Lightening the mood

Since things have been rather serious and dour as of late I feel that it is very important for me to bring the nation’s focus back where it belongs. Such as sitting in stunned disbelief after finding out that Jamie Lynne Spears is preggers again only four months after giving birth. Yes, Brittney’s little sister is playing catch up by having Irish twins before the age of eighteen. I somehow feel that a return to Nickelodeon isn’t in the cards at the moment. Unless we could use her as a star of “Clarissa Explains How She Made Some Really Bad Choices In Life” or “You Can’t Do That If You Were Using Birth Control.”

(The story is she didn’t think she could get pregnant because she was nursing at the time. I assume that her first pregnancy was due to the belief that you can’t get pregnant if you do it standing up or you can’t get pregnant if the day ends in a Y.)

Also, we are now down to the final contestants on Project Runway. Kenley the bitch makes it to the finale and as much as I hate her, based on the wedding and bridesmaid dresses she made she deserves to go. She was easily better than Kotto and Jerrel even if this is like the twelfth time she has acted stunned when someone said that her dress reminds them of another designers. Leanne, who is my favorite, put together two absolutely amazing pieces. The wedding dress was super cool and looked like something that both the bride and the mother of the bride could like but for totally different reasons. Her bridesmaid dress was actually pretty and when was the last time you said that about one of those.

(Yes, I like Leanne partly because she looks like Cat Power and is from Portland. Sue me, I just dig that style. Was bummed when her boyfriend got screen time tonight.)

In other media news I am rather disturbed by seeing Ashton Kutcher in commercials for Canon. Less because of my feelings towards Canon (fine camera products one and all) and more for the reason that I have no desire to see him on my television set at any time. I can’t even bring myself to watch reruns of That 70’s Show, though to be honest any episode in which Donna isn’t a redhead isn’t worth watching on general principle. I don’t want to see Ashton acting all goofy at a wedding. I don’t want to see him snapping pictures. I want to see him getting hit in the head repeatedly with a two by four. Now that would make a great commercial for Home Depot.

I’ll end with another quick discussion of the economy. Now when I say that I have watched the market for 25 years I am not kidding. My dad showed me how to read the financial pages when I was ten. I learned how understand stock symbols and make sense of the mass of numbers that filled the boring section of the newspaper. This was back in the day when stocks traded in eighths. We couldn’t even afford decimal points.

So I was paying attention when the 1987 crash went down. Now in some ways that was more destructive than what we are going through now. It was certainly quicker and more disturbing. Both took place in October as all crashes take place in October. It’s kind of a financial law. What is more interesting to look at is how the average person is impacted psychologically as opposed to financially.

Remember that we live in a much different world than we did 21 years ago. The average person had to wait until they read the stock pages the next day to find out where there stocks were and even then they could only make a rough estimate as to where there portfolio was. Everything took place in the mysterious world of Wall Street and it was an almost mystical place. Honestly, adults looked at me like a freak because I could figure out what a stock was trading at mainly because they had no idea how to read those pages.

Today everyone is an expert and can find out instantaneously. We all can jump on Yahoo and find the value of all of our stocks. If we want to be fancy we could build spreadsheets to automatically calculate our position. If not we can jump on a website and see the value of our 401K to the penny. As a result, peoples’ focus is constantly on the market. That makes life hell because if there is one thing you don’t want to do is look at those numbers on a minute by minute basis. Right now all you get is depressed. Long term all it does is force you to make bad decisions because those little fluctuations do not matter. The reason people are on edge now more than in 1987 is partly due to the fact that more of us are in the market than before. But mainly it is because the moment by moment changes to the market are broadcast to us instantaneously. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Fame (or lack of it)

Ok, I’ve only watched a little bit of Tin Man on the Sci Fi Channel, which is this kind of weird reinterpretation of The Wizard of Oz turning it into steampunk or something like that. But I have to say that whenever I make up my new Perfect Mate list I really should include Zooey Deschannel on the list. Wow, there is something about her that just grabs my attention. She just exudes cool and how can you not like someone named Zooey?

(The series looks really cool so I’ll try to catch it on replays. I probably should have Tivoed it from the start. Given that the writers’ strike isn’t going to end any time soon I should stock up on good television while I can. It’s going to be all reality television all the time very soon.)

I should mention the best news from the weekend, which is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with her boyfriend. This would be that snowboard dude who called off his engagement to date Lindsay, which his fiancée found out about by reading the tabloids. Typically I can say that I’ve been through worse breakups but I think that one trumps mine (though I still claim that one girl broke up with me because I spent a week volunteering in New Orleans.) The buzz online is that this guy was being a jerk and couldn’t handle the paparazzi so that ended it pretty quickly. As a result I move up one more slot on the “Lindsay Lohan’s potential boyfriends” depth chart. I think I’m now officially on the practice squad. Just a few more months and I’ll be in the starting lineup.

Staying on the celebrity gossip front (because nothing else interesting happened today other than my parking garage reopened) I forgot to wish Brit a happy birthday this weekend. She was off celebrating with Paris who, if the picture in The Superficial is correct, seems to have injected her lips with about twenty pounds of bacon fat. I’m sorry but I’ve never gotten that insanely big lips look. It looks like you’re suffering from an intense allergic reaction and desperately need medical treatment. Anyway, you’ve got to hand it to Brit. Everyone thinks your life is a mess, you have no career to speak of, people are actively rooting for Kevin Federline to gain custody of your children and yet you still party on with Paris Hilton. If she was that dedicated to her craft she’d…what was her craft anyway? Is media whore an actual profession nowadays?

(By the way, if you check out The Superficial you can also find a picture of Tara Reid that looks like, well, let me explain. Ever hang out in a dive bar and notice that one older woman who always seems to be at the end of the bar chainsmoking cigarettes? The one who decided to hit a tanning bed twenty years ago and never stopped? The one you dread talking to because she tends to burn you with her cigarettes and still expects you to buy her a drink? Yeah, that’s Tara Reid. I should cut her break as she just got off a flight to Australia but wow, that’s a bad picture.

Oh, and props to Jennifer Love Hewitt for attacking people for attacking her for looking less than perfect in a picture. I know that might seem hypocritical of me but Jennifer does have a career that goes beyond her looks. People like Tara and Paris are now known for nothing other than being famous and no one can remember why they are famous in the first place.)

Last note: Keane’s “Is It Any Wonder?” is making a strong push to make the CD. More like I listened to the song a dozen times today and can’t believe that there aren’t any guitars in it. A very cool band who might make the Wednesday Night Music Club at a minimum.