In order to get started on the weight loss resolution I did get back into the exercise mode today by doing my twenty minutes of yoga. Two things of note. It is really sad when twenty minutes of yoga, which includes two minutes of just standing still and breathing deeply, leaves me completely out of breath. Also, I am extremely upset that the Warrior pose does not involve my grabbing the ring ropes and shaking them up and down repeatedly. Complete false advertising there by the yoga establishment if you ask me.
Strangest thing that I read all day: The Johnson and Johnson heiress who died at 30 yesterday was the fiancée of Tila Tequila. Now it is difficult enough to logically comprehend a sentence that includes heiress, fiancée and Tila Tequila. Then add in the fact that even though 90 percent of my life is pop culture even I didn’t know about this engagement, relationship or the fact that there was a Johnson and Johnson heir out there. Want to hear something even worse? Tila was twittering about this as she was dying. Because remember kids, heartfelt grief is best expressed in 140 characters or less.
A few more reality show notes to pass along. I did watch part of the premiere episode of this season of The Biggest Loser. The first episode is always kind of a mixed bag as I can feel happy that all the contestants are heavier than me while knowing that at least one hour of the show is going to be devoted to contestants crying about their weight. By the end of the show I have to watch contestants in better shape than I am while I cry about being a fat slob. Have to admit the show does have a very noticeable progression throughout the season. What still bothers me about the show is that every single person on the show needs to lose weight and within the first hour four people had been booted off the ranch. That is rather cruel. You go through this entire tryout period where you admit that you are obese and need help and once you finally get there you are sent home and given a pint of Ben and Jerry’s as a parting gift. No show is that cruel.
Well, except for the Bachelor though I did not watch that season premiere. Ooh, the bachelor is a pilot, which is great because that means he will never be home. Never got into this show though I am so hoping for a second season of More to Love. It is the perfect merger of the Bachelor and The Biggest Loser. (Oh, and Luke and Tali from More to Love are no longer together. What a surprise. I told him he should have chosen Mandy.)
12th Best Album of the Decade: The Frames “Burn the Maps” (2005): I don’t think I have to say anything more about my fandom of Glen Hansard and The Frames. It’s bombastic Irish rock in the best possible way. Even a song like Keepsake, which is about leaving your house, breaking the key in the lock, and setting the whole place on fire. The raw energy in these songs is just amazing. Probably my favorite band of the decade.
Showing posts with label Reality TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reality TV. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Reality with a funny accent
I have two reality shows to talk about tonight and both are from the BBC. It is interesting to note that I am now so burned out on American reality shows that I have to turn to other countries to get my fix. This is especially true for the Next Top Model series where I am a huge fan of the Australian version for two reasons: 1) no Tyra Banks and 2) beautiful women with cool accents. Anyway, here are two shows that give the British take on things.
The first is one that I haven’t actually seen but read about today. Now we have all seen the shows where they take a normal family and act as if they transported them back in time to colonial days or Victorian England. The typical “take away all their luxuries and make them live life the way people used to.” Well, this show follows that exact same concept except they send them back to 1970. Yep, back to life forty years ago.
Apparently this makes for absolutely amazing television. The family has to learn how to cook now that they have no prepared meals or microwaves and a rather low end stove. Because it is Britain they have no central heating as apparently only a quarter of the homes did back in that time. No computer or cell phones so one of the kids had to leave a note for his parents by using a typewriter. And best of all, they are forced to wear seventies fashions. Every day or so they advance a year and gain new technologies such as Pong.
I so want to see this show because it really hits a point that I have tried to make here so many times: I have no idea what it would be like growing up in today’s world. It was life without the internet, no cable to start and then only in the living room, black and white set in the bedroom, one phone line for the house (awesome when there are seven people in the house) and hair metal was all the rage. It must seem quaint compared to things today. The thing is I am not that old. There shouldn’t be that much of a leap but there certainly is. I went to college with a typewriter and left with a computer. It really was a changing of eras.
The other show is one that Kim and I watched in Iceland. We didn’t watch much TV when we were over there because a) the entire point of the trip was to get out and do things and b) we only had like five channels and one was in Icelandic. Anyway, the BBC had a show called World’s Strictest Parents and this show was rather stunning. The concept again is simple. Take two teenagers who are performing badly at school and acting rudely at home and send them to another home for a week and have the “adoptive” parents treat them as their own and show them life under more strict conditions. Kind of like Wife Swap for Kids with a bit of SuperNanny added in.
Again, doesn’t sound like much on the surface until you realize where they sent them. These kids were sent from England to Jamaica. And we are not talking resort Jamaica here; this is the horrible poverty side of Jamaica. In the next week’s episode the kids were going to Ghana. It is just the ultimate in culture shock. These kids from rather privileged first world backgrounds are sent to the third world to interact with adults who are hard on them because that is the only way they can survive. You learn respect when you literally have to kill the chicken that will be your dinner that night. Usually on these shows the kids say that they are changed but you don’t think they really believe it but here they are just awestruck by what they have seen and how blessed their lives really are. It was really fascinating.
Oh well, off to watch my tape of Real Chance of Love Season 2.
The first is one that I haven’t actually seen but read about today. Now we have all seen the shows where they take a normal family and act as if they transported them back in time to colonial days or Victorian England. The typical “take away all their luxuries and make them live life the way people used to.” Well, this show follows that exact same concept except they send them back to 1970. Yep, back to life forty years ago.
Apparently this makes for absolutely amazing television. The family has to learn how to cook now that they have no prepared meals or microwaves and a rather low end stove. Because it is Britain they have no central heating as apparently only a quarter of the homes did back in that time. No computer or cell phones so one of the kids had to leave a note for his parents by using a typewriter. And best of all, they are forced to wear seventies fashions. Every day or so they advance a year and gain new technologies such as Pong.
I so want to see this show because it really hits a point that I have tried to make here so many times: I have no idea what it would be like growing up in today’s world. It was life without the internet, no cable to start and then only in the living room, black and white set in the bedroom, one phone line for the house (awesome when there are seven people in the house) and hair metal was all the rage. It must seem quaint compared to things today. The thing is I am not that old. There shouldn’t be that much of a leap but there certainly is. I went to college with a typewriter and left with a computer. It really was a changing of eras.
The other show is one that Kim and I watched in Iceland. We didn’t watch much TV when we were over there because a) the entire point of the trip was to get out and do things and b) we only had like five channels and one was in Icelandic. Anyway, the BBC had a show called World’s Strictest Parents and this show was rather stunning. The concept again is simple. Take two teenagers who are performing badly at school and acting rudely at home and send them to another home for a week and have the “adoptive” parents treat them as their own and show them life under more strict conditions. Kind of like Wife Swap for Kids with a bit of SuperNanny added in.
Again, doesn’t sound like much on the surface until you realize where they sent them. These kids were sent from England to Jamaica. And we are not talking resort Jamaica here; this is the horrible poverty side of Jamaica. In the next week’s episode the kids were going to Ghana. It is just the ultimate in culture shock. These kids from rather privileged first world backgrounds are sent to the third world to interact with adults who are hard on them because that is the only way they can survive. You learn respect when you literally have to kill the chicken that will be your dinner that night. Usually on these shows the kids say that they are changed but you don’t think they really believe it but here they are just awestruck by what they have seen and how blessed their lives really are. It was really fascinating.
Oh well, off to watch my tape of Real Chance of Love Season 2.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
When things start getting real
So we apparently have our first reality show murder suicide and I guess it was only a matter of time. Given that VH-1’s reality dating shows tend to dredge the bottom of the barrel in terms of contestants it seemed to almost be expected that tragedy would occur at some point. Take a bunch of people who will whore themselves out for a few minutes of fame and over time one of them will turn out to be a really bad egg.
For those who don’t know the story, Ryan Jenkins who was a contestant on “Megan Wants a Millionaire” has apparently been found dead in Canada. He is suspected of murdering a stripper he may have possibly married in Las Vegas. Her body was found missing her fingers and teeth but she was still identified by the serial numbers on her breast implants. I’m not making that last part up. I guess there is no need for inserting ID chips in everyone if breast implants can be tracked.
Now I watched that show, which has since been pulled off the air, for about five minutes a week or so ago. Basically it has Megan, a former Rock of Love contestant, trying to find her soulmate amongst a group of millionaires. Or at least guys who claim to be millionaires. Given the vetting process that was done on the contestants I have a hard time thinking that they all had that much of a net worth about them. Ryan was a contestant who was eliminated after a few episodes. This did not keep him from appearing on I Love Money 3, which he apparently won. That show also will not be seen by anyone.
I guess this story is tragic and sad. Maybe it says something about me that I am so jaded by my years of watching reality shows that something as incredibly real as this has absolutely no impact. As I’ve been mentioning when talking about More to Love, one of the main features of these reality dating shows is that the contestants aren’t considered to be real people. I can’t even consider them to be television characters. You were crushed when you found out that Col. Blake died on MASH. This story, real and involving meaningless deaths, doesn’t seem to have any impact at all.
That is the shame about reality television. It has made us numb to reality. We start viewing the world through this very cracked prism that no one can ever correctly interpret. We all become cynical and protect our souls with a layer of lead. Maybe it would be better if we stepped away from this genre for a while. Or at least started getting back to a point where it has a bit more of a human heart attached to it.
Best of 120 Minutes: I just need to listen to The Sundays at the moment.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Caroline Herring “Wellspring”
2) The Connells “Still Life”
3) U2 “The Eye of the Fly”
4) Sting “Nothing Like the Sun”
5) Cirque du Soleil “Varekai”
For those who don’t know the story, Ryan Jenkins who was a contestant on “Megan Wants a Millionaire” has apparently been found dead in Canada. He is suspected of murdering a stripper he may have possibly married in Las Vegas. Her body was found missing her fingers and teeth but she was still identified by the serial numbers on her breast implants. I’m not making that last part up. I guess there is no need for inserting ID chips in everyone if breast implants can be tracked.
Now I watched that show, which has since been pulled off the air, for about five minutes a week or so ago. Basically it has Megan, a former Rock of Love contestant, trying to find her soulmate amongst a group of millionaires. Or at least guys who claim to be millionaires. Given the vetting process that was done on the contestants I have a hard time thinking that they all had that much of a net worth about them. Ryan was a contestant who was eliminated after a few episodes. This did not keep him from appearing on I Love Money 3, which he apparently won. That show also will not be seen by anyone.
I guess this story is tragic and sad. Maybe it says something about me that I am so jaded by my years of watching reality shows that something as incredibly real as this has absolutely no impact. As I’ve been mentioning when talking about More to Love, one of the main features of these reality dating shows is that the contestants aren’t considered to be real people. I can’t even consider them to be television characters. You were crushed when you found out that Col. Blake died on MASH. This story, real and involving meaningless deaths, doesn’t seem to have any impact at all.
That is the shame about reality television. It has made us numb to reality. We start viewing the world through this very cracked prism that no one can ever correctly interpret. We all become cynical and protect our souls with a layer of lead. Maybe it would be better if we stepped away from this genre for a while. Or at least started getting back to a point where it has a bit more of a human heart attached to it.
Best of 120 Minutes: I just need to listen to The Sundays at the moment.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Caroline Herring “Wellspring”
2) The Connells “Still Life”
3) U2 “The Eye of the Fly”
4) Sting “Nothing Like the Sun”
5) Cirque du Soleil “Varekai”
Monday, August 17, 2009
Reality: Televised and Otherwise
(Yes, I know that I forgot to post last night. I’ll just say that I was preoccupied putting the details together on what will most surely be an excellent adventure. Trust me, you’ll want to watch this space over the next few months. Things will be getting mighty interesting.)
First off, I have to give a big shout out to my old friend and long time supporter of Battling the Current Patrick Starzan who has now reached the point in his career where people actually interview him. Whereas in my line of work the only question that people ask me is “paper or plastic.” However, I would like to note that Starzan had a wonderful opportunity to promote Battling the Current as his favorite non-Funny or Die website and completely dropped the ball. Ooh, Mr. “I have half a million followers on Twitter” can’t show some respect to the guy who gets 20 readers on a good day. Seriously, great work Starz…
http://www.twirlit.com/2009/08/17/hanging-out-with-patrick-starzan-of-funnyordie-com/
Also, I have to say that I find it highly amusing that both Fox’s “More to Love” and VH-1’s “Real Chance of Love 2” both had a prom episode last week. I have to give the win to “More to Love” because it featured a) women talking about how wonderful it was to have a date for prom even though they were in their mid-20’s and they were sharing the date with a dozen other women, b) women saying how impressed they were by the fact that Luke played junior college football and c) the prom queen was chosen by Luke’s best friends who seemed to be the type of guys who upon seeing them you would question anyone who was in the same room with them. However, points to Real and Chance for breaking out the Kid and Play as part of their dance moves.
You have to love VH-1 reality dating shows because of the fact that they are so unreal it becomes astounding. You have Real and Chance questioning whether the women are there for them or to just be on TV. Why? You’re obviously there to be on television otherwise the show wouldn’t need to have a second season.
Also, I did finally watch an episode of The T.O. Show and, well, that is a half hour of my life that I won’t get back. I believe that the entire episode focused on how a) he was late for a photo shoot because he was playing basketball, b) he got a new suit for the ESPYs and c) that he was dating a tall woman from Miami. Given how outlandish he can be on the field the show was so incredibly boring that it really can’t be explained. Not only is there no drama but as a viewer you have no interest in TO or anything that goes on with him. Will he make it to the Comedy Central studios? Why the hell should I care? This is a show that worked better as a pitch than in reality.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Josh Rouse “Under Cold Blue Stars”
2) Golden Smog “Down By the Old Mainstream”
3) Various Artists (mainly the Drovers) “Blink: Movie Soundtrack”
4) Cracker “Garage D’or”
5) Arcade Fire “Funeral”
First off, I have to give a big shout out to my old friend and long time supporter of Battling the Current Patrick Starzan who has now reached the point in his career where people actually interview him. Whereas in my line of work the only question that people ask me is “paper or plastic.” However, I would like to note that Starzan had a wonderful opportunity to promote Battling the Current as his favorite non-Funny or Die website and completely dropped the ball. Ooh, Mr. “I have half a million followers on Twitter” can’t show some respect to the guy who gets 20 readers on a good day. Seriously, great work Starz…
http://www.twirlit.com/2009/08/17/hanging-out-with-patrick-starzan-of-funnyordie-com/
Also, I have to say that I find it highly amusing that both Fox’s “More to Love” and VH-1’s “Real Chance of Love 2” both had a prom episode last week. I have to give the win to “More to Love” because it featured a) women talking about how wonderful it was to have a date for prom even though they were in their mid-20’s and they were sharing the date with a dozen other women, b) women saying how impressed they were by the fact that Luke played junior college football and c) the prom queen was chosen by Luke’s best friends who seemed to be the type of guys who upon seeing them you would question anyone who was in the same room with them. However, points to Real and Chance for breaking out the Kid and Play as part of their dance moves.
You have to love VH-1 reality dating shows because of the fact that they are so unreal it becomes astounding. You have Real and Chance questioning whether the women are there for them or to just be on TV. Why? You’re obviously there to be on television otherwise the show wouldn’t need to have a second season.
Also, I did finally watch an episode of The T.O. Show and, well, that is a half hour of my life that I won’t get back. I believe that the entire episode focused on how a) he was late for a photo shoot because he was playing basketball, b) he got a new suit for the ESPYs and c) that he was dating a tall woman from Miami. Given how outlandish he can be on the field the show was so incredibly boring that it really can’t be explained. Not only is there no drama but as a viewer you have no interest in TO or anything that goes on with him. Will he make it to the Comedy Central studios? Why the hell should I care? This is a show that worked better as a pitch than in reality.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Josh Rouse “Under Cold Blue Stars”
2) Golden Smog “Down By the Old Mainstream”
3) Various Artists (mainly the Drovers) “Blink: Movie Soundtrack”
4) Cracker “Garage D’or”
5) Arcade Fire “Funeral”
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Knowledge is sometimes useful
Here is your interesting fact for the day. The starting point for outer space is roughly 65 miles so if you just drove your car vertically for an hour you would technically be an astronaut. Makes the whole process of getting there seem rather quaint and easy. The distance isn’t nearly as astronomical as one might think.
I am glad that we spent the time and effort to repair the Hubble (a rather amazing machine that has been in space for 19 years now and bad lenses be damned that shows how good of a design it was.) I am less pleased that we are still wasting our time on the International Space Station, which is just a complete boondoggle and this is coming from a NASA geek. There is just nothing good coming from the project except a lot of wasted money. No interesting science and nothing that really stirs people’s souls. Sure, there have been some wonderful pictures taken and the story of the astronauts on the station during the Columbia disaster (who were then stranded in space for an indefinite amount of time) is amazing but no one really knows about it. All of this makes me wish we were spending the money on the space program more wisely. Hell, I even wish that we would spend less of it. Just give me my rovers and space probes.
Your slightly less than interesting fun fact for the day: Nearly ten million people tuned in to watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Monday. You could use that information as a basis for a thesis on the status of our society. Because, let’s face it, that is a pretty good indication of the number of people who would willingly tune in to watch a car wreck. (Actually, I could look at the Nascar ratings to determine that figure but stay with me.) No one was watching that show to see a number of adorable children running around celebrating their birthday. We all wanted to watch their marriage implode and hopefully catch some footage of plates being thrown.
The thing is the more you read about the whole situation the more you realize just how fake everything is. The house, the trips, the products used, the conversations are all essentially planned in advance by the producers. It is roughly as real as professional wrestling. That makes it kind of sickening when you realize that there are small children involved. Even worse is the fact that Jon and Kate make such a big deal about how horrible it is that the press is following them and treating them as if they are celebrities. Well, when you whore out your children in front of national television cameras you have to accept a loss of privacy. It is a strange new facet of fame. People who are famous for solely being famous are now increasingly upset when they get attention outside of their carefully crafted image. The falsely famous can not stand real fame. It is rather fascinating.
Coming tomorrow: The Scripps National Spelling Bee live blog! Nations of origins! Alternative pronunciations! Making fun of home schooled kids! It’s my favorite night of the year. Don’t miss it.
Wednesday Night Music Club: We all need more Paul Westerberg in our lives.
I am glad that we spent the time and effort to repair the Hubble (a rather amazing machine that has been in space for 19 years now and bad lenses be damned that shows how good of a design it was.) I am less pleased that we are still wasting our time on the International Space Station, which is just a complete boondoggle and this is coming from a NASA geek. There is just nothing good coming from the project except a lot of wasted money. No interesting science and nothing that really stirs people’s souls. Sure, there have been some wonderful pictures taken and the story of the astronauts on the station during the Columbia disaster (who were then stranded in space for an indefinite amount of time) is amazing but no one really knows about it. All of this makes me wish we were spending the money on the space program more wisely. Hell, I even wish that we would spend less of it. Just give me my rovers and space probes.
Your slightly less than interesting fun fact for the day: Nearly ten million people tuned in to watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Monday. You could use that information as a basis for a thesis on the status of our society. Because, let’s face it, that is a pretty good indication of the number of people who would willingly tune in to watch a car wreck. (Actually, I could look at the Nascar ratings to determine that figure but stay with me.) No one was watching that show to see a number of adorable children running around celebrating their birthday. We all wanted to watch their marriage implode and hopefully catch some footage of plates being thrown.
The thing is the more you read about the whole situation the more you realize just how fake everything is. The house, the trips, the products used, the conversations are all essentially planned in advance by the producers. It is roughly as real as professional wrestling. That makes it kind of sickening when you realize that there are small children involved. Even worse is the fact that Jon and Kate make such a big deal about how horrible it is that the press is following them and treating them as if they are celebrities. Well, when you whore out your children in front of national television cameras you have to accept a loss of privacy. It is a strange new facet of fame. People who are famous for solely being famous are now increasingly upset when they get attention outside of their carefully crafted image. The falsely famous can not stand real fame. It is rather fascinating.
Coming tomorrow: The Scripps National Spelling Bee live blog! Nations of origins! Alternative pronunciations! Making fun of home schooled kids! It’s my favorite night of the year. Don’t miss it.
Wednesday Night Music Club: We all need more Paul Westerberg in our lives.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Such warrantless gossip...
I need to start off by addressing those unfounded rumors that My Beloved Lindsay is preggers. First off, this is complete nonsense as we all know that she is as pure as the driven snow and is saving herself for marriage. Therefore, if by some miracle she actually is with child than this must be considered a virgin birth and we must all act accordingly. I am stocking up on frankincense as we speak just in case.
You might think I am joking but I have read the prophecies. Nostradamus is quite clear on this one…
Though tempted by a sister the parent trap shall bare
Her body and soul amidst the white powder
The rule of Georgia shall mark the finding of who killed me
She should never have dyed her hair blonde
On a totally different note I caught the finale of Hell’s Kitchen tonight and was very glad to see that Danny won. He was clearly the best chef on the show and I am almost tempted to go to Atlantic City to try out his restaurant. I mean, I totally would if it didn’t mean that I would have to go to New Jersey in the process.
Of all the reality shows, Hell’s Kitchen is simultaneously the most fake and the most real. It is totally fake in that Gordon Ramsey’s persona is so over the top and the challenges are created in such a way that it just happens that the women’s team wins when the reward is a spa treatment or a photo shoot while the men’s team win when the reward is go cart racing. Also, every challenge comes down to the wire. There is never a blowout.
The other part that isn’t really fake but shows what is unnecessary is that the show could really be done in only a few episodes. The entire idea behind the show is these chefs are competing to be a head chef at a new restaurant with Ramsey picking the winner. The thing is after episode three he has already picked the two or three people who could possibly win and we then spend the next two months getting rid of everyone else. This isn’t really wrong (Anthony Bourdain would just line all 16 chefs up, say “make me an omelet”, pick a winner and then head to a bar) but it almost takes the drama out of it. We all knew it was going to be between Danny and Paula.
But even with all of that this is the only cooking show that actually gives a sense of what it is really like in a restaurant kitchen. For as much as I love Top Chef it really is a show about making one dish exceptionally well. Hell’s Kitchen is about getting stuck in the weeds as a line chef, dealing with irate customers and an insane head chef, and making it through the night without seriously injuring yourself. Despite all the over the top theatrics that take place on the show that is completely real. It makes for a good mix.
Didn’t post a song last night (was either going to use Timbuk 3 or Vitamin C but thought that was going to be too cheesy.) Instead I will post this song by Lisa Hannigan that I just simply adore. If you want to have a sense of just what my life has been like these past few months just listen to the lyrics.
You might think I am joking but I have read the prophecies. Nostradamus is quite clear on this one…
Though tempted by a sister the parent trap shall bare
Her body and soul amidst the white powder
The rule of Georgia shall mark the finding of who killed me
She should never have dyed her hair blonde
On a totally different note I caught the finale of Hell’s Kitchen tonight and was very glad to see that Danny won. He was clearly the best chef on the show and I am almost tempted to go to Atlantic City to try out his restaurant. I mean, I totally would if it didn’t mean that I would have to go to New Jersey in the process.
Of all the reality shows, Hell’s Kitchen is simultaneously the most fake and the most real. It is totally fake in that Gordon Ramsey’s persona is so over the top and the challenges are created in such a way that it just happens that the women’s team wins when the reward is a spa treatment or a photo shoot while the men’s team win when the reward is go cart racing. Also, every challenge comes down to the wire. There is never a blowout.
The other part that isn’t really fake but shows what is unnecessary is that the show could really be done in only a few episodes. The entire idea behind the show is these chefs are competing to be a head chef at a new restaurant with Ramsey picking the winner. The thing is after episode three he has already picked the two or three people who could possibly win and we then spend the next two months getting rid of everyone else. This isn’t really wrong (Anthony Bourdain would just line all 16 chefs up, say “make me an omelet”, pick a winner and then head to a bar) but it almost takes the drama out of it. We all knew it was going to be between Danny and Paula.
But even with all of that this is the only cooking show that actually gives a sense of what it is really like in a restaurant kitchen. For as much as I love Top Chef it really is a show about making one dish exceptionally well. Hell’s Kitchen is about getting stuck in the weeds as a line chef, dealing with irate customers and an insane head chef, and making it through the night without seriously injuring yourself. Despite all the over the top theatrics that take place on the show that is completely real. It makes for a good mix.
Didn’t post a song last night (was either going to use Timbuk 3 or Vitamin C but thought that was going to be too cheesy.) Instead I will post this song by Lisa Hannigan that I just simply adore. If you want to have a sense of just what my life has been like these past few months just listen to the lyrics.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I wonder how she answered the test....
(Note: I had originally posted the Embed code for the Lindsay video here. However, it made my blog page all wonky so I've had to pull it. Go to www.funnyordie.com for the full clip. Tell Starzan that I sent you and would like a featured spot on the site.)
I have to give a shout out and a big thank you to my good friends at Funny or Die for creating this piece of internet genius. Yes, it is just my luck that right after I get a girlfriend My Beloved Lindsay decides to starts placing personal ads. I mean, now I could meet her without even having to get dressed. Oh well, guess that is the price that I will have to pay in order to spend every day with a smile on my face.
(Though really Lindsay, I say this from the bottom of my cold, black heart, have a sandwich. Go to Subway and pick up a five dollar footlong. There is such a thing as too skinny and you went beyond it. Also, to the marketing team at Funny or Die. Where is my syndication deal? I was promised a syndication deal.)
Going back to last night’s post. Not sure if people have ever noticed this but pretty much the last thing I do is try to come up with a witty title for the post. It is why they always tend to be non sequitors. The title is often the last thing between me and a night’s sleep. So last night’s idea of a television show called “Sugar Daddy” was just a spur of the moment idea.
However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that is exactly what “The Cougar” would be like if held in reverse. Let’s say we take a 40 or 45 year old guy who is most likely graying and getting a little fatter in the mid section. Not that he would look bad or anything, he would actually look quite sophisticated in a suit, but he would certainly look like someone’s cool dad if he was at a college bar. Now let’s have twenty young women, none older than 23, compete for his affection. Including getting drunk in a hot tub, flirts over glasses of champagne and a few make out sessions. What do you think the reaction to this show would be? Even if it was called something more mundane like “The Silver Fox?”
For some reason I would expect there to be a pretty sizable outrage regarding even the idea of the show. Young women being taken advantage for the benefit of an older man, especially if the sugar daddy aspect is taken into account, just seems to be something that really goes against a lot of standards. I could see protests against such a show especially if you played up the baser instincts of it.
Which is interesting given that we don’t care at all about any of the other reality shows and what type of image that provides or what we feel it might do for the contestants. Does anyone show concern that the contestants on The Rock of Love Bus may not be exhibiting the basic feminist ideals? Or that appearing on Tila Tequila may be something that might cause a slight issue in future job interviews? I think we are all amazed at what people will give up for just a few moments of fame. Except that it is not even fame. It is a few minutes on a basic cable channel in exchange for your pride and self-worth. There are more than enough people who are willing to make that trade and it amazes me.
I have to give a shout out and a big thank you to my good friends at Funny or Die for creating this piece of internet genius. Yes, it is just my luck that right after I get a girlfriend My Beloved Lindsay decides to starts placing personal ads. I mean, now I could meet her without even having to get dressed. Oh well, guess that is the price that I will have to pay in order to spend every day with a smile on my face.
(Though really Lindsay, I say this from the bottom of my cold, black heart, have a sandwich. Go to Subway and pick up a five dollar footlong. There is such a thing as too skinny and you went beyond it. Also, to the marketing team at Funny or Die. Where is my syndication deal? I was promised a syndication deal.)
Going back to last night’s post. Not sure if people have ever noticed this but pretty much the last thing I do is try to come up with a witty title for the post. It is why they always tend to be non sequitors. The title is often the last thing between me and a night’s sleep. So last night’s idea of a television show called “Sugar Daddy” was just a spur of the moment idea.
However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that is exactly what “The Cougar” would be like if held in reverse. Let’s say we take a 40 or 45 year old guy who is most likely graying and getting a little fatter in the mid section. Not that he would look bad or anything, he would actually look quite sophisticated in a suit, but he would certainly look like someone’s cool dad if he was at a college bar. Now let’s have twenty young women, none older than 23, compete for his affection. Including getting drunk in a hot tub, flirts over glasses of champagne and a few make out sessions. What do you think the reaction to this show would be? Even if it was called something more mundane like “The Silver Fox?”
For some reason I would expect there to be a pretty sizable outrage regarding even the idea of the show. Young women being taken advantage for the benefit of an older man, especially if the sugar daddy aspect is taken into account, just seems to be something that really goes against a lot of standards. I could see protests against such a show especially if you played up the baser instincts of it.
Which is interesting given that we don’t care at all about any of the other reality shows and what type of image that provides or what we feel it might do for the contestants. Does anyone show concern that the contestants on The Rock of Love Bus may not be exhibiting the basic feminist ideals? Or that appearing on Tila Tequila may be something that might cause a slight issue in future job interviews? I think we are all amazed at what people will give up for just a few moments of fame. Except that it is not even fame. It is a few minutes on a basic cable channel in exchange for your pride and self-worth. There are more than enough people who are willing to make that trade and it amazes me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Working on my pitch for "Sugar Daddy"
Have a couple of completely unrelated points to make tonight so I will just go about them in no particular order.
Point # 1: Let’s say for a moment that you are pitching a new reality television dating show. On this show you will have a number of young men compete for the love of an ox attractive older woman. You set it up in much the same way as The Bachelor allowing the older woman to say things like “I have a son who is older than you” and “I feel like a kid in a candy store.” Now your first big question is what will you call this show?
For all of you who said, “The Cougar”, congratulations. You are qualified to be a reality television producer. If you answered “Milf on the Prowl” I’ll give you points for creativity.
Now comes the tougher question. What network do you air “The Cougar” on?
VH1? Wrong. Spike TV? Incorrect. Fox Reality Channel? No, you want people to actually watch the show.
If you answered “TV Land” then feel free to move to Los Angeles.
Yes, I am making none of this up. Starting in a few weeks “The Cougar” will be airing on TV Land. Now I can understand the idea behind the show. Yes it makes me die a little inside but every dating show outside of The Pick Up Artist makes me feel that way. No, I am just baffled as to how TV Land, previously your home for Green Acres reruns, is considered to be the best home for this programming. And you know what, I guarantee it will be the highest rated show they’ve ever had.
Point # 2: I would like to wish everyone a Happy Dyngus Day while I still have time. For those who are wondering: no, I did not start the day by following the tradition of sneaking into the bedroom of the woman I fancy, pouring water on her head, and then hit her across the shins with a willow branch. Mainly because I would like the woman I fancy to refrain from filing a restraining order or seeking revenge of a higher order.
(I’m not making that up. Look it up in Wikipedia. Courting rituals take many shapes and forms. I just don’t know many that involve buckets of water.)
Point # 3: We had another deaths come in threes today. We lost Harry Kallas, the voice of your Philadelphia Phillies, Mark “The Bird” Fydrich, the legenday free spirit / pitcher for the Detroit Tigers and Marilyn Chambers, the former Ivory Snow girl who became well known for, uh, movies that you could rent in the back room of the video store. Somehow I have a feeling that St. Peter is having a long day sorting this group out.
Point # 1: Let’s say for a moment that you are pitching a new reality television dating show. On this show you will have a number of young men compete for the love of an ox attractive older woman. You set it up in much the same way as The Bachelor allowing the older woman to say things like “I have a son who is older than you” and “I feel like a kid in a candy store.” Now your first big question is what will you call this show?
For all of you who said, “The Cougar”, congratulations. You are qualified to be a reality television producer. If you answered “Milf on the Prowl” I’ll give you points for creativity.
Now comes the tougher question. What network do you air “The Cougar” on?
VH1? Wrong. Spike TV? Incorrect. Fox Reality Channel? No, you want people to actually watch the show.
If you answered “TV Land” then feel free to move to Los Angeles.
Yes, I am making none of this up. Starting in a few weeks “The Cougar” will be airing on TV Land. Now I can understand the idea behind the show. Yes it makes me die a little inside but every dating show outside of The Pick Up Artist makes me feel that way. No, I am just baffled as to how TV Land, previously your home for Green Acres reruns, is considered to be the best home for this programming. And you know what, I guarantee it will be the highest rated show they’ve ever had.
Point # 2: I would like to wish everyone a Happy Dyngus Day while I still have time. For those who are wondering: no, I did not start the day by following the tradition of sneaking into the bedroom of the woman I fancy, pouring water on her head, and then hit her across the shins with a willow branch. Mainly because I would like the woman I fancy to refrain from filing a restraining order or seeking revenge of a higher order.
(I’m not making that up. Look it up in Wikipedia. Courting rituals take many shapes and forms. I just don’t know many that involve buckets of water.)
Point # 3: We had another deaths come in threes today. We lost Harry Kallas, the voice of your Philadelphia Phillies, Mark “The Bird” Fydrich, the legenday free spirit / pitcher for the Detroit Tigers and Marilyn Chambers, the former Ivory Snow girl who became well known for, uh, movies that you could rent in the back room of the video store. Somehow I have a feeling that St. Peter is having a long day sorting this group out.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Next on Fox...
From those who wonder if the well of reality shows has been tapped dry we bring you “More to Love” on Fox. A show that mixes “The Bachelor” and “The Biggest Loser” into a smorgesboard of…well, smorgesboards. Yes, someone pitched a dating show for fat people and got it picked up by a major network. Now I am all for reality shows featuring people who are, you know, actually real. We don’t need to see the vapid barbie dolls on the dating shows unless it is The Rock of Love Bus where they really are needed to keep the skank factor at an appropriate level. But can we do it with a little more subtlety and tact? Do we need to identify the contestants as losers at the start?
So when I listed my influential television shows last night I specifically left off Family Guy. That might come as a surprise to some people as I clearly find the first few seasons of the show to be exceptionally good. The problem is, and last night’s episode really showed it, that the quality of the show has just fallen off a cliff recently. There is a pretty good reason behind it. With much of the writing staff siphoned to American Dad (and the horribly ill-conceived Cleveland spin-off) they just don’t have the same group of people working in the pitch room.
But really what the show is doing wrong is that they are going away from the sure fire comedy and trying to be cutting edge but only being offensive in the process.
Last night they had the entire cast of Star Trek The Next Generation on as guest voices and instead of featuring them they were reduced to being a part of the sub plot. Exactly why they were placed in that role, when they were the focus of all the advertising and promotions, is beyond me. If you can’t write a 22 minute plot featuring Stewie and Star Trek you probably shouldn’t be working in Hollywood. I can’t really complain about what they wrote either as those scenes were the funniest of the night. And yes, I do want a McDLT.
But mainly the main focus was on Meg and the classic abuse Meg scenarios that have been taking place for years. And to be honest, if you beat up on a character for long enough it stops being funny and simply becomes mean. Because at some point that character must win and Meg will never win. Peter will just be mean and abusive and at some point in starts being more abusive than funny. Homer can choke Bart because Bart gets the upper hand. Bad things can happen to Cartman because we know Cartman deserves what is coming to him. But Meg’s flaw is being stuck in a show with writers who have no clue what to do with her character so they just abuse her. It actually makes the show difficult to watch.
Add in the times they go over the line with some of the other jokes (yes, the Shatner joke was tasteless) and Family Guy just isn’t nearly as good as it could be. We need more Brian and Stewie. Comedy is really tough to write and it is a fine line you have to toe but I hope the show gets back to being what it used to be.
So when I listed my influential television shows last night I specifically left off Family Guy. That might come as a surprise to some people as I clearly find the first few seasons of the show to be exceptionally good. The problem is, and last night’s episode really showed it, that the quality of the show has just fallen off a cliff recently. There is a pretty good reason behind it. With much of the writing staff siphoned to American Dad (and the horribly ill-conceived Cleveland spin-off) they just don’t have the same group of people working in the pitch room.
But really what the show is doing wrong is that they are going away from the sure fire comedy and trying to be cutting edge but only being offensive in the process.
Last night they had the entire cast of Star Trek The Next Generation on as guest voices and instead of featuring them they were reduced to being a part of the sub plot. Exactly why they were placed in that role, when they were the focus of all the advertising and promotions, is beyond me. If you can’t write a 22 minute plot featuring Stewie and Star Trek you probably shouldn’t be working in Hollywood. I can’t really complain about what they wrote either as those scenes were the funniest of the night. And yes, I do want a McDLT.
But mainly the main focus was on Meg and the classic abuse Meg scenarios that have been taking place for years. And to be honest, if you beat up on a character for long enough it stops being funny and simply becomes mean. Because at some point that character must win and Meg will never win. Peter will just be mean and abusive and at some point in starts being more abusive than funny. Homer can choke Bart because Bart gets the upper hand. Bad things can happen to Cartman because we know Cartman deserves what is coming to him. But Meg’s flaw is being stuck in a show with writers who have no clue what to do with her character so they just abuse her. It actually makes the show difficult to watch.
Add in the times they go over the line with some of the other jokes (yes, the Shatner joke was tasteless) and Family Guy just isn’t nearly as good as it could be. We need more Brian and Stewie. Comedy is really tough to write and it is a fine line you have to toe but I hope the show gets back to being what it used to be.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Still needs more secret ingredients
(Yes, I know that the last post should have said seven years and not seventeen years. You can stop emailing me about it. Especially those of you who threatened to call up the University of Illinois so that they could reclaim my engineering degree. When you do complex calculus for a living sometimes simple math can become rather difficult.)
I apologize to those of you who look to this space for coverage of all things relating to reality television and are shocked to find no reference to the events on The Bachelor. I’m sorry but that show does not make my DVR cut. If I want to watch a show about numerous women vying for a guy’s attention I prefer to watch The Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels. At least on that show the former porn stars are up front about admitting to being former porn stars and they get to travel to such exciting locales as Indianapolis and Peoria.
Still, The Bachelor dumped his fiancée on national television and pretty much immediately started macking on the girl who came in second? That is pretty incredible (and sleazy) even by reality TV standards. I’m trying to think of worse ways to be dumped and that one may beat the current clubhouse leader of text message while in the office. Though I still feel that singing telegram or person in a gorilla costume carrying balloons might be even worse ways of getting the point across.
Since I am on the reality TV swing I might as well talk about the finale of Top Chef. First off, props for them doing the last two episodes in New Orleans and having the chefs stay at Hotel Monteleone, which is one of my favorite hotels in the city just because of their revolving bar. You have to love any bar that is already spinning before you even start drinking. Plus, they did a really nice job in promoting the rebirth of the food portion of the city and John Besh was able to make an appearance and that guy is simply brilliant with food. Even Emeril’s appearance was well done and spot on with his commentary.
As for the crowning of Top Chef, based on what was shown I have to say that Hosea was the right choice in winning the final competition. I think that his meal was better overall than Stefan’s and was cohesive even without a dessert. (Poor Carla. She just fell apart at the end even though she overachieved like mad and probably has a long career ahead of her as a result of this show.) The interesting thing is that this season is a complete reversal of the ending from two seasons ago. In that one the super efficient and clinical Hung beat out the more expressive Dale. I bring this up because it asks a question about what makes a Top Chef. I would hire Hung and Stefan to be the head chefs at my restaurant but I would want to eat at Hosea’s and Dale’s.
I think that is what makes Top Chef such a good show when it works properly. We all know what good food should be like and we all would like to think that we could run a restaurant properly. Of course, most restaurants crash and burn in the first year so you shouldn’t let that be taken into account. But it is a competition that we can all appreciate and at least have a sense as to who is the best. And it is a real skill as well, as opposed to being able to convince the guy you met two weeks ago on a soundstage that you should be life partners. Well, that is a skill in a sense but not one you can openly promote.
I apologize to those of you who look to this space for coverage of all things relating to reality television and are shocked to find no reference to the events on The Bachelor. I’m sorry but that show does not make my DVR cut. If I want to watch a show about numerous women vying for a guy’s attention I prefer to watch The Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels. At least on that show the former porn stars are up front about admitting to being former porn stars and they get to travel to such exciting locales as Indianapolis and Peoria.
Still, The Bachelor dumped his fiancée on national television and pretty much immediately started macking on the girl who came in second? That is pretty incredible (and sleazy) even by reality TV standards. I’m trying to think of worse ways to be dumped and that one may beat the current clubhouse leader of text message while in the office. Though I still feel that singing telegram or person in a gorilla costume carrying balloons might be even worse ways of getting the point across.
Since I am on the reality TV swing I might as well talk about the finale of Top Chef. First off, props for them doing the last two episodes in New Orleans and having the chefs stay at Hotel Monteleone, which is one of my favorite hotels in the city just because of their revolving bar. You have to love any bar that is already spinning before you even start drinking. Plus, they did a really nice job in promoting the rebirth of the food portion of the city and John Besh was able to make an appearance and that guy is simply brilliant with food. Even Emeril’s appearance was well done and spot on with his commentary.
As for the crowning of Top Chef, based on what was shown I have to say that Hosea was the right choice in winning the final competition. I think that his meal was better overall than Stefan’s and was cohesive even without a dessert. (Poor Carla. She just fell apart at the end even though she overachieved like mad and probably has a long career ahead of her as a result of this show.) The interesting thing is that this season is a complete reversal of the ending from two seasons ago. In that one the super efficient and clinical Hung beat out the more expressive Dale. I bring this up because it asks a question about what makes a Top Chef. I would hire Hung and Stefan to be the head chefs at my restaurant but I would want to eat at Hosea’s and Dale’s.
I think that is what makes Top Chef such a good show when it works properly. We all know what good food should be like and we all would like to think that we could run a restaurant properly. Of course, most restaurants crash and burn in the first year so you shouldn’t let that be taken into account. But it is a competition that we can all appreciate and at least have a sense as to who is the best. And it is a real skill as well, as opposed to being able to convince the guy you met two weeks ago on a soundstage that you should be life partners. Well, that is a skill in a sense but not one you can openly promote.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
When does The Pick Up Artist 3 begin?
I just want to state my amusement in that they actually made Obama retake the oath of office today because he said it incorrectly yesterday. See, I was right in saying that he wasn’t officially president. It’s frightening how observant I can be at times. No wonder I saw five people wearing Aretha Franklin’s hat today.
Ok, over the past few weeks I have been very poor in my coverage of VH-1’s reality programming. This has been a huge overlook on my part as some of the shows are just classic. Let’s run through some of the shows currently airing.
Real Chance at Love: I know this show just had its season finale but I really need to start here. So we have Real and Chance, two contestants from I Love New York, which featured New York from Flavor of Love, which was created when the relationship between Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielson fell apart, a relationship that began on The Surreal Life, a show that existed to promote people who used to be vaguely famous, are on a Bachelor type show. That sentence does make sense even if reading it makes you die a little inside. What makes the show so brilliant is the degree to which this is a competition. These women dream of dating a former reality television show contestant. Everyone is serious: best evidence when Chance questioned Corn Fed (a woman from Fargo who yes, was called Corn Fed for the entire series) whether she could handle his lifestyle. Which raises the question: what lifestyle?
Tool Academy: This is the flip side of The Pick Up Artist. Whereas that show focused on guys who can’t get women and then teaches them all the tricks to have beautiful women falling all over themselves trying to be with the former geeks this show is about muscle bound, self-absorbed guys who are trying to be taught to be caring sensitive males. So essentially this show is about unlearning everything that Mystery taught me and getting back to being myself. And people wonder why I have such a hard time meeting women. I can’t even figure out what side of spectrum to be on.
Confession of a Teen Idol: This show, which not surprisingly comes from the inventive mind of Scott Baio, focuses on former teen idols as they try to make a comeback. Now some of the people on the show are actual teen idols. Christopher Atkins, Jeremy Jackson, and even Adrian Zmed fit the criteria of once being lusted after by fourteen year old girls. Also on the show is Billy Hufsey. I don’t have any clue who this guy is. He apparently was on the TV show Fame, which I barely remember. Sign that your career has gone badly: when you are on a show featuring washed up stars and none of the other has beens can remember who you are.
Sober House: Here is how Wikipedia sums up the first episode: “Steven Adler comes to the house not only high, but bringing heroin.” If that doesn’t catch your interest nothing will. For those of you who need more background this is a spinoff of Celebrity Rehab (yes, in the world of VH-1 even a reality show about rehab can merit a spinoff). After watching your favorite D-list celebrities get clean in rehab now you get to watch how they try to stay sober. Featuring, and I’m not making this up, the aforementioned Steven Adler from Guns N Roses, porn star Mary Carey, Andy Dick and in the best non sequitor casting ever, Rodney King. There should be a contest connected with this show where a random member of the public is placed in the house with this crowd and if they don’t become a drug addict trying to deal with all of them they win a million dollars.
And we can only end with…
Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels: Ok, I’m just going to list the awesomeness of this show in bullet point form.
· Bret is always shown wearing a bandanna because it is clearly apparent that he has lost the vast majority of his hair.
· Also, all of Bret’s individual segments are shot in front of a backdrop of all of his gold records. Except that it is clearly a greenscreen so they could put the surface of the moon back there and he would never notice.
· The third episode of the show was titled, and again I’m not making this up, “Skanks on Ice”
· We have contestants named Brittanya, Jasmineva, Constandina, and Mindy.
· The fact that not only were they able to find new contestants that met the former stripper standard set in the first two seasons but they found twenty of them.
· The entire concept of the show is this. As Bret was unable to find love in the first two seasons (what a surprise) he is now searching for a woman who will be able to withstand his rock and roll lifestyle. So now the contest is going on the road with him as he travels to such exotic locations as Louisville, Indianapolis and my former home of Champaign, Illinois. That is not a bad judgment of true love for you right there. If you can find a woman who will willingly travel to Champaign with you marry her.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Time to increase my indie cred. Fleet Foxes, yes they were on Saturday Night Live but they are still all kinds of awesome.
Ok, over the past few weeks I have been very poor in my coverage of VH-1’s reality programming. This has been a huge overlook on my part as some of the shows are just classic. Let’s run through some of the shows currently airing.
Real Chance at Love: I know this show just had its season finale but I really need to start here. So we have Real and Chance, two contestants from I Love New York, which featured New York from Flavor of Love, which was created when the relationship between Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielson fell apart, a relationship that began on The Surreal Life, a show that existed to promote people who used to be vaguely famous, are on a Bachelor type show. That sentence does make sense even if reading it makes you die a little inside. What makes the show so brilliant is the degree to which this is a competition. These women dream of dating a former reality television show contestant. Everyone is serious: best evidence when Chance questioned Corn Fed (a woman from Fargo who yes, was called Corn Fed for the entire series) whether she could handle his lifestyle. Which raises the question: what lifestyle?
Tool Academy: This is the flip side of The Pick Up Artist. Whereas that show focused on guys who can’t get women and then teaches them all the tricks to have beautiful women falling all over themselves trying to be with the former geeks this show is about muscle bound, self-absorbed guys who are trying to be taught to be caring sensitive males. So essentially this show is about unlearning everything that Mystery taught me and getting back to being myself. And people wonder why I have such a hard time meeting women. I can’t even figure out what side of spectrum to be on.
Confession of a Teen Idol: This show, which not surprisingly comes from the inventive mind of Scott Baio, focuses on former teen idols as they try to make a comeback. Now some of the people on the show are actual teen idols. Christopher Atkins, Jeremy Jackson, and even Adrian Zmed fit the criteria of once being lusted after by fourteen year old girls. Also on the show is Billy Hufsey. I don’t have any clue who this guy is. He apparently was on the TV show Fame, which I barely remember. Sign that your career has gone badly: when you are on a show featuring washed up stars and none of the other has beens can remember who you are.
Sober House: Here is how Wikipedia sums up the first episode: “Steven Adler comes to the house not only high, but bringing heroin.” If that doesn’t catch your interest nothing will. For those of you who need more background this is a spinoff of Celebrity Rehab (yes, in the world of VH-1 even a reality show about rehab can merit a spinoff). After watching your favorite D-list celebrities get clean in rehab now you get to watch how they try to stay sober. Featuring, and I’m not making this up, the aforementioned Steven Adler from Guns N Roses, porn star Mary Carey, Andy Dick and in the best non sequitor casting ever, Rodney King. There should be a contest connected with this show where a random member of the public is placed in the house with this crowd and if they don’t become a drug addict trying to deal with all of them they win a million dollars.
And we can only end with…
Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels: Ok, I’m just going to list the awesomeness of this show in bullet point form.
· Bret is always shown wearing a bandanna because it is clearly apparent that he has lost the vast majority of his hair.
· Also, all of Bret’s individual segments are shot in front of a backdrop of all of his gold records. Except that it is clearly a greenscreen so they could put the surface of the moon back there and he would never notice.
· The third episode of the show was titled, and again I’m not making this up, “Skanks on Ice”
· We have contestants named Brittanya, Jasmineva, Constandina, and Mindy.
· The fact that not only were they able to find new contestants that met the former stripper standard set in the first two seasons but they found twenty of them.
· The entire concept of the show is this. As Bret was unable to find love in the first two seasons (what a surprise) he is now searching for a woman who will be able to withstand his rock and roll lifestyle. So now the contest is going on the road with him as he travels to such exotic locations as Louisville, Indianapolis and my former home of Champaign, Illinois. That is not a bad judgment of true love for you right there. If you can find a woman who will willingly travel to Champaign with you marry her.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Time to increase my indie cred. Fleet Foxes, yes they were on Saturday Night Live but they are still all kinds of awesome.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
My reality just slightly tops reality TV
As I am now unemployed, I find myself undertaking various tasks that are fitting to my current situation. Such as going out on a Monday night and then spending Tuesday wandering around in a fog until making macaroni and cheese for lunch sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea. We’re not talking about any fancy recipe mac and cheese here. We’re talking Kraft, fluorescent orange, mac and cheese. I didn’t even spring for the dinosaur shaped noodles. I keep it old school.
What is interesting is the amazingly detailed directions you find on the box. Not only do they tell you to boil water but they actually show you specifically what level to set the burner to. I find that very useful as I tend to view the kitchen the same as viewed my chemistry labs in college. I don’t want to be there, I have an unnerving sense that if I make a mistake I might end up in the hospital, and the only reason I’m going through with this is some misplaced opinion that it will one day impress a woman. Hence, when they tell me to use six cups of water I am measuring out exactly six cups of water. I use a stopwatch for cooking times. Kraft thankfully provides me with these important details as I settle down to cook (or at least make) mac and cheese. This is possibly because they made the instructions to be understood by a nine year old as opposed to someone with multiple degrees. Sometimes I’m amazed that I’ve made it this far on my own.
Next step on the unemployment express, getting me one of those General Grievous motorcycles as mentioned in the comments. Have to love any vehicle that takes the inherent instability of a motorcycle and ups it by essentially turning it into a motorized unicycle. It seems to be an awfully dangerous form of transportation for someone whose heart is exposed in a plastic container outside of his robotic body (wow, that is a metaphor for myself that I haven’t used yet.) Apparently the empire cut funding to their engineering schools because their designs are awfully flawed. Maybe they should consider outsourcing.
Switching gears, I did watch a bit of The Biggest Loser tonight. I couldn’t watch all of it mainly because I have gotten rather bored of watching grown men cry over how much weight that they’ve lost. I’ve never quite understood this aspect of reality shows. Every time someone is voted off there is a tearful goodbye to the point that you think that the contestant is going to be given the Old Yeller treatment as soon as they go off screen. When in reality they are going back home for a few blissful days of not being recorded every moment of every day. Sure, I understand why the losing contestant is crying because they could have won money if they stayed. But it’s not like the other contestants are never going to see him again.
Oh, and while flipping around the dial yesterday I found proof that by the end of the year everyone will be on television. Coming soon on Animal Planet “Groomer Has It”. Hosted by Jai, the culture guy from Queer Eye, this show features twelve dog groomers in competition to prove who has the top dog grooming skills. With elimination challenges and drama and intrigue and villains and what the hell am I writing here? It’s a show about people who cut dogs’ hair! A species that has existed for thousands of years without ever needing any additional grooming. At least on Top Chef I watch people cook and I do technically have to eat. The dog will just shed in summer. Yeah, it’s horrible for the carpet but at least it is not the basis of a game show. And people wonder why I’m so cynical.
What is interesting is the amazingly detailed directions you find on the box. Not only do they tell you to boil water but they actually show you specifically what level to set the burner to. I find that very useful as I tend to view the kitchen the same as viewed my chemistry labs in college. I don’t want to be there, I have an unnerving sense that if I make a mistake I might end up in the hospital, and the only reason I’m going through with this is some misplaced opinion that it will one day impress a woman. Hence, when they tell me to use six cups of water I am measuring out exactly six cups of water. I use a stopwatch for cooking times. Kraft thankfully provides me with these important details as I settle down to cook (or at least make) mac and cheese. This is possibly because they made the instructions to be understood by a nine year old as opposed to someone with multiple degrees. Sometimes I’m amazed that I’ve made it this far on my own.
Next step on the unemployment express, getting me one of those General Grievous motorcycles as mentioned in the comments. Have to love any vehicle that takes the inherent instability of a motorcycle and ups it by essentially turning it into a motorized unicycle. It seems to be an awfully dangerous form of transportation for someone whose heart is exposed in a plastic container outside of his robotic body (wow, that is a metaphor for myself that I haven’t used yet.) Apparently the empire cut funding to their engineering schools because their designs are awfully flawed. Maybe they should consider outsourcing.
Switching gears, I did watch a bit of The Biggest Loser tonight. I couldn’t watch all of it mainly because I have gotten rather bored of watching grown men cry over how much weight that they’ve lost. I’ve never quite understood this aspect of reality shows. Every time someone is voted off there is a tearful goodbye to the point that you think that the contestant is going to be given the Old Yeller treatment as soon as they go off screen. When in reality they are going back home for a few blissful days of not being recorded every moment of every day. Sure, I understand why the losing contestant is crying because they could have won money if they stayed. But it’s not like the other contestants are never going to see him again.
Oh, and while flipping around the dial yesterday I found proof that by the end of the year everyone will be on television. Coming soon on Animal Planet “Groomer Has It”. Hosted by Jai, the culture guy from Queer Eye, this show features twelve dog groomers in competition to prove who has the top dog grooming skills. With elimination challenges and drama and intrigue and villains and what the hell am I writing here? It’s a show about people who cut dogs’ hair! A species that has existed for thousands of years without ever needing any additional grooming. At least on Top Chef I watch people cook and I do technically have to eat. The dog will just shed in summer. Yeah, it’s horrible for the carpet but at least it is not the basis of a game show. And people wonder why I’m so cynical.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Apex of Reality
“It’s the most inane and idiotic show in the history of television. It’s right up your alley.” And with that, I was introduced to the most amazing piece of television wizardry since The Pick Up Artist. I can only be talking about one thing, “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.”
For the record, I know about this show because Danny (the source of the quote) was the sound engineer for the show. Danny is the only person on the planet that I know who has a job that is weirder than mine. He travels the world doing the sound for reality television shows. I watch these shows as mindless entertainment, for him it’s his freaking job. While my job is…is…still classified but vaguely involves spending all day surfing the net at least I can explain it. I’m not even sure how to explain this show.
I’ll start by explaining who Tila Tequila is. If you don’t know who she is then congratulations, you are probably above the age of 22. She is a MySpace celebrity. I’m not sure what qualifies someone as a MySpace celebrity other than accepting every friend request, even those that are clearly from spam sites. (For the spam sites, could you at least vary the page design? I hate getting requests for the same page under five different names.) Basically, Tila made a name for herself by posting pictures of herself in skimpy clothing and ceaselessly promoting herself as, well, someone who will post pictures of themselves in skimpy clothing for free. I believe Meryl Streep got her start in the same fashion.
All of this enables one to their own reality show on MTV, which has so given up on the concept of having anything relate to music that the idea of VJs seems quaint. But it can’t just be any type of reality show, it has to be a reality dating competition. And because you have to top Flavor of Love, Tila Tequila just happens to be bisexual so this show is, for all intensive purposes, Bisexual Bachelorette.
(I swear I’m not making any of this up. This all on Tuesday nights on MTV.)
Yep, so you’ve got guys and girls competing for the love of Tila, who has the personality of a block of wood. I know that’s not what has made her a minor celebrity but for crying out loud, can’t you show a slight bit of emotion? The guys all have six pack abs and seemed to have collectively failed to pack shirts. Or they can’t figure out how to put them on as they do not seem to be the brightest bunch. I’m pulling for the guy who has the subtitle “Pizza Delivery Guy” whenever he is shown, if just because I have a feeling that he isn’t actually a contestant but is in fact just the pizza delivery guy. The girls are a strange mix as you can imagine. I think the intelligent ones intentionally got eliminated first. Danny once told me that anyone who agrees to be on a reality show is at least a little unhinged, I’m pretty sure anyone who signed up for this show didn’t have a door to begin with.
You could make a lot of grand claims about what this says about society in general. We have someone who is famous for being famous except that she really isn’t famous in the first place. We have people who are so desperate for their fifteen minutes of fame that they’ll showcase themselves in the most embarrassing manner possible. And you’ll have someone with multiple degrees spend an hour watching the show and a half hour writing an essay about it in the hopes that a few people might find it funny. I’m not sure what this really says about society other than a) we all want to be famous, b) put people in skimpy clothing and you can guarantee ratings and c) I have way too much free time.
For the record, I know about this show because Danny (the source of the quote) was the sound engineer for the show. Danny is the only person on the planet that I know who has a job that is weirder than mine. He travels the world doing the sound for reality television shows. I watch these shows as mindless entertainment, for him it’s his freaking job. While my job is…is…still classified but vaguely involves spending all day surfing the net at least I can explain it. I’m not even sure how to explain this show.
I’ll start by explaining who Tila Tequila is. If you don’t know who she is then congratulations, you are probably above the age of 22. She is a MySpace celebrity. I’m not sure what qualifies someone as a MySpace celebrity other than accepting every friend request, even those that are clearly from spam sites. (For the spam sites, could you at least vary the page design? I hate getting requests for the same page under five different names.) Basically, Tila made a name for herself by posting pictures of herself in skimpy clothing and ceaselessly promoting herself as, well, someone who will post pictures of themselves in skimpy clothing for free. I believe Meryl Streep got her start in the same fashion.
All of this enables one to their own reality show on MTV, which has so given up on the concept of having anything relate to music that the idea of VJs seems quaint. But it can’t just be any type of reality show, it has to be a reality dating competition. And because you have to top Flavor of Love, Tila Tequila just happens to be bisexual so this show is, for all intensive purposes, Bisexual Bachelorette.
(I swear I’m not making any of this up. This all on Tuesday nights on MTV.)
Yep, so you’ve got guys and girls competing for the love of Tila, who has the personality of a block of wood. I know that’s not what has made her a minor celebrity but for crying out loud, can’t you show a slight bit of emotion? The guys all have six pack abs and seemed to have collectively failed to pack shirts. Or they can’t figure out how to put them on as they do not seem to be the brightest bunch. I’m pulling for the guy who has the subtitle “Pizza Delivery Guy” whenever he is shown, if just because I have a feeling that he isn’t actually a contestant but is in fact just the pizza delivery guy. The girls are a strange mix as you can imagine. I think the intelligent ones intentionally got eliminated first. Danny once told me that anyone who agrees to be on a reality show is at least a little unhinged, I’m pretty sure anyone who signed up for this show didn’t have a door to begin with.
You could make a lot of grand claims about what this says about society in general. We have someone who is famous for being famous except that she really isn’t famous in the first place. We have people who are so desperate for their fifteen minutes of fame that they’ll showcase themselves in the most embarrassing manner possible. And you’ll have someone with multiple degrees spend an hour watching the show and a half hour writing an essay about it in the hopes that a few people might find it funny. I’m not sure what this really says about society other than a) we all want to be famous, b) put people in skimpy clothing and you can guarantee ratings and c) I have way too much free time.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Surviving the reality landscape
Well, at least the light posts are now affirming my existence. Is it a good sign when inanimate objects are the most positive thing that you encounter all day? Or that you pay enough attention to them that you are drawn to break out the camera phone on a daily basis?
Anyway, there is big news in the reality television world or as I like to put it, the only world that actually matters. It deals with the Discovery Channel, which is currently celebrating Shark Week though I do encourage everyone to live every week as if it is Shark Week. Truer words have never been spoken. Aside aside, the controversy is that, gasp, Man vs, Wild may not be entirely realistic and the host Bear Grylls may have during filming slept in a hotel.
(Some background for those of you who don’t watch the show, which is one of the shows that I catch while flipping channels and can never seem to get past. Bear, a former British Special Ops soldier, parachutes into some incredibly harsh climate and he spends several days surviving based on his wits, strength and survival skill until he finds a way back to civilization. It’s a rather enthralling program as you get to see a guy eat bugs, start fires and take on various animals in hand to hand combat.)
There are a couple of parts to this story. The first of all is that it is clear to anyone who ever watched the show that it was at least partly fake due to the fact that he had a several person camera crew with him at all times. He’s not holding the camera, there’s a couple of guys with him doing all of the filming. This takes away some of the loneliness of the situation and also shows that things aren’t quite as deadly as they make it out to be. When Bear crosses a river through some death defying method you have to realize that his crew also crosses the same river and probably without all of the unnecessary heroics. In fact, part of the show is Bear showing off survival techniques that he actually doesn’t need to do so it isn’t just a “Let’s see if I can survive in the Outback by myself.”
Now with that said, if he is actually sleeping in a hotel you have to wonder about the show. Now in some places that had to be impossible, such as in a rain forest or when he was in the middle of Iceland. But, he was also in the Scottish Highlands and the Everglades and in either of those situations you aren’t that far from a warm bed. And while viewers will accept the conceit that this isn’t entirely realistic we don’t want the guy to have an easy time of it either. It’s a strange tradeoff, we feel cheated if Bear isn’t legitimately near death. Otherwise, where’s the entertainment?
That is the strange thing about reality television, it is pretty much a given that nothing is real. Contestants are cast not for skill but for whether they match a character archetype and look good on camera. Competitions are made less to show who is best and more who can meet the goals of the show. Lia lost in Top Chef because she was a French chef made to cook Latin and it didn’t work, which really doesn’t indicate if her skills didn’t match up with the others. Still, we all watch it as a competition than we act as if this false reality is real. That said, we do that every day in the real world as well.
So will I stop watching Man vs. Wild if it isn’t truly real? Nope, it’s still a good way to spend an hour on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I’m not even sure if it will hinder my enjoyment of the show. I’ll just reminded that very little of what is on television is real. Everyone has an agenda, whether it is entertainment or fame or a deeper message. Well, except for American Gladiators reruns. That was when television was pure.
Anyway, there is big news in the reality television world or as I like to put it, the only world that actually matters. It deals with the Discovery Channel, which is currently celebrating Shark Week though I do encourage everyone to live every week as if it is Shark Week. Truer words have never been spoken. Aside aside, the controversy is that, gasp, Man vs, Wild may not be entirely realistic and the host Bear Grylls may have during filming slept in a hotel.
(Some background for those of you who don’t watch the show, which is one of the shows that I catch while flipping channels and can never seem to get past. Bear, a former British Special Ops soldier, parachutes into some incredibly harsh climate and he spends several days surviving based on his wits, strength and survival skill until he finds a way back to civilization. It’s a rather enthralling program as you get to see a guy eat bugs, start fires and take on various animals in hand to hand combat.)
There are a couple of parts to this story. The first of all is that it is clear to anyone who ever watched the show that it was at least partly fake due to the fact that he had a several person camera crew with him at all times. He’s not holding the camera, there’s a couple of guys with him doing all of the filming. This takes away some of the loneliness of the situation and also shows that things aren’t quite as deadly as they make it out to be. When Bear crosses a river through some death defying method you have to realize that his crew also crosses the same river and probably without all of the unnecessary heroics. In fact, part of the show is Bear showing off survival techniques that he actually doesn’t need to do so it isn’t just a “Let’s see if I can survive in the Outback by myself.”
Now with that said, if he is actually sleeping in a hotel you have to wonder about the show. Now in some places that had to be impossible, such as in a rain forest or when he was in the middle of Iceland. But, he was also in the Scottish Highlands and the Everglades and in either of those situations you aren’t that far from a warm bed. And while viewers will accept the conceit that this isn’t entirely realistic we don’t want the guy to have an easy time of it either. It’s a strange tradeoff, we feel cheated if Bear isn’t legitimately near death. Otherwise, where’s the entertainment?
That is the strange thing about reality television, it is pretty much a given that nothing is real. Contestants are cast not for skill but for whether they match a character archetype and look good on camera. Competitions are made less to show who is best and more who can meet the goals of the show. Lia lost in Top Chef because she was a French chef made to cook Latin and it didn’t work, which really doesn’t indicate if her skills didn’t match up with the others. Still, we all watch it as a competition than we act as if this false reality is real. That said, we do that every day in the real world as well.
So will I stop watching Man vs. Wild if it isn’t truly real? Nope, it’s still a good way to spend an hour on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I’m not even sure if it will hinder my enjoyment of the show. I’ll just reminded that very little of what is on television is real. Everyone has an agenda, whether it is entertainment or fame or a deeper message. Well, except for American Gladiators reruns. That was when television was pure.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Reality is best viewed through a camera
Let’s see, I’ve had high speed internet for 27 hours and I’ve slept…ok, I haven’t slept yet. I told you I had a reason why I hadn’t done this by now. You can’t let me watch the video for Belly’s “Feed the Tree” whenever the hell I feel like it. I’ll just put it on an infinite loop and sit there until my eyes bleed. Of course it is cool that as I write this I have an Arcade Fire concert playing in one window. I never get to do that when I listen to it at work.
Good news, we actually won at trivia tonight for the first time that I can remember in a while. Even better was that it was just a three person team and we had to earn a victory by knowing where Scottie Pippen went to college and that they executed Oliver Cromwell after he had already died and been buried. Oh, and knowing that yak’s milk is pink. That’s the type of knowledge that is just stored in the back corners of my brain.
Oh, I’ve only watched a bit of the World Series of Pop Culture, mainly getting pissed at people who miss easy questions. For crying out loud, one team couldn’t identify “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” or “Rock the Casbah” from the song lyrics. If you can’t do that you really shouldn’t be on a trivia game show. I do vaguely know one of the teams (it’s the guys who run the Trivia Smackdown game at the Bottleneck) and a few of my friends tried out but mainly I’m sitting this reality show out. Have to prepare for the “Scott Baio is 45 and Single” masterpiece.
I’m not kidding about that last one. It is the new show on VH-1 and I am really looking forward to it. For those who don’t know the story, Scott Baio grew to fame as Chachi and continued his career with such classics as Charles in Charge and Zapped, the latter being possibly the greatest movie a twelve year old boy could sneak past an unsuspecting video store clerk in the mid 80’s. In the process Scott Baio dated/had affairs with/loved them and left them with practically every single hot starlet in the world. This guy hooked up with everyone. I mean, you think Wilmer Valderamma has serious game, he is a geeky kid compared to Scott Baio. He’s a hero to many as epitomized by The Man Show making him the second inductee into the Man Show Hall of fame, second only to Andre the Giant.
But today Scott is a little fatter, a little grayer and the wrinkles are starting to show. He is in a relationship but isn’t committing and he brings in a life coach (and the VH-1 camera crew) to help him address his fear of commitment. Which includes him visiting all of his ex-girlfriends. This might just be the best premise ever. Former teen idol meeting former hot starlets and discussing relationships with cameras rolling. This has the potential for brilliance.
One last reality tv note before I call it a night. I’d like to celebrate Lea’s victory in the elimination challenge on Top Chef last night. Not that I think that she is the best chef on the show (Tre, Hung and CJ seem to be the best) but I just find her to be really cute and I want her to stay on the show for a while. That’s one of those secrets of successful reality shows, there has to be one cute, nice person to cheer for just because you like her and wouldn’t mind dating her. Hell, it ended up giving Elisabeth Hasselbeck a career for the past 6 years. Plus, Top Chef is a rather cool show, even if it is difficult to judge who is the best chef when you are not actually tasting the food.
Ok, one more Liz Phair video and I’ll go to bed…
Good news, we actually won at trivia tonight for the first time that I can remember in a while. Even better was that it was just a three person team and we had to earn a victory by knowing where Scottie Pippen went to college and that they executed Oliver Cromwell after he had already died and been buried. Oh, and knowing that yak’s milk is pink. That’s the type of knowledge that is just stored in the back corners of my brain.
Oh, I’ve only watched a bit of the World Series of Pop Culture, mainly getting pissed at people who miss easy questions. For crying out loud, one team couldn’t identify “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” or “Rock the Casbah” from the song lyrics. If you can’t do that you really shouldn’t be on a trivia game show. I do vaguely know one of the teams (it’s the guys who run the Trivia Smackdown game at the Bottleneck) and a few of my friends tried out but mainly I’m sitting this reality show out. Have to prepare for the “Scott Baio is 45 and Single” masterpiece.
I’m not kidding about that last one. It is the new show on VH-1 and I am really looking forward to it. For those who don’t know the story, Scott Baio grew to fame as Chachi and continued his career with such classics as Charles in Charge and Zapped, the latter being possibly the greatest movie a twelve year old boy could sneak past an unsuspecting video store clerk in the mid 80’s. In the process Scott Baio dated/had affairs with/loved them and left them with practically every single hot starlet in the world. This guy hooked up with everyone. I mean, you think Wilmer Valderamma has serious game, he is a geeky kid compared to Scott Baio. He’s a hero to many as epitomized by The Man Show making him the second inductee into the Man Show Hall of fame, second only to Andre the Giant.
But today Scott is a little fatter, a little grayer and the wrinkles are starting to show. He is in a relationship but isn’t committing and he brings in a life coach (and the VH-1 camera crew) to help him address his fear of commitment. Which includes him visiting all of his ex-girlfriends. This might just be the best premise ever. Former teen idol meeting former hot starlets and discussing relationships with cameras rolling. This has the potential for brilliance.
One last reality tv note before I call it a night. I’d like to celebrate Lea’s victory in the elimination challenge on Top Chef last night. Not that I think that she is the best chef on the show (Tre, Hung and CJ seem to be the best) but I just find her to be really cute and I want her to stay on the show for a while. That’s one of those secrets of successful reality shows, there has to be one cute, nice person to cheer for just because you like her and wouldn’t mind dating her. Hell, it ended up giving Elisabeth Hasselbeck a career for the past 6 years. Plus, Top Chef is a rather cool show, even if it is difficult to judge who is the best chef when you are not actually tasting the food.
Ok, one more Liz Phair video and I’ll go to bed…
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