More on Va Tech

Have a few more things to say about the shootings at Virginia Tech. I’ve been kind of drawn to CNN and the other news networks the past few nights. I’m not sure why, it’s not as if I feel that there is going to be a great revelation and today did mark the return of the screaming head of Nancy Grace, who shouldn’t be allowed on television much less a major news network. But, I always have to watch these stories in an attempt to just answer the question why. It’s a tough one to answer.

(At some point I have to stop watching just because the news is too sad and depressing and you feel completely helpless in the process. It’s not healthy to go days where your only emotion is sadness.)

The first point is based on what I wrote on Monday. I did immediately assume that the shooter was an engineering student. This was based entirely on the fact that Virginia Tech has a strong engineering program and that in the past, engineers have been involved in campus shootings. I never would have expected that this would be the work of an English major. I know that this is stereotyping of a degree but that doesn’t seem to be a major that a loner would be drawn to. That and the fact that his writing did and would show what was going on in his mind. It’s sad that they weren’t able to get him the help that he needed. I’m not sure what else could have been done.

I’ll still stand by my claim that engineering programs have to address the fact that it is a high stress major filled with people who aren’t always equipped to handle that type of pressure. I’m not implying that it is a dangerous field or anything. I am extremely proud that I have a degree in electrical engineering and that I worked my way through the program. But, if I had some dark moments in that process and I know others that did as well you have to wonder what will happen when someone who doesn’t have a support network faces those type of stresses.

The second point is based on an interview I saw on Chris Matthews. It was with a student who was a suite mate of the shooter and Matthews grilled him on the relationship with him. And I mean grilled him, they were harsh questions to ask a twenty year old who just discovered that a mass murder watched television in his living room. What this student mainly said is that he tried talking to Cho but he never said anything or showed any emotion. He wasn’t even sure if he spoke English. After a few weeks he just started to leave him alone.

Chris Matthews couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t fathom how you wouldn’t tell anyone if a roommate just kept to himself and didn’t interact. The fact is, his roommate’s reaction seems completely reasonable to me. Anyone who has had to deal with roommates assigned randomly knows that at some point you deal with someone strange. In a best case scenario a roommate is your best friend, usually what you hope for is someone that you can stand. If the guy just doesn’t talk and doesn’t interact you just give him a wide berth. It isn’t that you are callous and uncaring, it is simply the easiest way to deal with an awkward situation with someone who is a complete stranger. It really isn’t that unusual of a situation. I think there were a handful of students that I spent two years of business school with who I never heard speak and I talked with everybody.

My last point is about the video that Cho sent to NBC that was released today. It is a very confounding piece of film. My reaction, and this is going to be tough to explain, is that it almost seems like a parody of a manifesto. I know that parody isn’t the right word but it definitely doesn’t seem real. If you asked someone to write a manifesto and have it be over the top that is what it would sound like. It seems like a bad script. I’m not sure if you can even say that there is emotion in his speech, at times it is like he is reading off cue cards.

That’s what makes it so frightening and disturbing. Even with his filmed explanations as to why he did this horrible act it still doesn’t make any sense. You can’t get a grip on any of his reasoning or his logic. It really plays out like a bad movie. And that is what really bothers me. I understand that bad things happen but you would like to think that there is a reason. In New Orleans the levees failed. Here, I can’t even begin to understand what would push someone to that point.

Unthinkable

While heading to a meeting this morning I walked past a TV tuned to CNN. I glanced up at the screen and saw the breaking news headline of “Shooting at Va. Tech. 2 students dead.” And my initial thought was “Another engineer lost it” and I just kept on walking. I didn’t even break stride.

That may not be the most callous thing I have ever done in my life but it is pretty high on the list. I’m disgusted with myself for that. I can’t even be bothered to take five seconds to look at what became the worst shooting in US history. All I can do is pass it off with a flippant comment to myself. Talk about having your priorities in entirely the wrong place. I know that it was an event far away that I couldn’t impact but still, I should at least have the decency to react.

My heart goes out to everyone at Virginia Tech. I can’t imagine what it is like to be walking to class and seeing police officers with weapons drawn charging the engineering building while gunshots ring out all around you. It is so far removed from anything that you can ever experience. I’m not even sure if you react with fear. You might just act as if it is a movie in the same way that the one student pulled out his cel phone and started filming it. It seemed as normal a response as any. You can’t believe what is happening around you so you put it on a video screen, an environment where it does make sense.

The other point I want to talk about is the comment I made to myself, which while flippant has a heck of a lot of truth to it. Now I don’t know much about what happened other than the news stories that I have seen so far (and I’ve been avoiding CNN due to a fear that I’ll have to listen to Nancy Grace be an idiot for an hour straight) so I have no idea if the shooter was an engineer or associated with the engineering program. But, the shooting did take place in the engineering building and Virginia Tech is an engineering school and I have a serious issue with the way that engineering programs tend to be run.

Being an engineer is a tough major. I’m not speaking just in terms of coursework or subject matter. Architects always seemed to work longer hours than engineers and there are other majors that definitely aren’t simple. But there is something about the engineering side of campus that makes things worse. You have a group of guys who entered the program mainly because they enjoy working with numbers more than working with people. And it really is a group of guys, I had several classes where there was not a single female in the class. Everyone in the room was one of the smartest, if not the smartest person, in their high school. And suddenly, half of them are for the first time in their life going to be below average.

Dealing with that shift is insanely difficult. Being twenty years old is tough enough, discovering that the one thing that has made you different, the one thing that set you apart from others, isn’t there anymore can break you. I pretty much shut down at one point my junior year after I bombed a test after spending the entire weekend studying for it. I just couldn’t accept the fact that even though I did everything I could, spent Saturday night studying like crazy, I just could not get the answers to the questions. That had never happened to me before. I remember lying in bed thinking that the next day I was just going to walk into the administration office, admit that I was an idiot, and find another major. And this was because I got a C on a test.

I made it through thanks to some good friends who would hit the bars with me, Heather’s kindness in sitting and having coffee with me and just listening to me, and one call from the angel in my life who has a habit of showing up whenever I need her. But I don’t think it needs to be that hard or that cutthroat. I was told in my first big engineering lecture, “Look to your left, look to your right, those people won’t be here when you graduate.” I don’t take that to be a good thing. It’s not that I want to see curriculums lessened or an “Everyone is an A student” mentality. I’d just like to see a little more care taken up front in letting people know that they are not always going to be the best and that is not always a bad thing. Something to help people cope with the stress.

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with those in Blacksburg. As I remember hearing a priest say in 2001 at ND, “At times like this, all you can do is pray.”