. In a few weeks when emotions have died down I’ll try to be friends once again. I’ll celebrate when she finds the right guy for her even if it isn’t me. You should never fault the happiness of someone you care about.
But treat me like a human being. Acknowledge that I exist and that for one moment you really did, and possibly still do, care about me. Let me know that you hate having this moment as well. Do that and I promise you; you will never have to fear having my write nasty things about you in my blog ever.
Monday, March 24, 2008
The harpist in the garden...
First off, I hope that everyone had a very merry Dyngus Day today. What, you don’t know what Dyngus Day is? It is simply the best holiday ever. Consider it a reverse Mardi Gras. Well, not in the “I’ll give you beads if you put your shirt back on” sense of the term but from a theological standpoint it is very similar. See, on Mardi Gras you go wild because it is your last chance to have fun before you have to give up all of your bad habits for Lent. Dyngus Day works the same way as it is the day after Easter and we can go back to our ways of sin and debauchery. Also, sauerkraut is involved. Don’t ask me why, it just is.
Actually, back in my Czech homeland we would celebrate this day in the following way. A young single male such as myself would sneak into the house of the girl he was pining for, pour water over her head while she slept, and then whip her across the legs with long twigs. I’m not making this up. It says so on Wikipedia and we all know Wikipedia doesn’t lie. Sometimes I wonder why we left the old country behind. I think this would be a great tradition to continue, restraining orders aside.
Speaking of things that are going to result in a restraining order after a week of careful deliberation I have come up with my solution to the Say Anything dilemma. Since I no longer have a boom box and holding an iPod docking station over my head seems rather pathetic I have decided that I must up the ante. Yes, one day a lucky lady will find myself outside her window with a backing band. And since I have money and a strange sense of humor it won’t be any band; it will be The Polyphonic Spree. Imagine the sight: waking up to see twenty five people dressed in white choir robes dancing and singing and playing music in someone’s yard while I directed the action in an attempt to prove my undying love for whoever was at that moment most likely calling the cops. That said, I don’t thinking being too awesome for words should technically be considered a crime.
(To get a sense of what this would be like they kind of did this on an episode of Scrubs. And I do look like Zach Braff if I lose the glasses and intentionally dishevel my hair as opposed to its usual unintentionally disheveled state.)
I have a couple of notes on The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother that I have been meaning to mention. First off, while I will always consider myself to be a Fitzgerald in search of his Zelda or a Gatsby in search of his Daisy it might be better if I just say that I am a Leonard in search of his Penny. True, I prefer the Fitzgerald reference (even if he did die an alcoholic in Hollywood) and Gatsby certainly had more style (being shot to death in his pool aside) the Leonard reference is probably more accurate. That’s pretty much me. Good guy, too smart for his own good, who wants to fall in love and be in a relationship but can’t because his brain always seems to get in the way. Also, he did hook up with Darlene from Roseanne so he does have that going for him.
Best reference in last week’s show that explains how my mind works: The guys wiring up their entire apartment so that they can control everything through the internet and then granting open access to the entire world to turn their lights on and off. Why? Because they can. Is there another reason?
I watched last week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother last night and once again that show seemed to be taken from my life. It’s kind of stunning given what I had written right before I watched it. Ted, my slightly cooler alter ego, goes too far one night, wakes up with a black eye, and is finally shown that he is going in the wrong direction. Pretty much dead on to what I’m going through; that realization that you have become someone you don’t particularly like. Since Ted apparently picked up the umbrella of his future life we can only hope that both of our lives are headed in the right direction.
Also, tonight’s episode was classic with the two minute date. Sure, you might not be able to get that to work so flawlessly in real life but in terms of turning a no into a yes it is probably a great move. Plus, I loved the fact that it showed that trying all of the games and schemes failed miserably mainly because I can’t pull them off. Maybe if I just be who I am then things will work out. Wow, be myself. That idea is so crazy it just might work.
Oh, and Brit’s performance tonight? Not bad. She didn’t set the set on fire or anything. I’m speaking literally here as in the fire department was not called in. It was a pretty harmless guest spot, she didn’t blow a line or seem completely out of it and if you ignored everything that has happened in the past few years it would seem pretty inconsequential. For her, this can be considered progress.
Actually, back in my Czech homeland we would celebrate this day in the following way. A young single male such as myself would sneak into the house of the girl he was pining for, pour water over her head while she slept, and then whip her across the legs with long twigs. I’m not making this up. It says so on Wikipedia and we all know Wikipedia doesn’t lie. Sometimes I wonder why we left the old country behind. I think this would be a great tradition to continue, restraining orders aside.
Speaking of things that are going to result in a restraining order after a week of careful deliberation I have come up with my solution to the Say Anything dilemma. Since I no longer have a boom box and holding an iPod docking station over my head seems rather pathetic I have decided that I must up the ante. Yes, one day a lucky lady will find myself outside her window with a backing band. And since I have money and a strange sense of humor it won’t be any band; it will be The Polyphonic Spree. Imagine the sight: waking up to see twenty five people dressed in white choir robes dancing and singing and playing music in someone’s yard while I directed the action in an attempt to prove my undying love for whoever was at that moment most likely calling the cops. That said, I don’t thinking being too awesome for words should technically be considered a crime.
(To get a sense of what this would be like they kind of did this on an episode of Scrubs. And I do look like Zach Braff if I lose the glasses and intentionally dishevel my hair as opposed to its usual unintentionally disheveled state.)
I have a couple of notes on The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother that I have been meaning to mention. First off, while I will always consider myself to be a Fitzgerald in search of his Zelda or a Gatsby in search of his Daisy it might be better if I just say that I am a Leonard in search of his Penny. True, I prefer the Fitzgerald reference (even if he did die an alcoholic in Hollywood) and Gatsby certainly had more style (being shot to death in his pool aside) the Leonard reference is probably more accurate. That’s pretty much me. Good guy, too smart for his own good, who wants to fall in love and be in a relationship but can’t because his brain always seems to get in the way. Also, he did hook up with Darlene from Roseanne so he does have that going for him.
Best reference in last week’s show that explains how my mind works: The guys wiring up their entire apartment so that they can control everything through the internet and then granting open access to the entire world to turn their lights on and off. Why? Because they can. Is there another reason?
I watched last week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother last night and once again that show seemed to be taken from my life. It’s kind of stunning given what I had written right before I watched it. Ted, my slightly cooler alter ego, goes too far one night, wakes up with a black eye, and is finally shown that he is going in the wrong direction. Pretty much dead on to what I’m going through; that realization that you have become someone you don’t particularly like. Since Ted apparently picked up the umbrella of his future life we can only hope that both of our lives are headed in the right direction.
Also, tonight’s episode was classic with the two minute date. Sure, you might not be able to get that to work so flawlessly in real life but in terms of turning a no into a yes it is probably a great move. Plus, I loved the fact that it showed that trying all of the games and schemes failed miserably mainly because I can’t pull them off. Maybe if I just be who I am then things will work out. Wow, be myself. That idea is so crazy it just might work.
Oh, and Brit’s performance tonight? Not bad. She didn’t set the set on fire or anything. I’m speaking literally here as in the fire department was not called in. It was a pretty harmless guest spot, she didn’t blow a line or seem completely out of it and if you ignored everything that has happened in the past few years it would seem pretty inconsequential. For her, this can be considered progress.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
What's the world got in store...
So after a week of writing about Valentine’s Day, begging for dates and just being my old bitter self I feel compelled to address the comments on my romantic prospects. Or, to put in bluntly, just what the hell am I doing here? How in the world have I not picked up a girlfriend by now?
As someone who constantly uses football metaphors in discussing relationships I appreciate being referred to as “a late round steal of a draft pick.” That’s probably the best description of myself that I could ever come up with. I’m not flashy, I’m not the guy who walks into the bar and has every girl wanting to be with him. I don’t look like a movie star, I look like one of the accountants who tabulates the votes for the Oscars. But, as I’ve always been told I’m not the type of guy you want to date, I’m the type of guy you want to marry. I accepted this when I was in college. Now it worries me a bit more. You’d think it would have come true by now.
So why hasn’t it happened? Some of it is just dumb luck. On several occasions I’ve met and gone out with someone I felt was right for me. But then one of us had to move away or the time wasn’t right in our lives or events just got in the way. If things were different maybe things would have worked out or maybe they wouldn’t have. It really doesn’t matter. That’s just life. The question is why I don’t try harder.
Part of it is that I’m just a naturally shy person. That’s strange coming from someone who posts his every thought for the world to see but it is true. I tend to keep to myself and it takes a while to figure out what type of person I really am. So going out and meeting people and taking that risk of asking someone out is a bit of a stressor to me.
I don’t think I’m entirely afraid of rejection, at least not in terms of asking someone out. Those rejections tend not to bother me. Some people don’t like me, not a big deal. I’m much more bothered by the breakups or in my case the breakups without actually breaking up. Since I’ve moved here I’ve never had anyone go “I’m sorry EC but it’s just not working out.” They just stop returning my calls. If there is one thing that I can’t stand about dating it is that. Call me an asshole, call me an arrogant prick, say that you can’t date someone who owns his own lightsaber but at least acknowledge my existence. I really get sick of spending a month calling the girl, getting her voicemail and continuing the charade until I start wondering when the stalking charge is going to be filed. Just tell me you don’t like me. I know it’s a tough thing to say to a nice guy but I would appreciate the honesty.
(And trust me, when the Clone Wars begin (and they will) you will wish that you had someone with his own lightsaber by your side.)
But the big question that was posed in the comments is the fact that I’m not in a relationship what bugs me or the fact that I haven’t found the right girl that is an issue. I’d have to say it is the latter. I don’t define myself by who I am with and I can have fun by myself. No one understands that going to a concert by myself can be a ton of fun but it is. What bothers me is that I haven’t been able to meet that one person who keeps my interest and makes me feel those brief moments of infinity that you get when you fall in love. And I know she is out there somewhere and I just haven’t caught her at the right moment yet.
Do I have too high of standards? Most likely. Do I take enough risks and go out just to see what happens? Nowhere near enough. Are these addressable issues? Thankfully yes. There is hope for me after all.
So what happens now? I’m in a bit of a weird spot. I’ll almost certainly be moving in the next couple of months. That is a benefit for me as I tend to meet someone when I know I’ll be gone soon. That way I don’t fear failure as much. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? If I screw up horribly it’s not like I’m going to be running into her on a regular basis. That helps to put me at ease. I think mainly what I want to do is just get myself in the mindset of putting myself out there and seeing what will happen. Waiting isn’t benefiting me anymore. I just have to go up to the plate and start swinging.
I’m not sure if this post makes sense. It probably doesn’t help that I was listening to the Obama victory speech while writing it. But I really do want to find someone in this world who will be there for me. And I know she’s out there and that while I’m not a knight in shining armor I’m a nice guy with a propensity to speak in Monty Python quotes. That has to count for something in this world. All I have to do is find her. Shouldn’t be too difficult now, could it?
As someone who constantly uses football metaphors in discussing relationships I appreciate being referred to as “a late round steal of a draft pick.” That’s probably the best description of myself that I could ever come up with. I’m not flashy, I’m not the guy who walks into the bar and has every girl wanting to be with him. I don’t look like a movie star, I look like one of the accountants who tabulates the votes for the Oscars. But, as I’ve always been told I’m not the type of guy you want to date, I’m the type of guy you want to marry. I accepted this when I was in college. Now it worries me a bit more. You’d think it would have come true by now.
So why hasn’t it happened? Some of it is just dumb luck. On several occasions I’ve met and gone out with someone I felt was right for me. But then one of us had to move away or the time wasn’t right in our lives or events just got in the way. If things were different maybe things would have worked out or maybe they wouldn’t have. It really doesn’t matter. That’s just life. The question is why I don’t try harder.
Part of it is that I’m just a naturally shy person. That’s strange coming from someone who posts his every thought for the world to see but it is true. I tend to keep to myself and it takes a while to figure out what type of person I really am. So going out and meeting people and taking that risk of asking someone out is a bit of a stressor to me.
I don’t think I’m entirely afraid of rejection, at least not in terms of asking someone out. Those rejections tend not to bother me. Some people don’t like me, not a big deal. I’m much more bothered by the breakups or in my case the breakups without actually breaking up. Since I’ve moved here I’ve never had anyone go “I’m sorry EC but it’s just not working out.” They just stop returning my calls. If there is one thing that I can’t stand about dating it is that. Call me an asshole, call me an arrogant prick, say that you can’t date someone who owns his own lightsaber but at least acknowledge my existence. I really get sick of spending a month calling the girl, getting her voicemail and continuing the charade until I start wondering when the stalking charge is going to be filed. Just tell me you don’t like me. I know it’s a tough thing to say to a nice guy but I would appreciate the honesty.
(And trust me, when the Clone Wars begin (and they will) you will wish that you had someone with his own lightsaber by your side.)
But the big question that was posed in the comments is the fact that I’m not in a relationship what bugs me or the fact that I haven’t found the right girl that is an issue. I’d have to say it is the latter. I don’t define myself by who I am with and I can have fun by myself. No one understands that going to a concert by myself can be a ton of fun but it is. What bothers me is that I haven’t been able to meet that one person who keeps my interest and makes me feel those brief moments of infinity that you get when you fall in love. And I know she is out there somewhere and I just haven’t caught her at the right moment yet.
Do I have too high of standards? Most likely. Do I take enough risks and go out just to see what happens? Nowhere near enough. Are these addressable issues? Thankfully yes. There is hope for me after all.
So what happens now? I’m in a bit of a weird spot. I’ll almost certainly be moving in the next couple of months. That is a benefit for me as I tend to meet someone when I know I’ll be gone soon. That way I don’t fear failure as much. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? If I screw up horribly it’s not like I’m going to be running into her on a regular basis. That helps to put me at ease. I think mainly what I want to do is just get myself in the mindset of putting myself out there and seeing what will happen. Waiting isn’t benefiting me anymore. I just have to go up to the plate and start swinging.
I’m not sure if this post makes sense. It probably doesn’t help that I was listening to the Obama victory speech while writing it. But I really do want to find someone in this world who will be there for me. And I know she’s out there and that while I’m not a knight in shining armor I’m a nice guy with a propensity to speak in Monty Python quotes. That has to count for something in this world. All I have to do is find her. Shouldn’t be too difficult now, could it?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
A waltz for a night...
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m not making the following story up.
Last night I dreamt that I was dating Julie Delpy. Well, not actually dating. There was this big connection between us but she wasn’t sure about the whole relationship thing and needed time to take a walk and think things over. (Even in my dreams I have a hard time getting the girl.) As she was getting dressed to leave my hotel room in London I complimented her on her cool outfit and her bracelet that was made out of dice from a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Yep, the literal girl of my dreams would wear jewelry consisting of 12 sided dies.
Sometimes my level of geekitude astounds even me.
I mention Julie a lot in this blog (and post her picture and review her movies and whatever else I can think of). I’m not even sure any more how I became a fan. It literally may have been a review of Killing Zoe for all I know. But she just represents everything that I’m looking for in a woman. Beauty, intelligence, quirkiness, it’s all there. Oh, and she plays guitar and sings as this clip from Before Sunset shows. She’s number one on my Perfect Mate list and if she knocked on my door and went “EC, want to get married?” I’d say yes in a second. And then probably faint.
(Plus it’s my blog and for a three year anniversary present I owe myself a purely indulgent Julie Delpy video.)
Changing subjects, after tabulating the votes from both the comments and trivia night the final tally is “EC is a moron” five and “Let’s hear it for gender equality” zero. Wow, this might explain a lot of my problems. Now my point of view has always been if when the check hits the table if she immediately reaches for her purse just don’t argue. That’s a result of my belief that confrontation should be avoided if at all possible. If there’s a delay, feel free to volunteer to pick up the check but otherwise I thought we had moved on to splitting it on the first date. Apparently, this might be the first part of the root cause analysis of my social life.
(This does disagree with what Mystery taught me, though. Mystery clearly states that you must demonstrate higher value and by immediately buying drinks or dinner you are showing that you believe that you have to pay her for her time whereas your personality and company should be payment enough. At a bar his idea was have her pay for the first round and you’ll pay for the second. I’m not saying that’s right, I’m just saying that it works for Matador and J-Dog.)
There was one comment though that I really want to touch on. It’s the idea that if you buy the girl dinner she then feels a further obligation to you. I find that to be false in my experience as I have bought dinner only to have the girl never return my calls or in fact, acknowledge my very existence. If there was some agreement to meet again, even if it was stated during the dinner itself, it appears to be non-binding and can be broken with no requirement to inform the other party. I have no problem with buying dinner, in fact I’d probably prefer it. I have no issues with someone saying, “Look, this just isn’t going to work. It’s been fun but it’s not going to happen.” That’s life and not everyone is perfect for each other. I just hate the “I’ll just ignore you and at some point you’ll get the hint” aspect of it. And buying dinner doesn’t mean I’m owed another date. I would just hope to be owed acknowledgement.
Closing Random Note: While driving home today I passed a subdivision entrance with a sign “Hemlock Drive”. I figure that when I build a subdivision I am going to follow that theme and have “Cyanide Lane” and “Anthrax Boulevard”. Ah Kansas, where people read Shakespeare but don’t bother to have a dictionary nearby.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Maybe I don't wanna know what love is...
I have to admit, this entire Air Supply concert on Wednesday night fascinates me in the same way that car wrecks cause everyone to slow down on an expressway. It’s one thing to try to envision what it is like to see Air Supply in concert on Valentine’s Day. I mean, how do you spring that on your significant other? “Hey baby, for our special day let’s go see a vaguely popular band from the early 80’s. No, not the one with the guy who always wore a headband. That’s Foreigner.” Add that to the fact that the show is in a casino that, and I’m not making this up, decided to stay open this week after a chemical plant exploded one mile away sending potentially toxic smoke into the air. I’m pretty sure that if I sprung this on my Canadian girlfriend it would be grounds for a breakup.
(Luckily, that’s not an option for me given that she is in Vancouver and all. What? No, I’m not making her up. Why would you think that?)
But this is what just blows my mind about this whole Air Supply thing. I wrote this same spiel in the blog last year because they had the exact same concert. Yes, this is the second straight year of Air Supply playing a Valentine’s Day gig in Kansas City. This means that not only did the show sell enough tickets last year to warrant a return trip but they are now trying to turn this into a tradition. There aren’t many traditions in Kansas City besides celebrating the Royals elimination from playoff contention in mid-May and, well, this isn’t one that I would try to pin my civic pride on. Again, part of me wants to go to show because it has the possibility of being the most unintentionally funny thing I’ll see all year. It also could be the most depressing event of the year, which will probably lead me to just hang around a bar and paying for my bar tab by answering trivia questions.
Staying on the relationship front, I read this stat today that interested me. It said that 55 percent of men had made a mix CD as a romantic gesture. First off, I was actually surprised that it was that low. For some reason I expected that this was just standard procedure. But what interests me more is what they didn’t ask in this survey, which is whether or not this romantic gesture actually worked or not. My feeling is that this number is a hell of a lot less than 55 percent and probably explains why a portion of the male population is smart enough not to make mix tapes. Maybe this is just my experience, which given the fact that my mix CDs tend to be met with reactions like “Please don’t ever speak to me again” and “We really should be talking through our lawyers” might not be typical. (Though for some reason those reactions always come with phrases like “By the way, where did you find out about Sufjan Stevens? His stuff is awesome.”)
On that note, I’m going to take an early night from the blog so I can sit back and watch Before Sunset one more time. I might be a cynical bastard a lot of the time but I sure like to think that one day I’ll have the girl of my dreams magically reappear into my life while I’m on a book tour. And if she looks surprisingly like Julie Delpy and plays guitar I would definitely miss my plane back to the States.
(Luckily, that’s not an option for me given that she is in Vancouver and all. What? No, I’m not making her up. Why would you think that?)
But this is what just blows my mind about this whole Air Supply thing. I wrote this same spiel in the blog last year because they had the exact same concert. Yes, this is the second straight year of Air Supply playing a Valentine’s Day gig in Kansas City. This means that not only did the show sell enough tickets last year to warrant a return trip but they are now trying to turn this into a tradition. There aren’t many traditions in Kansas City besides celebrating the Royals elimination from playoff contention in mid-May and, well, this isn’t one that I would try to pin my civic pride on. Again, part of me wants to go to show because it has the possibility of being the most unintentionally funny thing I’ll see all year. It also could be the most depressing event of the year, which will probably lead me to just hang around a bar and paying for my bar tab by answering trivia questions.
Staying on the relationship front, I read this stat today that interested me. It said that 55 percent of men had made a mix CD as a romantic gesture. First off, I was actually surprised that it was that low. For some reason I expected that this was just standard procedure. But what interests me more is what they didn’t ask in this survey, which is whether or not this romantic gesture actually worked or not. My feeling is that this number is a hell of a lot less than 55 percent and probably explains why a portion of the male population is smart enough not to make mix tapes. Maybe this is just my experience, which given the fact that my mix CDs tend to be met with reactions like “Please don’t ever speak to me again” and “We really should be talking through our lawyers” might not be typical. (Though for some reason those reactions always come with phrases like “By the way, where did you find out about Sufjan Stevens? His stuff is awesome.”)
On that note, I’m going to take an early night from the blog so I can sit back and watch Before Sunset one more time. I might be a cynical bastard a lot of the time but I sure like to think that one day I’ll have the girl of my dreams magically reappear into my life while I’m on a book tour. And if she looks surprisingly like Julie Delpy and plays guitar I would definitely miss my plane back to the States.
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