Not all television shows are well defined spectacles of entertainment. Many of them are flawed from the very premise or title alone. Here are a few examples of shows that should never have made it past the pitch stage.
My Two Dads: The story of a girl whose mom dies tragically and goes to live with the two men who could possibly be her father. Possibly as in both slept with her mother and they never determined who the dad actually is. There are two huge flaws with this premise. 1) A simple paternity test in the pilot episode would have solved all of the dramatic conflict and 2) There is an unnerving tendency to call the show “My Mom was a Slut”.
Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place: A title should be catchy, provide insight into the story and create an air of mystery. This title lists the cast and location and leaves you much more interested in the nuances of the pizza place than any of the other characters. What style of a pizza place is it? It is one of those old school Italian style restaurants that has morphed into a pizza place or is it a classic pizzeria? What are the daily specials? Do they put spinach and feta on their pizzas and if so, why in the world did they think that would be a good idea? Sign that your show is doomed: when I am more interested in an inanimate object than your cast.
Everybody Loves Raymond: Obvious false advertising. Sure, some people really loved Raymond but most just considered themselves to be really good friends. Maybe if they were both drunk and it was late at night and they had been through a bit of a rough patch something might happen but it would never work out. And there were a handful of people who simply tolerated Raymond. Hate it when television lies to me.
Everybody Hates Chris: I hate this show. On those few occasions that I am feeling good about myself I check out the television listings and discover that the entire universe is against me. Some people consider that to be paranoia but does anyone else have a television show dedicated to how people despise him? What did I do to the television networks to have it become their mission to inform the world how horrible those people named Chris are? Just wait until my class action lawsuit comes through.
The Pat Sajack Show: A ninety minute late night show hosted by the guy best known for asking “Would you like to buy a vowel?” Talk about a show that was just destined for failure. Late night is a strange beast to begin with but you need to have some interesting angle to make it work. Pat Sajack is white bread through and through. That is wonderful for being a game show host because it makes you completely innocuous and makes everyone want to spend a half hour watching you ask questions. But in late night there needs to be a bit more edge, a bit of the smoke filled comedy club, and from the start this show lacked it.
Best of 120 Minutes: Going back to Champaign for this one. Poster Children, who followed the rule that all bands in the early 90’s needed a female bass player.
The 5 random CDs for the week:
1) Laura Cantrell “When the Roses Bloom Again”
2) Drive By Truckers “The Dirty South”
3) Tom Petty “Full Moon Fever”
4) Josh Rouse “Subtitulo”
5) Uncle Tupelo “Not Forever, Just For Now”
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I might make syndication now...
My life has been renewed! Or more accurately, the show about my life has been renewed! Yes, How I Met Your Mother has been picked up for a third season thus providing my life with meaning for the first time in, well, months. I know that having all you look forward to in life be a sitcom starring Doogie Howser and that other girl from Buffy is probably a sign that I should take a deeper inventory of my life but I really don’t care right now. All I know is that there is theoretically a chance that Victoria from the first season will return from Germany and all will be right with the universe. Hell, I’m just happy that the universe was nice to me for a change.
For those who do study the new fall schedule you’ll see that The Class did not make the cut, which is kind of a bummer. I was really interested in finding out if that guy got together with that chick, or if that other dude hooked up with that other chick, or if the weird guy and strange girl did end up getting married. Ok, it wasn’t the most memorable show in the world but at least it was better than According to Jim, which is officially listed as “Status Uncertain.” Apparently, “Dependent on whether or not Jim Belushi can take out a third mortgage on his soul” is not something you want to publish in the newspaper.
CBS does have one very bizarre reality show on the horizon. Next fall we can look forward to Kid Nation as forty children will be placed in an abandoned New Mexico town and be forced to create a new society of their own. I’m not making this up. It’s like someone went, “You know Survivor is kind of like Lord of the Flies but you know what would be even better? Lord of the Flies.” They need to include a fat kid with glasses just so we can call someone Piggy all season. This seems to be one of the most disturbing ideas behind a show ever. I’ve seen stuff like this but they were at least designed as documentaries of experiments. This is a major network show. I don’t think that anyone watching is going to be hoping for the creation of an idyllic society. We’ll be cheering for open warfare. I don’t think the audience will be happy unless a twelve year old is scarred for life. Sadly, that’s pretty much the state of our society right now.
I read a great quote from Studs Terkel today in which he talked about the United States of Amnesia. That the American culture just doesn’t remember anything anymore. He hits on big things like no one remembers or understands the Depression or World War II, which is true though that is mainly an artifact of the aging population. My connection to the Depression is slightly better than the Civil War (in that one has black and white pictures that move while the other doesn’t) but both are just events. The bigger point is that we forget the lessons that we learned even in my own lifetime. Heck, we don’t even learn the lessons from this year. We’ve forgotten about Virginia Tech and are now reporting stories on how a two year old has obtained a gun permit. Maybe we’re descended from ostriches instead of monkeys.
For those who do study the new fall schedule you’ll see that The Class did not make the cut, which is kind of a bummer. I was really interested in finding out if that guy got together with that chick, or if that other dude hooked up with that other chick, or if the weird guy and strange girl did end up getting married. Ok, it wasn’t the most memorable show in the world but at least it was better than According to Jim, which is officially listed as “Status Uncertain.” Apparently, “Dependent on whether or not Jim Belushi can take out a third mortgage on his soul” is not something you want to publish in the newspaper.
CBS does have one very bizarre reality show on the horizon. Next fall we can look forward to Kid Nation as forty children will be placed in an abandoned New Mexico town and be forced to create a new society of their own. I’m not making this up. It’s like someone went, “You know Survivor is kind of like Lord of the Flies but you know what would be even better? Lord of the Flies.” They need to include a fat kid with glasses just so we can call someone Piggy all season. This seems to be one of the most disturbing ideas behind a show ever. I’ve seen stuff like this but they were at least designed as documentaries of experiments. This is a major network show. I don’t think that anyone watching is going to be hoping for the creation of an idyllic society. We’ll be cheering for open warfare. I don’t think the audience will be happy unless a twelve year old is scarred for life. Sadly, that’s pretty much the state of our society right now.
I read a great quote from Studs Terkel today in which he talked about the United States of Amnesia. That the American culture just doesn’t remember anything anymore. He hits on big things like no one remembers or understands the Depression or World War II, which is true though that is mainly an artifact of the aging population. My connection to the Depression is slightly better than the Civil War (in that one has black and white pictures that move while the other doesn’t) but both are just events. The bigger point is that we forget the lessons that we learned even in my own lifetime. Heck, we don’t even learn the lessons from this year. We’ve forgotten about Virginia Tech and are now reporting stories on how a two year old has obtained a gun permit. Maybe we’re descended from ostriches instead of monkeys.
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