Note to people expecting a long email from me this evening: My monthly report is going to be delayed a day or two for various reasons, the main one being my falling asleep this evening before heading out to see Eleni Mandell in concert. Since I haven’t written a word of the report yet I’m forced to either write a horrible version and have it be on time or write a slightly less awful version and have it be slightly later. I apologize in advance to those of you who were looking forward to the diversion at work tomorrow.
I did just come back from seeing Eleni, one of the lesser known of the Mandell sis… you know, I’m not even going to go for that joke. Not only is it a bad pun but I doubt that anyone will get the reference. Anyway, the first time I saw Eleni I attended the concert for two reasons: 1) A girl I knew told me that she liked her music and 2) the poster advertising the show had a picture of Eleni looking stunningly attractive. Reason #2 won out, I know I talk about how meaningful music can be but sometimes a cute girl on a poster is all I need.
Eleni is interesting in that she sounds like a more upbeat Cat Power. I wouldn’t go so far as to say a happy Cat Power, more like she acts as if she has just read a good Doonesbury cartoon and is smirking at the humor. She has a similar voice, husky with a lot of edges, and she has a lot of laconic, dark songs. Almost like a torch singer at times. What’s really impressed me about her is that she seems to sing with her eyes. Let me explain, I’ve seen a lot of singers who basically perform with their eyes closed, not only are they not trying to connect with the audience but they would rather wish that the crowd wasn’t there. Eleni adds to her songs with a dart of her eyes and a nod of her head and creates a more intimate performance with just those little gestures.
And yes, sometimes all you need is a dart of the eyes to get someone’s attention. I fell for a girl once just because of the way she batted her eyelashes. Admittedly, that happened the last time the cicadas were unleashed. In a way, I’ve been looking forward to this summer as the last time the cicadas descended on Chicago I had a really good summer. There’s a possibility that my social life also runs on a 17 year cycle.
It really is interesting to think about my life from 17 years ago. For all effective purposes it is half a lifetime ago. I think what I miss most is the sense of adventure you have as a teenager. Everything is one interesting moment after another. Even silly things like staying up late to watch Letterman take on a sense of excitement. I’ve been thinking a lot recently of trying to recapture that view of life. I’ll let you know if I figure it out, short of finishing the time machine or waiting for my clone to grow older.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
There are things even I won't collect...
You know, when you can’t win at trivia when there is a Star Wars category maybe it is time to hang up the old Magna Doodle. It’s not like I’m at the Willie Mays on the Mets portion of my career. More like I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi, I’m not the spry fighter that I once was and now survive mainly on wit and guile all the while wondering if I would be better off giving myself completely to the force. Also, I tend to walk around town a lot in a brown bathrobe muttering about Sandpeople.
Topic # 1: I have another story from Saturday night (besides my so completely failing to hit it off with this woman that it is still bugging me. It’s never good when you are telling yourself “Wow, I am completely blowing this” while you are actually having a conversation.) Anyway, we at the bar were joined late Saturday night by a bridal party. And not just the bridesmaids and various people in tuxedos. We even had the bride and groom with us.
That is a very strange sight, seeing a woman in a wedding gown at a bar at one in the morning. You would think that she would have a few other things that she would want to experience on her big night than hang out at a bar drinking. Or, in her case, doing shots at one end of the bar while her husband was on the other. I’m not sure if you can question a marriage that is only twelve hours old but I’d have to say that is a very bad sign. Definitely an indication that someone would rather get married than be married.
Topic # 2: One of the sites that I hit to stay up to date on pop culture happenings, which has somehow become part of my job description, is buzzfeed.com. They aggregate a bunch of news stories and tap into what all the hipsters are talking about. Well, yesterday they posted a story that left me speechless. Apparently, there is an auction running on eBay in which you can purchase…how can I put this delicately…Neko Case’s unmentionables. Specifically, a vintage corset and a few other various sundry items. The scary thing is the bidding has already become rather heated. I can vaguely see the purpose of the sale (because if you all weren’t stealing music she wouldn’t have to sell her underwear) but I really want to understand the logic behind the bidder. Even I find it disturbing.
Topic # 3: The nice thing about not working on Monday was that I got to stay up watching VH-1 Classic’s alternative music block on Sunday night. Sadly, that is the only night they do it (though they do another broadcast at like 3 in the morning tonight). I still can’t believe that no one has figured out that showing late 80’s/early 90’s music videos late at night is a wonderful business model. I can guarantee there are people who would flip to that night after night for an injection of nostalgia. It might even be a better show than Pants Off Dance Off, though that is a high standard to compare yourself to.
Topic # 4: In the past two days I have driven to work while a) listening to alternative rock bands perform the theme songs to cartoons and b) listening to music from Cirque du Soleil. I feel very confident in saying that I am the only person on the planet who has experienced that. By the way, I’m adding Mary Lou Lord’s version of “Sugar, Sugar” to my cover song playlist. It’s bubblegum pop but it’s great bubblegum.
Topic # 1: I have another story from Saturday night (besides my so completely failing to hit it off with this woman that it is still bugging me. It’s never good when you are telling yourself “Wow, I am completely blowing this” while you are actually having a conversation.) Anyway, we at the bar were joined late Saturday night by a bridal party. And not just the bridesmaids and various people in tuxedos. We even had the bride and groom with us.
That is a very strange sight, seeing a woman in a wedding gown at a bar at one in the morning. You would think that she would have a few other things that she would want to experience on her big night than hang out at a bar drinking. Or, in her case, doing shots at one end of the bar while her husband was on the other. I’m not sure if you can question a marriage that is only twelve hours old but I’d have to say that is a very bad sign. Definitely an indication that someone would rather get married than be married.
Topic # 2: One of the sites that I hit to stay up to date on pop culture happenings, which has somehow become part of my job description, is buzzfeed.com. They aggregate a bunch of news stories and tap into what all the hipsters are talking about. Well, yesterday they posted a story that left me speechless. Apparently, there is an auction running on eBay in which you can purchase…how can I put this delicately…Neko Case’s unmentionables. Specifically, a vintage corset and a few other various sundry items. The scary thing is the bidding has already become rather heated. I can vaguely see the purpose of the sale (because if you all weren’t stealing music she wouldn’t have to sell her underwear) but I really want to understand the logic behind the bidder. Even I find it disturbing.
Topic # 3: The nice thing about not working on Monday was that I got to stay up watching VH-1 Classic’s alternative music block on Sunday night. Sadly, that is the only night they do it (though they do another broadcast at like 3 in the morning tonight). I still can’t believe that no one has figured out that showing late 80’s/early 90’s music videos late at night is a wonderful business model. I can guarantee there are people who would flip to that night after night for an injection of nostalgia. It might even be a better show than Pants Off Dance Off, though that is a high standard to compare yourself to.
Topic # 4: In the past two days I have driven to work while a) listening to alternative rock bands perform the theme songs to cartoons and b) listening to music from Cirque du Soleil. I feel very confident in saying that I am the only person on the planet who has experienced that. By the way, I’m adding Mary Lou Lord’s version of “Sugar, Sugar” to my cover song playlist. It’s bubblegum pop but it’s great bubblegum.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
A Secret Chord
Can you miss someone that you have never met?
It’s a strange sensation, missing someone. We replay events in our minds wondering what it would have been like if someone else was there with us. We reflect on the conversations and the laughter and the experiences that could have been shared and wish that it would have been so. It’s understandable and possibly the only defense mechanism that we have in dealing with loss. But what does it mean when what you miss is something that you have only encountered through images on a screen and notes in the air?
All I know is that tonight marks the tenth anniversary of Jeff Buckley’s death and I truly miss him.
I’m not quite sure if I’ll ever be able to explain what Jeff’s music has meant to me over the years. At some point it crossed the line from being the soundtrack to my life to being an integral part of it. When I woke up yesterday in a bad mood and needing to get my head on straight the first thing I did was put on the Live in Chicago DVD. I have seen this concert hundreds of time. I watched it the night before every single test in business school. Not only can I tell you the stage banter but I can tell you what the crowd yells between songs. And it always helps to clear my head and tighten my focus on what is important.
It wasn’t always like this. I became aware of his music in college when “Last Goodbye” got some airplay. It was enough for me to buy “Grace”, a disc that I described at the time as having the best opening fifteen minutes and then kind of lost me. It was the type of album that I would listen to in the dark and just let the music pass over me while I would lie there and think. I even included some tracks on a mix tape I sent to Meg under my continual belief that one day a mix tape will prove successful in explaining the emotions inside me. I was a fan in the same way that I am a fan of a hundred other bands in my collection.
And then there came that faithful night in Memphis. I’ve never been quite able to comprehend it. No matter how you look at it all you can think of is that you have entered a movie script. The son of a gifted musician who had died young also dies a tragic, early death. It just seems unreal. And even though I didn’t know him, even though he was just a picture in a music video, I couldn’t believe that he was gone.
I hate it when people say that Jeff became famous because he died. It completely discounts what he had accomplished. He had written a great album in “Grace”, he had showed unbelievable talent and there was the promise of what he could be. As I listened to the songs over the years, and as I hunted for concert recordings, the songs began to grow on me and take on greater meaning. The twenty year old version of myself couldn’t appreciate all of the details. I needed ten more years for all of the images to become clear. But I’ll always admit that in the end I listen to the discs wondering about the songs that I’ll never get to hear. And that adds color to the songs that otherwise would not exist.
For years now I’ve used the following quote of Jeff’s as my screensaver for my laptop. When people see it they’ll occasionally stop and ask where it is from. Some get it, some don’t, a few people have tried to make a joke about it. To me, it is the credo of a man who accomplished much in too short of a life. And like a lot of people tonight, I’m just going to sit back and listen to the music and remember and wonder what could have been.
“Be the best. No negativity, no weakness, no acquiescence to fear or disaster, no errors of ignorance, no evasion from reality.”
It’s a strange sensation, missing someone. We replay events in our minds wondering what it would have been like if someone else was there with us. We reflect on the conversations and the laughter and the experiences that could have been shared and wish that it would have been so. It’s understandable and possibly the only defense mechanism that we have in dealing with loss. But what does it mean when what you miss is something that you have only encountered through images on a screen and notes in the air?
All I know is that tonight marks the tenth anniversary of Jeff Buckley’s death and I truly miss him.
I’m not quite sure if I’ll ever be able to explain what Jeff’s music has meant to me over the years. At some point it crossed the line from being the soundtrack to my life to being an integral part of it. When I woke up yesterday in a bad mood and needing to get my head on straight the first thing I did was put on the Live in Chicago DVD. I have seen this concert hundreds of time. I watched it the night before every single test in business school. Not only can I tell you the stage banter but I can tell you what the crowd yells between songs. And it always helps to clear my head and tighten my focus on what is important.
It wasn’t always like this. I became aware of his music in college when “Last Goodbye” got some airplay. It was enough for me to buy “Grace”, a disc that I described at the time as having the best opening fifteen minutes and then kind of lost me. It was the type of album that I would listen to in the dark and just let the music pass over me while I would lie there and think. I even included some tracks on a mix tape I sent to Meg under my continual belief that one day a mix tape will prove successful in explaining the emotions inside me. I was a fan in the same way that I am a fan of a hundred other bands in my collection.
And then there came that faithful night in Memphis. I’ve never been quite able to comprehend it. No matter how you look at it all you can think of is that you have entered a movie script. The son of a gifted musician who had died young also dies a tragic, early death. It just seems unreal. And even though I didn’t know him, even though he was just a picture in a music video, I couldn’t believe that he was gone.
I hate it when people say that Jeff became famous because he died. It completely discounts what he had accomplished. He had written a great album in “Grace”, he had showed unbelievable talent and there was the promise of what he could be. As I listened to the songs over the years, and as I hunted for concert recordings, the songs began to grow on me and take on greater meaning. The twenty year old version of myself couldn’t appreciate all of the details. I needed ten more years for all of the images to become clear. But I’ll always admit that in the end I listen to the discs wondering about the songs that I’ll never get to hear. And that adds color to the songs that otherwise would not exist.
For years now I’ve used the following quote of Jeff’s as my screensaver for my laptop. When people see it they’ll occasionally stop and ask where it is from. Some get it, some don’t, a few people have tried to make a joke about it. To me, it is the credo of a man who accomplished much in too short of a life. And like a lot of people tonight, I’m just going to sit back and listen to the music and remember and wonder what could have been.
“Be the best. No negativity, no weakness, no acquiescence to fear or disaster, no errors of ignorance, no evasion from reality.”
Monday, May 28, 2007
The writing is on the wall...
(In case that isn't legibile, it says "If I knew I'd die tomorrow, I wouldn't go to work today.")
I have to admit, occasionally this town surprises me with something cool. In this case, we have been suffering from a rash of really interesting graffiti. Today I came across this gem while walking to my vaguely independent record store. I’m probably going to turn this into an entire chapter of my novel. I have a lot of thoughts on this little piece of wisdom on a wall. I’m not sure if it matches the majesty of seeing “Tom Cruise” written on a wall every day but it is close. Certainly weren’t expected.
(By the way, I’m beginning to collect chapter titles for my novel. One is going to be called “The future is no place for your better days” and another is going to be called “Whatcha doing.” I’ll probably write that chapter in the next few weeks as it is a standalone piece. It involves every answer that I can think of to that question and it should be cool in theory.)
I’m not sure if I should apologize for yesterday’s post or not. It definitely was a first for me. In two and a half years of writing I have never, to my knowledge, written while hungover. I’ve written after having spent the night drinking (though that is much less common than people imagine) but I’ve never tried to write while simultaneously battling a headache and a desire to just lie on the couch for a few hours. It wasn’t that Saturday night was that wild, it’s just that I closed the bar and then instead of sleeping in decided to wake up early so that I could watch the pre-race coverage. Somehow I don’t envision Hemmingway ever having to make that decision.
Actually, that is one of those things I’ve always admired about guys like Hemmingway and Fitzgerald. I have no idea how you can be self-destructive and an effective writer. I’m not talking about this from a creativity standpoint, I’m dealing with more of the practical matters like “How do you type while drunk?” Those guys do have an advantage over me as they don’t have to remember to hit the save button at the end of the night or worry that they’ll click the wrong button and lose six months worth of work. But still, I can barely be functional in the morning and these guys were writing the great American novel after spending the night drinking Absinthe.
So basically yesterday was a complete washout for me. It shouldn’t have been but I decided to basically spend the night sitting on my couch and sulking. It didn’t help that my upstairs neighbors decided to have a party and I decided to be all bitter about it. I mean, why should anyone else get to enjoy themselves on a holiday weekend? Basically I just spent the night being an idiot and tried to make up for it today by listening to a lot of music. Of course it just dawned on me that I have a big project I need to get done by Thursday that I haven’t even thought about starting because I didn’t write myself a note to get started on it. I’m the only person who can fall behind on a three day weekend.
That’s been it. I’ve been going a bit stir crazy that past few hours trying to think of things to do. I’m actually looking forward to going to the office tomorrow as it will at least give me something to do. Yeah, something is definitely wrong here.
(By the way, I’m beginning to collect chapter titles for my novel. One is going to be called “The future is no place for your better days” and another is going to be called “Whatcha doing.” I’ll probably write that chapter in the next few weeks as it is a standalone piece. It involves every answer that I can think of to that question and it should be cool in theory.)
I’m not sure if I should apologize for yesterday’s post or not. It definitely was a first for me. In two and a half years of writing I have never, to my knowledge, written while hungover. I’ve written after having spent the night drinking (though that is much less common than people imagine) but I’ve never tried to write while simultaneously battling a headache and a desire to just lie on the couch for a few hours. It wasn’t that Saturday night was that wild, it’s just that I closed the bar and then instead of sleeping in decided to wake up early so that I could watch the pre-race coverage. Somehow I don’t envision Hemmingway ever having to make that decision.
Actually, that is one of those things I’ve always admired about guys like Hemmingway and Fitzgerald. I have no idea how you can be self-destructive and an effective writer. I’m not talking about this from a creativity standpoint, I’m dealing with more of the practical matters like “How do you type while drunk?” Those guys do have an advantage over me as they don’t have to remember to hit the save button at the end of the night or worry that they’ll click the wrong button and lose six months worth of work. But still, I can barely be functional in the morning and these guys were writing the great American novel after spending the night drinking Absinthe.
So basically yesterday was a complete washout for me. It shouldn’t have been but I decided to basically spend the night sitting on my couch and sulking. It didn’t help that my upstairs neighbors decided to have a party and I decided to be all bitter about it. I mean, why should anyone else get to enjoy themselves on a holiday weekend? Basically I just spent the night being an idiot and tried to make up for it today by listening to a lot of music. Of course it just dawned on me that I have a big project I need to get done by Thursday that I haven’t even thought about starting because I didn’t write myself a note to get started on it. I’m the only person who can fall behind on a three day weekend.
That’s been it. I’ve been going a bit stir crazy that past few hours trying to think of things to do. I’m actually looking forward to going to the office tomorrow as it will at least give me something to do. Yeah, something is definitely wrong here.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Maybe the cars could drive quieter...
11:04 A.M.: And coming to you live from….I guess my apartment….it’s time for….why am I up again? Oh yeah, the Indy 500.
11:06 A.M.: Damn, out of bloody mary mix. This is going to be a tough morning.
11:08 A.M.: Ok, joking aside, this is once again my attempt to keep a running log of the Indy 500. It’ll be the usual mix of humor, insight and stories from the weekend. Also, I’m simultaneously doing laundry so I’ll probably start talking about that at some point.
11:12 A.M.: Is 11 still technically morning? Not quite sure if it is more correct to say midday. Thanks to Indiana finally going to daylight savings time the race is actually starting an hour later than it has historically, which makes things much nicer. Though it changes a bit of my traditional Indy preparations, which mainly consist of my sitting around and eating junk food all day. I’ve always watched the race and it is just something that I enjoy. It might be a bunch of people turning left but I find it cool.
11:19 A.M.: I’m not sure if it is possible to blog pre-race coverage. We’re twenty minutes into this and it’s been “The Andrettis! Danica Patrick! And a whole bunch of people you have never heard of.”
11:23 A.M.: Was Milka Duno speaking English? Spanish? Esperanto? It would have been better if she was speaking Klingon. Actually, that would be awesome.
11:31 A.M.: George Foreman is going to be on American Inventor! Because he…he… put his name on someone else’s product? Does he have a lot of patents that I’ve never heard about? Not that I fault the George Foreman grill. As a single male, I rely on the George Foreman grill for most of my cooking needs.
11:40 A.M.: Great, they decided to turn on Daughtry’s microphone. They really didn’t need to do that. No one would have complained. In fact, the crowd would have been eternally grateful. Do we need to hear from the 12th best person on American Idol?
11:58 A.M.: Ok, I know that Jim Nabors is not able to sing “Back Home Again in Indiana” this year but does that mean that they are not going to show it at all? There are three songs you have to hear every May: My Old Kentucky Home, Maryland My Maryland, and Back Home Again in Indiana. Those are pretty much the only state songs that I know.
12:04 P.M.: That’s better, they are having the crowd singing it. Though they could have brought Florence Henderson back. She used to sing at every race as well as remind everyone that she is still alive.
12:10 P.M.: Helio Castroneves is already having a bad race and they haven’t even started yet. It’s never a good sign when you can’t get the car to start.
12:22 P.M.: We have our first caution as John Andretti loses a mirror. You’d think that would be important to a car. Thankfully it isn’t Danica’s car as otherwise she wouldn’t be able to put on her makeup.
12:43 P.M.: Another caution as Roberto Moreno is into the wall. Or possibly it was Rita Moreno, it’s difficult to tell.
12:47 P.M.: And now Helio can’t get fuel into his car. This has been a strange race: mirrors falling off, fuel pumps not working. Toss in a flat tire or two and it would be like the entire field is driving my GrandAm.
12:50 P.M.: Hey, the KFC bowls now come with a biscuit. That is such a wonderful product as it consists of literally taking whatever is lying around, throw it all in a bowl and call it a meal. Adding in a biscuit actually classes things up a bit.
12:59 P.M.: From Danica Patrick’s in-car audio…
Crew Chief: “We’re back under caution. Come in to the pits with everyone.”
Danica: “I can’t…”
Crew Chief: “Why?”
Danica: “Well, it might be crowded”
Crew Chief: “Why the hell would that be a problem?”
Danica: “Well I might have to parallel park.”
1:08 P.M.: Yes, I know that I haven’t been talking about the race that much as I am still somewhat sleepy from a very late night. An interesting one though things would have been better if I had a) had a wingman and b) brought something other than my D game. Probably not in that order. Though I did spend most of the night talking to a woman who looked vaguely like Tori Amos so I really have nothing to complain about.
1:12 P.M.: I have realized though that I am back in the same position as I was when I was in my first year of business school. I’ve reverted to being that same shy and insecure guy. Except that now I am a shy and insecure guy with a rather significant bar tab.
1:14 P.M.: In what really isn’t that much of a surprise, Milka Duno crashed. Your second race ever should not be at Indy. My fun Milka story. While grocery shopping yesterday I saw a guy wearing a Milka Duno t-shirt. I’m not making this up. It’s one thing to declare your support of a driver to the world. I understand why someone would want everyone to know that they are a fan of Jeff Gordon or Dale Jr. But why in the world would you want everyone to know that you are a fan of someone who can’t win and can barely drive? Is it because you feel proud to wear a shirt with a picture of a vaguely attractive woman on it? And is Sun Fresh the best place to make that statement?
1:18 P.M.: By the way, I still have an open offer to pay anyone who would do my grocery shopping for me. I consider it to be such a waste of time. Every two weeks I buy exactly the same things and waste an hour of my life walking the aisles. Seriously, anyone willing to do this for me? Grocery shopping is one of the few things in my life that I can’t multitask.
1:23 P.M.: And Dario Franchitti (better known as Mr. Ashley Judd) has taken the lead. Ashley Judd is a very strange type of celebrity. Everyone knows who she is, knows that she is an actress, but no one can ever name a movie that she has been in. It’s always “She was in that one with Greg Kinnear” or “She was in that one with Morgan Freeman”. And it’s not that she is a bad actress or someone that you don’t enjoy watching. There just is something entirely unmemorable about her performance.
1:33 P.M.: In a tradition that is up there with Jim Nabors singing Tomas Shekkter just ran into the back of Sam Hornish. Every single Indy 500 Tomas hits someone or something. Hell, I wouldn’t want to drive next to him in a rental car on the way back to the hotel this evening.
1:42 P.M.: I find it funny that Indy Cars have brake lights. It just seems to be so unnecessary. It would be like putting headlights on a horse drawn buggy.
1:49 P.M.: “The Evolution Will Be Televised”. Not only can I write a better pilot than the caveman show but I certainly could write a better tag line. Or at least one that makes me less disgusted with being a sentient being.
2:08 P.M.: And it’s now raining and the race has been stopped. Tony Kanaan is in the lead and may be the winner depending on if they can get the race restarted. This means that I a) now get to watch people sit in the rain and b) catch up on my sleep.
5:01 P.M.: And we’re back after a three hour rain delay. Or a nap in my case. Though I might start simultaneously blogging Indy and the Coca-Cola 600 at the same time. It’s good that they are going to try to get the race in though it looks like there is another storm coming through and that will probably mark the end of the race.
5:03 P.M.: For those wondering, it’s Kanaan in first, Marco Andretti in second and Danica in third.
5:04 P.M.: Oh, can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet. Did anyone else have a feeling Saturday morning like your beloved had made a horrible mistake? I felt a great disturbance in the force. Like a starlet had her Mercedes jump a curb and get arrested.
5:24 P.M.: Pit stops are exciting in a “Hey cool, they’re getting gas” sort of way. They also should be required to pick up a Big Gulp and some Slim Jims in the process.
5:25 P.M.: Have I ever mentioned my gas station business plan? Getting gas is another one of those things that I do every week that wastes minutes of my life, which has probably turned into several days over my lifetime. But, in Nascar those guys can fill up a tank in seconds. Hence, a gas station filled with Nascar pit crews. Pull in, have these guys run up and in thirty seconds your done. I’d pay more for that.
5:40 P.M.: Tony Kanaan spins out but saves it. He’s pretty much out of it from a race perspective though.
5:47 P.M.: Marco Andretti got airborne but looks to be okay. That’s probably one of the scariest things you can ever watch in seeing one of those cars get up in the air. I saw an interview with drivers once where they asked what they do while they are in the air and they all answered that they still tried to turn the wheel.
5:50 P.M.: And the rain is coming back down and that will probably be the race. And Ashley Judd is now talking about dealing with understeer. That is surprisingly attractive.
5:55 P.M.: So that’s going to be it for me. The race was good while it was going but the rain delay and my lack of sleep has kind of put a damper on things. So congrats to Dario Franchitti who gets to win the Indy 500 and be married to Ashley Judd. Wow. I’d probably retire for the rest of my life based on that accomplishment.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Beth Orton “Daybreaker”
2) Sonny Landreth “Levee Town”
3) Various Artists “Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics”
4) Wilco “Being There”
5) Cirque du Soleil “Varekai”
11:06 A.M.: Damn, out of bloody mary mix. This is going to be a tough morning.
11:08 A.M.: Ok, joking aside, this is once again my attempt to keep a running log of the Indy 500. It’ll be the usual mix of humor, insight and stories from the weekend. Also, I’m simultaneously doing laundry so I’ll probably start talking about that at some point.
11:12 A.M.: Is 11 still technically morning? Not quite sure if it is more correct to say midday. Thanks to Indiana finally going to daylight savings time the race is actually starting an hour later than it has historically, which makes things much nicer. Though it changes a bit of my traditional Indy preparations, which mainly consist of my sitting around and eating junk food all day. I’ve always watched the race and it is just something that I enjoy. It might be a bunch of people turning left but I find it cool.
11:19 A.M.: I’m not sure if it is possible to blog pre-race coverage. We’re twenty minutes into this and it’s been “The Andrettis! Danica Patrick! And a whole bunch of people you have never heard of.”
11:23 A.M.: Was Milka Duno speaking English? Spanish? Esperanto? It would have been better if she was speaking Klingon. Actually, that would be awesome.
11:31 A.M.: George Foreman is going to be on American Inventor! Because he…he… put his name on someone else’s product? Does he have a lot of patents that I’ve never heard about? Not that I fault the George Foreman grill. As a single male, I rely on the George Foreman grill for most of my cooking needs.
11:40 A.M.: Great, they decided to turn on Daughtry’s microphone. They really didn’t need to do that. No one would have complained. In fact, the crowd would have been eternally grateful. Do we need to hear from the 12th best person on American Idol?
11:58 A.M.: Ok, I know that Jim Nabors is not able to sing “Back Home Again in Indiana” this year but does that mean that they are not going to show it at all? There are three songs you have to hear every May: My Old Kentucky Home, Maryland My Maryland, and Back Home Again in Indiana. Those are pretty much the only state songs that I know.
12:04 P.M.: That’s better, they are having the crowd singing it. Though they could have brought Florence Henderson back. She used to sing at every race as well as remind everyone that she is still alive.
12:10 P.M.: Helio Castroneves is already having a bad race and they haven’t even started yet. It’s never a good sign when you can’t get the car to start.
12:22 P.M.: We have our first caution as John Andretti loses a mirror. You’d think that would be important to a car. Thankfully it isn’t Danica’s car as otherwise she wouldn’t be able to put on her makeup.
12:43 P.M.: Another caution as Roberto Moreno is into the wall. Or possibly it was Rita Moreno, it’s difficult to tell.
12:47 P.M.: And now Helio can’t get fuel into his car. This has been a strange race: mirrors falling off, fuel pumps not working. Toss in a flat tire or two and it would be like the entire field is driving my GrandAm.
12:50 P.M.: Hey, the KFC bowls now come with a biscuit. That is such a wonderful product as it consists of literally taking whatever is lying around, throw it all in a bowl and call it a meal. Adding in a biscuit actually classes things up a bit.
12:59 P.M.: From Danica Patrick’s in-car audio…
Crew Chief: “We’re back under caution. Come in to the pits with everyone.”
Danica: “I can’t…”
Crew Chief: “Why?”
Danica: “Well, it might be crowded”
Crew Chief: “Why the hell would that be a problem?”
Danica: “Well I might have to parallel park.”
1:08 P.M.: Yes, I know that I haven’t been talking about the race that much as I am still somewhat sleepy from a very late night. An interesting one though things would have been better if I had a) had a wingman and b) brought something other than my D game. Probably not in that order. Though I did spend most of the night talking to a woman who looked vaguely like Tori Amos so I really have nothing to complain about.
1:12 P.M.: I have realized though that I am back in the same position as I was when I was in my first year of business school. I’ve reverted to being that same shy and insecure guy. Except that now I am a shy and insecure guy with a rather significant bar tab.
1:14 P.M.: In what really isn’t that much of a surprise, Milka Duno crashed. Your second race ever should not be at Indy. My fun Milka story. While grocery shopping yesterday I saw a guy wearing a Milka Duno t-shirt. I’m not making this up. It’s one thing to declare your support of a driver to the world. I understand why someone would want everyone to know that they are a fan of Jeff Gordon or Dale Jr. But why in the world would you want everyone to know that you are a fan of someone who can’t win and can barely drive? Is it because you feel proud to wear a shirt with a picture of a vaguely attractive woman on it? And is Sun Fresh the best place to make that statement?
1:18 P.M.: By the way, I still have an open offer to pay anyone who would do my grocery shopping for me. I consider it to be such a waste of time. Every two weeks I buy exactly the same things and waste an hour of my life walking the aisles. Seriously, anyone willing to do this for me? Grocery shopping is one of the few things in my life that I can’t multitask.
1:23 P.M.: And Dario Franchitti (better known as Mr. Ashley Judd) has taken the lead. Ashley Judd is a very strange type of celebrity. Everyone knows who she is, knows that she is an actress, but no one can ever name a movie that she has been in. It’s always “She was in that one with Greg Kinnear” or “She was in that one with Morgan Freeman”. And it’s not that she is a bad actress or someone that you don’t enjoy watching. There just is something entirely unmemorable about her performance.
1:33 P.M.: In a tradition that is up there with Jim Nabors singing Tomas Shekkter just ran into the back of Sam Hornish. Every single Indy 500 Tomas hits someone or something. Hell, I wouldn’t want to drive next to him in a rental car on the way back to the hotel this evening.
1:42 P.M.: I find it funny that Indy Cars have brake lights. It just seems to be so unnecessary. It would be like putting headlights on a horse drawn buggy.
1:49 P.M.: “The Evolution Will Be Televised”. Not only can I write a better pilot than the caveman show but I certainly could write a better tag line. Or at least one that makes me less disgusted with being a sentient being.
2:08 P.M.: And it’s now raining and the race has been stopped. Tony Kanaan is in the lead and may be the winner depending on if they can get the race restarted. This means that I a) now get to watch people sit in the rain and b) catch up on my sleep.
5:01 P.M.: And we’re back after a three hour rain delay. Or a nap in my case. Though I might start simultaneously blogging Indy and the Coca-Cola 600 at the same time. It’s good that they are going to try to get the race in though it looks like there is another storm coming through and that will probably mark the end of the race.
5:03 P.M.: For those wondering, it’s Kanaan in first, Marco Andretti in second and Danica in third.
5:04 P.M.: Oh, can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet. Did anyone else have a feeling Saturday morning like your beloved had made a horrible mistake? I felt a great disturbance in the force. Like a starlet had her Mercedes jump a curb and get arrested.
5:24 P.M.: Pit stops are exciting in a “Hey cool, they’re getting gas” sort of way. They also should be required to pick up a Big Gulp and some Slim Jims in the process.
5:25 P.M.: Have I ever mentioned my gas station business plan? Getting gas is another one of those things that I do every week that wastes minutes of my life, which has probably turned into several days over my lifetime. But, in Nascar those guys can fill up a tank in seconds. Hence, a gas station filled with Nascar pit crews. Pull in, have these guys run up and in thirty seconds your done. I’d pay more for that.
5:40 P.M.: Tony Kanaan spins out but saves it. He’s pretty much out of it from a race perspective though.
5:47 P.M.: Marco Andretti got airborne but looks to be okay. That’s probably one of the scariest things you can ever watch in seeing one of those cars get up in the air. I saw an interview with drivers once where they asked what they do while they are in the air and they all answered that they still tried to turn the wheel.
5:50 P.M.: And the rain is coming back down and that will probably be the race. And Ashley Judd is now talking about dealing with understeer. That is surprisingly attractive.
5:55 P.M.: So that’s going to be it for me. The race was good while it was going but the rain delay and my lack of sleep has kind of put a damper on things. So congrats to Dario Franchitti who gets to win the Indy 500 and be married to Ashley Judd. Wow. I’d probably retire for the rest of my life based on that accomplishment.
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) Beth Orton “Daybreaker”
2) Sonny Landreth “Levee Town”
3) Various Artists “Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics”
4) Wilco “Being There”
5) Cirque du Soleil “Varekai”
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Don't blame me, I voted for Zaphod
Since it is the eve of the eve of a holiday weekend absolutely nothing is happening in the world right now. That means I’m going to start talking about tomorrow today and mention two events that everyone should be celebrating. Both of these should be on the same level as Talk Like a Pirate Day, National High Five Day and Valentine’s Day. Sure they might all be made up holidays but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate them.
The first is that tomorrow is Towel Day, the day in which we honor the memory of the late, great Douglas Adams. You celebrate Towel Day by, well, carrying a towel with you. Actually you should always carry a towel with you because you never know when you might need to subdue a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal by wrapping a towel around your head because the creature is so dumb that it thinks that if you can’t see it it can’t see you. As someone whose view of the universe is based on the Hitchhiker’s books this is pretty much an official holiday for me.
Also, tomorrow marks the thirtieth anniversary of the release of Star Wars. An event that makes me break out the stormtrooper outfit with unabashed glee. (Hell, I should wear it to work. They let people wear jeans now, why not a stormtrooper costume complete with authentic headpiece from episode five?) Since I am a Star Wars geek and mainly because I am out of ideas on anything more interesting to write here are some fun Star Wars facts.
Fact # 1: The only pilot to survive both attacks on the Death Star was Wedge Antilles. This is made more amazing due to a) he possessed no force powers and b) he wasn’t protected by a character shield. (A character shield is a distortion of reality that causes every shot to miss the heroes you know by name while killing all the nameless bystanders.)
Fact # 2: It is now an accepted fact that Boba Fett did survive the Scarlacc Pit by having his rocket pack automatically fire. No freaking way he dies based on a lucky shot by Han Solo.
Fact # 3: In Star Wars: A New Hope, Princess Leia never wears a bra because George Lucas did not imagine people wearing undergarments in the distant future. Don’t look at me, ask the dude who couldn’t write any dialogue.
Fact # 4: The logic of the Death Star having a trash compactor is horribly flawed. Specifically, the use of a creature to apparently eat organic waste is unnecessary and only raises the question as to how it does not get crushed in the process. Also, why does it have a significant problem with crushing a metal bar used as a wedge when the entire purpose of a trash compactor would be to crush said piece of debris? This keeps me up at night.
Fact # 5: If you pay attention to the plot of Episode Two, which is admittedly a painful thing to do, you’ll actually find out that Jar Jar Binks proposes the bill that places the Emperor in control. Thus, when all is said and done, Jar Jar is responsible for the destruction of the Republic, the elimination of the Jedi, and the rise of Darth Vader. Just goes to show that Obi-Wan should have killed him when he had the chance.
Fact # 6: No one has ever been able to explain why in 20 years Yoda goes from being an insane fighting machine to a feeble guy barely surviving in a swamp. This bothers me as well.
Fact # 7: The Star Wars Christmas Special does exist. I remember watching it the one and only time it ever aired. Even as a five year old kid I thought a) this is pretty awful and b) I would enjoy this much more if I was high.
Fact # 8: I actually owned the Death Star playset, which probably goes down as my favorite toy ever. Three levels, including the paradoxical trash collector, and an elevator. Also had an X-Wing, Y-Wing and Tie-Fighter and enough characters to build my own clone army. Thankfully, my mom didn’t throw out any of my old action figures as they are actually worth money today. You can get twenty bucks for a beat up Darth Vader. Or, in my case, pay twenty bucks to get another one. I would sell a kidney for a mint condition Millenium Falcon. (Or a Slave I, Boba Fett’s ship which I also owned at one time.)
Fact # 9: My favorite original trilogy myth is that all three movies are really about Bonk, who symbolizes God. Who the hell is Bonk? Ok, in the first movie where Luke goes to buy the droids there is the box that walks on two legs and goes “Bonk”. That’s Bonk. He’s in the other two movies, most notably getting tortured by Jabba in Return of the Jedi. People have argued that in the end, it is all about Bonk.
Fact # 10: I don’t care what Lucas says, Han shoots first.
That’s it for tonight. Enjoy the long weekend. I’ll be back on Sunday with my live blog of the Indy 500. Cars! Tire Changes! People Turning Left! Women Drivers! My Trying To Write While Recovering From Saturday Night! Should be awesome.
The first is that tomorrow is Towel Day, the day in which we honor the memory of the late, great Douglas Adams. You celebrate Towel Day by, well, carrying a towel with you. Actually you should always carry a towel with you because you never know when you might need to subdue a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal by wrapping a towel around your head because the creature is so dumb that it thinks that if you can’t see it it can’t see you. As someone whose view of the universe is based on the Hitchhiker’s books this is pretty much an official holiday for me.
Also, tomorrow marks the thirtieth anniversary of the release of Star Wars. An event that makes me break out the stormtrooper outfit with unabashed glee. (Hell, I should wear it to work. They let people wear jeans now, why not a stormtrooper costume complete with authentic headpiece from episode five?) Since I am a Star Wars geek and mainly because I am out of ideas on anything more interesting to write here are some fun Star Wars facts.
Fact # 1: The only pilot to survive both attacks on the Death Star was Wedge Antilles. This is made more amazing due to a) he possessed no force powers and b) he wasn’t protected by a character shield. (A character shield is a distortion of reality that causes every shot to miss the heroes you know by name while killing all the nameless bystanders.)
Fact # 2: It is now an accepted fact that Boba Fett did survive the Scarlacc Pit by having his rocket pack automatically fire. No freaking way he dies based on a lucky shot by Han Solo.
Fact # 3: In Star Wars: A New Hope, Princess Leia never wears a bra because George Lucas did not imagine people wearing undergarments in the distant future. Don’t look at me, ask the dude who couldn’t write any dialogue.
Fact # 4: The logic of the Death Star having a trash compactor is horribly flawed. Specifically, the use of a creature to apparently eat organic waste is unnecessary and only raises the question as to how it does not get crushed in the process. Also, why does it have a significant problem with crushing a metal bar used as a wedge when the entire purpose of a trash compactor would be to crush said piece of debris? This keeps me up at night.
Fact # 5: If you pay attention to the plot of Episode Two, which is admittedly a painful thing to do, you’ll actually find out that Jar Jar Binks proposes the bill that places the Emperor in control. Thus, when all is said and done, Jar Jar is responsible for the destruction of the Republic, the elimination of the Jedi, and the rise of Darth Vader. Just goes to show that Obi-Wan should have killed him when he had the chance.
Fact # 6: No one has ever been able to explain why in 20 years Yoda goes from being an insane fighting machine to a feeble guy barely surviving in a swamp. This bothers me as well.
Fact # 7: The Star Wars Christmas Special does exist. I remember watching it the one and only time it ever aired. Even as a five year old kid I thought a) this is pretty awful and b) I would enjoy this much more if I was high.
Fact # 8: I actually owned the Death Star playset, which probably goes down as my favorite toy ever. Three levels, including the paradoxical trash collector, and an elevator. Also had an X-Wing, Y-Wing and Tie-Fighter and enough characters to build my own clone army. Thankfully, my mom didn’t throw out any of my old action figures as they are actually worth money today. You can get twenty bucks for a beat up Darth Vader. Or, in my case, pay twenty bucks to get another one. I would sell a kidney for a mint condition Millenium Falcon. (Or a Slave I, Boba Fett’s ship which I also owned at one time.)
Fact # 9: My favorite original trilogy myth is that all three movies are really about Bonk, who symbolizes God. Who the hell is Bonk? Ok, in the first movie where Luke goes to buy the droids there is the box that walks on two legs and goes “Bonk”. That’s Bonk. He’s in the other two movies, most notably getting tortured by Jabba in Return of the Jedi. People have argued that in the end, it is all about Bonk.
Fact # 10: I don’t care what Lucas says, Han shoots first.
That’s it for tonight. Enjoy the long weekend. I’ll be back on Sunday with my live blog of the Indy 500. Cars! Tire Changes! People Turning Left! Women Drivers! My Trying To Write While Recovering From Saturday Night! Should be awesome.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Don't even get me started on sweet 16 parties
(I’d like to thank Vista for just rebooting and causing me to lose everything that I’ve just written. Actually, it was probably Natalie (named after Perfect Mate # 2 Natalie Portman) showing her anger at the praise I gave Perfect Mate # 3 Kelly Willis last night. Do not anger a vengeful laptop.)
I just could not get anything going at trivia tonight and that was with categories on Family Guy, The Simpsons, current events and baseball. I should have been sweeping those categories but instead I just could not get anything right. I even missed a question on Ollie Williams and he is one of my favorite Family Guy characters. Sometimes it just isn’t your night. It’s a bummer as I actually felt smart going into tonight and that isn’t a very common feeling.
I don’t have any real theme tonight so I’ll just hit on a few topics. I am really happy to see that my beloved Lindsay has obtained a sponsor for her 21st birthday party. In true Lindsay Lohan style, it’s a vodka company. Yes, the girl who a) was in rehab and b) admits to attending AA meetings has decided to get a vodka brand to foot the bill for her 21st birthday blowout bash. You have to admit, if you are going to screw up your life you might as well do it in style.
Isn’t it amazing that your 21st birthday could be so wild that it would require a sponsor? How out of control is your life when people are cutting advertising deals around your birthday. I didn’t have one for my birthday, which I celebrated in Champaign over a Labor Day weekend when everyone went home. I do remember much of it as we went on a bar crawl hitting most of the bars in town until I turned 21 at that place across from the EE building that had a dance floor. Two important points there: 1) Since you could enter bars at 19 in Champaign turning 21 didn’t really have much significance other than it gave my group of friends one additional person who could go to the bar and buy a pitcher and 2) While someone was smart enough to place a bar directly across the street from the electrical engineering building they decided to turn it into a dance club. I consider that to be a combination of poor marketing and just pure meanness. I literally spent Friday nights in that building working my ass off on some project only to look out the window to see some girls dressed up to hit the club. I’m sorry, but that was just freaking cruel.
(Oh, and if any Illini read this my old bar of choice was R&R’s as you could typically sit there, have a beer and watch the game in peace. I even had a buddy who did mechanical engineering homework there. When we wanted to meet girls we’d hit C.O. Daniels (where I tended to find myself up against a wall watching everyone go by). I think I only drank at Kams once or twice, it just wasn’t my kind of bar.)
Birthdays stopped being an event for me a while ago. Hell, I spent my 30th birthday alone, mainly because I had just moved to town and didn’t know a single soul who wasn’t also a bartender. It’s just never been a big thing for me. I never needed or wanted a big get together with huge amounts of organization. Just meet me at the bar, preferably the Backer, and we’ll find out where things go from there. We really don’t require sponsors for this. Well, at least not before. Maybe after.
I just could not get anything going at trivia tonight and that was with categories on Family Guy, The Simpsons, current events and baseball. I should have been sweeping those categories but instead I just could not get anything right. I even missed a question on Ollie Williams and he is one of my favorite Family Guy characters. Sometimes it just isn’t your night. It’s a bummer as I actually felt smart going into tonight and that isn’t a very common feeling.
I don’t have any real theme tonight so I’ll just hit on a few topics. I am really happy to see that my beloved Lindsay has obtained a sponsor for her 21st birthday party. In true Lindsay Lohan style, it’s a vodka company. Yes, the girl who a) was in rehab and b) admits to attending AA meetings has decided to get a vodka brand to foot the bill for her 21st birthday blowout bash. You have to admit, if you are going to screw up your life you might as well do it in style.
Isn’t it amazing that your 21st birthday could be so wild that it would require a sponsor? How out of control is your life when people are cutting advertising deals around your birthday. I didn’t have one for my birthday, which I celebrated in Champaign over a Labor Day weekend when everyone went home. I do remember much of it as we went on a bar crawl hitting most of the bars in town until I turned 21 at that place across from the EE building that had a dance floor. Two important points there: 1) Since you could enter bars at 19 in Champaign turning 21 didn’t really have much significance other than it gave my group of friends one additional person who could go to the bar and buy a pitcher and 2) While someone was smart enough to place a bar directly across the street from the electrical engineering building they decided to turn it into a dance club. I consider that to be a combination of poor marketing and just pure meanness. I literally spent Friday nights in that building working my ass off on some project only to look out the window to see some girls dressed up to hit the club. I’m sorry, but that was just freaking cruel.
(Oh, and if any Illini read this my old bar of choice was R&R’s as you could typically sit there, have a beer and watch the game in peace. I even had a buddy who did mechanical engineering homework there. When we wanted to meet girls we’d hit C.O. Daniels (where I tended to find myself up against a wall watching everyone go by). I think I only drank at Kams once or twice, it just wasn’t my kind of bar.)
Birthdays stopped being an event for me a while ago. Hell, I spent my 30th birthday alone, mainly because I had just moved to town and didn’t know a single soul who wasn’t also a bartender. It’s just never been a big thing for me. I never needed or wanted a big get together with huge amounts of organization. Just meet me at the bar, preferably the Backer, and we’ll find out where things go from there. We really don’t require sponsors for this. Well, at least not before. Maybe after.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
What to look forward to
(For some reason I’m not quite sure of I am listening to Carbon Leaf’s “Love, Loss, Hope, Repeat” right now. Great album but I am still flummoxed by the line “Some things are best kept between a girl and her horse.” I’ve read Shakespeare, Joyce, Goethe, Faulkner and J. K. Rowling and even with all that literary background behind me I have absolutely no freaking clue what that line means. Do women tell horses secrets? Does that mean they somehow believe that a creature whose only thoughts are “I hope my leg doesn’t break” and “I wonder when I’ll get some hay” understand their every innermost thought? No wonder I can’t get a date, I’m using logic on girls who are dreaming of Barbaro.)
Reading through the past few posts I think you could get the sense that I’ve been…well, I don’t want to say depressed because that isn’t right. More like in a funk (and not in the Mayor Funk sense of the term.) It’s been more of a strange mix of never having free time and never having anything to do. I’m not kidding in the lack of free time, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve been charting out my days in an attempt to just find a free half hour where I could read a book. Then again, the past few nights I’ve just been sitting around on my couch playing Playstation so obviously I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with.
Part of the problem is that I just do the same things week after week. Go to work, play trivia, hang out at the same bars. I really am stuck in a routine that I definitely need to break. I just need to meet a few new people, start hanging out in new places or just do something radically different with my life. My life isn’t very exciting right now and that a) isn’t much fun and b) makes the blog that much tougher to write. And to be honest, I need as much material as I can get.
The other thing is that I just haven’t had much to look forward to. I wasn’t even really looking forward to see Damien Rice because of the band lineup changes. I need to always have a concert on the horizon that I am just dying to see. Something that makes a bad day at work more palatable as I can just put on my headphones and know that in a few weeks I’ll get to be in front of the stage when this song is played. And thanks to Michelle at Davey’s I have one huge night to look forward to.
Because this August, Kelly Willis (pictured above), one of my favorite performers and the woman who ranked #3 on my Perfect Mate list (meaning that if asked “Would you marry her and spend the rest of your life with her to the point that you will be eighty five years old and sitting in matching recliners?” I would answer yes in less than a second.) is going to be playing at Davey’s. This is like the coolest thing that has happened to me all year. I haven’t had a chance to see her play in nearly five years and now she’ll be at the best place to see music in town. This is going to be awesome.
I’ve also decided that it’s going to be my goal to have my picture taken with her. This shouldn’t be too much of a struggle. I’ve actually met Kelly before after shows (back when I spent most of my free time at Fitzgerald’s) and while she won’t remember me at least I can mention shows she played where there were only a couple dozen of us in the crowd. Plus, she knows some of my friends in Austin fairly well. And Michelle owes me a few favors so all of this should hopefully mean my actually getting my picture taken with one of my Perfect Mates. (And before someone thinks I’m going to go off the deep end I’ve met Kelly’s husband Bruce a couple of times as well.) Really, all I’m looking for is to be in front of the stage listening to music that has gotten me through tough times for years. I can’t wait.
Reading through the past few posts I think you could get the sense that I’ve been…well, I don’t want to say depressed because that isn’t right. More like in a funk (and not in the Mayor Funk sense of the term.) It’s been more of a strange mix of never having free time and never having anything to do. I’m not kidding in the lack of free time, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve been charting out my days in an attempt to just find a free half hour where I could read a book. Then again, the past few nights I’ve just been sitting around on my couch playing Playstation so obviously I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with.
Part of the problem is that I just do the same things week after week. Go to work, play trivia, hang out at the same bars. I really am stuck in a routine that I definitely need to break. I just need to meet a few new people, start hanging out in new places or just do something radically different with my life. My life isn’t very exciting right now and that a) isn’t much fun and b) makes the blog that much tougher to write. And to be honest, I need as much material as I can get.
The other thing is that I just haven’t had much to look forward to. I wasn’t even really looking forward to see Damien Rice because of the band lineup changes. I need to always have a concert on the horizon that I am just dying to see. Something that makes a bad day at work more palatable as I can just put on my headphones and know that in a few weeks I’ll get to be in front of the stage when this song is played. And thanks to Michelle at Davey’s I have one huge night to look forward to.
Because this August, Kelly Willis (pictured above), one of my favorite performers and the woman who ranked #3 on my Perfect Mate list (meaning that if asked “Would you marry her and spend the rest of your life with her to the point that you will be eighty five years old and sitting in matching recliners?” I would answer yes in less than a second.) is going to be playing at Davey’s. This is like the coolest thing that has happened to me all year. I haven’t had a chance to see her play in nearly five years and now she’ll be at the best place to see music in town. This is going to be awesome.
I’ve also decided that it’s going to be my goal to have my picture taken with her. This shouldn’t be too much of a struggle. I’ve actually met Kelly before after shows (back when I spent most of my free time at Fitzgerald’s) and while she won’t remember me at least I can mention shows she played where there were only a couple dozen of us in the crowd. Plus, she knows some of my friends in Austin fairly well. And Michelle owes me a few favors so all of this should hopefully mean my actually getting my picture taken with one of my Perfect Mates. (And before someone thinks I’m going to go off the deep end I’ve met Kelly’s husband Bruce a couple of times as well.) Really, all I’m looking for is to be in front of the stage listening to music that has gotten me through tough times for years. I can’t wait.
Monday, May 21, 2007
The Past Is Pretteir in Memories than Pictures
Originally I was going to start this post with a picture of myself on the prom court, just to prove to everyone that I wasn’t lying when I wrote that last night. I even have the prom program (or whatever the hell you call that book with everyone’s pictures in it) in my desk in my home office. I would like to say that the reasons I’m not posting it are technical in that I lack a scanner and I don’t feel like taking a picture of a picture. Sadly, the real reason is that I looked at it tonight and my reaction was “Oh dear God did I really look that bad. Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked like a dork?”
(Actually, everyone told me I looked like a dork. And a nerd and a geek and a doofus and a whole batch of other things that resulted in so many repressed memories that I can no longer recall ever being fifteen.)
So there is no way in hell I’m posting that picture. That’s how bad it is. The guy who admits he has no shame, who will willingly discuss pro wrestling on a public website, will not subject himself to this again. Though I have to admit, the girl I’m with looks pretty darn good. I still had skills, they just weren’t fully formed yet.
The other reason that I was thinking about prom is because of VH1 Classic last night and their brilliant if horribly mislabeled marketing campaign. While flipping through the channel listings last night it said that at 11 PM there would be 120 Minutes. I had my hopes up that they would literally just show a rebroadcast of the show and I would be greeted by Dave Kendall introducing videos. That was a lie as really it was just a renaming of their old show The Alternative, which was just a video block made up of videos that would have been on 120 Minutes. It wasn’t what I wanted to see, mainly because I’d kill for two hours of an actual episode of 120 Minutes, but it brought up two important points.
The first is a musical one. The second video (after a 10,000 Maniacs vid) was for Tori Amos’ “Silent All These Years.” It hit me that I have no idea how in the world did that song and that video become a hit. This isn’t like Norah Jones, who basically has become popular with people who drink Starbucks. Tori was in the same rotation as Metallica even though the song consisted of her and a piano and the video was just stark. I don’t know how else you describe that video. It was her rolling around in a box or her standing or just an extreme close-up of her face. Even today it is unlike anything you typically see.
And that’s what really amazes me. Tori Amos not only was able to get airplay with that song but it launched her career and made her a star. I know that the music industry has changed and maybe there is someone on YouTube who is having the same breakthrough stardom but if there is I’ve missed it. Maybe I was lucky to grow up at a moment when music was changing. I don’t think that I’d like to be building my musical tastes right now. I’d hate to claim that Fall Out Boy is speaking for me.
The other point that I really need to talk about is the effect that watching these videos had on me. I didn’t leave my couch for a very long time last night. I basically just sat there in the dark and watched video after video. Didn’t matter that I had work in the morning, didn’t matter that I was tired, I just had to watch one more video. And to be honest, I had no desire to go to bed.
Because I swear that while watching each video I was reliving conversations that I had in high school. Or replaying moments of my college life. I know that this might just sound like run of the mill nostalgia but it goes a lot deeper than that. I know how I felt back in those days and the friends and adventures and I wonder where the hell they all went. In some cases literally as I’m not in touch with a single person I went to college with. But I even wonder what happened to that version of me. I know at the core that I am the same person but somewhere that person has changed. And I have to admit, part of me would really like to go back to that time.
Even if only to tell him to get a better haircut. And put on some weight. I’ll have to say, the fact that I’ve gained sixty pounds since college is a good thing.
(Actually, everyone told me I looked like a dork. And a nerd and a geek and a doofus and a whole batch of other things that resulted in so many repressed memories that I can no longer recall ever being fifteen.)
So there is no way in hell I’m posting that picture. That’s how bad it is. The guy who admits he has no shame, who will willingly discuss pro wrestling on a public website, will not subject himself to this again. Though I have to admit, the girl I’m with looks pretty darn good. I still had skills, they just weren’t fully formed yet.
The other reason that I was thinking about prom is because of VH1 Classic last night and their brilliant if horribly mislabeled marketing campaign. While flipping through the channel listings last night it said that at 11 PM there would be 120 Minutes. I had my hopes up that they would literally just show a rebroadcast of the show and I would be greeted by Dave Kendall introducing videos. That was a lie as really it was just a renaming of their old show The Alternative, which was just a video block made up of videos that would have been on 120 Minutes. It wasn’t what I wanted to see, mainly because I’d kill for two hours of an actual episode of 120 Minutes, but it brought up two important points.
The first is a musical one. The second video (after a 10,000 Maniacs vid) was for Tori Amos’ “Silent All These Years.” It hit me that I have no idea how in the world did that song and that video become a hit. This isn’t like Norah Jones, who basically has become popular with people who drink Starbucks. Tori was in the same rotation as Metallica even though the song consisted of her and a piano and the video was just stark. I don’t know how else you describe that video. It was her rolling around in a box or her standing or just an extreme close-up of her face. Even today it is unlike anything you typically see.
And that’s what really amazes me. Tori Amos not only was able to get airplay with that song but it launched her career and made her a star. I know that the music industry has changed and maybe there is someone on YouTube who is having the same breakthrough stardom but if there is I’ve missed it. Maybe I was lucky to grow up at a moment when music was changing. I don’t think that I’d like to be building my musical tastes right now. I’d hate to claim that Fall Out Boy is speaking for me.
The other point that I really need to talk about is the effect that watching these videos had on me. I didn’t leave my couch for a very long time last night. I basically just sat there in the dark and watched video after video. Didn’t matter that I had work in the morning, didn’t matter that I was tired, I just had to watch one more video. And to be honest, I had no desire to go to bed.
Because I swear that while watching each video I was reliving conversations that I had in high school. Or replaying moments of my college life. I know that this might just sound like run of the mill nostalgia but it goes a lot deeper than that. I know how I felt back in those days and the friends and adventures and I wonder where the hell they all went. In some cases literally as I’m not in touch with a single person I went to college with. But I even wonder what happened to that version of me. I know at the core that I am the same person but somewhere that person has changed. And I have to admit, part of me would really like to go back to that time.
Even if only to tell him to get a better haircut. And put on some weight. I’ll have to say, the fact that I’ve gained sixty pounds since college is a good thing.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Now Entering Wonderland (Note: Wonderland Currently Under Construction)
Just have a couple of random topics to write about tonight. No grand adventures from this weekend as I actually didn’t go out much other than my usual Friday night trivia game. Yes, even I can be tempted to take a Saturday night off every once in a while. It wasn’t because of the weather, as it would have been a nice night to be out and about, more because when you are yawning at ten you probably shouldn’t be out til two. Not that I haven’t tried it before…
Topic # 1: A few weeks ago I started to notice a bunch of signs going up around town. In what I can only gather is an attempt to make traveling easier for the occasional Kansas City tourist they’ve started to put up some very nice signs describing what part of town you are entering and arrows to point you in the direction of the attraction. (If the latest bond issue is passed then we get to move up to attractions.) Anyway, what this means is that now when I drive home to the Westport District I am notified of this by a picture of a stagecoach.
I don’t know about you but that isn’t the typical image that comes to mind when I think about the Westport District. Personally, I feel that a picture of a 23 year old refugee from a bachelorette party hurling into a trash can would be a much more appropriate image. I’ve lived here for a couple of years and I have to say that is something I come across on nearly a daily basis whereas I can’t remember the last time a wagon train pulled into town.
Topic # 2: Have I ever written about the insanely organized nature of bachelorette parties in this town? It has always bothered me. I come across these things every weekend and they are better organized than most wars. These girls have checklists and agendas and protocols and stuff. It is apparently the highlight of their life, which given the fact that they always seem to be 23 it could very well be. (This also explains why being in my 30’s and single in this town really, really sucks.) Basically all they do is walk into bars and become really annoying as they feel that they have a right to the place when the rest of us just want a beer and watch the ballgame. Hence my devotion to a bar that has actually turned bachelorette parties away at the door. It might not be good for that night’s business but boy does it make regulars out of the rest of us.
Topic # 3: I’m not quite sure what is making me feel older today: a) that it has been four years since I earned my MBA from Notre Dame, b) that it has been twelve years since I received my EE degree from Illinois or c) that it has been sixteen years since I was named to the prom court. I was actually called old at trivia last week (by the red headed slutatorian no less) and to be honest I didn’t feel like arguing with the claim. Every time I get my haircut I look down and see more and more white hairs in the mix. Theoretically this should make me look distinguished but I don’t live a life which really deserves distinguishment. I really need to find an answer for “What the hell have you done with your life?”
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) The Frames “Set List”
2) Loreena McKennitt “To Drive the Cold Winter Away”
3) Sarah McLachlan “Touch”
4) Aimee Mann “I’m With Stupid”
5) Various Artists “Here Come the Irish”
Topic # 1: A few weeks ago I started to notice a bunch of signs going up around town. In what I can only gather is an attempt to make traveling easier for the occasional Kansas City tourist they’ve started to put up some very nice signs describing what part of town you are entering and arrows to point you in the direction of the attraction. (If the latest bond issue is passed then we get to move up to attractions.) Anyway, what this means is that now when I drive home to the Westport District I am notified of this by a picture of a stagecoach.
I don’t know about you but that isn’t the typical image that comes to mind when I think about the Westport District. Personally, I feel that a picture of a 23 year old refugee from a bachelorette party hurling into a trash can would be a much more appropriate image. I’ve lived here for a couple of years and I have to say that is something I come across on nearly a daily basis whereas I can’t remember the last time a wagon train pulled into town.
Topic # 2: Have I ever written about the insanely organized nature of bachelorette parties in this town? It has always bothered me. I come across these things every weekend and they are better organized than most wars. These girls have checklists and agendas and protocols and stuff. It is apparently the highlight of their life, which given the fact that they always seem to be 23 it could very well be. (This also explains why being in my 30’s and single in this town really, really sucks.) Basically all they do is walk into bars and become really annoying as they feel that they have a right to the place when the rest of us just want a beer and watch the ballgame. Hence my devotion to a bar that has actually turned bachelorette parties away at the door. It might not be good for that night’s business but boy does it make regulars out of the rest of us.
Topic # 3: I’m not quite sure what is making me feel older today: a) that it has been four years since I earned my MBA from Notre Dame, b) that it has been twelve years since I received my EE degree from Illinois or c) that it has been sixteen years since I was named to the prom court. I was actually called old at trivia last week (by the red headed slutatorian no less) and to be honest I didn’t feel like arguing with the claim. Every time I get my haircut I look down and see more and more white hairs in the mix. Theoretically this should make me look distinguished but I don’t live a life which really deserves distinguishment. I really need to find an answer for “What the hell have you done with your life?”
The five random CD’s for the week:
1) The Frames “Set List”
2) Loreena McKennitt “To Drive the Cold Winter Away”
3) Sarah McLachlan “Touch”
4) Aimee Mann “I’m With Stupid”
5) Various Artists “Here Come the Irish”
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Musical Tase Defined...or at least listed
Since I am out of ideas and still in a vaguely pissy mood (it’s been that way all week. When you have a headache before you go to work things tend to go downhill from there) I’ve decided to try something that my friend Nathan did in his MySpace blog. Below is the list of all of the artists that I own on CD. I have a lot more sitting in files and on compilation discs but these are all of the ones that I went out and said, “You know what, I want a full album by this person.” In some instances I have no idea what precisely I was smoking at the time but apparently it must have been pretty good.(Oh, and the picture is the cover of Sting’s “The Soul Cages”, which is the first CD that I ever bought. I’m not entirely proud of that but given that the first cassette that I ever bought was Men at Work’s “Cargo” I must consider it to be an improvement. Anyway, here’s the list.)
10,000 Maniacs
Aaron Neville
Aimee Mann
Air
Alaine Vinet Mouvement
Alejandro Escovedo
Allain Toussaint
Allison Moorer
Amy Farris
Anders Osborne
Arc Angels
Arcade Fire
Beausoleil
Belly
Ben Folds Five
Beth Orton
Bettie Serveert
Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Billy Bragg
Billy Bragg and Wilco
Billy Pilgrim
Black 47
Black Crowes
Blake Babies
Blue Mountain
Blue Rodeo
Bob Dylan
Bob Marley
Bruce Robison
Bruce Springsteen
Buddy Miller
Buick MacKane
C. J. Chenier
Caitlin Cary
Carbon Leaf
Caroline Herring
Cat Power
Cathy Richardson
Charlie Parker
Chris Mills
Cirque du Soleil (technically, this was a gift, not a purchase)
Coldplay
Continental Drifters
Corn Sisters
Counting Crows
Cowboy Junkies
Cowboy Mouth
Cracker
Damien Rice
Dave Matthews Band
David Ford
De La Soul
Death Cab for Cutie
Drovers
Eleni Mandell
Emmylou Harris
Freakwater
Freedy Johnston
Gear Daddies
Gershwin
Get Up Kids
Gillian Welch
Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Golden Smog
Gomez
Gram Parsons
Guided by Voices
Guster
Hank Williams III
Harry Connick Jr.
Henry Rollins
Howie Day
Immaculate Machine
Iris Dement
Jack Ingram
Jack Johnson
Jay Bennett and Edward Burch
Jay Farrar
Jeff Buckley
Jeff Buckley and Gary Lucas
Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
Jenny Orenstein
Jesus Jones
Jimmy Buffett
Jimmy Lafave
Joan Osborne (why?)
Joe Ely
Joe Henry
John Hiatt
John Mayer
John Wesley Harding
Jon Dee Graham
Josh Ritter
Josh Rouse
Juliana Hatfield
Julie Delpy
Julie Miller
Jump, Little Children
Kasey Chambers
Kathleen Edwards
Keb’ Mo’
Kelly Hogan
Kelly Willis
Kelly Willis and Bruce Robison
Laura Cantrell
Laura Minor
Leonard Cohen
Liz Phair
Loreena McKennitt
Lucinda Williams
Luscious Jackson
Lyle Lovett
Maggie Walters
Marshall Crenshaw
Martin Zellar and the Hardways
Mary Chapin Carpenter
Mary Lou Lord
Matt Nathanson
Matthew Sweet
Mekons
Michael Mcdermott
Midnight Oil
Mike Doughty
Mike Plume Band
Mindy Smith
Moby
Monte Warden
My Morning Jacket
Natalie Imbruglia (egads!)
Neko Case
Neko Case and her Boyfriends
New Pornographers
Nick Drake
Nickel Creek
Nina Simone
Nirvana
Nora O’Connor
Old 97’s
Old Crow Medicine Show
Pat McGee Band
Patty Griffin
Paul Burch and the WPA Ballclub
Paul Simon
Paula Cole (Yes, posting this online is proof that I have no shame)
Peabody
Pearl Jam
Peter, Bjorn and John
Peter Gabriel
Pieta Brown
Po’ Girl
R.E.M.
Rachmaninov
Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys
Rhett Miller
Richard Buckner
Richard Thompson
Rilo Kiley
Robbie Fulks
Robert Earl Keen
Rufus Wainwright
Ryan Adams
Ryan Adams and the Cardinals
Sally Timms
Sally Timms and Jon Langford
Sarah McLachlan
Scott Miller and the Commonwealth
Shannon McNally
Sheryl Crow
Sinead Lohan
Sister Seven
Sleater-Kinney
Smashing Pumpkins
Social Distortion
Son Volt
Sonny Landreth
Soul Asylum
Star 69
Steve Earle
Steve Earle and the Del McCoury Band
Sting
Sufjan Stevens
Tanya Donelly
Terrance Simien
The Be Good Tanyas
The Blacks
The Brunettes
The Clash
The Connells
The Dirty Dozen Brass Band
The Ditty Bops
The Elders
The Flying Burrito Crothers
The Frames
The Freddy Jones Band
The Gourds
The Handsome Family
The Iguanas
The Insiders
The Jayhawks
The Minus 5
The Mollys
The Neville Brothers
The Pogues
The Police
The Polyphonic Spree
The Postal Service
The Saw Doctors
The Shins
The Smithereens
The Subdudes
The Sundays
The Tragically Hip
The V-Roys
The Young and the Sexy
They Might Be Giants
Tift Merritt
Tim Buckley
Tiny Town
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Tom Petty
Tommy Malone
Tori Amos
Trent Summar and the New Row Mob
Two Dollar Pistols with Tift Merritt
U2
Uncle Tupelo
Urge Overkill
Veda
Veruca Salt
Victoria Williams
Waco Brothers
Wayne Toups and Zydecajun
Webb Wilder
Whiskeytown
Widespread Panic
Wilco
Zachary Richard
Zack Burkhart
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I might make syndication now...
My life has been renewed! Or more accurately, the show about my life has been renewed! Yes, How I Met Your Mother has been picked up for a third season thus providing my life with meaning for the first time in, well, months. I know that having all you look forward to in life be a sitcom starring Doogie Howser and that other girl from Buffy is probably a sign that I should take a deeper inventory of my life but I really don’t care right now. All I know is that there is theoretically a chance that Victoria from the first season will return from Germany and all will be right with the universe. Hell, I’m just happy that the universe was nice to me for a change.
For those who do study the new fall schedule you’ll see that The Class did not make the cut, which is kind of a bummer. I was really interested in finding out if that guy got together with that chick, or if that other dude hooked up with that other chick, or if the weird guy and strange girl did end up getting married. Ok, it wasn’t the most memorable show in the world but at least it was better than According to Jim, which is officially listed as “Status Uncertain.” Apparently, “Dependent on whether or not Jim Belushi can take out a third mortgage on his soul” is not something you want to publish in the newspaper.
CBS does have one very bizarre reality show on the horizon. Next fall we can look forward to Kid Nation as forty children will be placed in an abandoned New Mexico town and be forced to create a new society of their own. I’m not making this up. It’s like someone went, “You know Survivor is kind of like Lord of the Flies but you know what would be even better? Lord of the Flies.” They need to include a fat kid with glasses just so we can call someone Piggy all season. This seems to be one of the most disturbing ideas behind a show ever. I’ve seen stuff like this but they were at least designed as documentaries of experiments. This is a major network show. I don’t think that anyone watching is going to be hoping for the creation of an idyllic society. We’ll be cheering for open warfare. I don’t think the audience will be happy unless a twelve year old is scarred for life. Sadly, that’s pretty much the state of our society right now.
I read a great quote from Studs Terkel today in which he talked about the United States of Amnesia. That the American culture just doesn’t remember anything anymore. He hits on big things like no one remembers or understands the Depression or World War II, which is true though that is mainly an artifact of the aging population. My connection to the Depression is slightly better than the Civil War (in that one has black and white pictures that move while the other doesn’t) but both are just events. The bigger point is that we forget the lessons that we learned even in my own lifetime. Heck, we don’t even learn the lessons from this year. We’ve forgotten about Virginia Tech and are now reporting stories on how a two year old has obtained a gun permit. Maybe we’re descended from ostriches instead of monkeys.
For those who do study the new fall schedule you’ll see that The Class did not make the cut, which is kind of a bummer. I was really interested in finding out if that guy got together with that chick, or if that other dude hooked up with that other chick, or if the weird guy and strange girl did end up getting married. Ok, it wasn’t the most memorable show in the world but at least it was better than According to Jim, which is officially listed as “Status Uncertain.” Apparently, “Dependent on whether or not Jim Belushi can take out a third mortgage on his soul” is not something you want to publish in the newspaper.
CBS does have one very bizarre reality show on the horizon. Next fall we can look forward to Kid Nation as forty children will be placed in an abandoned New Mexico town and be forced to create a new society of their own. I’m not making this up. It’s like someone went, “You know Survivor is kind of like Lord of the Flies but you know what would be even better? Lord of the Flies.” They need to include a fat kid with glasses just so we can call someone Piggy all season. This seems to be one of the most disturbing ideas behind a show ever. I’ve seen stuff like this but they were at least designed as documentaries of experiments. This is a major network show. I don’t think that anyone watching is going to be hoping for the creation of an idyllic society. We’ll be cheering for open warfare. I don’t think the audience will be happy unless a twelve year old is scarred for life. Sadly, that’s pretty much the state of our society right now.
I read a great quote from Studs Terkel today in which he talked about the United States of Amnesia. That the American culture just doesn’t remember anything anymore. He hits on big things like no one remembers or understands the Depression or World War II, which is true though that is mainly an artifact of the aging population. My connection to the Depression is slightly better than the Civil War (in that one has black and white pictures that move while the other doesn’t) but both are just events. The bigger point is that we forget the lessons that we learned even in my own lifetime. Heck, we don’t even learn the lessons from this year. We’ve forgotten about Virginia Tech and are now reporting stories on how a two year old has obtained a gun permit. Maybe we’re descended from ostriches instead of monkeys.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Yowzers Cavey....
I’ve spent the past few weeks working on my television pilot and I’ve started to worry about how in the world I am going to pitch this thing. I mean, I’m a recovering electrical engineer who is still more comfortable with numbers than words trying to figure out a way to sell a story idea. And this isn’t just trying to impress some girl at the end of a bar by acting like a writer, this is the real deal. They spend all day thinking about quality entertainment. How in the world am I supposed to compete with that?
And then today I read that ABC has picked up the sitcom based on the caveman from the Geico commercial and I think….well, actually the first thing I think is that I don’t even know why I bother getting out of bed in the morning. Since the world seems to have lost all sense of responsibility I don’t know why I have to be the only one to put in an effort to confront entropy. But the second thing I think of is that I am going to have no problem at all getting my own television series made. Seriously, my biggest concern now is what font I’m going to use in the opening titles.
Because let’s be serious here, a full sitcom about cavemen? It was silly when they made the pilot but basically any idea can have a pilot made. But they actually got picked up and placed on the fall schedule. Not only is this a one joke premise that can barely make it through a thirty second commercial they aren’t even using the best pitchman from the company that inspired it. I would much rather watch a show about a talking gecko. There’s probably a lot of untapped humor there, what with him being a highly intelligent lizard and all. I mean, could we at least get a live action remake of Captain Caveman instead?
By the way, has anyone else pondered the fact that Captain Caveman went from being stuck in a block of ice to traveling around the country with three beautiful 18 year old girls? That might actually beat that dude from Coldplay whose married to Gwenyth Paltrow as the winner of the “Luckiest Bastard in the World” award. I mean, there are huge subplots and unspoken tensions evident in that storyline. Now that would make a great show.
Oh and I need to remind everyone that Friday night is National Bingo Night on ABC. Again, I am not making this up. The latest game show actually beats Deal or No Deal in terms of lack of intelligence required. Now the game is just one giant game of bingo. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m thinking of putting together a show called “The Flashing Lights and Loud Noises Excitement Hour”. Why even bother with the premise of a competition, we’re down to just watching people jump up and down because they can identify the number 14. It’s shows like this that make me buy complete seasons of Perfect Strangers on eBay at three in the morning.
And then today I read that ABC has picked up the sitcom based on the caveman from the Geico commercial and I think….well, actually the first thing I think is that I don’t even know why I bother getting out of bed in the morning. Since the world seems to have lost all sense of responsibility I don’t know why I have to be the only one to put in an effort to confront entropy. But the second thing I think of is that I am going to have no problem at all getting my own television series made. Seriously, my biggest concern now is what font I’m going to use in the opening titles.
Because let’s be serious here, a full sitcom about cavemen? It was silly when they made the pilot but basically any idea can have a pilot made. But they actually got picked up and placed on the fall schedule. Not only is this a one joke premise that can barely make it through a thirty second commercial they aren’t even using the best pitchman from the company that inspired it. I would much rather watch a show about a talking gecko. There’s probably a lot of untapped humor there, what with him being a highly intelligent lizard and all. I mean, could we at least get a live action remake of Captain Caveman instead?
By the way, has anyone else pondered the fact that Captain Caveman went from being stuck in a block of ice to traveling around the country with three beautiful 18 year old girls? That might actually beat that dude from Coldplay whose married to Gwenyth Paltrow as the winner of the “Luckiest Bastard in the World” award. I mean, there are huge subplots and unspoken tensions evident in that storyline. Now that would make a great show.
Oh and I need to remind everyone that Friday night is National Bingo Night on ABC. Again, I am not making this up. The latest game show actually beats Deal or No Deal in terms of lack of intelligence required. Now the game is just one giant game of bingo. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m thinking of putting together a show called “The Flashing Lights and Loud Noises Excitement Hour”. Why even bother with the premise of a competition, we’re down to just watching people jump up and down because they can identify the number 14. It’s shows like this that make me buy complete seasons of Perfect Strangers on eBay at three in the morning.
Monday, May 14, 2007
What a surprise, I didn't get the girl...
So I had to do a lot of work related stuff this evening and that meant that I didn’t get home until about eight. On my way in I felt what can only be described as millions of voices crying out in anguish and then suddenly going silent. And it was at that moment, without even needing to check the recording, that I knew that Ted and Robin had broken up on How I Met Your Mother.
(I’m not sure if that makes me a good Jedi or an evil Jedi. Somehow I have a feeling that the Sith do not look kindly on my using my Force powers to get reviews of television shows. Still, better than Tivo.)
Yes, in the season finale Marshall and Lily get married, Barney is Barney, and Ted and Robin break up. Oh, and this better just be the season finale. It is filmed in such a way that if it is the series finale there would be a sense of closure but I swear to God, if CBS cancels the show based on my life I am going to be pissed beyond belief. My life is sucky enough as it is right now, I really don’t need to discover that the slightly fictionalized version of it doesn’t reach the right demographics. And yes, I do take this personally.
Anyway, it’s not as if Ted and Robin breaking up comes as much of a surprise. Fans of the show, or anyone who was actually paying attention to the pilot, knows that Robin is Aunt Robin and doesn’t turn out to be the mom in the end. That’s been the idea all along, that when you want to meet the love of your life you don’t just go down to the bar and immediately meet her. Heck, even if you do fall in love it might not last for no reason other than you are on two very different paths in life. That’s one of the reasons that I really like the show. It’s realistic in that not every relationship turns into some movie quality romance or goes to pieces in such a way that innocent bystanders get injured by the shrapnel. Sometimes you are in love and realize that no matter what you do it’s just not going to work.
So while it is a bit of a bummer to have them break up the couple from a storyline perspective this is the best thing that they could have done. You may have noticed that I haven’t written about the show nearly as much this year mainly because it just hadn’t been as interesting. It did pick up over the last few months and the past few weeks were incredible but for the most part, having Ted and Robin together played havoc on the plotlines. You already have Marshall and Lily as a happy couple and having Ted happy a) reduces the dramatic tension around the protagonist and b) doesn’t really give Barney anything to do and as a rule your funniest character should always have something to do. Now at least we get to look forward to more adventures of Ted and Barney as they live the single life and start bar hopping again.
You know, I was wondering why the camera crew had started following me again…
(I’m not sure if that makes me a good Jedi or an evil Jedi. Somehow I have a feeling that the Sith do not look kindly on my using my Force powers to get reviews of television shows. Still, better than Tivo.)
Yes, in the season finale Marshall and Lily get married, Barney is Barney, and Ted and Robin break up. Oh, and this better just be the season finale. It is filmed in such a way that if it is the series finale there would be a sense of closure but I swear to God, if CBS cancels the show based on my life I am going to be pissed beyond belief. My life is sucky enough as it is right now, I really don’t need to discover that the slightly fictionalized version of it doesn’t reach the right demographics. And yes, I do take this personally.
Anyway, it’s not as if Ted and Robin breaking up comes as much of a surprise. Fans of the show, or anyone who was actually paying attention to the pilot, knows that Robin is Aunt Robin and doesn’t turn out to be the mom in the end. That’s been the idea all along, that when you want to meet the love of your life you don’t just go down to the bar and immediately meet her. Heck, even if you do fall in love it might not last for no reason other than you are on two very different paths in life. That’s one of the reasons that I really like the show. It’s realistic in that not every relationship turns into some movie quality romance or goes to pieces in such a way that innocent bystanders get injured by the shrapnel. Sometimes you are in love and realize that no matter what you do it’s just not going to work.
So while it is a bit of a bummer to have them break up the couple from a storyline perspective this is the best thing that they could have done. You may have noticed that I haven’t written about the show nearly as much this year mainly because it just hadn’t been as interesting. It did pick up over the last few months and the past few weeks were incredible but for the most part, having Ted and Robin together played havoc on the plotlines. You already have Marshall and Lily as a happy couple and having Ted happy a) reduces the dramatic tension around the protagonist and b) doesn’t really give Barney anything to do and as a rule your funniest character should always have something to do. Now at least we get to look forward to more adventures of Ted and Barney as they live the single life and start bar hopping again.
You know, I was wondering why the camera crew had started following me again…
Sunday, May 13, 2007
A Night at the Theater
It’s strange enough going to a concert on a Sunday night. The fact that it is Mother’s Day makes it even more confusing. I mean, I feel bad enough that I didn’t spend time with my family this weekend. Now I top it off by hanging out and listening to a band. But hey, it’s Damien Rice. There are certain concerts that provide you with an exemption from any possible guilt.Going into this show I wasn’t as psyched as you would expect. Damien is one of my favorite performers and the last time I saw him he put on a show that still ranks as one of the best concerts that I have ever seen. And while his music hasn’t changed since then he did lose a significant member of his band as the lovely and talented Lisa Hannigan left. And while normally I wouldn’t worry about the loss of a backup singer Lisa was a vital part of the show. She sang entire verses and her haunting voice was as much of an instrument as Damien’s guitar or Vyvienne Long’s cello. So, I had no clue how Damien was going to perform without her.
And I have to admit, he put on a freaking amazing show tonight. It was the same band as before just now without Lisa. The show was just a full frontal assault from the moment he stepped onstage. The songs vary from acoustic and emotional to reverb filled, loop driven sonic nightmares. On some songs like Nine Crimes and I Remember he simply sang Lisa’s part, which wasn’t bad though I knew what was missing. A more interesting arrangement was Volcano where he reinterpreted her part by turning the song into something more appropriate of Crazy Horse than an Irish folk singer.
There were the usual moments of humor. At one point the band left the stage so that Viv could cover a Flaming Lips song on the piano. There were moments when the crowd was bouncing up and down and moments when no one would dare breathe. Those later moments were then typically interrupted by the incredibly drunk middle aged women next to me who would start talking extremely loudly. On the list of people I hate, drunks talking during concerts rank number four. The most amazing segue was the end of his set. After finishing I Remember with a long distorted guitar solo and vocal he unplugged completely, stepped away from the microphone, and sang and played Cannonball unamplified. I’ve seen a lot of performers play a song unamplified. I’ve never seen one performed within thirty seconds of a full throttle rock piece. It’s that change of pace that makes Damien Rice cool.
I still miss not having Lisa on stage. She has such an amazing voice and her stage presence would just leave you breathless but you know, if this was the first time you had ever seen Damien you would have left thinking this was the best show ever. You wouldn’t even have noticed that something was missing. That makes me feel good about his future. My fear was that without her he would just be another David Gray. He’s better than that and tonight it showed.
The five random CDs for the week
1) The Freddy Jones Band “North Avenue Wake Up Call”
2) Jump, Little Children “Between the Dim and the Dark”
3) Jay Farrar “ThirdShiftGrottoSlack”
4) Son Volt “The Search”
5) Aimee Mann “Live from St. Ann’s Warehouse”
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Salacious Crumb is my Homeboy
(I was asked once what my ultimate fantasy is. This is pretty much it. I so need to go to the StarWarsCon this year for the 30th anniversary celebration. Where else can you get in touch with your inner Wookie?)
(Yep, Peter Pan syndrome. That’s what my novel will be about.)
A couple of music industry topics to close out the week…
Topic # 1: As many of you know, we are a few days away from losing internet radio as we know it. Barring a last minute action by the government, the rates that internet radio stations pay artists for streaming their music is going to skyrocket and essentially put all of them out of business. Those owned by big companies may survive by being a loss leader but others, including my refuge from the work day blues Pandora, will most likely disappear.
As a result, I’ve been listening to a lot of Pandora in an attempt to get my last bit of enjoyment from their music predictions. Sometimes they are spot on, allowing me to listen to Viva Voce this afternoon. But twice over the past few weeks I’ve been recommended the worst possible song.
The first one was when after listening to my usual mix of female singer-songwriters (Beth Orton, Tift Merritt, Kathleen Edwards, Lucinda Williams, etc.) I suddenly found myself listening to a cover of the Go-Go’s “Our Lips Are Sealed.” As performed by the lovely and talented Hillary Duff. Part of me can vaguely understand how an algorithm would come up with that but seriously Hillary freaking Duff? Why in the world would you want to spread that across the internet.
This afternoon was even more bizarre, to the point that I really think that the staff at Pandora are just goofing around knowing that they’ll be out of business in a week. That is the only way to explain how I had an Aimee Mann track be followed by David Hasselhoff. I’m not making this up. I was just working away, listening to good music, and next thing I know I’m listening to David singing from the Baywatch soundtrack. First off, I just have to state that the Germans must have no taste in music cause this was just awful. But more importantly, what in my music collection would ever suggest that this is something that I would want to listen to? And do I lose all credibility as a music snob knowing that my musical tastes encompass David Hasselhoff?
Topic # 2: Since the U.S. is cracking down it means that I’m going to have to cross the border for my music. Thus, thanks to Ariela (who wins the award for coolest name ever) I am now really jonesing for the music at radio3.cbc.ca. It’s podcasts of mainly Canadian artists though they have a full Waco Brothers concert, which is awesome beyond words. Lots of New Pornographers as well as the Immaculate Machine singing in French. It’s kind of bizarre hearing the same song in French but Kathryn Calder is even more attractive singing in a foreign language. Definitely worth checking out.
(This also just shows my growing Canadian fanbase. Remember, thanks to favorable exchange rates I’m 1.27 times cooler in Canada than I am in the U.S. Though you could probably make a couple of coolness arbitrage deals if you want to work the market.)
Topic # 3: On my huge list of things to do I am going to try to digitize my CD collection. Not sure why I’m planning on this, other than a desire to fill up a hard drive and degrade music quality by going from CD to MP3. However, this should make it possible for me to put together a CD consisting entirely of cover songs that I have collected over the years. This won’t be an official part of the Battling the Current collection but once it’s done I’ll make it available to anyone who wants a copy. I’ve got some strange songs hidden around including Richard Thompson singing “Oops I did it Again”, which everyone should hear at least once.
Have a great weekend.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Defining intelligence
On a night where our lack of knowledge regarding The Office and animals in children’s literature was well on display, we somehow came away with a trivia victory. Honestly, of all the games that we have won this was simultaneously our best and worst game. It was our worst as there were entire categories where we couldn’t even hazard a guess on the questions. It was our best in that we answered multiple questions that no one else knew, including one that I want to use as an example as to how my brain works.
The category was historical blunders and the toughest question was “Where was Amelia Earhart trying to land on her ill-fated journey?” Now, for some bizarre reason Nova had a special on Amelia Earhart on Monday night. I’m not quite sure why I watched it over watching pro wrestling. I had flipped it on, saw that they had Gore Vidal giving commentary and was just too lazy to change the channel. Still, forty eight hours later I was able to immediately recall that she was heading towards Howland Island. I’m not sure why that stuck in my brain. I can’t remember the details of the conference call that I was on for work yesterday but random pieces of historical geography are etched in my mind.
It might not interest anyone else but this has always fascinated me. It’s tied to the argument that I have had regarding whether or not I am actually smart. For some reason, I’m the one who is constantly arguing that I’m not smart. This is probably due to the fact that I see myself on a regular basis and can detail every dumb ass thing that I’ve ever done. Just look at my closet, what’s hanging up there are not the decisions of an intelligent man. (That and the collection of Voltron DVD’s, though that just makes me a victim of the Peter Pan syndrome.) But what I can do is recall pieces of information from way back in my memory banks and most people view that as intelligence.
I don’t because that’s just a trick of genetics. I have neurons that interconnect in a way that lets me remember the names of the four Banana Splits even though that knowledge is completely worthless. To me, intelligence is equal to creativity and insight. While I’m creative I don’t know if I have ever been able to have one of those “a ha!” moments of genius. Basically what I am best at is taking a whole bunch of data, analyze it, find the interconnections and report on it. But I always need the data to begin with. Is there a degree of intelligence there? Probably but I’ll still consider it mainly being good at math.
Still, if people want to view me as smart more power to them. As I’ve always said, I’ve collected a lot of pieces of paper over the years that claim that I am intelligent. To me, I’ll look at a writer or an artist, someone who takes nothing and turns it into something and always go “Wow, I have no idea how you do that.” And that’s smart in my book.
The category was historical blunders and the toughest question was “Where was Amelia Earhart trying to land on her ill-fated journey?” Now, for some bizarre reason Nova had a special on Amelia Earhart on Monday night. I’m not quite sure why I watched it over watching pro wrestling. I had flipped it on, saw that they had Gore Vidal giving commentary and was just too lazy to change the channel. Still, forty eight hours later I was able to immediately recall that she was heading towards Howland Island. I’m not sure why that stuck in my brain. I can’t remember the details of the conference call that I was on for work yesterday but random pieces of historical geography are etched in my mind.
It might not interest anyone else but this has always fascinated me. It’s tied to the argument that I have had regarding whether or not I am actually smart. For some reason, I’m the one who is constantly arguing that I’m not smart. This is probably due to the fact that I see myself on a regular basis and can detail every dumb ass thing that I’ve ever done. Just look at my closet, what’s hanging up there are not the decisions of an intelligent man. (That and the collection of Voltron DVD’s, though that just makes me a victim of the Peter Pan syndrome.) But what I can do is recall pieces of information from way back in my memory banks and most people view that as intelligence.
I don’t because that’s just a trick of genetics. I have neurons that interconnect in a way that lets me remember the names of the four Banana Splits even though that knowledge is completely worthless. To me, intelligence is equal to creativity and insight. While I’m creative I don’t know if I have ever been able to have one of those “a ha!” moments of genius. Basically what I am best at is taking a whole bunch of data, analyze it, find the interconnections and report on it. But I always need the data to begin with. Is there a degree of intelligence there? Probably but I’ll still consider it mainly being good at math.
Still, if people want to view me as smart more power to them. As I’ve always said, I’ve collected a lot of pieces of paper over the years that claim that I am intelligent. To me, I’ll look at a writer or an artist, someone who takes nothing and turns it into something and always go “Wow, I have no idea how you do that.” And that’s smart in my book.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Where's Carson When You Need Him
I don’t really need a reason to post a Julie Delpy picture. I mean, other than the fact that today did end in a Y and that means that I am more than justified in posting a Julie Delpy picture. I’m not sure when I crossed that point of regular fandom into this other realm that I currently occupy. Probably when I bought a copy of the movie poster for White off the wall of a Borders bookstore. That’s not a joke. I literally bought the store’s display poster while it was still on the wall. That’s impressive to me at least.
Anyway, I was able to find this picture thanks to the fact that this month’s issue of Best Life has an article with Julie. What in the world is Best Life you ask? It is the magazine that I for some reason buy whenever I am stuck in an airport. Mainly because they have headlines like “8 Rules of Fitness Made Fast and Easy”, “5 Perfect Foods for Men” and “Save Your Own Life in Just 3 Minutes.” It gives me the impression that I’ll be able to turn my life around while stuck in the middle seat. Of course, none of the hints are that useful and I barely read it but still, it at least looks like I’m trying to change my life. Why in the world they chose to interview Julie in Paris is beyond me. I mean, I’m grateful but as I always say, when you make a marketing decision based on what makes me happy you’ll be out of business in a month.
Also, I have to give a shout out to the Replay Lounge in Lawrence, which was named one of America’s top bars in the new issue of Esquire. I’m not quite sure I would consider it the best place ever but where else could you see Immaculate Machine perform a set and play a few games of pinball?
Given that I am on the subject of men’s magazines, which I have to admit our piling up in my apartment at an alarming rate, I find myself once again struggling with my personal style. I am in a serious rut as best indicated by Rodolfo noticing that I was still wearing the same shirt that I wore the last time we saw each other. Which was four years ago. I mean, I really like the dress shirt, vintage t-shirt and jeans look but it is time for a change. Hence all of the magazines discussing clothing that I can’t even define much less figure out where to go to buy.
As a result I am once again putting out a request for volunteers to help me update my wardrobe. Since I apparently can’t get cast for a reality show I’ll have to do it on my own. I’ll take any and all advice, will actually be dragged out shopping if necessary, all for your fun and amusement. If there are any takers please let me know. Otherwise I’ll just be the guy walking into a store with a copy of GQ going, “See this page? Yeah, I need that.”
Oh, and to follow up on yesterday’s post, I want everyone to go to Jail Paris Hilton and sign the petition. We must all lend our voices to insure that Governor Schwarzenegger does not pardon Paris Hilton. Wow. I understand all of the words in that last sentence but it makes no sense at all. I really wonder why I bother writing fiction anymore. Why hold up a mirror to the world when it is a funhouse already.
Anyway, I was able to find this picture thanks to the fact that this month’s issue of Best Life has an article with Julie. What in the world is Best Life you ask? It is the magazine that I for some reason buy whenever I am stuck in an airport. Mainly because they have headlines like “8 Rules of Fitness Made Fast and Easy”, “5 Perfect Foods for Men” and “Save Your Own Life in Just 3 Minutes.” It gives me the impression that I’ll be able to turn my life around while stuck in the middle seat. Of course, none of the hints are that useful and I barely read it but still, it at least looks like I’m trying to change my life. Why in the world they chose to interview Julie in Paris is beyond me. I mean, I’m grateful but as I always say, when you make a marketing decision based on what makes me happy you’ll be out of business in a month.
Also, I have to give a shout out to the Replay Lounge in Lawrence, which was named one of America’s top bars in the new issue of Esquire. I’m not quite sure I would consider it the best place ever but where else could you see Immaculate Machine perform a set and play a few games of pinball?
Given that I am on the subject of men’s magazines, which I have to admit our piling up in my apartment at an alarming rate, I find myself once again struggling with my personal style. I am in a serious rut as best indicated by Rodolfo noticing that I was still wearing the same shirt that I wore the last time we saw each other. Which was four years ago. I mean, I really like the dress shirt, vintage t-shirt and jeans look but it is time for a change. Hence all of the magazines discussing clothing that I can’t even define much less figure out where to go to buy.
As a result I am once again putting out a request for volunteers to help me update my wardrobe. Since I apparently can’t get cast for a reality show I’ll have to do it on my own. I’ll take any and all advice, will actually be dragged out shopping if necessary, all for your fun and amusement. If there are any takers please let me know. Otherwise I’ll just be the guy walking into a store with a copy of GQ going, “See this page? Yeah, I need that.”
Oh, and to follow up on yesterday’s post, I want everyone to go to Jail Paris Hilton and sign the petition. We must all lend our voices to insure that Governor Schwarzenegger does not pardon Paris Hilton. Wow. I understand all of the words in that last sentence but it makes no sense at all. I really wonder why I bother writing fiction anymore. Why hold up a mirror to the world when it is a funhouse already.
Monday, May 07, 2007
With Rosie O'Donnell as the Warden and Tara Reid as Baby Doll
One thing to add to last night’s post. How ballsy was the casting agent who went up to Warren G and went, “Dude, you really need to be on Celebrity Fit Club.” I mean that is asking for an inordinate amount of trouble. I could see how they were able to get Young MC a few seasons back (though it still bugs me that everyone in the cast referred to him as “Young” as if that was his first name) but Warren G? That is some pretty impressive casting.
Since I am tired and don’t really have anything important to write about tonight I figure that I might as well talk about the big news story that I have completely failed to mention over the past few days, which is Paris Hilton’s impending imprisonment. First, I have to thank my friends over at Gawker Media who I believe were the first people to print shirts that read “Don’t Free Paris” in order to counteract the “Free Paris” t-shirts that you are going to see on hipsters starting this Thursday. It was cool when I was growing up and passed by a guy who was selling “Free James Brown” t-shirts. Paris Hilton, not so much.
(Oh and I haven’t seen anyone write about this but am I the only person who is envisioning a Women in Prison film out of this whole mess? Something like Reform School Girls 2 starring Paris Hilton with a guest appearance by Martha Stewart as the lifer who shows the new girl the ropes. The script pretty much writes itself.)
I honestly don’t know if I have ever seen a 45 day prison sentence viewed with such widespread acceptance by society. I actually think our collective culture is glad to see Paris get sent off to the clink for a while just so we won’t have to deal with her for a change. There is absolutely no concern about what this might mean for her future or how it might affect her psyche. At this point, no one even views her as a real person. She is a Barbie doll brought to life, complete with multiple outfits, vacuous stare and a propensity to melt when exposed to an open flame. Heck, she’s not even a Barbie. That’s a little too classy. She’s one of those dolls you get at a 99 cents store as a present for a child you really can’t stand. One of those where you don’t want to touch it because if you do you end up having to wash your hands for several hours in order to feel clean.
That said, depending on when she serves her sentence I may or may not see her at my beloved Lindsay’s 21st birthday party in July. Why yes, of course I’m invited. In the “I’ll rent a tux, make my way to Vegas, and act like I’m working there” sort of way. Either that or the “these air vents have to lead into the nightclub at some point” way, which too be honest would probably be more effective. It’s going to be the biggest party of the year as she finally can’t get in trouble for partying. Well, ignoring that whole rehab thing, which could be a potential downer. Just wait, this is going to be the celebrity story of the summer.
Since I am tired and don’t really have anything important to write about tonight I figure that I might as well talk about the big news story that I have completely failed to mention over the past few days, which is Paris Hilton’s impending imprisonment. First, I have to thank my friends over at Gawker Media who I believe were the first people to print shirts that read “Don’t Free Paris” in order to counteract the “Free Paris” t-shirts that you are going to see on hipsters starting this Thursday. It was cool when I was growing up and passed by a guy who was selling “Free James Brown” t-shirts. Paris Hilton, not so much.
(Oh and I haven’t seen anyone write about this but am I the only person who is envisioning a Women in Prison film out of this whole mess? Something like Reform School Girls 2 starring Paris Hilton with a guest appearance by Martha Stewart as the lifer who shows the new girl the ropes. The script pretty much writes itself.)
I honestly don’t know if I have ever seen a 45 day prison sentence viewed with such widespread acceptance by society. I actually think our collective culture is glad to see Paris get sent off to the clink for a while just so we won’t have to deal with her for a change. There is absolutely no concern about what this might mean for her future or how it might affect her psyche. At this point, no one even views her as a real person. She is a Barbie doll brought to life, complete with multiple outfits, vacuous stare and a propensity to melt when exposed to an open flame. Heck, she’s not even a Barbie. That’s a little too classy. She’s one of those dolls you get at a 99 cents store as a present for a child you really can’t stand. One of those where you don’t want to touch it because if you do you end up having to wash your hands for several hours in order to feel clean.
That said, depending on when she serves her sentence I may or may not see her at my beloved Lindsay’s 21st birthday party in July. Why yes, of course I’m invited. In the “I’ll rent a tux, make my way to Vegas, and act like I’m working there” sort of way. Either that or the “these air vents have to lead into the nightclub at some point” way, which too be honest would probably be more effective. It’s going to be the biggest party of the year as she finally can’t get in trouble for partying. Well, ignoring that whole rehab thing, which could be a potential downer. Just wait, this is going to be the celebrity story of the summer.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
I need two of every animal (except stink beetles)
One of the things that I like about this town is that when it rains, it freaking rains. For some reason I’ve always liked sitting out and watching a big rainstorm. It’s like having a free fireworks show in your front yard with bright lights and big bangs and no idea what is going to happen next. Sometimes I still do the same thing that I did when I was a little kid; sit out on the porch and just watch the storm go by. Except that when I do it today I tend to have my feet up on a metal railing, something that I have to admit is not the wisest idea I have ever have.
I’m saying all of this because it has been freaking raining from the moment I got back in town today. I was out for most of the weekend so I missed the tornado that took out an entire town as well as a massive storm this morning but still, it has been one thunderstorm after another. And, for a reason that has never been made quite clear to me, this town does not have a working storm sewer system so I’ve been able to watch the street outside my apartment turn into a river all night long. It’s rather fascinating.
Switching gears, I should probably talk about one of my guilty pleasures television shows: Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I do have a valid reason for watching the show in that I am still trying to lose weight and occasionally the show provides me with useful hints. I don’t usually follow them and am now so far behind my workout schedule that it isn’t even funny anymore but still, it’s a start. Mainly it is just an excuse to make fun of D-List celebrities.
(Well, except for Warren G, who is a) on the show and b) someone I really don’t want to joke about. Dude could kick my ass without lifting a finger.)
It is your usual mix of fallen celebrities and people who never were actual celebrities (how does an intern from Leno count as a celebrity?) We have former teen queen Tiffany, who apparently spent a few too many nights at the Orange Julius. I’ll give her credit for at least admitting to her mall celebrity with a straight face. I would launch into anyone who even mentioned that part of my career. We also have Marcia Brady Maureen McCormick. She might have an even tougher life that Tiffany, everything is always referring to a television show from thirty years ago. No matter how much you try to move on it’s always “How come there was only one bathroom in the entire house?” and “What was up between Alice and Sam the Butcher? Somehow I feel that went beyond the typical grocer-client relationship.”
But the only reason to watch the show is to watch Screech act totally batshit crazy. Yes, Dustin Diamond, the guy who played the geeky kid on Saved by the Bell, is being such a complete jerk on the show it leaves you wondering if this is just an act or if he is actually insane. I’ve never seen anyone go on a diet show and state that all he is going to do is drink beer and eat donuts and not exercise. He also rips into all of the other people on the show calling them has-beens and losers. This from the guy who is still being referred to as Screech and not even a porn film could change that impression of him.
Honestly, I cannot tell if this guy is just doing an act in order to get screen time and some publicity or if he is really that deluded. Look, just because your show was rerun ad nauseum on TBS doesn’t make you famous. Certainly not once the show finally leaves syndication. And you can’t even touch the fame of a Marcia Brady or a Tiffany or even the legendary goth Tina Yothers from last season. At this point, you might as well take pride in your victory over Horshack on Celebrity Boxing. I’m telling you, VH-1 might have filmed the most amazing celebrity breakdown now that Breaking Bonaduce is off the air.
The five random CD’s for the week (and another great collection):
1) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part Two”
2) The Ditty Bops “Moon Over the Freeway”
3) Cowboy Junkies “Long Journey Home”
4) The Frames “Burn the Maps”
5) Son Volt “Okemah and the Melody of Riot”
I’m saying all of this because it has been freaking raining from the moment I got back in town today. I was out for most of the weekend so I missed the tornado that took out an entire town as well as a massive storm this morning but still, it has been one thunderstorm after another. And, for a reason that has never been made quite clear to me, this town does not have a working storm sewer system so I’ve been able to watch the street outside my apartment turn into a river all night long. It’s rather fascinating.
Switching gears, I should probably talk about one of my guilty pleasures television shows: Celebrity Fit Club. Now, I do have a valid reason for watching the show in that I am still trying to lose weight and occasionally the show provides me with useful hints. I don’t usually follow them and am now so far behind my workout schedule that it isn’t even funny anymore but still, it’s a start. Mainly it is just an excuse to make fun of D-List celebrities.
(Well, except for Warren G, who is a) on the show and b) someone I really don’t want to joke about. Dude could kick my ass without lifting a finger.)
It is your usual mix of fallen celebrities and people who never were actual celebrities (how does an intern from Leno count as a celebrity?) We have former teen queen Tiffany, who apparently spent a few too many nights at the Orange Julius. I’ll give her credit for at least admitting to her mall celebrity with a straight face. I would launch into anyone who even mentioned that part of my career. We also have Marcia Brady Maureen McCormick. She might have an even tougher life that Tiffany, everything is always referring to a television show from thirty years ago. No matter how much you try to move on it’s always “How come there was only one bathroom in the entire house?” and “What was up between Alice and Sam the Butcher? Somehow I feel that went beyond the typical grocer-client relationship.”
But the only reason to watch the show is to watch Screech act totally batshit crazy. Yes, Dustin Diamond, the guy who played the geeky kid on Saved by the Bell, is being such a complete jerk on the show it leaves you wondering if this is just an act or if he is actually insane. I’ve never seen anyone go on a diet show and state that all he is going to do is drink beer and eat donuts and not exercise. He also rips into all of the other people on the show calling them has-beens and losers. This from the guy who is still being referred to as Screech and not even a porn film could change that impression of him.
Honestly, I cannot tell if this guy is just doing an act in order to get screen time and some publicity or if he is really that deluded. Look, just because your show was rerun ad nauseum on TBS doesn’t make you famous. Certainly not once the show finally leaves syndication. And you can’t even touch the fame of a Marcia Brady or a Tiffany or even the legendary goth Tina Yothers from last season. At this point, you might as well take pride in your victory over Horshack on Celebrity Boxing. I’m telling you, VH-1 might have filmed the most amazing celebrity breakdown now that Breaking Bonaduce is off the air.
The five random CD’s for the week (and another great collection):
1) Ryan Adams “Love is Hell, Part Two”
2) The Ditty Bops “Moon Over the Freeway”
3) Cowboy Junkies “Long Journey Home”
4) The Frames “Burn the Maps”
5) Son Volt “Okemah and the Melody of Riot”
Friday, May 04, 2007
When the rain falls down...
Have a couple of topics to close out the week as well as a few pictures as well. One of the doorway to Westminster and one of the Victoria Memorial crowded with people for a reason I was never quite able to fathom. Somewhere in my files I have pictures of this same memorial covered with flowers after Princess Di’s funeral. It’s amazing some of the things that I have seen in my life.
(And thanks to those who read my piece from yesterday. I try to keep this blog light and humorous but sometimes I just have to write what is on my mind. Yesterday wasn’t a time for frivolity, no matter how much I wish it was. A few minutes I thought about how to sum up all that was going on in my head and I think I got it. Some of you may recognize the name Warren Zevon given that he recorded the song Werewolves of London. He died of cancer a few years back and on his last appearance on The Late Show David Letterman asked him what he had learned from life and his experience in battling terminal cancer. His answer? “Enjoy every sandwich.” And I am really questioning whether I am doing that at this point in my life.)
On to the topics and a return to the normal trivia…
Topic # 1: Speaking of trivia, I have to state that Sharon was able to stump me on a pro-wrestling question tonight. I have to say, it was one of the toughest ones that I have heard in ages. It was who faced Adorable Adrian Adonis at Wrestlemania 2? I was stumped. I knew who he fought at Wrestlemania 3 (Roddy Piper), I knew who was his partner when he was a tag champ (Dick Murdoch), and I knew how he died (car accident in Canada) but I couldn’t for the life of me remember his opponent. I think I could name every other match on the card. It was Uncle Elmer, of all people. As usual, I am impressed and embarrassed by my knowledge and/or lack of it.
Topic # 2: As I mentioned before, I landed in London the same day as the London marathon. I didn’t plan that and I certainly didn’t plan to have the marathon end almost directly outside my hotel. There were a couple interesting aspects of this marathon. First, it is massive with something like 50,000 runners. A couple of celebrities in the British sense of the term (Gordon Ramsey, the cast of Eastenders, etc.) Many of the runners raise money for charity, often by running in costume. I can understand racing as Superman (though since it was in the 80’s that would have sucked) but it is the guys dressed in full mascot costumes that amaze me. I actually saw the last guy finish as it took him 22 hours given that he was dressed as Indiana Jones and was dragging a 200 pound boulder behind him. I’m not making this up. The same guy once did the marathon in an old school diving rig and it took him six days to finish the race, which is the world record for slowest marathon.
But what hit me when I walked pack the finishers is that while you saw a lot of people who were definitely hurting you would occasionally pass an old guy who looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat yet. And by old I mean in his sixties. Half the time the guys had a beer in their hand already. It was incredibly impressive and I have to say, made me think about wanting to run a marathon at some point in the future. Of course, my orthopedist and cardiologist both just screamed at the concept but I don’t know, it just sounds like an ultimate challenge. Maybe I’ll just run a 5K instead, given that I want to see how fast I can run. Writing two books in one year is enough of an ultimate challenge for the time being.
Topic # 3: While leaving work this week I found myself behind a car that had a bumper sticker that read “I Love My Wife.” I really think that those should come with a secondary bumper sticker that read “No really, I do.” Does it strike anyone else that if you need to proclaim the fact that you love your wife on a bumper sticker odds are you really don’t care for her very much? Wouldn’t you hope that loving your wife is a given in life? I know that I’ve shied away from commitment in life but when I do say I do it will be forever. And I don’t think I need to plaster that on my car for the world to see.
Topic # 4: For those of you who get my monthly report, you’ll notice that I didn’t include an “Album you don’t own but should” section. That’s because while I had bought the latest Cowboy Junkies disc I hadn’t actually listened to it yet. Seriously, you need to hear “The End of Paths Taken” now. Especially the song “Follower 2”, which is just sitting on repeat for me right now. I’ve been following this band for years and this is their best disc in a decade (Lay It Down being their last great one). My only reaction to it is “Wow.”
(And thanks to those who read my piece from yesterday. I try to keep this blog light and humorous but sometimes I just have to write what is on my mind. Yesterday wasn’t a time for frivolity, no matter how much I wish it was. A few minutes I thought about how to sum up all that was going on in my head and I think I got it. Some of you may recognize the name Warren Zevon given that he recorded the song Werewolves of London. He died of cancer a few years back and on his last appearance on The Late Show David Letterman asked him what he had learned from life and his experience in battling terminal cancer. His answer? “Enjoy every sandwich.” And I am really questioning whether I am doing that at this point in my life.)
On to the topics and a return to the normal trivia…
Topic # 1: Speaking of trivia, I have to state that Sharon was able to stump me on a pro-wrestling question tonight. I have to say, it was one of the toughest ones that I have heard in ages. It was who faced Adorable Adrian Adonis at Wrestlemania 2? I was stumped. I knew who he fought at Wrestlemania 3 (Roddy Piper), I knew who was his partner when he was a tag champ (Dick Murdoch), and I knew how he died (car accident in Canada) but I couldn’t for the life of me remember his opponent. I think I could name every other match on the card. It was Uncle Elmer, of all people. As usual, I am impressed and embarrassed by my knowledge and/or lack of it.
Topic # 2: As I mentioned before, I landed in London the same day as the London marathon. I didn’t plan that and I certainly didn’t plan to have the marathon end almost directly outside my hotel. There were a couple interesting aspects of this marathon. First, it is massive with something like 50,000 runners. A couple of celebrities in the British sense of the term (Gordon Ramsey, the cast of Eastenders, etc.) Many of the runners raise money for charity, often by running in costume. I can understand racing as Superman (though since it was in the 80’s that would have sucked) but it is the guys dressed in full mascot costumes that amaze me. I actually saw the last guy finish as it took him 22 hours given that he was dressed as Indiana Jones and was dragging a 200 pound boulder behind him. I’m not making this up. The same guy once did the marathon in an old school diving rig and it took him six days to finish the race, which is the world record for slowest marathon.
But what hit me when I walked pack the finishers is that while you saw a lot of people who were definitely hurting you would occasionally pass an old guy who looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat yet. And by old I mean in his sixties. Half the time the guys had a beer in their hand already. It was incredibly impressive and I have to say, made me think about wanting to run a marathon at some point in the future. Of course, my orthopedist and cardiologist both just screamed at the concept but I don’t know, it just sounds like an ultimate challenge. Maybe I’ll just run a 5K instead, given that I want to see how fast I can run. Writing two books in one year is enough of an ultimate challenge for the time being.
Topic # 3: While leaving work this week I found myself behind a car that had a bumper sticker that read “I Love My Wife.” I really think that those should come with a secondary bumper sticker that read “No really, I do.” Does it strike anyone else that if you need to proclaim the fact that you love your wife on a bumper sticker odds are you really don’t care for her very much? Wouldn’t you hope that loving your wife is a given in life? I know that I’ve shied away from commitment in life but when I do say I do it will be forever. And I don’t think I need to plaster that on my car for the world to see.
Topic # 4: For those of you who get my monthly report, you’ll notice that I didn’t include an “Album you don’t own but should” section. That’s because while I had bought the latest Cowboy Junkies disc I hadn’t actually listened to it yet. Seriously, you need to hear “The End of Paths Taken” now. Especially the song “Follower 2”, which is just sitting on repeat for me right now. I’ve been following this band for years and this is their best disc in a decade (Lay It Down being their last great one). My only reaction to it is “Wow.”
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Words fail me...
Kansas City doesn’t make the national news very often. Outside of the occasional tornado my parents typically don’t hear about anything that happens in my part of the country. But when I called home on Sunday the first thing they asked was “What happened at that mall?”
For those of you who missed the story, on Sunday a gunman drove to a mall in town and opened fire, killing several people before being shot by the police. It was a story that made me take a step back as I drive past that mall every day on the way to work. I’ve shopped there. It is part of the scenery of my daily life. To find out that a shooting took place there, to drive past it the next morning and see the police tape was just surreal. It really isn’t something that you would ever expect to encounter in this part of the country. I joke about it but this is the quiet, suburban part of the country and you grow to embrace the calmness.
I was hoping to write tonight about the surreal feeling of watching this unfold in a place you know. That and the fact that the Fox affiliate waited until the end of the Nascar race to break in with the news story (which now makes me hate the channel even more.) But a few hours ago I found out something that completely changes my perspective on everything.
I found out that I’ve met one of the people who was killed on Sunday. She played on one of the other teams in our Wednesday night trivia game. I’ve seen her week in and week out for the past year. She was a very nice person on a fun team and was one of those people that makes playing trivia worthwhile. I know that it might be tough to understand but there is a community built up amongst those of us who head out on a Wednesday night to just sit around, drink beer and show off our useless knowledge. To walk into your regular night out and discover that someone will no longer be there for a senseless and random reason just leaves you stunned.
I’m not sure what I should write here or even how to react. Tonight I was forcing myself to crack jokes as that is one of my few defense mechanisms in this situation. It’s an old Irish view of the world, counter sadness with laughter. But that’s just an attempt to hide from the emotions and not a very mature view of the world at that. How are you supposed to understand a situation like this? She did nothing wrong, she just pulled into a parking lot to go shopping. Life shouldn’t be that random. As much as I would like to believe that the world is run with logic it pains me to find out that something so horrible can happen to someone who did nothing to deserve it.
All I can say, all I can think right now, is that this just shows how precious life is. How you need to embrace every moment that we have here. To enjoy every interaction, every relationship, because you just do not know how fleeting it may be. And that even though the world is senseless and unfair at times, you have to focus on what is important in life.
I hope that you can keep Leslie and her family and friends in your prayers this week. I really don’t know what else to say.
For those of you who missed the story, on Sunday a gunman drove to a mall in town and opened fire, killing several people before being shot by the police. It was a story that made me take a step back as I drive past that mall every day on the way to work. I’ve shopped there. It is part of the scenery of my daily life. To find out that a shooting took place there, to drive past it the next morning and see the police tape was just surreal. It really isn’t something that you would ever expect to encounter in this part of the country. I joke about it but this is the quiet, suburban part of the country and you grow to embrace the calmness.
I was hoping to write tonight about the surreal feeling of watching this unfold in a place you know. That and the fact that the Fox affiliate waited until the end of the Nascar race to break in with the news story (which now makes me hate the channel even more.) But a few hours ago I found out something that completely changes my perspective on everything.
I found out that I’ve met one of the people who was killed on Sunday. She played on one of the other teams in our Wednesday night trivia game. I’ve seen her week in and week out for the past year. She was a very nice person on a fun team and was one of those people that makes playing trivia worthwhile. I know that it might be tough to understand but there is a community built up amongst those of us who head out on a Wednesday night to just sit around, drink beer and show off our useless knowledge. To walk into your regular night out and discover that someone will no longer be there for a senseless and random reason just leaves you stunned.
I’m not sure what I should write here or even how to react. Tonight I was forcing myself to crack jokes as that is one of my few defense mechanisms in this situation. It’s an old Irish view of the world, counter sadness with laughter. But that’s just an attempt to hide from the emotions and not a very mature view of the world at that. How are you supposed to understand a situation like this? She did nothing wrong, she just pulled into a parking lot to go shopping. Life shouldn’t be that random. As much as I would like to believe that the world is run with logic it pains me to find out that something so horrible can happen to someone who did nothing to deserve it.
All I can say, all I can think right now, is that this just shows how precious life is. How you need to embrace every moment that we have here. To enjoy every interaction, every relationship, because you just do not know how fleeting it may be. And that even though the world is senseless and unfair at times, you have to focus on what is important in life.
I hope that you can keep Leslie and her family and friends in your prayers this week. I really don’t know what else to say.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Where doing a lap is literally doing a lap
Ok, this has nothing to do with London but I do have to mention that I picked up the Green Lion Edition of Voltron on DVD this week and I know of no better way to celebrate than by posting a picture of the lion that I will pilot as part of my dream job. While the Green Lion does not carry with it the leadership qualities of the Red Lion, nor the serenity of the Blue Lion, nor the overall awesomeness of the Black Lion it is easily the most environmentally conscious of the five lions and that is really hip right now. Plus, it is so much cooler than the Yellow Lion, which they might as well repaint given how silly it looks. Seriously, who would want to pilot a Yellow Lion? The only reason they keep it around is because they for some reason need it to form Voltron.
(Of course, just to upset me this is apparently the Pidge edition of the collection as well. Because apparently it is a law that the elite galactic fighting force have a whiny kid as a part of the team.)
Ok, time to finish off the London stories, though I may post a few more pictures later this week. One of the things that I had been meaning to mention is that just walking through London is a completely different experience than I usually have. Partly it is the fact that there is just this mass of people that never seems to go away. I think that spending the past few years in Kansas City has made me forget what crowds are like. I worked in downtown Chicago for years so I know what it is like to be in the midst of thousands of people walking in the same direction. Still, there just seems to be so many more people in London, all seemingly dressed in the latest fashions. Even if they by no right should be wearing them. You tend to go, “Wow, that woman is beautiful…ow my eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!”
The other point is just the sheer number of languages you hear as you walk down the street. That’s something you just don’t experience while trapped in Middle America. Here, if someone isn’t speaking English you have a horrible tendency to want to turn around and go “What the hell is your problem.” There is just something cool about hearing the languages of the world while you are making your way to the train.
And finally, after much delay, the longest bar story. While checking out the information in my hotel room (because when you don’t have any luggage you have to find ways to amuse yourself) I discovered that my hotel housed The Longest Bar in England. They were very proud of this fact. So I’m sitting in my hotel room thinking to myself, “I guess that I have to go down and have a drink. How many people can say that they’ve had a beer at The Longest Bar in England?”
To which I replied…
“Probably a lot of people. The bar is quite long.”
(Sadly, due to budget cuts I was by myself and therefore had to provide both sides of the witty conversation. And it does continue my trustworthy habit of being incredibly funny when there is no one around to appreciate it.)
So I make my way down to the bar and they aren’t kidding, it is a freaking long bar. Like a good forty yards long. There are about five people sitting at the bar, all at one end next to all of the staff. I look at the situation and I have to say that I was tempted to sit at the exact middle of the bar and be a good sixty feet away from the nearest patron and bartender in the process. Part of me thought that would look anti-social and cool, part of me thought that it would result in a bottle being thrown at my head by a bartender who didn’t want to walk that far.
In the end I sat down next to everyone else, thus showing that having The Longest Bar in England is rather inefficient. All told, we were taking up less space than The Backer. I also discovered that The Longest Bar in England does not have any beer on tap, which just astounds me. You pay to put in a bar, measure it to ensure that it has a greater length than any other establishment in the country, and you can’t be bothered to install a friggin tap? In a country that prides itself on ales and lagers? I ordered a Guinness and had it poured out of a can, which is something that I did not need to go to The Longest Bar in England to enjoy. I guess it’s true what they all say; size really doesn’t matter.
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