Deciphering the 80's: Beastie Boys Edition

In order to keep the generous federal grant that I receive for writing this blog (thank you, mindless beauracrats of the overspending Obama administration) I must occasionally provide an educational service in, as my grant proposal puts it, “Developing a deeper understanding of the art and culture of Generation X.” Or more accurately, deciphering the lyrics and music videos of the 1980’s. Tonight we will address the Beastie Boys classic “Fight for your Right to Party”.



Side Note #1: Did everyone else grow up hearing the rumor that one, or possibly all three, of the Beastie Boys died of a cocaine overdose after this single was released. That was definitely the story in the halls of every grade school and high school that I know of. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it has to be true. If not, how the hell did these guys get to be friends with the Dalai Lama?

Video Note #1: The video starts out with three people who look surprisingly like I did in the late 80’s discussing the makings of a party. For the record I only wore tape on my glasses when they were broken and it was going to take a week to get a new pair. Also, what is wrong with having soda and pie at a party? Who the hell doesn’t like pie? And yes, it is sad that throughout this entire video I am going to be identifying with the nerds.

Video Note #2: It appears that this video takes place in the exact same apartment where Cyndi Lauper wanted to have fun. In reality the only thing that would make this video even more awesome is a Captain Lou Albano appearance.

Kick it
I wish they would be slightly more specific about what it is we are supposed to kick. Are we kicking out the jams? Are we kicking the can? Are we kicking the door down as the video implies? Could we ask for at least a little specificity out of our rap lyrics?

You wake up late for school – man you don’t wanna go
You ask your mom, “Please?” – but she still says “No!”
I’ve always taken that this song is addressed towards high school students as a result of this opening couplet. Only a high school student would ask their parents if they had to go to school and then actually follow the given advice. A college sophomore probably doesn’t feel that way about Geology 101. Or more accurately they just would stay in bed hungover from the Jager shots the night before.

Also, why does waking up late for school make you not want to go? If you had woken up on time would that make you want to go to school? Wouldn’t you rather not go to school regardless? True, there is the sense that by being late you might be able to turn it into a sick day but the logic of needing to sleep late in order to have the right to party seems a little strained.

Video Note #3: For a bunch of nerds they have a surprisingly large number of attractive women at the party prior to the bad people arriving. And setting fire to a Popular Science magazine is just blasphemy.

You missed two classes – and no homework
This line has always troubled me. Ok, you missed two classes but you didn’t miss any homework. Isn’t that a win win? You got to sleep late and you don’t have any homework to do tonight. Sounds like the start of the best day ever in my book.

But your teacher preaches class like you’re some kind of jerk
Love the double meaning of class here as it can reference the physical act of attending a session of learning or the more ethereal sense of style and sophistication.

You’ve gotta fight for your right to party
I was always upset that Thomas Jefferson did not include the right to party in the Declaration of Independence. The right to pursue happiness just isn’t the same thing. We need a specific constitutional amendment guaranteeing our right to throw a bitchin kegger whenever we have a need to. I would fight for that right.

Video Note #4: I love that the video has a cutout segment to indicate that the punch is being spiked with Spanish Fly; a reference that kids today might not get. Also, apropos of nothing but why is it that at every wedding I now attend people are forcing me to drink punch? I don’t want to drink punch. If I’m thirsty I am going to want either a) water or b) beer so why offer me a third choice that just makes me wish I had one of my first two options. I propose a punch ban at weddings for precisely this reason.

Your pop caught you smoking – and he said, “No Way!”
That hypocrite – smokes two packs a day
Again this has to be about teenagers because who else gets yelled at for being caught smoking. Though smoking back in the late 80’s was not as much of a social stigma as it is today as it is now illegal to smoke in offices, bars, restaurants, or basically anywhere outside of a 100 foot radius circle in central Wyoming on alternate Thursdays. No, I did not sneak cigarettes as a teenager. I had my first when I was 29 and my last when I was 30 thus making me the oldest person in history to succumb to peer pressure. Also, I wouldn’t even want to imagine what a two pack a day habit would cost you now given all the taxes.

Man, living at home is such a drag
Another double meaning here as drag could reference the inhaling of a cigarette or the fact that living under your parents’ roof is a bummer. I bet most people never thought that this song had such lyrical depth.

Now your mom threw away your best porno mag (Bust it!)
I must explain this lyric to the youth of America as due to the internet era I don’t believe that they will understand the reference. Being a male teenager in the late 80’s meant two things: 1) a desire to see pornography and 2) the maddening difficulty of obtaining pornography. With the internet anyone with a connection can see whatever they want at any time. Even obtaining a DVD is a rather simple process and today’s teenager has a DVD drive on their laptop or gaming system. While VHS was available in the late 80’s the average household had one VCR, connected to the main television set in the living room, and thus was unable to be used without the parents’ knowledge. Thus led the rise of the “porno mag”, a printed material consisting of images that some might deem erotic or kind of sad depending on how you view such things. Yes, they actually used trees to make these things. Horrible, I know. I apologize for all generations after Gen X for the fact that global warming is directly a result of the printing of Swank.

You’ve got to fight for your right to party
Much like the request to kick it I really wish the Beastie Boys would be more specific in how we are supposed to fight for our right to party. Is it a call to take up arms? Should we have protest marches and sit ins until our right to party is achieved? Or would a simple petition suffice? You’d think that given how stridently behind the party movement they are the Beastie Boys would have given us direct instructions on how to help the cause.

Video Note #5: At this point the nerd is getting some in the bathroom that we know is a bathroom because it has a hand written sign on it that says “Bathroom.” This implies that either a) in the house that this video takes place they have a need to indicate the bathroom with a handwritten sign or b) that we the viewing audience need to be aware that this is the bathroom as opposed to the bedroom or coat closet. Sadly, I think the answer is A.

Video Note #6: Also, this is the point in the video where the pie fight starts. No one will believe that this is true but this song and the Beastie Boys in general were essentially banned due to being viewed as obscene. In my little suburban world they were the most dangerous band in existence. Yet there video features people throwing pies at each other. Maybe the 80’s were a little nicer than I originally thought.

Don’t step out of this house if that’s the clothes you’re gonna wear
I’ll kick you out of my home if you don’t cut that hair
Personally if I lived in this house I would wear the offensive clothes and not cut my hair thus putting my parents in an utter paradox to the point where I become the Schrödinger Houseguest. Also, these lyrics are perfectly applicable today as the clothes you’re gonna wear references Ed Hardy or Affliction t-shirts and that all of you kids with those damn emo haircuts should cut your hair.

Your mom busted in and said “What’s that noise?”
Aw, mom you’re just jealous – it’s the Beastie Boys
I never quite understood the meta reference here as the band is referencing a teenager listening to the band when this single was their very first release. Thus no kid could actually have been listening to the Beastie Boys when they recorded the song because the Beastie Boys did not technically exist as a commercial act. It creates another paradox in a song that is littered with them. Also, I wouldn’t think that the mom would be jealous. More overly concerned with the noise pollution.

Video Note #7: At this part of the video you get to see my favorite hidden gem of any music video of all time. In the final party scene one of the partygoers is a very young Tabitha Soren. She’s in the center right by the table sporting some awesome mall hair. I know that teenagers today will not get the reference but given that every guy my age had a crush on her due to her continual appearance on MTV News the fact that she partied with the Beastie Boys just made me fall for her even more.

You’ve got to fight for your right to party
So at the end of the video we see that a party is defined as loud music, some random hooking up, the destruction of an analog television set with a hammer and a pie fight. While that is something I would certainly fight for the right to having because again who doesn’t like pie but doesn’t this seem like a rather lame party? Would you leave this party thinking it was the most epic event you had ever attended? Ok, the guy who randomly hooked up with Tabitha Soren would but what about everyone else? And who is leading the anti-party coalition? I need to know who we are up against.

This ends our lesson. Any requests for the next subject?

The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Get Up Kids “Something to Write Home About”
2) Toad the Wet Sprocket “Dulcinea”
3) The Subdudes “Annunciation”
4) U2 “The Joshua Tree”
5) Dave Matthews Band “Live at Red Rocks”

80's Video Critical Interpretation: Lesson Two

Bon Jovi MTV Music

Per a very vocal request here is a line by line deconstruction of one of the most popular songs of my high school (and well beyond) life: Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”.

Living on a Prayer
Lyrics by Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora and Desmond Child

Note #1: Desmond Child is a songwriter who is also responsible for “You Give Love a Bad Name” and “Living La Vida Loca.” Take that for what you will other than the fact that not all of the lyrical credit in this song can be given to Messrs. Sambora and Bon Jovi.

Once upon a time
Not so long ago

Much like a prologue in a Shakespearean drama, the opening couplet to the song is used to set the stage for the action to follow. In this case the scene is created that the song will be a fairy tale of sorts but one set in a more modern era. Hence we do not expect to find neither knights nor dragons nor imperial stormtroopers but we still anticipate a morality fable to arise over the next four minutes.

Tommy used to work on the docks

This lyric introduces us to the protagonist of the song who is clearly a blue collar worker due to the fact that a) he is a former dockworker and b) does not go by a more formal name such as Tom or Thomas. Also, it immediately raises the question of just how did Tommy lose his job working on the docks, which is answered in the next line.

Union’s been on strike

This provides us with more vital information on Tommy. He is clearly a member of the union, most likely the Teamsters, and given the assumed setting of New Jersey he may quite possibly know the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body. We can also assume a more Democratic leading political ideology that is being shaken due to the length of the strike.

He’s down on his luck it’s tough. So tough.

Here is the first instance in which the lyrics of the song break down from acceptable logic. First, we are led to believe that Tommy is out of work due to the union strike. However, as a union member Tommy could have prevented this via his vote or by taking a more vocal position in union matters and preventing or at a minimum, settling the strike. Also, as it appears that the union is not providing for its members during the strike Tommy should have had the forethought and initiative to prepare himself for such a situation if it would arise. Thus while it may be tough luck has absolutely nothing to do with it. A simple degree of financial planning and political activism would have made his problems rather inconsequential.

Gina works the diner all day

As is common it most forms of modern literature after the introduction of the male protagonist it is customary to introduce the female lead. In this instance it is Gina, a service industry employee and if one can suppose based on name and New Jersey residency most likely Italian. Clearly she either works double shifts or lies to Tommy about what she does all day.

Note #2: Until reading the lyrics I had always assumed that this line was “Gina wants to die of old age”, which, to be honest, is not exactly the type of lyric one expects in a pop rock song. That said, it is preferable to “Gina wishes to die in a freak Weed Whacker accident at 23.”

Working for her man

The meaning here is rather unclear. Does Tommy own the diner or is he simply a manager? Is there an almost pimp like aspect to their relationship? Or is she simply working while Tommy is sitting on his ass, drinking beer and watching the Mets game?

She brings home her pay for love. For love.

Again, we have to once again raise the strange implications of a pimp relationship here. Or that she needs to bring Tommy financial assistance for him to love her. Sure, one can read this as she is madly in love with him and would do everything, including pour coffee to truckers all day, in order to please him but you aren’t going to get a master’s in English if you view things that simply.

(Chorus begins)
She says we’ve got to hold on to what we got

Clearly Gina wears the pants in this relationship. She dictates what actions should be taken, shows the initiative that Tommy is sorely lacking, and possesses the financial acumen to understand that at this moment in time all unnecessary expenses are verboten.

‘Cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not

A slight change in tone here as a degree of realism or fatalism (depending on your point of view) comes into play. While she pleads for her and Tommy to hold on to their mutual possessions she also has succumbed to the reality that their actions will have no significant impact on their overall situation. Much like characters in a Kafka short story or a Beckett play they are totally at the whim of outside forces.

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot

I wish to propose an alternate reading to this line than that published in most critical texts. Typically music scholars view this on a metaphorical level in that having each other in terms of a loving and caring relationship matters more than what any tangible asset (whether financial or material) could bring. I believe that this line should be read much more literally. Given the high level of obesity found in the state of New Jersey I believe that here the point is being made that by having each other they have a lot just in terms of pure mass.

For love we’ll give it a shot

This line is almost defeatist by nature. Instead of stating that all effort will be given due to the loving relationship they state that they will only make a token effort. Any degree of success is lessened by the sheer lack of determination.

We’re halfway there

In a rather interesting piece of songcraft this part of the chorus does not make any sense until the reading of the second verse. Nowhere in the song up to this point has a trip been mentioned so it is impossible to understand just where are we halfway to. This creates an air of mystery that has been sorely lacking to this point.

Livin’ on a prayer

Referencing again the poverty and dire situations that could have been easily avoided through better career management or not buying that new Camaro.

Take my hand and we’ll make it I swear

This may be the most troubling line of the entire song. Just a few lines earlier it was made clear that it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. But now one party is declaring to the gods above that they will make it even though it will apparently not make a difference. Is this a matter of effort for no reason other than pride? A delusion that they can impact events that are out of their control? A contrived reason to hold hands? The debate rages on.

Livin’ on a prayer

See above

(Second verse)
Tommy got his six string in hock

In an effort to increase his current cash assets Tommy has been forced to pawn his guitar. Now as Tommy’s music career has not been mentioned up to this point we can safely assume that he is not earning any income via his guitar. Thus while he was implored to hold on to what he’s got in this case it is a sensible solution to momentarily relieve himself of one of his assets in the name of greater liquidity.

Now he’s holding in
What he used to make talk so tough. It’s tough.

Along with poor career planning Tommy also has significant emotional issues. As shown in these lines Tommy can only profess emotions through his guitar and once removed he is psychologically shaken. Also note the fact that he used his guitar to talk tough in an effort to suppress a childhood trauma that he has yet to come to grips with.

Gina dreams of running away

A completely sensible dream for someone in a relationship with an emotionally stunted, unemployed man who is forced to live in New Jersey.

When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers “Baby it’s okay. Someday.”

Personally, I do not agree with some of the other critics who take the crying to be symbolic of an abusive relationship. I find myself in the camp that the smog and pollution found in lower class areas would naturally create eye secretions in the evening hours. In this case Tommy is simply reassuring her of his belief that environmental regulations will soon pass Congress and thus greatly reduce the emissions of the nearby plants.

Repeat Chorus

Or, in the words of Herman’s Hermits “Second verse, same as the first.”

We’ve got to hold on, ready or not

Truly, this couple needs every excuse imaginable to just hold hands. Even if they did not prepare by washing beforehand or properly trimming their nails. Also, if it doesn’t make a difference would it really matter if they are ready or not?

You live for the fight when it’s all that you got

The moral of the tale in eleven words. If through lack of foresight all you have remaining is anger and resentment that is all your life will revolve around.

Repeat Chorus until either a) tight jeans begin to chafe or b) harness fails and you fall into the crowd

80's Video Critical Interpretation: Lesson One

In what may or may not become a recurring feature on the blog I am going to take one video from the 1980’s and truly dive into the treasure trove of symbolism and clichés held within. Tonight we will start with Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages.”

· First off, does anyone else find it strange watching a Def Leppard video in which the drummer has the use of both of his arms? We’re at the point now where a one armed drummer is considered the norm.

· The video starts off with the classic chorus of monks singing “Glooper Gleebum Glotten Globun”, which is Olde English for “Let’s hope this looks cool in twenty five years.”

· The monks appear from time to time throughout the video to provide a chorus. Typically bands would have scantily clad women perform this role but Def Leppard kept it real. They knew what their fans wanted and they wanted hooded monks.

· I have no idea why at one point the main image is of the guitarist’s ass in tight white jeans. That said, this video was made during an era where Judas Priest made videos featuring the band in studded leather and no one questioned the meaning of that at all.

· The primary portion of the video is your classic early eighties performance piece in which the band acts as though they are performing. Which would be true except that none of the instruments are plugged in, there are no monitors on the stage and they clearly aren’t on the same beat. Except for the drummer of course because no one could ever figure out how to fake hitting a cymbal.

· Keeping with the monks we also have the damsel in distress chained to some sort of tree like thing. This implies a whole dragon slayer motif that becomes especially clear when the lead singer pulls out a sword.

· Let’s examine the sword in more detail. First off, it is pretty clear what the sword symbolizes. Large, straight objects held at crotch level typically have only one meaning especially when they are so comically large that they would be a rather ineffective weapon in warfare against dragons. But more importantly, why did the lead singer grab a sword? I know it was the 80’s but wouldn’t there be a better item in the arsenal to defeat a fire breathing lizard?

· And in the most classic scene, the singer lays down his sword for it to become a guitar, thus showing that the guitar is the modern version of the sword and that the band are the metaphorical recreations of knights and thus should get all of the maidens to show them their wares backstage after the show. However, this doesn’t address the fact that the lead singer ends up with a guitar that he cannot play. I mean, what the hell is he going to do with it? Wouldn’t he want a mic stand instead?

· In the end the maiden is freed, the monks continue singing, and the band realizes that in the video for Photograph they really need to up the amount of scantily clad women.